hey everyone, thanks for the great answers.<P>schizzo<P>great idea for a thread. sometimes I'm so "brain dead" that I need specifics just to function. somebody send me the "paint by #" version of plan A. <P>lonelymom<P>thanks for complimenting my threads. this has been going on for so long that I have to find a way to laugh about it, or I'd be tempted to hang myself from the tallest tree <P>woozy<P>if you don't start that thread soon, I'll think you changed your mind. LOL did you start it and I missed it? <P>Keo<P>

EA's are tricky. My husband's was over the internet and while there wasn't a physical affair sex tied in it pretty strongly. I asked him upon discovery about what I wasn't doing, and sex was pretty much his answer. <P>But, the affair didn't start that way. It started with conversation. There was some admiration there I'll admit, but she was just as guilty of being overcritical as I was. (I got pretty ticked off at a couple of her comments but he didn't see how blatently disrespectful they were. If only I had drawn a correlation between her disrespectful comments and my own...) It also started with recreation. They played together via an interactive game on the internet. We used to do that when we were first dating, but with only one computer it's a bit hard for both of us to play at the same time.<P>I had to figure this stuff out for myself, because in the beginning the only need he was going to tell me about was sex. Want one more...He complained about it, but then wouldn't let me do anything to remedy it. In the early stages after discovery he was real good at telling me he didn't like one thing and then requesting it a day later. Or liking something one day and then hating it the other. I began to feel like I was being purposely set up to fail.<P>Anyway, 10 months later I'm finally getting confirmation on alot of the stuff I guessed at. Just as I need affection and conversation to feel sexual, he needs conversation (sometimes as he puts it), recreation and admiration to feel sexual. (he told me these things this weekend as a matter of fact.) Recreation was the first need I stopped providing which opened the door for her. Then conversation as we both began to spend less and less time with each other. Then admiration as the stress of the breakdown of our marriage wore on me. Admiration really struck a nerve because he needed the self-esteem boost due to all the negative outside forces that were hitting him. We both started Lovebusting more frequently and finally I just wasn't attracted enough to him to have sex. She was there and what started out as one need being filled by her turned into several. <P>Looking back now I really think sex (which was his first answer) was the least needed on his list of deficits. That's what made it the easiest to tell me first off. It's also the last one that will be worked out between us because it depends on so many of the others. As he put it this weekend, we need to rebuild our friendship first.<P>Hope this helps.