Hi Monen -<P>If we knew how to communicate the way we should all the time...none of us would be here!!! That's what we all need to learn and there is absolutely NOTHING to be embarassed about!!!!<P>IT IS FANTASTIC that you two are both here.....you are not only being given pointers, you are helping so many others through your example!!!<P>Everyone has the same kinds of issues. Don't be defensive - instead try to feel relieved that you are getting so much feedback and seeing how things can be said and/or done differently.<P>I can only pray that if H ever becomes himself again, he would come here and learn all of this with me....that's what being a team is all about!!!<P>You are also lucky...you get to have people feed you how to react or be proactive for whatever circumstance comes up. Most of us have to wing it alone......<P>I think that you two are doing wonderfully and have so much potential for a great relationship.....just have to realize that you do effect one another with your words and actions. Being more conscientious of our behavior's effect on our partner is never a bad thing!!!<P>BIG HUGS to you both - I truly admire you....<P>Sheba<BR>

Thanks Sheba - and everyone else reading and offering advice in the midst of our mess. Hopefully soon we will be able to speak effectively to each other.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Monen:<BR><B>Thanks Sheba - and everyone else reading and offering advice in the midst of our mess. Hopefully soon we will be able to speak effectively to each other.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You are welcome. (I assume you ment me too :P)<P>

Hello you two,<P>What K and others are saying is that you two are spending far too much time defending yourselves. That is what your posts illustrate. They also illustrate something that both of you really need to understand. <P>As viewed from your individual agenda's the same event can be viewed in completely different ways. And since one feels some guilt and the other feels rightfully wronged , these different views are always that the other is trying to hurt me.<P>Maybe the two of you should sit down, and decide that you are going to make the marriage work. If you can reach that decision, the you both need to <B> decide </B> to interpret events in a positive rather than a negative light. <P>In short when something happens, make a list of how many ways you could interpret what has happened. Be creative. Then operate on the positive option.<P>If you can finally figure out that this is not a contest to see who is hurting most, and decide to see how the other is loving you, then I suspect much of what is bothering you will go away and the healing can really begin.<P>Of course, these means that both of you need to be honest with each other, starting now. Plan A one another and see what will happen. <BR>You both posting here is also subject to your interpretation. If all comments are viewed negatively rather than educationally, then it may be a bad idea. However, you two have a unique opportunity to learn from each other and the others here.<P>My recommendation is to use the opportunity for the postive: learn.<P>Hope I have been of some help.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

JL - very good suggestion, as usual!!!<P>See how much good is coming of these posts - Monen and TheNewbie?<P>Thanks,<P>Sheba

nevermind<p>[This message has been edited by Lacee (edited May 22, 2000).]