My H gave off little signs for a long time, but I ignored them. He started wearing cologne really heavy and working out a little more (but he has always jogged and worked out some). And he would spend so much time in the bathroom that I was asking him what was wrong? And I really didn't notice that he was trimming is eyebrows and nosehairs and makng his ears clean enough to eat off of(and now I know why--I have seen pictures of OW licking his face and ears!) It would be funny if it wasn't so sad!<P>That was a long time ago. It was gradual, so I really don't know how long he's been in this. Now, he doesn't much bother to make up stories,though. When he's out late, and I ask him where was he, he just says OUT! If I catch him on the pc inthe middle of the night and ask him who he's writing to, he says NOBODY!> <BR>If I could do the last two years over again, I wouldn't be so blind, and it would probably not have gotten to this point. So my advice is to get "duded up" on Wednesday nights and learn what's really going on before he starts not coming home at all. Guys do NOT get "duded up" for other guys!<P>Try to nip this in the bud, even if it's just some kind of flirting. <P><BR>

Mine was an EA and the times I spent with the OM were times when I would have gone out without my H anyway. There was one time I stayed out late with him for a drink after a dance. I told my H that it was a group of dancers that had gone out. (I justified this to myself that it wasn't a complete lie - it was a group of two). <P>I did start acting more aloof, more emotionally detached from him the more I got attached to the OM.<P>As far as making plans goes, my H and I bought a house while this was going on. I made sure I could afford it on just my paycheck if it came to that. And I had been thinking of leaving BEFORE the EA. I kept going back and forth on it. I still keep going back and forth on it.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by TruthSeeker (edited August 18, 2000).]

My H is one of those persons who truly can be in love with 2 people at the same time. <BR>When he opened the door for the A, initially it was to be just a fling, to make his boring life (and sexlife) interesting. Told her from the first that he would never leave me and the kids. Then he fell in love, but all along, he was affectionate with me, our sex life actually improved, we planned for vacations, made major joint investments etc. The major clue was that he seemed testier, picked fights more easily, more critical etc. Although he was always physically affectionate at home, the cute little romantic phone messages and e-mails stopped completely. He also became very intense about certain kinds of music that he had shown little interest in previously - romantic, passionate soulful stuff. He would show up with new CD's, and sort of mentally drift away while listening. <P>Anyway, 8 months later, he maintains that he never wanted to give me up, that he wanted both of us. Of course, she wanted him all for herself - so something had to give. When d-day arrived, he admitted that he was in love with her, but committed to end the affair - even though that intention was sincere, it was a bumpy breakup and took 2 more months until she was finally transfered at work, for it to truly be over. Throughout the 8 month affair, he always intended to end it and get himself back on the straight and narrow. Just got caught up in the addiction. <P>In any case, his plans for our future together always stayed intact.

My H is one of those persons who truly can be in love with 2 people at the same time. <BR>When he opened the door for the A, initially it was to be just a fling, to make his boring life (and sexlife) interesting. Told her from the first that he would never leave me and the kids. Then he fell in love, but all along, he was affectionate with me, our sex life actually improved, we planned for vacations, made major joint investments etc. The major clue was that he seemed testier, picked fights more easily, more critical etc. Although he was always physically affectionate at home, the cute little romantic phone messages and e-mails stopped completely. He also became very intense about certain kinds of music that he had shown little interest in previously - romantic, passionate soulful stuff. He would show up with new CD's, and sort of mentally drift away while listening. <P>Anyway, 8 months later, he maintains that he never wanted to give me up, that he wanted both of us. Of course, she wanted him all for herself - so something had to give. When d-day arrived, he admitted that he was in love with her, but committed to end the affair - even though that intention was sincere, it was a bumpy breakup and took 2 more months until she was finally transfered at work, for it to truly be over. Throughout the 8 month affair, he always intended to end it and get himself back on the straight and narrow. Just got caught up in the addiction. <P>In any case, his plans for our future together always stayed intact.