JM, you know what makes me angry? It makes me angry that you have to use the word "ask". But it is what you gotta do! sorry, for the side track comment, but UGGGHHH!<P>What would she say if you asked her if you could move back home? Is she enjoying the "non-accountability?" I think you have a terrific opportunity to challenge your changes by being back in the home. YES, I would say ask. Don't react to her response, take the lead and work with what ya got here.<P>

Can you go home and be a loving, caring, husband, or would the behaviors you want to change pop up too frequently? <P>The best scenario is to be as close as you can be. The odds for a successful reconciliation decrease with seperation, but you don't want to do damage while you are together. You have to be able to put up with hurtful behaviors on her part and remain patient, kind, comforting, affectionate, honest (without being critical or angry), loving. You basically have to come as close to sainthood as possible. <P>My vote is if you can act that way then go home.

yes I believe she is enjoying the non-accountability. She has spoken of that in the recent past. She just wants to live life day to day and not plan for a better marraige.<P>It is easier that way. You don't have to change yourself then. You just keep doing what you have always done.<P>Incidentally, I still believe she is hiding the EA but it may have ended bcuz of people at work talking and spreading rumors. about her and the boss. I found out by asking co-worker. (mind you the boss made the schedule and scheduled her, a part-timer, everytime he worked either opening or closing shifts.) A report has been filed with district office becuz she took a promotion to full time after someone left and it was not published. Losts of nuances here that may not mean a thing. But you never know. I just know that my wife is not acting like herself period.<P>I am going to see if we can reverse the separation so I can have my home back at least. She needs time that's fine. Do it elsewhere my friend.

Just a reality check for me...<P>A lot of discussion of "changes" here...<BR>...but little in the way of guts of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>.<P>We are talking about <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> here... right John?<P>I do mean... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Plan A: Avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3401_angry.html" TARGET=_blank>angry outbursts</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3402_disrespect.html" TARGET=_blank>disrespectful judgments</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3404_selfish.html" TARGET=_blank>selfish demands</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3403_annoy.html" TARGET=_blank>annoying behavior</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3405_dishonesty.html" TARGET=_blank>dishonesty</A> (i.e. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>!) at all costs. (page 75 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>)...<B>and</B> at the same time, if your spouse would let the you, you should try to meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>. (page 77 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Identifying from the below list (or equivalent...)<BR><OL TYPE=1><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3305_aff.html" TARGET=_blank>Affection</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3310_sex.html" TARGET=_blank>Sexual Fulfillment</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3315_conv.html" TARGET=_blank>Conversation</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3320_rec.html" TARGET=_blank>Recreational Companionship</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3325_hon.html" TARGET=_blank>Honesty and Openness</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3330_att.html" TARGET=_blank>An Attractive Spouse</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3335_fin.html" TARGET=_blank>Financial Support</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3340_dom.html" TARGET=_blank>Domestic Support</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3345_fam.html" TARGET=_blank>Family Commitment</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_ad.html" TARGET=_blank>Admiration</A></OL><BR>your spouses needs...<BR>...and developing a plan from them?<P>Right?<P> <P>Jim