<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by trying2_4give:<BR><B>Popeye, I understand your need to accept this child into your lives, BUT if H does not want to be a part of this childs life then why are you taking on HIS responsibilities? ...Believe me I know where your heart is, but won't your H feel like you also are pushing this child onto him and then feel resentment. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank-you for your fairness and compassion.<P>I think my H feels he has to decide between the child and me. He doesn't feel he can ask me to deal with this child at all. He is ashamed and feels I have been through enough-that, and the feeling that he is being manipulated, are the reasons he does not want anything to do with the child. If I encouraged him (not pushed, not insisted) to do this, I believe he would do his best to accept responsibility. It is a tough decision to make when I was not considered in all the betrayal, conception, and birth.<P>I think all children need their parents. I don't like the thought of the XOW being in our lives. I don't like having to deal with there being an XOW or OC at all, but those are the facts. I am just trying to come up with a solution where the child's interests are considered and our family can remain intact and not go through too much more upheaval. <P>All of your thoughts on the custody issue are right on target. We probably wouldn't get custody for the reasons you stated. It would probably lead to MORE contact rather than less. I don't think she is a fit mom, but she is the mom... or person who gave birth. I think it takes more to earn that "mom" title.<P>Thanks to all of you for helping me sort some of these things out. Still not sure what to do about it all, but you've presented a lot of ideas that I hadn't considered.