cl, I see you're back hooray ! How goes it ?<P>Sheba ? Come on girl tell us what's up !<P>That goes for everyone else too. Tell us how you are doing.<P>As for us, ok. I was getting some hang up calls after the parkinglot lady incident, don't know if it was her or not. <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

Hi Deb -<P>I didn't get to an update thread of my own yet...had a busy weekend!!!<P>Almost posted a thread titled "I was Almost a Slut" but decided not to!!!<P>Want to hear it? OK, I'll tell ya!!!<P>LOL!!!!!!<P>I went out to a friend's party..big to-do at a catering hall.....<P>Had a lot of Latino music and dancing going on and let me tell ya - I have had my share of "hot flashes" since the emotional upheaval of this nightmare, but the "flashes" that night I thought would do me in!!!! <P>Did you know that Latino dancing can be very erotic? WELL, take it from me - it can!!!! I was in a lot of trouble being that it's been over 3 years, if you know what I mean!!!!! LOL!!!!<P>There were several times when I thought I was going to cave and give in to "the moment"......I have a new respect for the power of a Ricky Martin song!!!!<P>Anyway, I ended up being a very good girl!!!!! Well, as good as I could be after bumping and swaying with these men!!!! I felt grinding against body parts that I had forgotten I had!!! LOL!!<P>When the "temptuous moments" came, I actually felt repulsed, believe it or not!!!! Why is that? It's not like I don't need "it" in some form? Even a simple kiss sent me flying into disgust...... Am I always going to react that way? <P>Kinda scary? <P>All in all though it was a fabulous night out!!! Even with a mending broken toe and a bad back, I can keep up with the best of them!!! <P>Course, I couldn't move the next day!!<P>LOL!!!!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<P>PS - How's your health and what's going on with the treatment, insurance, etc?<P>PSS - I will get to a thread about my WAD soon.....things are as nuts as usual!!!!

Hi everyone,<P>Things are OK here... slow going... we are still in counseling and H is trying hard to get past this. We have setbacks when I have an attack of angry feelings or vice versa.<P>I'm a little confused as to whether we're actually making progress or just agreeing to disagree. He has stopped being so combative, but he has also stopped being affectionate for the most part, and seems to either be resigned or thinking up a game plan. I can't tell anymore. (I think most of you know our story, if not and you're interested just let me know).<P>I can tell that he's trying to show me that he still loves me by buying me things that I like, etc... but we don't have much money and I'd rather he stay affectionate and suggest things for us to do together. He knows that it's a real thorn in my side for him to be gone from 7am - 9pm but it doesn't seem to sink in (either that or the gym is a bigger priority right now).<P>Ahh rambling... that's our update.. we're still here, plodding along.<BR><P>------------------<BR>"I believe... this is heaven to no one else but me - and I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence if I choose to would you try to understand?" - Sarah McLachlan

Sheba,<P>You naughty girl , you make me laugh ! After what you've been through it's amazing that the mere sight of a man doesn't make you run. As for the dancing whoo boy I do know what you mean. And the music, livin' la vida loca !<P>Monen,<P>It takes time, lots of time. And you can expect set backs. I wish it weren't that way , but it is. Just count everyday you are together a victory. <P><BR>Now come on guys, Lor Chris, Jim all of you get your hineys in here right now ! Please. (don't hurt me.).<BR><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

Ok...<P>I have done a fuller update at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/000360.html" TARGET=_blank>Update and Prayers...</A>.<P> <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited June 02, 2000).]

im giving up, y'all. H is a complete sociopath, and his latest lies about how "honest" he's being are more than i can tolerate.<BR>I'm going to see a divorce lawyer today, and i finally broke down and called and told my family the whole story, which i had avoided at all costs until i saw that no matter what i did H was not going to change. I had great hopes for him settling down and being a family with us, but it is clear that is not going to happen (OW was at my house all weekend, when i had left to give him time to get his thoughts together, and he called the sheriff on me when i came home unannounced, and also blamed me for "setting him up". i was flabbergasted at that, to say the least). I need sanity in my life, and he is in no position to offer it, so i will create my own.<BR>I wish the best to you all in your marriagebuilding efforts, and i will certainly keep up in my "studies" so that next time around i will be better prepared.<BR>I'm off to the "divorcing/divorced" board so that i can keep up some kind of plan A during the coming nightmare.<BR>A lot of you may remember how angry and bitter i was about this mess, but now, i have let it go. I just can't be angry at someone who is clearly so broken and sick. Pray that i get custody of my babies, would you all? He is simply in no position to have full physical custody of an 8 month old and a 2 and a half year old.<BR>Thank you all for the support and the pats on the back in my times of greatest need, i have learned so much from all of you!<BR>much love,<BR>julie

I'm starting legal precedings on getting a divorce. We will do a one year seperation followed by the big D. I've been humiliated one too many times to maintain any kind of feelings for my wife.<P>I know I have some rough times ahead but as I maintained from the beginning, I did everything could (and will continue to until final) to keep us together, I have maintained my self respect and my dignity. I really believe i will come out of this a better person, one who knows how to be more caring, more compassionate, more open and more dedicated to the person I will be involved with.<P>Once everything goes through I am going on vacation, somewhere warm and south. Goober can still limbo with the best of them.

I am doing well. A few weeks ago, my H told me he is not "in-love" with the OP...not sure he ever really was (tho he gave a very convincing impression). However, a week ago when she gave her notice at their office, it really made him feel very sad and confused again...he says because they were friends before and he realizes now how he messed that up, in addition to everything else.<P>He is in counseling for depression/stress issues, and seems to be becoming more and more himself again. We definitly love each other, with flashes of "in-love" becoming more frequent, so I think we are on the right track. I feel very blessed...<P>Kathi

HI DEB!!!!!!!!!!!!! HI BOZO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>How are the two of you doing? Where is your update girl? You strat this thread but forget your own? I hope you are feeling okay-I think of you often and wonder if you found a clinical trial or ???<BR>I am fine. H is still living, so that is a good sign! (tongue in cheek). We are going to FL for 2 yrs, leaving here June 11. I start a new job there on the 15th so it will be a straight thru drive. I really wanted to spend a few days in TX visiting but they moved the start date up a week-financially it seemed a good idea to go with it. Finances will not be fun-i will be paying tuition for 3 in college at the same time. My h is going to school in fl to change careers. Ouch!!! But the change should keep him home a bit more often. My boys will stay here and go to the univ, keep up the house (?!), etc. <BR>Emotionally, I have ups and downs, as we all do. But we are doing pretty good. H's surgery was somewhat successful-of course there were some complications, but he is recovered now. Whew, it was pretty tough to deal with-the necessary surgery was a direct result of affairs and infection (for those that forgot!). <BR>He has really backed off on the counseling, but seems to be doing okay. He is very attentive, loving, and is the h I always thought I had. <BR>Sheba.....dances the night away......<P>Aloha to all

Stayed up late last night talking.<P>My H seems to think that Sex will solve it all. This infuriates me because he used sex to solve things before and that is why we are having so much trouble now.<P>He has been reading my posts and I think he finally realizes just how I am feeling, (or not feeling as the case may be).<P>He asked me to stay. Even though the entire conversation was sad and pathetic, I didn't seem to feel anything.<P>We says he is done with his affair and it will never happen again. This makes no difference to me anymore.<P>He says he wants to satsify my needs, but the main emotional need I have is to have a secure marriage with a man I respect. I can't have that with him.<P>He says he loves me again and I don't believe him. There was a time when I didn't believe him because I didn't think it was something that could be turned off and on, but now I understand how it can. I feel no love for him anymore. I thought that would never happen considering the depth of the love I once felt.<P>I don't feel anything but anger. I don't even feel sad anymore, just angry.<P>I was prepared to stay in the marriage before even though he was selfish and considered me so unimportant. I was willing to stay in an unhappy relationship and stay faithful, but unhappy. <P>Now I guess I must resign myself to stay in a marriage of complete apathy. In some ways this is easier than what I had to deal with before.

Sheba--too funny.<P>Cl--glad to see you posting.<P>My update: separate households, although his hasn't been used much lately . We both want the marriage, we're both scared & scarred. Taking things slowly, being accountable, apologizing when not accountable enough. Making plans for the future--something we haven't done for 2 years. We're trying to balance my need to talk about the past with his need to forget. We both want closure for the OP relationships, but as time keeps passing, maybe that is closure enough and we don't need even the closure contact? Still thinking on that.<P>More than anything, at this point, we both hope our marriage will make it, and in itself seems like a triumph. We're off the fence! On the same page! Working together! (yes this is the real Lor (Lor) posting )<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Hi guys!<P>Deb, good post.<P>Sheba, don't think we've ever "met," but it sure sounds like you had a good time, and I think that is wonderful!<P>Monen, so happy to hear things are improving for you...hope some day you H gets the clue that you need more of HIM, not just what he can buy for you. No, I don't know your story or I've forgotten (sorry) but don't mind if you want to share it again. <P>Jim, so sorry to hear your news...Gosh I just hate hearing that!! You have given so much to so many people on this board, including myself. Hang in there...<P>LWB, keep your head up!!<P>As for myself, I just posted this morning that I think we have finally had a major breakthrough...After a huge fight last night and him thinking I didn't want to be with him anymore...I think he finally realized how much his relationship with OW has hurt me and when he saw that it was making me cold inside (and Ihave never been cold to him) it scared him!! It was his wake up call, I hope, and now he says he really wants to work on our marriage...Gosh, I want to believe that so bad...anyway...that's my latest!<P>Take care everyone!<BR>

Funny someone mentioned the song "livin la vida loca" because that is exactly what we've been doing. And I'm learning to dance salsa. <P>Getting a "normal" job where he can come back each evening and not travel hasn't seemed a good option. If you can't beat them, join them!! I've spent about nine weeks this year living in hotel rooms (with and without my preschoolers) on three continents! Why not?? I've loosened up a lot. If it's not illegal or immoral, why not?? To la vida LOCA (Spanish for the crazy life).<P><P>------------------<BR>Cindy

Hi Deb!<P>Thinking back about hang-up calls, I still believe that bar-fly was calling up our house and hanging up. This went on for 9 months. Finally, when he wrote her that "No Contact" letter, I noticed that the hang-up calls ended. I don't believe that they were tele-marketers. I really believe it was the bar-fly.<P>Anyway, things are going well here. Things seem normal. Triggers don't happen as often anymore. H is doing well, marriage is going well (Sometimes I hate saying that because I feel that I'll jinx recovery).<P>Still can't believe all the horrible things that happenned last year. My H said, "the only good thing that came out of it, was that I accepted that I had a drinking problem and having that horrible affair and lowering myself & hitting rock-bottom woke me up. It's just too bad that it happenned that way."<P>Hope I never have to relive the horrors of last year ever again.<BR>

You guys are too great !<P>Jim, You are a dangerous man ! Between you, Chris, SHA , Rob, Goober and too many of the other males on thisboard to name you all have destroy my all men are pigs attitude ! It is amazing how you have all that money without ever seeing it. And it is very amazing to me that you are able to offer so much support to everyone here when you are hurting so badly yourself. I'll keep you in my prayers, even if I am a bit jealous of your upcoming trip.<P>Julie,<P>I am so sorry it has come to that point for you. Please keep your cool, don't allow yourself to be tricked or trapped into doing doing something that will get you into trouble. Your babies need you more now than ever, you are the sane parent. I'll be praying for you too.<P>Goober. I hate top see it come to this for you. Be careful of that limbo stick. My bod just won't bend that way anymore. At least you tried, no one can expect anymore than that from you. Maybe the seperation will wake her up.<P>Kathi,<P>The "in love" stuff takes loads of work but you can do it. I'm glad those moments are there for you.<P>cl,<BR>Egads my friend ! How in the world do you do it? I hope you like Florida, watch out for the gators ! I am glad things are going well for you, I hope things go well for hubby in school. <P>LuLu,<P>It sounds like you have emotionally distanced yourself from h, which is understandable. When you het hurt you have to have some way of protecting yourself. BUT , if you want to save the marriage, you're going to have to let the wall down , at least a little, easier said than done, I know. But if you keep freezing him out you will reach the place where you not only will not but can not let him back into your heart.<P>Lor,<P>i'm so so happy you guys are taking the steps toward healing and reconciliation. This has been so horrible for both of you, but I believe you will come out of this stronger people. <P>Windy,<P>It is never easy to get past all the pain, but you are taking the right steps. <P><BR>For me there isn't much to up date, we had the blow out Mothers day over him giving some strange woman who just came up to him in the grocery store parking lot our phone number and telling her where we live. And insisting that I should be her friend. <P>That was really bad. I was just all torn up that he did that without even asking me about it. It is just strange for a woman to go up to a man she has never seen before and start telling him all her problems and how her h has left her and won't come home ect. in a parking lot at night. I still say something is rotten about that. She even called here once, son answered the phone, I was laying down. I started getting hang up calls, those seem to have stopped.<P>Mike has missed two days of work this week, he has pinched a nerve in his lowe neck, upper back area and has been in a lot of pain. Poor baby. He doesn't even read here anynore, but that is up to him. We did work it out, even admitted he was thoughtless to do that. Of course this was after I was so upset that I actually (I'm so ashamed of this, please don't laugh at me) wet the bed. It's a stress thing. I haven't had that happen in ages. I was and am still so embarrassed about that one.<P>I won't know anymore about the medical stuff untill I see the new doctor on the 9th. I still hate the new insurance, but it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, maybe.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

Bozo's_Deb<P>ya missed me in your reply. Guess I'll just have to go dancing with Sheba.

No Schizzo, I didn't miss you, or rather I didn't mean to. You and NoTrust both posted while I was writting my reply. As soon as I was done posting and hit the submit bar I had to go rub stuff on h's shoulder. So I didn't see your post till now. Sory.<P>So all this traveling and hotel living sounds good. As long as you and h are able to spend time together without it being unduely stressful on you guys or the kiddos all the better. Whatever it takes. Sometimes the crazy life can be fun.<P>NoTrust,<BR>I'm gald h see's the bad in his affair. So many times they only see that they had to give up a nice shiny new toy. I am glad things are better. Just remember, it takes time. None of us want to go through that kind of mess again. <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

Hi, I'm sneaking in a visit to the boards while our son does homework and the laundry runs. Sorry, sorry, sorry, that you're in this mess. I hope you will be in a safe and comfortable place and that your lawyer is a barracuda. Please protect yourself and be well.

Deb, is it time for you to start a beginning of summer party? <BR>Yep, Yep, Yep!!!!!!!

Hi Deb,<P>I posted a thread "http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003218.html<BR>which updates my life right up to today. Please go there and read about my year.<P>Glad to see you here <P>I am ready for that summer party!! Let me know when <P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>