The Student,<P>I understand where your coming from. It has been so many years now that I have felt the distrust from my H. I feel like I have to lock myself up in my house all day just to not be accused and it happens anyway no matter what I did to prove otherwise. <P>I didn't go into the EA(it started but hasn't gotten far because I came to this site for help), looking at it that way either. It was something I felt as it started to progress.<P>The OM in my case was nice to me too. He help me out with situations with my oldest D that I was having. H was not there and still isn't. So who did I turn to this week looking for help when I ran into a problem with D?? You guess it! The OM. <P>Do I feel bad that I turned to OM this time? In a way I do but H is never around when I need him to be and the girls just won't listen to him because hes never here to follow through with anything. <P>The camels back keeps breaking over and over again. <P>falsely accused

I am definetly in agreement with most of the posts.<P>The straw that breaks the camels back is usually a look, a touch, a hug, a kiss, a phrase,a conversation. There just comes a time when as people, when we are just unable to be happy any more, we look for happiness in any form possible. Some shop for happiness, some gamble, some drink, some have affairs. NOne of it is excuseable, but it is understandable.<P>But, the more we focus on the bad the less we can see the good. If all we see is bad(in our spouses) then everything else looks good. Even another person. If we were all smart, we would focus on our spouses and God, and the temptations to cheat would be less.<P>Mercy

Based on what's written here and my own experience, it was the OM's obvious desire after feeling rejected by our H's... in my case, I remember the very moment I realized I'd crossed the line... he and I were sitting at his desk, every single person in the building was gone for the day (it was a Friday) and we were talking, just about nothing particular, I looked in his eyes... and suddenly, I remember whispering his name...that was it... he pulled me to him and kissed me. Had he not done that, I might have harbored a fantasy in my head that never went anywhere, or I might have let the whole thing go, I really don't know. But since he had the same feelings I did, it pushed the me to the edge - oh! and over the edge! <P>~Sheryl (lurking occasionally)

Cuckhold:<P>I'm not sure if this will answer your question. But, for me, the straw that finally broke my back was feeling ignored and neglected on a daily basis. I remember thinking, "If he doesn't care, then why should I?"<P>Nope...not justifying affair...just being honest about what I felt at the time of the affair.<P>Jill

Thanks for all your help. Something is seems clear: the final straw was not planned, perhaps you had never even thought about having an EA. It just happened by surprise, the feelings came unexpectantly. And the final push was related in response to something your spouse did very recently.<BR>