THANKS SHEBA, I call them men cause there is a couple. they all drive for her company.<P>I have decided to do what you have said. Step back let this thing play out.( easer said than done)<P>I told her last night that I would sit back and let this (relationship of hers) run its course. and when and if it dont work out I will be here to pick up the peices.<P>Questions<BR>1. if she calles needing somthing like from the store( usually at night when the kids are asleep) do I or dont I?<BR>2. should I still get her a gift for christmas?<BR>3. Do I still go to her house if she asks me over for dinner?<P>the main thing is I dont want her to think the way I am is just an act.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Hi Brownphd -<P>As far as the store....<P>If your children need something and she couldn't have known earlier and gotten it - then yes, I would go.<P>If she is out of cigarettes or something as ridiculous....ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! Sorry Brown...I'm a smoker and I sure as heck know before nighttime if I need cigs or not....that's ludicrous and is blatent using of you!!!!<P>A Christmas gift? Well, since finances are tough and she is part of that...I would say that if it would make you feel good then get something small....a CD of music you both enjoyed, a framed picture of the kids...something inexpensive, yet personal and loving.... I think a picture of the kids would be great - how are you with a camera? Take a bunch of shots and then develope them at one of the fast places that have the enlarger and you can make your own size of the best shots...then just get a frame and you're all set!!! <P>As far as dinner.... if you're hungry - go!!! Don't make it too convenient if she keeps asking you at the last minute all the time....let her plan ahead sometimes too!!!<P>Brown, the most important part of all this is that you lower your expectations....just cuz you see them or talk to her often doesn't guarantee that she is coming back to reality!! You have to see her acting consistantly nice and open with communication before you can bring your hopes up so high!!!<P>It's true that there is hope with this..<BR>the trouble is that you take one nice talk and expect that to seal the deal!! Doesn't work like that as you have painfully found out!!! She will go back and forth between evil clone and normal.<P>Wait till she stays normal for awhile before allowing yourself to expect anything....<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

THANKS Sheba you know just what to say,NOW if I can just do it<P>When she calls and needs somthing( usually cigs) that when we have had good talks.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Brownphd -<P>I have discovered (very painfully too - I might add) that they can be nice when they want something!!! I am glad that the good talks occurred....if they occurred then - they can occur other times too!!<P>Don't let that stop you from your "stepping back"!!! Talk when you get the kids or have dinner or whatever!!<P>It should not be used like blackmail or something......<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

If I stop doing all the things I have been, wont that be going back the way I was. Not doing anything. I want her to know that I will always be the "new me".<P>The picyure thing is agood Idea, shoul I include pictures of me and the kids also???<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

SHEBA, somthing else. I cgonna try not to call the rest of the week. I know she will call for something.<P>I dont have to see her till next tuesday. She will call for some reason from now till then<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Hi Brownphd -<P>Well, I am not sure about you not showing her the "new" you....Tell me all the changes you have made and then we'll come up with new - and perhaps - better ways to show her this new image.<P>You just don't want to keep bombarding her which causes her to lash out at you...we have to change your approach!!<P>When she calls - just see what she wants.....don't ask her anything like how she is or about her personal life (the men, etc.)<P>If she starts a conversation on that topic....just listen!!!! <P>Otherwise - keep the talk upbeat and fun and comfortable. Follow her lead....let her direct it - but do not let her start an argument or anything.....just don't play into it.<P>If she wants a babysitter for her flings - I think that I would make it understood that that is way too uncomfortable for you and is not really fair of her to ask. <P>Try to stick to your schedule with the kids....I know that you said you can't tomorrow. But in the future do try!<P>It's important for several reasons: <P>#1) the children NEED that schedule - they will quickly realise when "dad" time is and if you don't show they might feel insecure that you want to see them and love them.<P>#2) shows wife how responsible and how good a father and MAN you are.<P>#3) You need the structure for yourself!<P>Hope this helps some.<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba