NB,<P>Please read my post again. I didn't claim that all you were doing is bashing H. I said and the posts confirm that many people are bashing your H without knowing his side of this thing. I hate these kind of attacks because the person on the other end either becomes defensive or attacks. Neither is a situation you need right now.<P>Is it possible that part of the problem between you and your H is that you really don't listen or pay attention to each other. My post was not an attack on you and yet you assumed that it was. It did not claim you were bashing H as much as it was directed at the people posting "slaps" for your H. <BR> Please go back a reread this whole thread. Observed how wrapped around the axel you are getting based on their feed back.<P>NB, we all want you to be healthy and happy.But here is a sad fact, your happiness and indeed health is directly coupled to your H. This is true whether you stay married or not. You have children that will lead to contact. IF you H is mad at you he will make life miserable. If you are mad at H you will make his life miserable. Don't you think it is about time to treat each other as someone who is important to the other. Not worry about the love issues and just maybe heal yourselves? From the sounds of things you two really need to try the listening exercises where the person spoken too, repeats what they thought they heard.<P>NB, take care of yourself. I really enjoy your insights and comments, but when you get yourself really down, the true you does not come through. If it does not here it probably is not at home either.<P>God Bless You and Your Family

JL,<P>I didn't want to ignore your recent post, but I frankly do not know what to say.<P>Well, maybe this: I am not angry with you, and hope you aren't with me. I do appreciate your thoughts, and agree with some of what you've said, especially re: having only one side of the story. <P>Right now all I want is peace. I can't get it with him around me. It's sad to think of 20 yrs. of marriage ended, but I'm not going to work on it anymore. If he wants it so bad he can work on it himself, but believe me, I don't expect it. <P>No more defending. I'm through. <p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited December 07, 1999).]

New_B,<P>What can I say? I like everyone else wants this to work for you and want you to be happy. That is why I reacted to the tone on the post by some of the contributors. <P>You are probably making a wise decision to not worry about it. Take care of you. Get your health back. No matter the state of the marriage, treat your H like you would any friend. Be kind, be polite, and let the rest roll off of your back. He will have to make his own adjustments. Then after your health has returned and time has passed you two can make a decision as to your future together.<P>You know marriage is not an either/or situation. At this point I think you need the third condition, just there. You are not madly in love, and you are not filing papers for divorce. The marriage is just there. It should probably remain in this state until you two are really ready to make decisions. There is no hurry, NB. You don't need to throw him out, you don't need to leave, but you (both of you) need only be polite and civil while you and he are healing. Take care of the kids, do your job, and find things that you like to do. Maybe even together. But mostly quit interperting every event in the context of your marriage.<P>There is so much to convey to you and I really don't have the words or imagery to send you my thoughts. But NB quit working and worrying about the marriage right now. Heal and let H heal, then make decisions. None are required right now.<P>Please have a peaceful evening.<P>God Bless You and Your Family

.<p>[This message has been edited by Connor (edited December 07, 1999).]

Connor,<P>What?