<BR>Stand back, because I have had <BR>it!!!!!<P>I am so sick and tired of other <BR>people screwing up and either it <BR>gets thrown at me as being my <BR>fault or I end up with the crap <BR>dumped on me as the <BR>repercussions!!<P>GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!<P>I HATE PEOPLE!!!!!!! ADULTS, <BR>anyway!!!! (no offense to those <BR>here!!)<P>Let's start with my wonderboy!!! <BR>The SOB pulls all this crap, <BR>destroys our finances, our <BR>relationship, our families, our <BR>future and it's my fault!!!<P>Ok, then idiot goes and let's <BR>some broad give him an ultimatum <BR>to move out or else.....and that <BR>ends up being my fault too cuz he<BR>has to spend money on a place.<P>Then he calls a lawyer instead of<BR>talking with me and forces my<BR>hand cuz I have to now get one. - again, my fault he has to spend <BR>money!!!! Nevermind that he has <BR>it and I have NOTHING with which <BR>to hire a lawyer with!! <P>Repercussions....well, let's see!! Have to use income tax money which was supposed to be for a new car downpayment cuz I have an unsafe BOMB to drive while he has his NEW pickup AND NEW motorcycle - to hire a lawyer. In the interim - he gives my no money and mortgage goes behind a month!!<P>Go to first court date and the SOB lies his little black (foggy or not be damned!!) heart out and my lawyer handled it like a fool!!! <P>Repercussions...besides the humiliation and hurt from the man I love being Satan, I have to now find a new lawyer that isn't an idiot!!! Both old and new attorneys tell me I have to go another round with Doctor's to rediagnose current injury status and rejustify my part-time working situation. Shell out more money cuz you don't get much back from a retainer!!! Find supposed Shark Lady whose fee is $4,000<BR>(throw it on credit card at friggin' 18% - sure no problem because you JUST HAVE TO HAVE THE BEST PROTECTION FOR YOURSELF!!)<BR> <BR>Meanwhile, lawyers and family members go and fill my head with these grandiose ideas on what I can supposedly get out of this so much that I believe and calculate my future based on it. (OK, I am not that dumb and just based it on 1/2-3/4's!!)<P>Special Master's Hearing (mock trial in a way) - come out of that with nothing more than I am getting now....for five years. No Medical Coverage or Pensions, no fix-it money for the house, no Attorney and court fees for this divorce that I DON'T WANT!!!!<P>Doesn't matter what I want, did or didn't do, can or cannot work accordingly with the income I need to live. Doesn't matter about ANYTHING!!! Courts and lawyers don't care or challenge!!<BR>Just pay the fees, ma'am!!!<P>Lawyer tells me she will call within two days......that was at the end of FEBRUARY!!!! NEVER CALLED or returned my numerous calls to her!!! More limbo is definitely what I need at this point!!! So glad that I had to pay her so much for it too!!<P>H gets on me about this taking so long.....like I have something to do with it!!!! <P>H tells me that if it goes to trial - his lawyer said that they will withdraw what little I am already getting....scare tactics I am sure, but that doesn't ease the stress!!! AGAIN, like I can do anything about it!!!<P>More lawyer call attempts, NOTHING......<P>H's lawyer calls mine..she doesn't recall the case and can't look it up now...blah, blah.....<BR>AT least H saw through this that I wasn't lying about not getting ahold of her.....<P>Trial date supposed to be this Wednesday....well I called this am and finally got through to her assistant at least!!! I was told that it was postponed and that my lawyer would call me by the end of the week.....I am not holding my breath!!!!<P>Dog at vet's....she's had leg problems and vet said would need surgery to completely heal it (this was two months ago that he said this). Now, the story is that surgery isn't really going to be worth it and she should just have periodic meds....<P>He says that NOW!!!! After I have been agonizing over how to pay for this and how I was going to care for her for two friggin months? AFTER I have had to handle H going from indifference about it to caring to wanting to help to telling me we might as well shoot her......The stupid b@$@&d! (the vet I mean.....H's ridiculousness I am used to!!)<P>So, paged H with the news and he was pissy - "what's wrong?" I ask even though I didn't really want to know!!! <P>Just went off on me!!!! "Your lawyer cancelled our date cuz her daughter is having surgery.<BR>.yada...yada!!! How dare she.....blah, blah.....<BR>I am telling you I won't put up with your [censored] any more.....<BR>You will pay for this....I told my lawyer that this is unacceptable to me and I will be in court that day!!!!!!"<P>I calmly listened and even apologized that this got him so upset......I tried to nicely (even though I have to confess I was ready to break out my own set of four letter words!!) tell him that I had had it out with her assistant this morning and got nowhere. I didn't even get a reason why it was cancelled!!! Asked him to not blame me for it was not my doing.....He didn't want to hear it!!!<P>Silly me......<P>Now, Sheba....there must be something wrong with you if you have not realized by now that<BR>EVERY FU@&!&G THING THAT HAPPENS IS YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!<P>I want to go to an isolation chamber!!!!!!<P>Hugs for listening to my nonsense.....it's off to the punching bag with my walkman for probably the next two days!!!<P>GGGGGGGRRRRRRR!!!!!!!<P>Sheba<P>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sheba}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Take some nice, deep breaths! I am so sorry...you do not deserve this. You always have such wise and wonderful advice for others...I wish I had some for you. But, I don't...just wanted to let you know I heard you.<P>Big, big hugs!<P>Kathi<BR>

Yes Sheba,<P> I too wish I could write some wise long post that would help you, but alas, that is not in my abilities.<P> I can tell you I will think of you and pray for you. <P> Of course everything is your fault as everything is mine in my relationship. Who would have thought there were so many people on this board that have total control over the world? <BR>Lora

Hi Sheba,<P>I totally agree with Kam6318. I feel bad that I can not help when I see you help so many here on a daily basis.<P>Can you find an isolation chamber somewhere? My bathroom tends to be mine, but he!!, the kids find me there too. <P>Your lawyer does sound like a stinker. I don't understand how she can give you such shoddy service for what you must be paying her. Can you go over her head in the firm? I would call who ever her boss is and let them know you are not getting calls returned for MONTHS!!!<P>Wish I could help, I really do. Hope the venting helped you a bit. Get out and walk if you can or heck, just stay here and type!<P>allison

I was going to rant today .....but read your post and it covered almost everything I wanted to say. Thank you...it saved me some typing....<P>I hate attorneys.....with all of their so called concerns......how they tell you one thing and do another.<P>Remember I am on my fourth. Those idiots tell you that everything is fine and then 3 days later you hear something different. My new one is probably going to fire me because of the letter and tape I dropped off at his office.<P>Everytime I hired a new attorney I would ask the same question.....If I call you...will you call me back.....ohhhh suuuure. Maybe the first week.....then they forget about you....you can call and call and they won't return a call.....then they call you and want something yesterday....or better yet....tell you if they knew that a month ago things wouldn't be like they are.<P>I have been told so much.....then my stbx is blaming me also for slowing/holding things up. Oh yeah....right...why would I hold things up.....he$$ I want him to have his freedom as much as he does. <P>OOOOOPS vented myself...<P>Nancy

HI SHEBA!!!!!! <P>I know you don't know me, but I just wanted to say hi in spite of what's happening to you! I understand exactly what's going on with you, I know EXACTLY how it feels to be blamed for everything, just ask my mom.....<P>Have a nice day, Sheba! <P>------------------<BR>ahhh....vg music has that calm effect....

OK Sheba,<P>Slowly step away from the keyboard with your hands plainly visible and you won't get hurt!<P>Hope you feel better. Some days life just sucks.<P>I called the MIL today to get my SIL address. Stef had a baby boy last Thursday and I wanted to send a card.<P>MIL wondered what is taking so long for the D. I didn't know she cared I told her Val is holding it up by not signing. Brought her up to speed.<P>She wondered why I still wanted my W back after the affair. "You counldn't trust her again. You would throw Brian up to her everytime you had a fight."<P>I respectfully acknowledged her concern and comments. I told her maybe that's how she would feel and react about the situation, but not me. I told her I love her daughter and I'm not ready to give up.<P>I offered to drop off many of my relationship books so that she could see it is possible to re/build a marriage. She refused. I held my tongue with a vice grip.<P>So, as you can see,... poop, where was I going with this. Oh, yeah, you are not the only who wants to kill everyone in sight. Wait, that's me. AHHHH forget it.<P>Wishing you the Best. <P>Tim<P>

((((((((((((((Sheba)))))))))))))))<P><BR>B R E A T H E...........................<P>He is an [censored]..........<P><BR>You are a WONDERFUL human being.......<P>He has to live with himself...that's his punishment........<P>B R E A T H E ...................<P><BR>and punch hard...........real hard........<P><BR>Dylan<P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

OK! That was one good rant!<P>Now on to practical stuff. Are you going to keep the house? If you are go talk to the lender right away, don't let it get out of hand. Do you have any significant equity in the house? If you do check into a line of credit secured by the property, you will pay a lot less interest. Lots of banks are offering low interest credit cards and you can transfer the balance from another card. Usually only lasts for 6 months but the sooner you get out of that 18% the better.<P>Sorry no advice on the dog (either the one with 4 legs or the one with 2).

Whooooaaaa....Sheba....<P>WOW! I'm not used to your ranting. You are always so calm, collective, giving out wise advice, etc.......you are more than entitled to this vent.<P>It's hard to stay so calm in situations such as ours...<P>Why does it seem like, "When it rains, it pours??" I always notice that seems to happen to me.<P>Deep breaths....relax....deep breaths......relax....<P>You will get through this. You are strong and this is another hurdle that you will leap over.<P>Hugs....

Well Sheba, I am really sorry for the mess you are dealing with....<P>I have to say though, hearing you rant made me feel more normal....believe my I do remind myself all of all of the things that could be happening...... <P>But sometimes ya just have to LOSE your mind!!!!!!!!!! At times I read the posts of K and some of the other men and I think......gee it would be nice to be that rational all the time.....( I mean that very postitively.....)<P>But, on the other hand....once I get it all out....it's gone.......I like that....<P>I get the same sense with you....<P>I know you'll be able to regroup and forge ahead....You wouldn't be able to give the great advice you do (thank you by the way) if you couldn't.<P>When all of these "thing" happen I think of a movie I saw a long time ago where 2 "fallen" angels were constantly making all of these annoying things happen to people to get a reaction.....To see how the people would handle it.....Kind of like a "thwack" to the head.... I remember one scene in which they had a bird fly low over a man's head, and well you can imagine..... (british humor)<P>I try (but as you can see by my posts don't always succeed) to stand back from these situations or projections (blaming) so the bird can't get me!!!!!!!<P>Anyway, about the lawyer....I guess I don't know all the details of why you need the lawyer...(is there a personal injury???)<P>When I was in grad school, I had a situation in which I needed a lawyer and didn't want to pay for one....I went to the law school and used their services for free!!!! IT was great!!! I (they) won the case for me. Let me tell you, there was more than one on the case, and they put more effort and research into the situation than they do after they graduate!!!!!!<P>I suggest that if you live near a college with a law school....<P>I send my good thoughts to you tonight....(they are good tonight BTW)<P>"Men ar distubed not by things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen." Epictetus

Sheba-<P>I've started posting to you 3 times. Everytime I finish, I reread it and erase it.<P>Sorry, for some reason I am not able the write my thoughts to you.<P>Cheryl

Okay Sheba this is the time for that smudging or whatever it was called that is suppose to cleanse you and calm you. O'H*!! forget that pour yourself a drink sit down close your eyes and visualize how you want to slowly torture and kill your H and all the attorneys and the vet. Now don't you feel better???!!!???<P>Fun aside hon I do wish I had words of wisdom for you I wish I had them for myself. All I can do is to send you my prayers and hugs. And to tell you that you are loved and appreciated by all of us here. I don't know why that when we are down we keep getting kicked but that is life. I wish I had words of wisdom to help you through all of this and to make things better. The only things I can says is maybe it is time to get angry at the right people. I know you don't want the divorce but may be it is time to move on. It is going to happen one way or another but you shouldn't pay the price mentally or emotionally. I have a meditation book that tells me that you are where you are suppose to be at this certain time but you must learn to accepted and then when you do things will improve. As much as you don't want this sh*! that is happening to you take a deep breath accept it and then take the next step.<P>You know deep down what you must do and even though you don't want to do it for YOU, you must. <P>Now there are places to go that will help you get your finances together they are credit counseling services and you will only have to pay avery minium fee for their help. You need to see what you can do about the house. You may have to sell it and I know that hurts. It is time to take care of Sheba you have put your slimeball whoops excuse me your H ahead of your needs. It is time to change this.<P>You have all my hugs and prayers<P>Love Ya!<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

HI Sheba,<BR> Do you know anyone who thinks this DOESN'T S**CK? Hang in there sister, I love you and am praying for you. You WILL get past this!! The way I figure, it will be EASY to "Get Happy" after THIS!! PRAYING HARD!! FRANK

Sheba,<P>That's it, I say it's time to bash him over the head with the skillet and restore his brain activity.<P>I am so so sorry he is treating you this way. And sorry that he is an idiot who can't recognize a good woman when she's standing right in front of him.<P>Let's face it the laws covering divorce and distribution of monies needs a good going over, maybe if some of the people who make the laws were put in the situation you are in things would be different.<P>I have never understood how a faithful spouse who doesn't want a divorce gets messed over so badly in the courts.<P>Oh for the good old days of "if you play you pay". When people were held accountable for adultry. Not only in the courts but by society in general.<P>Not one bit of this is your fault, you have IMHO gone above and beyond what anyone could expect of you !<P>I'm praying for you. Looks like I'm not the only one who has things piling up on them all at once. I turly wish I could take some of this off of you.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sheba}}}}}}}}}}}<P>P.S., Please don't be angry with me for my being angry with your h over how he has been treating you, you are my friend and I just don't like seeing my friends hurt !<P>Know that you are very special, you make a huge difference just by being here and that that you ARE loved.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

Hi Sis,<P>It is so important to get it out...<BR>To let those who love you... and not judge you... see your hurting insides.<P>We see them... and we still love you...<BR>in fact... we love you all the more!<P>Prayers to the wisdom of the fourm!<P> <P>Jim

He's a big doo-doo head.<P>You are eloquent, caring, intelligent and capable.<P>Makes me wish for the good old dark ages when you just hacked apart the people that were irksome...oh, I guess women didn't get to do that either.... <P>Back to "breathe deep, Sheba". <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Oh Sheba,<P>I pray for you and I ditto all the comments made here. Sheba, it is your turn not only to vent but do things for yourself. You give to others unselfishly, now is time for us to give to you. Go do something for you, I wish you were here we could do some great bashing right now and you would really enjoy the beach! Boy could we write a book!! I am seriously thinking of taking a creative writing class and doing just that!! We could Co-Author it Sheba!! COPS - ANGELS OR OR OR OR ?????? LOL!! One thing I have seen from reading all the threads here is it really does not apply to just cops, so I hope no one takes offense from my comment. I just want Sheba to lighten up, Sheba you deserve so much better, maybe it is time to start looking at the door opening in front of you instead of the one that seems to be closing behind you. (And I am in the same boat here) I have been in this turmoil for 13 months now and you have been in it much longer than I and remained so strong, especially for us here at MB. <P>I know God has something special for you, Sheba, but he will only show it in his time.<P>"God grant me patience! but please do it now!" My prayer.<P>Stay Safe, God Bless us all<P>Lila<P>Rant and Rave when you want Sheba, we will listen.

My Wonderful Warrior Gal, <P>Sheba my good friend, drop your sword, take off the armor, and let us hold you for a while. It's the least we can do for the lady that inspires us, motivates us, and cares for us when it seems like nobody else does.<P>Sheba you are a lady among women. You stand for what is right and good and pure. Your compassion for others is gift that few possess. <P>Even though we can't see you, we SEE your heart. We see the person that your h will never see because his heart is hardened toward you. And that is his loss. <P>I know you've read the "I've learned" quotes before but I would like to share a few with you for encouragement.<P>I've learned-<BR>that it's not what you have in life that counts but WHO you have in life - Sheba you have us - we're here for you.<P>I've learned-<BR>that you can keep going long after you can't.<P>I've learned-<BR>that heroes are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. You are OUR hero Sheba!<P>Sheba you have people all across this country (other countries too) praying for you. We are in your corner. We'll stand by you through all this. The Lord has NOT forsaken you. He is performing a mighty work through you. Be open to His guidance. <P>So, go beat the livin' crap out of the punching bag. Rant and rave to your heart's content, let the tears flow to cleanse your spirit. And, most importantly, let us hold you as our friend and inspiration. <P>Your MB buddy, <BR>SHA<P>P.S. If there is something we can do to help, please let us know.<P>------------------<BR>There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.

Ah, the isolation chamber, huh? Been there... I call it the 'cave' and it works pretty well for awhile, but then you have to come out to the sunshine! C'mon sweetie, I'm holding out my hand... let's go for a walk in the sun!!<P>I'm sorry for the pain you're going through... I understand it only too well...<P>Know I'm thinking of you...<P>Hugs, Sheryl