I am so very sorry.<P>I keep telling my boys life is not fair, if you want fair take up some sport and that might not work either.<P>Darn, I am rambling. If there is anyone who should have succeeded, who deserved to have succeeded it is you. (No disrespect to Lori, I am in awe of you)<P>Jim, you have given so much to so many, I don't know how you do it. Hang in there, take care of yourself and the kids. I will always remember how you were there for me, I will always have you in my thoughts.<BR>Who knows, I may even take up praying, and you will certainly be there too.<P>Take care always, I don't usually sign off,<BR>but,<P>with love and concern,<P>Hanora

<B>Jim.<P>Sorry is not a deep enough word to express how I feel about you and what you are going through.</B><P>This is just the cherry on top of the whip cream of a basically misserable day here.<P>I have a poem for you and I hope it helps?<P><B>YOUR IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.<P>TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU'RE LOVED.<P>It's hard to know what to say,<P>To warm and comfort you.<P>For my feelings may be many,<P>But the words I have are few.<P>I just wanted to remind you,<P>That you have a friend who cares,<P>And to say you're<P>in my heart and thoughts.<P>And always in my prayers.</B><P>Jim, I have no words but, I do care.<P><B>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{NSR/JIM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</B><P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited April 11, 2000).]

{{{{{{{{{{JIM}}}}}}}},<P>It's not everyday you find a man who is willing to put up such a fight! God Bless You!<P>Sometimes I think I should have taken the easier road of not marrying my H once I found out about the EA/PA bcs the constant mistrust is killing me! A woman at church finally broke the news that her marriage ended a year ago when her H left her for the OW and I was almost envious. Sorry, just my mood of the day (today is 3 month anniv. of PA. It happened Tuesday, January 3rd when I was working until 8 and guess what - I'm working until 8 tonight).<P>You are in my prayers as is everyone here!<P><><

I am so sorry to hear the outcome of your ESP. I know that you love your wife and are concerned about the effect of all of this on your children. Thank God that they have you!<BR>Just be there for them and let them be there for you!!<P>I was reading a little booklet today called "How To Save Your Marriage Alone" and read something that made me feel a little better about myself. I would like to share it with you. It is speaking to "the special group of readers who want to save their marriage at all costs".<P>"First, by your stand you indicate a commitment to the sacredness and permanence of marriage this is God-honoring; second, you have the courage to face your own problems instead of running from them or hiding behind false pride; and, third, you exhibit the maturity which, even when there is no response, can choose to Love with a steadfast Love that is tough and real, intellegent and purposeful,wholly committed to your partners well being."<P>You sound like a great guy to me! <BR>I am sure your children are grateful recipients of such Love and Devotion, even if your wife is not. I pray that God will reveal to your wife what a wonderful man you have become and shower you both with Love for each other!<BR>

I'm so sorry Jim <P>~Sheryl

Jim,<P>I am so sorry. I don't understand why she would be entitled to alimony. <P>I will never understand how the courts can not take morality or desertion into account, especially in a state like mine where adultery is illegal.

Jim,<P>I'm a little late offering prayers and Hugs. You're a good man, Jim. How many others could have written a post like yours and not turned it into a true, one of a kind VENT! Gentleman Jim!<P>Mitzi

Jim,<P>Sorry to hear of the outcome. A lot can happen between now and June 5th. Never say never.<P>Guess it's too late to move to Pennsy?<P>I look respectable?<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Tim

NSR -- No fancy words. My thoughts and prayers, and a tear of sadness.<P>God Bless

Jim<P>I very sorry it did not have the outcome you wanted. I haven't known you long but I can tell you are a very caring and loving person. I also sense a great deal of persistence in you and I suspect in your mind that round 2 is yet to be fought. I hope you have not given up completely<P>Love and prayers from me to you and your family!!<P>J W

<B>teddy bear</B>... thank you... <BR><B>Lacee</B>... prayers are appreciated... <BR><B>Tired Lady</B>... unfortunately... we are in the same boat... <BR><B>Sheba</B>... we are on the same tracks... OK with keeping good company!... <BR><B>beth</B>... fog fog go away... maybe someday... <BR><B>Bob</B>... I'm going to try for everything I can... W works(but pay is very low)... <BR><B>jamie-lee</B>... thank you for the {hugs}... <BR><B>K</B>... your replies... mean a lot!!!... <BR><B>mrrlk</B>... thank you... still working on a finding a new job... <BR><B>HurtButCoping</B>... thank you... <BR><B>Arrow</B>... I agree with all you say... justice is more than blind... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>Desiree</B>... Why can't the courts see that I'ms asking not for me... but my kids?... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>tootrusting</B>... you are so kind... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>sidney</B>... I will keep the faith... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>nomoreu</B>... "God has something very special in mind for you."...I think you are right... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>Lori</B>... {{{thanks}}}... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>Nicole</B>... I'll make it... prayers for my kids are <B>very</B> appreciated... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>SoUnhappy</B>... e-mail coming your way... I know your pain... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>Hanora</B>... No... life is not fair... but boy... if I can get you to pray... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>Samantha</B>... Such a beautiful poem... especially before your hiatus... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>LadyK</B>... I have to fight... for kids... for W... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>GodAlone</B>... A beautiful and true excerpt... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>~Sheryl</B>... thanks for your comfort... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>Nellie</B>... kindred sister who suffers... what a great mom you are... I'll try to follow your steps... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>Mitzi</B>... Venting has it's place... today... I meditate... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>Tim</B>... my brother...ok... you look <B>more</B> than respectable... ok... your handsome...really! Val isn't a slouch either... I can see your attraction to her!... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>Empty Shell</B>... No tears of sadness... I am so bless with you all... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR><B>J W</B>... I haven't given up... not in the least!... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>ALL</B>... I humbly thank you. [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>Jim / <B>N</B>ew <B>S</B>un <B>R</B>ising

Jim,<P>I just had an idea, I don't know about the laws, but I was wondering if you could set up a fund for the kids education, where you can transfer some of the assets to, in order to insure your kids education.<BR>You probably have to make it so that the money can only be used for the kids education (and nothing else), perhaps you could get your wife to agree to this, or if not make it possible to get the fund protected from the divorce settlement, at least it's not for your profit it's for the kids and they are a joint responsibility.<BR>I have no idea if this will work or is allowed... But as I said an idea.

SadMan,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I just had an idea, I don't know about the laws, but I was wondering if you could set up a fund for the kids education, where you can transfer some of the assets to, in order to insure your kids education.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I was using my 401K as just that...<BR>...a fund for my children's education...<P>But the ESP views it as general "Joint Assets"... and says... because it's joint... it has to be split 50/50...<P>I can't move the money now...<BR>...all distributions/separation of assets are computed based on assets at the time the divorce was filed...<P>I'll have to pay for my kids education from my half... since my W will surely blow her money away (with OM's help) to enable her fantasy life...<BR>Just as has already blown away my stepson's Social Security benefits... about $25,000-$30,000... <P>My attorney will try to use this argument at the trial... but tells me... courts are very reluctant to assign any "joint assets" to the children. My attorney says... I'll just have to come back in 8-10 years and ask the court to ask her to contribute... and if there is no money left... that's that... <P>It is just inconceivable to me that the courts allow a parent in a MLC to just throw away the children education funds to satisfy the selfishness of that parent...<BR>...but that's what seems to be happening. <P>It's as if the courts are encouraging me to do the same thing...<BR>...live life frivolously...<BR>...spend that money on easy living for the next 8 years...<BR>...don't worry about how the kids will make to college... or not... <BR>...<B>NO IDEA OF RESPONSIBILITY!</B><BR>I'm not sure who ever said that the courts are out for the best interest of the children... It doesn't look that way to me.<P>I'm not asking for the money to be given to me... just reserve some of it for the kid's education!!!<P>It's a very sad world we live in when "equitable" distribution means... children are last on the totem pole... <P>I hope and pray for a reasonable judge...<BR>...I'm told they a few and far between... <P>I pray and pray... <P>Jim

Dear Jim, <BR>Your settlement situation sounds similar to my own, only in my case my husband is the one who filed for the divorce (of course, he had another woman). Therefore, I did not feel as guilty accepting what was due me and our three kids. In your case, however, it must be agonizing for you to have to agree to alimony and to the pension split, etc. in light of the fact that you do NOT want this divorce! Actually, this whole divorce thing is evil, down to the bone. I hate the whole thing and anything material that I "get" out of it is really not worth anything compared to having an intact family. Thank you for all of the help and inspiration you offer to other hurting people - surely it will flow back to you in time...

I'm sure the last thing you'd want to even consider right now is another legal action. But... it would seem to me that your stepson has every right to sue for the reinstatement of his SS benefit money from his mom. If that is the only way to secure his future, then it might warrant some consideration.<P>Just a thought.....

O.K. How does the song go......<P>"Every little thing..is gonna be alright" <P>Be strong your among friends!

God is in control. Hang in there. He DOES know what he's doing. I know it's hard, but we are to "count it all joy".<P>Here are some positives:<BR>1. He has brought you closer to Him through this.<BR>2. He is changing you for the better.<BR>3. You have some rewards in heaven coming to you from your work here on this forum.<P>Hang in there Jim.

<B>MovingOn</B>...<BR>"this whole divorce thing is evil, down to the bone."... for some it is necesary... for my kid's it's a travisty!<P><B>sidney</B>...<BR>My son is more than seriously considering this... It would have to be initiate by him! Since the trial date is so close... he's got to get going on it now!<P><B>Reina</B>...<BR><B>It</B>... is gonna be alright!<P><B>hopefull_1</B>...<BR>Yep... God is in control... thanks for HIM!<BR>and one more... kid's are being brought up with me...<P> <P>Jim

Jim,<P>Your strength and dedication are remarkable. I am amazed by your faith, determination and compassion. I wish you peace and all the best, and will pray that this freight train and the affair come to a crashing end soon.<P>Hugs to you , Dana<BR>

Jim,<P>You may not like this but.... where is Butterfly with her frying pan ? I think your wife needs to meet it. (sorry)<P>You are doing the right thing by at least trying to be sure your children have the chance for the education they need and deserve.<P>Just remember that you are doing what you feel is best for the children, they are so very important !<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>