Bonny--<P>Sorry to break in on your thread here, Hum, I just had a question for Bonny.<P>You say it's been 2 years for you and you still think about the OM. I'm so scared of that. When was the last time you saw him or talked to him? When did you stop thinking about him all day, every day? Do you think you think of him because you miss him or because it's become such a habit?<P>Sometimes I feel that my OM is still on my mind because I've become so accustomed to thinking about him. It's become such a habit for me. I'm not even thinking about anything in particular when I think about him (most of the time), it's usually just fleeting thoughts of him. However, I want these fleeting thoughts out of my head...I wan't to go through an entire day without thinking about him...will that ever happen? I've too wished I could be hypnotized to forget about him forever.<P>Hum--<P>I think I'm going to print this thread out!

Hi Holly,<P>I never actually see him and would avoid that at ALL COSTS but because of my unique circumstance etc. I do hear about him and am reminded of him. Hearing about him is unavoidable from time to time and of course, the people (or reasons) that I do hear about him know nothing about the relationship. Although I am NOT Monica L. and he is NOT Bill Clinton, it is a little bit like that. Monica can not help but hear about Pres. Clinton from time to time.....<P>It would help enormously if I never had to hear anything about him. I think I would be much further.<P>I have thought too that maybe I do not want to give him up yet, that is why I still think about him and I have thought also that it is just me and that it is taking me that long to sythesis eveything. But believe me it is 100 percent better......and that is a HUGE relief.......<BR>If I do not have better closure with this after the holidays, I will reevaluate and might either call Dr. Harley for councelling or try something else. However, I think I will probably be fine by then.

I just wanted to say that alot of my problem was also that I feel I was brainwashed by OM in believing "we were soulmates" and all that stuff. He feeded all the insecurities I had in my marriage and planted alot of seeds of the way "things are supposed to be", when in reality it's not that way. Of course, I would discuss all my problems I had with my husband and he fueled how terrible he was and how wrong he was in how he treated me, how I deserved so much better.<P>It has taken alot to shake those thoughts and ideas he imprinted in my mind.<P>Can we all be hypnotized?!

I can not tell you how tickled I am to see you write such things.<P>And if I showed you one thing that made a difference, then that makes me feel good about still hanging out here.<P>So many taught me so much before I was even able to post myself, so I do want to give back. Hummingbird, you have so much to give...so so much...I hope you will hang around a bit to give some hope and encouragement.<P>I wish you the best!

Thanks Bonny!<P>You're probably right...the reason he's still in your mind at all is that you haven't let him go emotionally. YOU need to make the decision yourself to let go.<P>I'm sorry, I don't really know your entire story. How are things at home with your husband? Do you still find yourself comparing your husband to the OM? I guess if things aren't perfect at home we find ourselves daydreaming about the OM and the "perfect, loving, fairytale" life we could have had with them.<P>I understand that you feel 100% better...I feel that way too. Nothing could be worse than the initial stages of withdrawal (or torture...whatever you want to call it).<P>Hum--<P>Amnesia doesn't sound like such a bad thing anymore! <BR>

Hi Hummingbird,<P>Things with husband are better than they were, couldn't have been much worse. I sometimes think that OM would do "thus and so" instead of what my husband does. My husband is very dynamic and take-control. OM was more quiet and would let me be the center of attraction and the one in control. Or, that is what I thought!!! How do I know how he really was and would be? It is easy to imagine him always doing and saying the right things etc. How do I even know???? I would have to live a day to day life of REALITY with him to really know what he was like.<P>

Hi, Hummingbird.<P>I just wanted to add a little bit here, and I feel it's really important.<P>I know you haven't told your H about the affair, I didn't tell mine for about 6 months after it had already ended. I finally decided to tell my husband what happened after this (I could NOT deal with the guilt anymore). But it turned out to be the best thing, when at first I thought it would totally backfire and end our marriage. Once I got over the OM, I started having major guilt syndrome. I always felt as if my H was living in a marriage that was false because he didn't know what I did. So I told him, and his reaction was not even shock but he acted as if he already knew. He said he just didn't want to believe it. I felt horrible. I'm not going to go into too much detail, but there are stages you're going to go through. The worst for me was the after the fact stage. I am soooo happy to see you where you're at...you just remind me so much of where I was with what you're posting. Such a freeing place to be, knowing that the OP was not what you thought they were.

Like some other folks, I also printed this thread for my wife to read. She is still in withdrawl, and coming out slowly (due to the fact the OM is still very accessible). I can only sit and hope the day comes when she can feel like you do. It seems light years away. She told me today that she think about the OM all of the time...which leaves little time for me to be in her thoughts. I think it is wonderful you have reached this point...keep up the good work!