Believe,<BR>My Plan A lasted 18 months through 6 separations. It isn't easy, and I didn't do a perfect job...I don't even want to go into what I did after 18 months, but here at 28 months, my H & I are together. Rings on our fingers, new vows said.<P>We all lose "friends" through this process. You discover some people were just convenient, others are scared their marriage will go the way of yours, others are scum--you just didn't know it. Others, some you never suspected, are true blue. And, you might find you have to deal with all of them, for a long time. There are people that we did a lot of things with--and so did H & OW--I won't ever speak to again. There are people that I will tolerate because my H doesn't want them out of his life. You can't change friends' behavior any more than you can change your H at this point. Let it go. <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

I just found out he had taken her to fire hall Sunday morning for breakfast. I have no idea what he told all those people who did not know about this. How do I face any of them - and they don't know how I feel or that I want my H back. <P>Just found out she was also at his parents place on Saturday. Most of the family is there to clean out the garage because they have settlement this week on that portion of the property and she stops by. I had been there that morning as well.<P>When he called Sunday night he sounded angry. When he called me at work on Monday he acted like he did not want to get off the phone. Monday night he did not look like a happy person in the love of his life while he was taking the rest of his clothes out. Last night when he called he broke my heart with the way he sounded. I asked him what was wrong - nothing why? He spoke briefly to D and she gave the phone back to me and we talked more. I asked what was wromg again and he said nothing his foot hurts. Again he acted like he did not want to get off the phone finally he said I' m going, bye. He called this morning. I told him D was not here. He wanted to know when we were leaving for the weekend and I told him I did not know yet. He said you wont let her go with me tomorrow will you (to the shore for the day with OW and her S) and I told him that D does not want to go with him. He said he does not believe that and I said I said I'm sorry but she doesn't.<P>I have spoken to him or have seen him everyday but 2 since he left on 8/4 by his initiation and since then I have been hearing/seeing so much pain and conflict and it is getting worse.<P>Last night when I got off the phone with him D came out and said Dad did not sound good, he sounded like he was crying. That is exactly what I had thought as well, it sounded as though he was crying. And this AM he did not sound any better.<P>I've been told they are acting like 2 teenagers. They work at the same place, live together, and work their second job together. She left her H and 4 weeks later he leaves me relunctantly. I know now he was seeing her the whole time I thought it was over. <P>He has kept me in the dark for so long - he is still not talking to anyone about anything. Is this too far gone or do I have any chance in this? I love him, I believe we can make it work if he starts talking, I am willing to do whatever I have to do to make it work. Is he going to hit rock bottom and what will it take to do so? I feel this is moving way too fast and that the end is coming. Am I being unrealistic and living in a fantasy because I can not get over the shock of it all? <P>Please respond - I need support from you thet have gone throught this.

Just hang in there. All you can do right now is ride the tide and hope for the best. <BR>Stay with Plan A, its really all you can do.<BR>Tell him you love him, you feel the pain he is going through and sympathize. Tell him you are always there for him if he needs support. Tell him you hope he comes home to you and your daughter. Tell him you believe in him and are not giving up hope. Above all, do not get angry or judgemental - this is not the time. He has to play this out, and you don't want to do anything that will make him feel like you drove him closer to her. Its like walking on eggshells. There is not much you can do accept ride this out, hope for the best, pray, stay strong etc. Try to stay distracted, keep your daughter's spirits up as best you can, and always remember, you are doing the best you can, and some things are just out of your control. Right now this is his problem, his personal hell. He may go one way or another, but in either case, work on yourself in the meantime. <P>When my H was trying to decide whether to go with the OW or stay with me, I really worked on my looks - lost weight, worked out, made sure I looked great (like I was going on a date) every time I saw him. This not only helped in that I presented my best to him, made him see how attractive I could be, but gave me confidence in that if he DID leave me, I was one step ahead of the game if I eventually lost him and had to start dating again. I told myself, "if he doesn't want me, I'll just be all the better for the next man in my life" Keep this to yourself, however, nows not a good time to share this with your H. <P>Anyway - stay strong and realize that you really can't do anything right now, short of <BR>an emotional outburst or angry actions that may drive him further away. You are all in a crisis situation right now. Just ride it out and try to stay cool and calm - or at least come across that way. Read Plan A & Plan B. I pray for you.