Sheryl and David,<P>Good advice here that echoes what I also feel - you guys need each other very much but need to find a way to break your cycle of continuous hurt. You h=guys need to do something DIFFERENT because whatever you are doing now just hasn't been working.<P>The pastor gave you some more good advice, Sheryl - do nothing! Is it possible that both you and David, in your own unique ways, have been trying TOO HARD?????????? Maybe you have been paddlingon the right side of the canoe and David from the left side and the canoe just isn't going anywhere NOT becaue you both haven't veen trying - just not realizing you haven't been very effective!<P>Give it all a rest, guys. Promise yourselves to invest more time in your selves and your children. No more marriage talk for a little bit. Christmas is right around the corner and there are lots of fun things you as an intact family can enjoy together - get out and do more!!!!!! <P>Luv ya,<P>Desire <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

I'm moving this up... very little commentary from me because I'm tempted to defend things, as usual.<P>I agree that my minister had GREAT advice, so you can imagine my surprise when I read here (not heard from his mouth) that he'd found an apartment. Here I was looking forward to "doing nothing" and I read that!<P>David and I have never had the time to pursue any hobbies or anything else because of his work schedule...and that's all I'll say about that.<P>I know you all have wonderful ideas, and I thank you for taking the time to share them with us.<P>

Hey, Sheryl/David.<P>You know what I see when I read this? A very tired man who has been working his a$$ off and a very tired woman whose been working hers off as well. Trying too hard, I'm seeing. Sheryl, I remember weeks or a month ago posting that you needed a break from all of this, and then just several days ago doing the same. And it's because my H and I went through the same thing, we both were trying too freaking hard to get to a point of perfection when there is no such place. We were looking for some type of Xanadu, but after our problems we realized it doesn't happen quickly. I know I may be saying things that don't even pertain to your own situation, but the best thing my husband and I did was to let it go for awhile and have fun. You know what weird things we do now that we never did before cuz we used to be so all consumed by our marital problems?<P>We run around like kids at restaurants. (You know how kids act up, they just have so much energy and are always running around, well we do that). We don't worry about what others think of us, we just care about what we think about each other. It's actually kind of funny when we go to the mall and act like total idiots just for the fun of it and see the stares of people! And he nor I were ever like this before. But it's done a remarkable job to bring us closer together, and I've just touched on the little stuff. It's just a change in mindset and how we enjoy one another. I see such promise with you two! I really hope that you can see it through this.<P>Had to edit this, because there was no conclusion. <P>The point of this is to make time for fun, make not being so serious a priority sometimes, enjoy the little things life has. And all that good stuff.<p>[This message has been edited by Connor (edited December 09, 1999).]

All the advise sounds good and thank you for being so nice. Im afraid things have gone too far this time as she really wants a D,but will be friends as long as I give up my church, quit the apt.,and use the $ to fix her car. I agree the car needs fixed anf I feel terrible about this. I also need to register a car and etc and $ and $. If I do this we will be friends. I dont know if that means no talking touching,writing etc, Although I do break the rules at times. But she will still want a divorce though. So it seems hopeless to go on and I feel exausted and should quit here, Please cont. to support nb and be a friend.

NO! We are friends <B>no matter what</B>!!!<P>In order to <B>work at the marriage</B> you need to give up the church and <B>we need to find one together</B>. That is the difference, David.<P>I love you, and I want you in my life somewhere... if only as someone who I have loved my entire life and the father of our children.<P>~Sher