Hey MikeC2, that was funny, you love him too!!! You just made my night. I am working on the forgiveness part. I've come a long way so far, yet further to go.<P>Up from here, I was glad that something positive has come of my mess. I hope it all works out for you.<P>

Hi Crushed,<P>My spouse and I are both here and we both read it. Unfortunately, if you look back on our posts to you you'll find that both of us being here ruined any chance of the letter helping. I might have gotten some idea of what my husband would need from me in order to forgive me (such as that letter), but since we have both seen the post, the source of my inspiration would be obvious. I'm happy for you that your husband wrote you such a touching letter, however, the only thing it served to do for my situation is annoy my H that I didn't think to write one. <P>Oh well.<P>------------------<BR>"I believe... this is heaven to no one else but me - and I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence if I choose to would you try to understand?" - Sarah McLachlan

I was so moved by that letter, and am truly happy for you. I can only pray for something like that to happen to me. I am at work and was feeling low and thought I'd check this site for anything new, and boy did I find it. I had to compose myself, reading that letter emptied out my tissue box!!! Fortunately, I have my own office so no one was the wiser although my staff know what I am going through.<P>My prayers to you both and I know that you are both on your way to a stronger committed relationship, one that could only come out of this ordeal. "Out of the ashes..." Ironic, how sometimes the best love you could ever imagine could only come about after such despair! This is the miracle I hope to have and hope others will have happen to them!<P>Many blessings to you both! I think I love him, too! <BR>

Hi monen,<BR>I'm sorry for your situation. I kinda don't want to let the cat out of the bag, but this letter wasn't totally unsoliciated. My counseler told me he was working with some writing exercise for us and eventually have him build up to write one, well after a while, in therapy, alot of other issues came up and the letter kinda went by the way side. I decided to ask my h if he ever intended to write it, and explained how I was looking forward to it. That kind of takes the meaning out of it...slightly, then he wrote it and I guess it's really not how we got here but that we got here that matters. His letter was so heartfelt that it really doesn't matter. I asked a friend about "asking" for things and doesn't it take the fun out of it, she told me the story of how her h would give her these blah cards, with little thought behind them. She would sulk and then one day, just told him what she would like to recieve from him...so a little at a time he gave her more meaningful cards..and today he has been known to spend 45 minutes looking for the right card. The moral of her story is,,,you can be silent and settle or end up with what you want and need. She said if she never said anything, she would have missed out on many wonderful, meaningful cards. So with that I now say the things I think I want and need. I hope you can find another way to express what you feel and he'll receive it. I know it took me a long while to become less cynical and look at the situation as it is today...I don't know if the letter would have been so well received a few months ago, so I guess you just have to give him that awful four letter word...time.<P><BR>Kuuipo,<BR>Thanks for the nice things you said, and the words of encouragment. I am starting to believe it now...possibly we can be stronger. It helps me to know other's are moved over our story, I wish you well, I don't know your story, as I'm not here that much anymore, but if you need to talk, leave your e-mail here and I'll listen. I don't want to post mine here.

WOW!! THAT'S A GOOD MAN!! As most have said, I would settle for HALF that letter!! <BR> GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Monen:<BR><B>but since we have both seen the post, the source of my inspiration would be obvious. I'm happy for you that your husband wrote you such a touching letter, however, the only thing it served to do for my situation is annoy my H that I didn't think to write one. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is not true. I don't care about who came up with the idea, I care about the content of the letter. If you were to write such a letter and I could tell that you ment it I wouldn't care about that you got the idea from here or your mom or a counselor or a flyer posted on a wall - I would care about what you said and ment. And as far as the irritation goes what I got irritated at was your comment concerning the letter when asked what you thought about it - that "his wife should have written him one".<P><p>[This message has been edited by thenewbie (edited May 23, 2000).]

I'm sorry to disagree but you were irritated as soon as you read it. You felt it was unfair that I didn't seem to feel as deeply regretful as this woman's H. If you'll go back to our original post to this thread, you stated that I was correct in assuming that even if I DID write you a letter like that, you wouldn't have believed a word of it. My statement about the H receiving a letter as well was 1.) misconstrued as usual and 2.) said after becoming irritated with our relationship. Anyway please no more arguing. I can't take it.

Thanks again for all the responses. I see things in a new light these days, and your commments help to confirm my feelings. <P>For Monen and thenewbe....I have to admit I am confused, and got lost with your story...I can assume though as I was trying to explain that even though the letter came from another's suggestion, it served it's purpose despite that. I got the idea that thenewbe would be willing to recieve something like this now, but in the begining it didn't sound that way....anyway why don't you just try it anyway? I don't think "sorry" could ever be said enough and shown in too many different ways. maybe this could be a start...and see what unfolds. The last good piece of advise I got from our counselor was for me, instead of trying to figure out if I love him or not...or if I want to stay married... and the rest.... why don't I just stop stopping. It was one of those lightbulb moments, because he said that if I were to stop stopping...the feeling mays return and flow like a river...then the trying would be second nature. That was exactly what happened. <P>I hope for you guys that some positive steps can be made, good luck to you.

Crushed, can I share my thoughts even though I'm late?<P>I think it is a wonderful letter. The key, though, is what he said that it would not have meaning if he weren't living like he means it. My h is not good at saying things, but he said the same that he intended to show me his committment with his life. And we are doing great, without much in the way of apologies.<P>The flip side to this is that guilt has as its sole purpose to get us to repent and change what we are doing. Continued guilt can be hurtful. For instance, I don't agree he cannot be the role model for your daughter. You can have an even better marriage than before (at least we are) and again model the Christian life for the kids.<P>Ours are young, but I think we will one day tell them and show them what we have learned from our mistakes. Oh, if only we could spare them from having to make them for themselves!<P>------------------<BR>Cindy

Hi Schizzo,<BR>Thanks for your response. Your right about him showing me by his actions...I know him and I know he is living in a state of self-loathing and remorse...all alone, without any "help" from me. I know that he will always feel sorrow for what he has done, and that goes a long way for me...to see the good in him.<P>As for our daughter, I only hope that what you say is true. He told me recently that when she tried to make some excuses for her behavior, he told her to simply admit she was wrong and apologize. He said that he will take what he has learned and try to show by his mistakes, what the honorable, right things are. He feels he can say, yes, you can do this or that if you "feel" like it, but there is a price to pay. Loss of honor is a costly way to get what you want.<P>I'm glad that you guys are better than ever. I can only hope it holds true for us. <P>

Hi Schizzo,<BR>Thanks for your response. Your right about him showing me by his actions...I know him and I know he is living in a state of self-loathing and remorse...all alone, without any "help" from me. I know that he will always feel sorrow for what he has done, and that goes a long way for me...to see the good in him.<P>As for our daughter, I only hope that what you say is true. He told me recently that when she tried to make some excuses for her behavior, he told her to simply admit she was wrong and apologize. He said that he will take what he has learned and try to show by his mistakes, what the honorable, right things are. He feels he can say, yes, you can do this or that if you "feel" like it, but there is a price to pay. Loss of honor is a costly way to get what you want.<P>I'm glad that you guys are better than ever. I can only hope it holds true for us. <P>