I vote for taking H up on his offer to and then Plan A your heart out baby!!!! <P>I'm sorry for your pain. <P>{{{{HUGS}}}}<P>TB

Keri,<P>You have to decide best on what is best for YOU right now; not the marriage, the kids...<P>I think you are getting conflicting advice because none of us know enough to say what is best for YOU.<P>I know a hospital is the last place I would go, I've only been there to have my babies.<P>But you need to rest, have help with the kids so you can take time alone, and get some pampering if you can.<P>Can your h do that for you, can he just be a friend right now?? I ask because even if he is serious about breaking contact and committing to you, it is only the first step. There will be withdrawal and painful talks.<P>I would not start there until you feel stronger. It was while my h was away on business that I found the strength to let go, to tell him he could leave since that is what he had said he wanted (at that point I knew nothing of the affair). I too had thought of taking pills and ending it, but I didn't. I figured I could go another day, and another...<P>His wanting to end it his way is not necessarily to keep the door open. My h felt responsible for his OW and getting her into this, and wanted to ease her out. He felt so much more guilty for hurting her than me. Oh well...<P>But again, let him take care of you if he can, but set boundaries. Wait till you feel better before making any decisions. There is really no pressure on you right now to fix your marriage, unless you are putting it on yourself (boy was I good at that).<P>I hope you'll find something helpful in my rambling.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Well, day 3 with H back home. It's not been as bad as I thought. He has been very nice to me, joking around. We had a brief talk, and he said we need to put things on hold for now about what we're going to do. He understands I am emotionally burned out and depressed and he doesn't want to get into anything new until I feel better. Also, he made it very clear he wants us both to be completely honest and open about what we're feeling. He feels that is our biggest obstacle. I don't know if I can trust him yet, but he seems to be really concerned for me right now. I thanked him for saving my life. If he hadn't made me throw up I am quite sure I wouldn't be here right now. He hugged me and said he was glad I was alive, but he was happier about the fact that I am glad I am alive. I am still tired. No matter what I do, I can't seem to get enough sleep. That seems to be about all I've done this week outside of work. I have never felt so wiped out. I am doing my best to be supportive of him and no confrontations right now. I am trying to concentrate on taking care of myself physically right now. Get plenty of rest, eat right, get some exercise, etc. I still feel shaky, but better. Thanks for all your advice. Just so you know, I am already on anti-deps and anxiety meds. Prozac and buspar and have been for some time now. I just overloaded. As my therapist said, I emotionally ran out of gas. Hit the wall. Rock bottom. You name the cliche...that was me. Anyway, thanks to everyone. You guys really helped pull me through.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Glad you are feeling better! Just keep taking it one day at a time! By the way, I want that recipe for the Buttermilk Biscuits. I'm a Yankee Gal, but I love Southern Food!!

Ok...I will give recipes for BOTH cornbread and biscuits. Keep in mind...these are things I make without a recipe. I make it until it "looks" right. That's only way I know to cook.<P>Cornbread:<P>2 c. self rising cornmeal<BR>1 egg<BR>? buttermilk<BR>1/4 c. oil (or more if needed)<P>In bowl mix all ingredients. Keep adding buttermilk until consistency is that of cream of wheat...not too thick, not too thin. You may have to experiment. Heat cast iron skillet (seasoned) on stove until hot. Add one big glob of Crisco (or any shortening) and let it melt. Pour cornbread batter in. Bake in 450 degree oven until golden brown on top. I never time it so I don't know. <P>Biscuits:<P>2 c. self rising flour (I use White Lily)<BR>Shortening<BR>Buttermilk<P>To flour, add couple good globs of shortening (I use Crisco). With fork or pastry cutter, cut in the shortening until small pea sized. You won't use as much shortening as you would for pastry crust. Add buttermilk a little at a time until it forms a good dough ball that pulls away from the bowl. I sometimes add just a touch more for a "sticky" dough. Turn out onto floured surface. Knead about 10 times. Not too much or they'll be hard. Roll out, cut out, place on baking sheet. Bake in 450 degree oven for about 10-12 minutes or until golden. <P>That's the best I can do at recipes. You may have to play with it. Like I said, I just go by how it looks.<P>Enjoy!<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

{{{{{{Keri}}}}}}<P>My heart goes out to you. I have been in your shoes, God your pain sounds like I could have spoken it from my own heart.<P>Please please tell your friends and family how you feel. You need extra support right now. You are such a wonderful lady. You deserve so much more in this world.<P>All things happen for a reason. I know you can't see that now, but you will. Something wonderful is waiting for you just around the corner. <P>Please know how special you are. Don't let your H bring you down. Also, please think about some of the stuff Mental has been thru and be careful about harassing OW, it could harm your custody in the future.<P>I am here if you ever need to talk. Feel free to email me at MissDMBrown@aol.com.<P>You are not alone. Most of us here have been in your shoes. You will get thru this and we will help you. Be strong sweetie and I am sending some of my strength to you today too.<P>Dana<BR>

Yaaaaaaaa Keridwen!!! <BR> I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm very glad that you're still with us, too!<BR> You have the same cooking style as my mother... if it looks right, it's right. LOL! Keep hanging in there... <BR> BTW, in severe depression, it is not unusual to be extremely tired and just want to sleep all day, every day. I think it's a coping mechanism we use... if we're asleep, we can't be hurt. Of course, when I was going through my own crises, I would have nightmares about my exH. Would wake up feeling hurt, anyway! Lol, it figures.<BR> Take care, hon! Keep posting. We still care!<BR> Mynabird

Keridwen,I know you are in pain . Be strong.<BR>I am praying for you.beth<BR>

I am feeling somewhat better, but I have to face the fact that regardless of my meds, I am in a serious depression. Today was my daughter's birthday, and I barely had the energy to cut and serve birthday cake. At least H is back. It feels really weird though. He is calling me everytime his plans change to let me know where he is. Is this good? I feel better knowing he isn't trying to hide something. At least I don't think he is. I took a 2 hour nap yesterday and 1 and 1/2 hour nap today. I can't seem to get enough rest. I guess that is a side effect from the depression. I am supposed to see my therapist tomorrow night. I wonder if I should reconsider the hospital idea. Maybe a few days rest without any responsibility would be good for me. Although I guess that would leave H wide open for communication with OW. I have no idea at this point if he's even broken it off. There's part of me that doesn't want to know. Also, my H won't sleep with me...not just no sex...he won't sleep in the same bed. Is this normal? What do I do about it? It can't be good for our recovery. Any suggestions?<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Keri,<P>Don't expect too much progress too fast. Your H calling is good. He wants to earn your trust. Accept and acknowledge his openness. Sleeping together will come in time. The first priority is your health: deal with your depression. It will take time before you feel yor energy back. What you need now is a safe calm home life. Later you can start working on you marriage issues.<P>For now, take care of yourself.