Last weekend was the pits. Disclosure weekend. Told me less than I imagined. Not too sure she wasn't the first or the last, but at least he admitted something.<P>Made myself sick. Thinking unhealthy thoughts, feeling hopeless. Depression.<P>Tuesday night was another lovebuster. I waited until he finally agreed to talk to me about SD#1 not coming home and disrespecting me and yada yada yada, didn't intend to bring OW into the conversation.<P>Well, as he came in the room to talk he called SD down from upstairs to talk. That isn't what I wanted. I wanted to talk to HIM about how I FEEL about her disrespecting me and doing her crap. That wasn't what he wanted. I am not sure what he wanted, but he allowed SD#1 to be further disrespectful to me. AGAIN no consequences. <P>He started waving his finger. It finally was pushed into my upper lip and he pushed my head back with his finger until I thought my neck would break. He did it again. <P>The second time I grabbed some scissors and pretended to want to stab him. I told him that I would use them if he messed with me again. <P>He locked himself into the office. His daughter stood there and disrespected me more. And he told her not to listen to me, that I was a suicidal maniac. And that he hoped I would kill myself. And that she is not wrong by treating me like crap, because I deserved it.<P>Well, I went and got a note that I had copied that SD#1 wrote. I read it out loud for H and SD to hear. It stated in the note about the guys she was screwing, and about her drug use which is daily, and her not coming home at night. <P>She was livid. I told her that this isn't acceptable in MY house. And we went round and round, and it proved no good to even do this. I broke into the office, and my husband slammed the door in my arm many times, and then picked me up and threw me to the ground. I think I have a rib broken.<P>I am just as much of the problem as him. <P>I stood outside the door and hollered at him about his values, his daughter's values, his disrespect, the OW, and money, and you name it for quite a while. <P>He told me he was going to make me leave. He said he was going to send me to CA and he wasn't going to allow anyone's life to be disrupted because of me.<P>It isn't because of just ME. <P>I am a real jerk, I know. I have been hurt so deeply, and am so angry with him over his daughters. I'm not very well living up to my potential. <P>I just thought I'd let you all know how I am doing.<P>I am coping quite well, in my opinion, but I never know when the peak will hit again. <P>I want to call OW's pastor and talk to him. First Sunday I arrived in MN he took me to church at her church, and her and I took communion together. <P>They were covering stuff up, together, and we took communion together. We are Missouri Synod Lutheran. If there is anyone who is LCMS, you know that is a major no no- to take communion with someone that you are deceiving... adultery is major deception.<P>Maybe I'm just thinking out loud about calling her pastor. I am furious. More and more little things.<P>Her mother lives across the street, and she lives around the corner. She went to her mothers last night, and so did other family members. She parked her car IN FRONT of our house all night. <P>Uggghhh.

TRUSTNTRUTH GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!! You sound like you are in some deep need of some self-esteem! You need a LAWYER and A RESTRAINING ORDER! This and I use the term loosely MAN threw you to the ground broke some ribs and has made you believe that you are crazy! HE IS CRAZY and his family doesn't sound any saner! YOU CAN NOT HAVE A NORMAL LIFE IN THOSE ABUSIVE CONDITIONS! PLEASE GET OUT BEFORE SOMETHING REALLY BAD HAPPENS TO YOU!

Your situation sounds very abusive. Your posts to me have always been so supportive. I hope you don't take this wrong, but I believe you need to remove yourself from this situation and let him deal with his daughters. There is no need in them treating you with disrespect, much less him tolerating it.

I feel very paralyzed. I don't want to leave. I know that is stupid, but I don't even want to get dressed in the morning. It takes all my energy to do that.<P>I didn't eat from Friday till Sunday. I have been an emotional mess, that is for sure. <P>My son called last night, and may be coming to visit the day after Christmas. I told him a little of what is going on, and he could tell by my voice. It gives me something to look forward to.<P>I am better than last weekend.<P>This morning my daughter came to visit and she went to use the telephone. <P>The telephone lines were not attached inside the box outside of the house. No wonder the phone didn't work this morning. <P>I looked in the drawer where we keep the screwdrivers, and they were gone. They were on SD#1's dresser upstairs. My daughter put the wiring back together, and then my husband called at lunch time. He said that he has no clue how the lines became disattached. My daughter said that one line had been cut, and the other had been loosened partially. <P>Really screwy. <P>I know this situation is really bad. I'm fully aware of it! <P>I don't want to end my marriage or anything like that. I wouldn't be posting here at MB if I did! I know you guys care, but I don't want to end my marriage.<P>TNT

TNT,<P>I absolutely agree. Physical violence cannot be tolerated. Get out. And, fast. Find a safe place, then go there.

is there ANY WAY you can scrape together the money to call steve harley? roll pennies, borrow a few bucks from your kids?<BR>i know you are determined to keep it together, and if so, you need a little help. whatever you do, you have to make sure your son is ok and has an intact mother, ok?<BR>

TNT,<P>I was horrified reading your post. I have seen blood, guts and gore. This is nothing in comparison. <P>GET OUT! Save yourself! Holy ****!<P>Medic

Connie,<BR>I know it is hard but God will get you through it in His time. I feel screwy also. My flesh wants revenge and have been thinking about my ex-girlfriend who has gone back to home to MS. I called a mutual friend between us to wish her a Happy Birthday in Sept.<P>My W has a great deal of anger resulting from my poor approach towards meeting her needs over the past 14+ years.<P>Hang in there. I have been saying special prayers for you.<P>MONDO HUG!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P>Didn't read your enitre post because I'm rushed and missed out on some parts will read the rest and post tonight when I get home.<P><p>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited December 09, 1999).]

TNT -- I am really very sorry that you are having to put up with this. there is absolutely no excuse for a mna to strike a women. From your description here, not only do you have grounds for a restraining order, but for assault charges as well.<P>Please call the authorities, file the restraining order. He can then be escorted into the house long enough to get his belongings, then he can not come near you again. Please do not let this physical abuse escalate any further.<P>I'm praying for you.<P>God Bless

TNT,<P>Oh my God woman. I am sorry and I know you want to preserve your marriage. That is good. Still you must take you and your son and get to a safe place. Maybe a shelter for battered women? <P>I know how things can become heated and get out of hand. (Thank God my husband would never hurt me physically.) This though is ridiculous.<P>You know me and know I care. I wouldn't tell you to leave if I didn't think that it is the best thing. God would not want you to stay and take abuse. You are a child of God. He would never want you in harms way.<P>Leaving and plan B is what I think you should do. I know you don't want to leave. I understand believe me I do. Take every ounce of energy that you can muster and get out of there with son in tow. <P>Think about this. That precious son of yours is learning to behave just like his father is. I understand people disagreeing and all of the stuff that goes with this. Sorry physical abuse is not tolerable. There is no excuse for abuse. No excuse for your husband to touch you in anger. <P>Please don't take this the wrong way but... If you don't respect yourself no one in your house will respect you. Take a stand lady.<P>Pray to God for the wisdom and the strength. I wish I knew the bible better because I know there are verses in there that would fit this situation and your leaving. <P>You need to file police reports. You need things in writing. <B>Also don't pick up a possible weapon even if your pretending.</B> Things can get out of control easily. Husband can reverse this and file a report on you. When you are called into court and asked to testify and your asked if you grabbed a pair of sizzors to attack or threaten your husband with what will you say? You won't lie because that is not what you are. When you explain what your real intent was it won't wash or sound valid. Make sure you keep yourself up above his behavior.<P>I grew up in such a disfunctional household. There was always yelling, screaming and fighting. The only saving grace was Mom and Dad rarely fought. They fought with us horrible, beat us, and we fought amongst each other. Things often got out of control. It was horrible. <P>I had a friend who came from much the same enviroment and it was even worse. <P>It has spilled into both of our lives. She is much worse than I am but, I have done things as an adult that I am plain ashamed of. In this marriage and with my kids years ago.<P>The point of all this is that it is negatively effecting your son. You for sure. Get to safety. People in your abusive situation get killed or seriously hurt all the time.<P>Go counsel with your pastor. Show the proof of your abuse physically. For heavens sake at least go to the hospital and have Xrays. Then they will have record. Tell them how it happened.<P><B>Please get out of there!</B> I am not telling you to end your marriage. I am telling you to get to safety.<P>I care about you greatly. So many here do. Do something to take care of you and get out. I know it is the holidays and all but this may be your last chance.<P>I am sending all the love and prayers I have your way. That God sends down protection for you. <P>Please take care of yourself. (I hope I haven't hurt you or made you angry with me?)<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<P><p>[This message has been edited by Samantha-MI (edited December 09, 1999).]

Connie,<BR>I now understand. You must take care of yourself. Don't let SDs get under your skin. I know it is tough. Don't let H get under your skin either.<P>I still am saying special prayers for you. God is busy working in your behalf. Let Him comfort you. He is the only one you can definitely count on. If it were not for Him, I would have cracked by now. Today, I checked her pager and found a page similar to the I love you pages I send her. I only looked because I found that she is attempting to turn her cell phone back on I think unless she is paying the penalty for cancelling before she was supposed to.<P>MONDO HUG!!!!<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

Hi Connie-<P>I have been thinking about you and praying for you.<P>I have to agree w/ the others, honey, you need to get out of there. That is NOT a safe haven for you.<P>Is there anywhere you and your son can go? <BR>I know that you value marriage and I can understand full well how you feel in that regard. Your H is not treating you like he should- maybe he never has- but you have to take care of you and your son.<P>I am praying for you. Let God fill you up w/ His wisdom and His peace.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

How horrible this must be for you!<P>I know that it's easy to say "get out" of a situation and a marriage, and hard to actually implement the plan because of immobility, depression, shock..<P>But step back for a moment from this and look at it objectively (as hard as that is in your position now). If your h poses a threat to you in a physical manner, you have to, at all costs protect yourself. Nothing is more important than that! I know we're all saying what you already know, but I'm very concerned reading this. This is a majorly volatile situation, and can become worse than it already is. Please, take care of yourself and think about it.<P>I'm saying a prayer for you tonight..<p>[This message has been edited by Connor (edited December 09, 1999).]

TNT,<P>I too am horrified by your story.<BR>Violence is unacceptable behavior.<P>Pusushing his finger into your lip firceing your head back, slamming your arm in the door, and throwing you down. I don't care how you acted or what you may have said, there is NO EXCUSE for his actions.<P>I agree w/ the others restraining order, get him out.<P>Cool down to where your thinking isn't based on feelings. Then decide what to do.<P>We all care agreat deal about your wellbeing, you deserve to be treated better.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

I know it's hard, but please leave. Your description is in no way a healthy situation - regardless of where it ends up. Now you need to think of you, your safety, and your sanity - and all those critical aspects of your life are better off somewhere else based on this post.

Please, read and re-read and listen to what <BR>everyone is telling you here. You have to <BR>protect yourself and your son. This is not a<BR>healthy situation and you know that. I am praying for you and you son. I will pray for H and SD's too. Please, Please, don't let this escalate any further, get out, get help<BR>and pray for strength and guidance. You CAN<BR>rise above this. HUGS to you friend.

TNT,<P>Praying for you tonight and a candle going in Georgia.........<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{TNT}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Things are calmer now. My sister in laws are insisting that I go to a doctor and at least get this documented.<P>I know it is unhealthy. <P>If I would learn to shut my mouth things wouldn't have gotten out of hand. I wish I would just lose my anger and bitterness. I just keep blowing everything. I haven't said one thing out of line for today. And things are calmer.<P>He just can't take the lovebusters, or discipline his children. <P>Please guys, please try to understand that I don't want to leave.<P>I love you all, and really appreciate you all so much. I do not want to leave. Please understand that.<P>Help me to shut up.

TNT,<BR> Go back and read your last post. You are blaming yourself for HIS abuse of you!! <B>STOP IT!!!</B><P> <B>YOU are NOT to blame for HIS abusing you!!</B><P> I know that you don't want to risk losing <B>your</B> money that went into the purchase of your home, but there are more important things than money....like making sure your son doesn't grow up to act like his father....like making sure you're <B>alive</B> to raise your son.<P> I know that you don't want to give up on your marriage, but it looks to me like you're in danger of losing yourself, if not your life, if you don't get out of your situation.<P> I'm also concerned with the reason why the phone lines were disconnected....maybe by your SD. Is it possible that she may have intended to do something and was making sure you couldn't call for help? I don't think your H is the only one to worry about in terms of your safety.<P> Get out, TNT!! NOW!!! I'm just about ready to use the information you sent me to call in the troops!! NO JOKE!!!<P> Can your daughter help you in any way?<P> Please listen to us!! The only way, if it's at all possible, to salvage a marriage to an abuser is by protecting yourself from further abuse, and that means getting away from him...with your son...NOW!

TNT, it seems so shallow to see it typed in words such strong feelings for your situation, but all of us here are so concerned for you! I mean seriously, you want to keep things status quo, don't want to rock the boat and keep things comfortable, we all do! But like Sweetpea said, you are blaming yourself for what your husband did, and that is so far from the truth. No one ever deserves to be pushed and shoved and hurt physically. No one deserves to be hurt emotionally, but we're talking your safety here. You think that if you just keep quiet that you can deter any type of problem, that's just pacification, and doesn't do anything to help H's anger, and ensure your safety!!<P>I'm really concerned over here, I know what you're saying and I know how you want to justify it, because I had one boyfriend (the only one other than my H) that abused me ONE time. I know the justification, because I knew no different and I didn't want to rock the boat and have to turn my world upside down. Please, please get out of there. This is a bad situation, and I'm still praying for you and I hope you listen to what everyone who really cares about you is saying.