Belle and Hannah,<P> Yes and he can talk to her about everything. And I am totally unjustified accusing him of anything, its all my fault for being so suspicious.<BR> Sorry had to get in a little sarcasm here as I am not allowed to do it with H. <BR>Lora

Oh, Lora, please don't start the "It's all Clinton's fault" nonsense.<P>You're brighter than that.<P>Do you think ANYONE, especially an adult male, actually looks at Clinton and says, "Well, he got away with it, I can too"?<P>Nonsense. The man is a national laughingstock.<P>My mother is 73 years old, and she told me that in her generation, the only thing that qualified as sex was the old in-out, in-out.<P>And I'm sure many others believe that too.<P>We're so conditioned to think that the only way a relationship with a member of the opposite sex is an affair is when intercourse is involved. Those of us who come here know differently. But try telling the world at large, even most therapists, that your spouse is involved in an "emotional affair." They just don't buy it as a concept.<P>And that's what makes it so hard. If your spouse is sleeping with someone else, it's easy. You get sympathy, the definitions are clear. But when all it is is emotional, it's a lot tougher.<P>I know someone whose H is clearly having an emotional affair. He talks about his OW all the time (they work together). He frets about her child. This goes on and on. Then I find out that my friend has a childhood friend (male) who she feels is her soulmate. He is also married, and the two couples are friends, and my friend and the OM exchange goo-goo-eyes all the time. And this has been going on for YEARS, pre-dating the H's emotional affair. <P>But try telling her that SHE'S having an emotional affair.<P>"No, we're just really close friends."<P>Ugh.<P>I really think that the person involved in these things really has no idea that he/she's having an affair. They just don't see that such an emotional attachment outside of the marriage is at the very least, inappropriate. That's what makes the EA so much harder to fight.

Not deny, but "trivialize" it, since I caused her to do it. She has told me that rather than address the true issues in our marriage I'm focused solely on the "A" (she too, does not like hearing this word). I HAVE been focusing on the root causes of the failures in our marriage but she still refuses to acknowledge (at least to me), her role in this disaster.<P>One day I hope God opens her eyes and lets her sees the truth. Then, we may finally have a chance to recover.

My wife is in complete denial - and it aint no river in egypt.<P>Even with hard evidence (contreceptives in our garbage) she still lies about it. Someone said to me theis weekend that it sounds like she will stay in denial and keep pushing me away until I decide that enough is enought and call it quits. That way she won't look like the bad guy.... well I'm not playing that game.

Dear Lora, Our H's must've studied at the same school. Mine can talk to the OW about anything, she is wise, discrete, intelligent, perceptive, and has great sensitivity. So he talked to her about our problems. Among other things. They used to sit in his office after work and forget how time was passing, and he'd come home and our son would be waiting to eat dinner (we tried to eat like a family) and I tried not to be a witch. Right! "They can talk about anything".<P>KindaBlue, No, not an affair, just $300+ cell phone bill every month, more or less. Nothing serious. Heck, he even was open about it, described it as "My one indulgence!" Again, did they study at the same school?<P>Duck and Weave - Blurred lines, right. But the offended spouse needs to keep a clear vision from the start. This ain't the 70's.<P>Acacia, I too found a note, the last of a practice that went on for years right under my nose. There wasn't anything sexual about it, but still it was very intimate, cozy, and I don't want to quote from it (though some of the words are branded into my brain) but it was more complimentary, more attentive and intimate than anything he ever wrote to me even when we were desperately in love and dating. All that energy directed toward her, <P><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bellevue:<BR><B>Dear Lora, Our H's must've studied at the same school. Mine can talk to the OW about anything, she is wise, discrete, intelligent, perceptive, and has great sensitivity. So he talked to her about our problems. Among other things. They used to sit in his office after work and forget how time was passing, and he'd come home and our son would be waiting to eat dinner (we tried to eat like a family) and I tried not to be a witch. Right! "They can talk about anything".<P>KindaBlue, No, not an affair, just $300+ cell phone bill every month, more or less. Nothing serious. Heck, he even was open about it, described it as "My one indulgence!" Again, did they study at the same school?<P>Duck and Weave - Blurred lines, right. But the offended spouse needs to keep a clear vision from the start. This ain't the 70's.<P>Acacia, I too found a note, the last of a practice that went on for years right under my nose. There wasn't anything sexual about it, but still it was very intimate, cozy, and I don't want to quote from it (though some of the words are branded into my brain) but it was more complimentary, more attentive and intimate than anything he ever wrote to me even when we were desperately in love and dating. All that energy directed toward her. He used to leave the living room and go to another room and sit writing, like he was Tolstoy or something. He's a good writer! And would pull his knees to his chest, cover up the pad, give me his full attention, smile, but NEVER ONCE say "This is pretty good, would you like to read it?" When I finally snooped he said "You could have seen it any time, I wans't hiding anyting"<P><BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess