IF all I was finding was stuff from the past, I would agree that I was wasting my time. But I'm not. I'm finding that every time H "comes clean" he leaves a few spots in. Not in the past. In the present.<P>I don't know now that he isn't with someone. He is on a business trip to another state this week. He says he is happy I found those things because now everything is out in the open and he doesn't have to hide any more. Sounds great, doesn't it? He said the same thing in January when I found PA and the same in March when I found start up Internet affairs. He just kept this 3-year job hidden until recently.<P>I am forced to confront how much of this I brought upon myself. Given the nature and the extent of the betrayal, I have to guess that the answer is not much. Knowing what I know now, I fully believe that he was engaging in this behavior before we were married. When I compare his behavior just after we got engaged to his behavior from, say, two months before the wedding on, I'm seeing a downward progression with some sudden spikes.<P>I know also that his first wife suspected that there were other women in his life but never proved it. I am worried that I may have been the other woman for a portion of his relationship with her. That makes me sick. I have asked people who knew him whether his timelines check. No one seems to know for sure..."It was so long ago..." <P>He is now happily saying how he is going to prove that he's going to stay on the straight and narrow "from now on." You can call me Missouri, honey, but he's gonna have to show me.<P>I am still figuring out a plan. I still hurt, though my desire to get through this one way or another is beginning to win out. I know I can only change myself but I don't know that there is any way on this green earth that I can fullfill his emotional needs. I honestly think that he needs to change what he wants before we can be a family.<P>So that's where I'm heading. I'm not going to stop snooping until I start coming up with nothing. So far I haven't had an unsuccessful foray. Perhaps instead of snooping I should call it a "verification regime."<P>Sign me<P>"Not Yet Rational, But Getting There"<BR>or just HBC