I do think you are strong enough to continue with plan A. I also do not think that seeking legal advice is a love buster it's just plain smart. No matter what you still have a responsibility to yourself and your kids to make sure that you are all taken care of. I spoke to an attorney and didn't tell my H about it until he had been home a few months. He was glad I did. <BR> The man that left you and the kids for this internet fling is not the man you were married to all of those years. That man is still there, he just got lost and this irresponsible, cold hearted person has taken over for awhile. You have to relize that nothing he will do for awhile will make any sense. Like Lori said about her H my H also can't believe the things he said and did. He always laughs and said he must have had a huge brain fart or somthing. There is really nothing you can do right now but work on yourself and your needs in life and let him work through this craziness. It's a long ways from over yet but you still need to look out for yourself and just seeking legal advice won't hurt anything.<P>Jill

Hi Bethn -<P>I think that you can be as strong as you allow yourself to be!!! It's all in how you want to look at things....<P>If you continue to just worry about H and OW instead of YOU and H and the KIDS then you will not be strong enough.<P>If you listen, learn, think and set up a plan for yourself then you will gain strength every minute of every hour of every day!!!!<P>2 things to start with for changing your focus.....<P>1) Your husband has been taken over by aliens and cannot think!!! They took his brain and replaces it with mush!!!<BR>The more you try to talk, reason or get through - the mushier and meaner this alien brain gets.....so stop going at it that way. Take a different tactic. Use your own actions and behaviors to show how wonderful and caring you can be.<P>2) The OW is nothing to you....she is nothing but an escape route for H from his life. She is merely a road he is travelling on. If it wasn't her it could be anything else - other women, booze, drugs, gambling.....anything that allows people to get "high" and feel "happy"!!!! It's an addiction and all addicts think that they love what they are addicted to...don't give her so much importance!!!<P>As far as legal protection for you and kids - well, it doesn't hurt to know the ins and outs of the laws of your state.<BR>You can look them up on the internet and/or get some free consultations with different lawyers in the area. The more knowledge you have.....the better off you are with anything, not just for this!<P>We never know what God has in store for any of us....that is why we need to be as well-rounded with our knowledge as we can be. It would not be a love-buster to inform yourself for your children's welfare should things progress to a divorce or legal separation before your H comes back into his body. <P>He does not have to know right now that you have spoken to lawyers just to learn or even that you have started to learn about legal things. <P>So, see? Not a problem....not a lovebuster and really nothing to be riled about at all.<P>If you get a minute - Lori wrote another great post on Lora's "D word" thread. Check it out.<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited May 03, 2000).]

Beth...<P>If you need to <B>protect</B> yourself legally (and/or financially)... I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counseling free of charge.<BR><A HREF="http://www.uslaw.com" TARGET=_blank>USLaw.com</A> (an alternative search site)<P><B>NO</B>... it is <B>NOT</B> a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A>.<P> <P>Jim

H came in house while I was gone ,I showed up as he was leaving,he asked me what checks I have written.He took checkbook out of my hand.He was in the house took all other blank checks.bethn

continued from above.<P>Dave told me he thought Iwas going to clean the account out, his friends at work told him to get the blank checks.( the first time he left I withdrew money from account, before I knew about MB) <P>I looked him straight in the eye.I told him I loved him,I would wait for him.He said "dont count on us getting back to gether."His mother was driving him nuts and he was going to look for an apartment"I also told him I had no intention of draining account,He said you did it before.Isaid Iam learning to be different.Hugged him when I first saw him,and when he left.Iam proud of the way I handled myself.bethn

Jill,<BR> helps to know that your H was glad that you saw an attorney.The man that left you and the kids for this internet fling is not<P><BR> the man you were married to all of those years. That man is<BR> still there, he just got lost and this irresponsible, cold hearted<BR> person has taken over for awhile.(Coulnt agree more)<P>Parents think H is headed rite for divorce,is there still hope after a divorce.?<P>bethn

Hi Sheba ,<P>LOVE this,ALIENS and MUSH BRAINS!!!!!!!. <P><BR>MOm thinks H is headed for divorce.<P><BR>Ithink everyone thinks iam crazy for trying,you guys are the only ones who get it.<P>Got to go.Talk more later ,have hair appt.bethn