Nancy,<P>I'm going to *very gently* ask you to go get the full battery of tests.<P>There are new medicines now, if you *do* actually need them, that can cure most STD's and at least help prolong your life if HIV is involved. <P>Sweetie, I cried all the way to the clinic last time, begged God not to let me die, or have passed something on to my H (it was due to my stupidity last time)... I have never prayed so hard in my life, and it was so scary... but I knew that I wanted to be healthy for as long as possible if I had indeed gotten something. Now, with H's newest sex w/o protection, I am using condoms, but you know what? They don't know enough about it to warrent my not being worried anyway, so in four months I'm going back to the lab for more tests. <P>Bottom line: You need to be here for your girls... go get tested, okay?

I am afraid......I know everyone loses weight during this time.....but mine is an ongoing thing. I look like skin and bones...but I eat all the time. Everyone tells me it is nervous energy....but sometimes I wonder.<P>I am also embarassed. Just another way of being revictimized by "his" bad choices.<BR>I know sounds stupid......being afraid....embarassed. I don't even know what to ask for if I go for tests. Do I tell them that my H had an affair and that I need tests to find out if I have contracted anything?<P>Nancy

Hi, I'm back today.<P>Mental - losing weight is just what happens. I've already stuck a fork in my H, he's gone, but I'm still losing weight. Same way, skin and bones. It is just nervous energy. Every time we get just so far and accept something, something new comes up and we get worried or scared again. Believe me, I have some other friends (from my church group) that have gone through this who have warned me to enjoy looking good now, cause it won't last!<P>GET tested! It's very easy. You can go to your doctor and just tell them you want to be tested for STDs. Just tell them you are afraid there's been infidelity on your spouse's part. THEY HEAR IT ALL THE TIME! Unfortunately. Or, go to the county public health dept. like I did and you don't even have to give your name. Some only do HIV testing, but the next county over from me did all of it. It's not fun. There aren't a lot of nice looking people sitting in the waiting room to chat with. I had my small children with me! As far as finding out about herpes, you have to go to a regular doctor if you suspect, I think. The county didn't do that.<P>Anyway, life somehow has to go on, but right now is the lowest point for me, even lower I think that when I actually found out what he was doing. I actually have had thoughts of wishing to be dead the last couple of days. But I have good support and believe I'll get past this in a strong way too.<P>Take care, God bless.<p>[This message has been edited by weirded out (edited March 16, 2000).]

Nancy, all you need to say is that you want a STD screen done, including HIV. I know I cried each time (3) I asked for the tests. That's usually all the info they want. But my Dr also asked me if there were any issues I wanted to discuss. I think there were...I don't remember the conversation at the moment. Medical people see/hear this all the time. They aren't shocked.<P>By the way, my H's OW is a health care nurse and still didn't insist on condoms...<P>

Now here is a subject I could talk about for hours!!!<P>Weirded Out,<P>I also contracted herpes after my husband's affair. I began having symptoms in August of 1999, but the thought of an STD never entered my mind. I didn't go to the doctor immediately, and the symptoms went away. When they recurred about six weeks later, I jokingly accused my husband of giving me a disease and he broke down, cried his heart out, and confessed to a one-time physical encounter with another woman. They did not have intercourse, so he didn't think it was possible to contract an STD.<P>My husband went to our doctor, told him the truth and had the tests done, even though he had no symptoms. He had the antibodies blood test for herpes done and it was negative. In fact, all his tests were negative.<P>A month later, my husband took me to be tested. I was tested for everything, and all were negative except for HSV-2.<P>Now I have herpes and my husband doesn't. I felt exactly as you stated, I basically thought my life was over. But our doctor was wonderful! After a few weeks, the dosage of the medication I take was correctly adjusted and I haven't had an outbreak since (knock on wood). My husband still has not contracted it, even though we do not use condoms. Our doctor did tell my husband that he deserved to get it, but I didn't.<P>You have gotten good advice here- find out everything you can about herpes and you will realize that it is not really that horrible. Don't let it control your life. Estimates are that as much as 25% of the adult population is infected, but most don't have symptoms so they don't know it.<P>Do have regular pap smears, because there is a link between herpes and cervical cancer and other STDs.<P>For anyone else in this situation, DO go to your doctor and be truthful. It is embarrassing to admit that your spouse has been unfaithful, but it is better to know the truth. Besides, doctors are professionals who deal with this kind of thing frequently. YOU MUST PROTECT YOUR HEALTH.<P>With herpes, the earlier treated, the better. New drugs are so much improved. If I had been treated during my first occurrance I might never have had another outbreak.<P>Like my doctor told me, this is not the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone, it's just the worst thing that ever happened to me!<P>I am thankful for the medication, that I did not contract AIDS or hepatitis, that my husband did not have a long-term affair, or leave me, or have a child with another woman. There are so many people on this forum with greater obstacles that a little virus!<P>Sorry this is so long, but it is something I know about and feel strongly about.<P>Peppermint

But now the big question for me today, especially because H is coming to "babysit" for me tonight while I go to my church group(that's what I call visitation now), do I let him know how the test came out. I'm sure that since their relationship is based on lies anyway and he probably wouldn't tell her. I say that because I'm not sure she's the one, I've found evidence that he's been messing around for a long time and I believe there's been others. But on the other hand, there are horrible consequences for pregnancy if one doesn't know, and I have no idea if he will have more kids (she's younger than me and has none right now).<P>I guess I'll just tell him just as a matter of information he needs to know. He's probably going to think I'm making it up to screw with his new found sex life, but I can't help what he thinks.

<BR>peppermint,<P>I never realized that someone could pass HSV2 without contracting it themselves. I really try to avoid thoughts of vengeance, but your H really deserves to get it, too. I know that's mean to say, but I'm human.<P>Bystander

Bystander,<P>I suppose your comments are meant to be supportive? I'll try to accept them in that vein.<P>By the way, my husband and I are still together so you don't have to change this to a thread about the financial advantage women have in divorce.<P>Peppermint

weirded out,<P>I'm not sure about telling your husband, either. Think about it long and hard. If you tell him, he will probably confront the other woman and she will deny it and accuse you of contracting it from someone else. If your husband has no symptoms, he will probably believe her.<P>It is possible for a person to be infected and have no symptoms. The infected person could then spread the disease without knowing they even have it.<P>My doctor told me that because HSV-2 is a virus, some people have more of an immunity than others. Just like with colds, not everyone exposed contracts it.<P>Therefore, you could be in the same position I am-infected by a partner who merely passed the infection to you without contracting it themself. This would require sexual contact with both you and the other woman within a very short period of time, according to my doctor.<P>One danger of HSV-2 is that you can spread it to other parts of your body yourself. This is especially true of your eyes. As I mentioned before, read about HSV-2 yourself and talk to your doctor. <P>There are also some very good websites you can find just by using a search engine.<P>Perhaps you should consider telling your husband that you decided to be tested for all STDs because of his infidelity and suggest that he do the same. That will open the door for discussion on the subject and will give you the opportunity to decide whether to share your test results or not.<P>Just my opinion. I wish I could help you more.<P>Peppermint

<BR>peppermint,<P>Yes, I meant my comment as support. Its unfair that you got it and he didn't.<P>And I think I'll avoid the divorce threads for awhile <P>Bystander

Well I think I have my nerve up......I will call someone tomorrow and make the arrangements to be tested.<P>And just to put my two cents worth in....NO>>WOMEN DO NOT HAVE A FINANCIAL ADVANTAGE IN A DIVORCE...yes..I am yelling<P>Anyway......I hope that they find nothing...I am still scared to death and have been putting it off too long.<P>Nancy