Lapeine, maybe I confused you somewhere but sense he's been home he swears there is no contact with her. He even tries to tell me that the sex was a one time thing and that they were just friends. He swears that he has no contact with her at all. I sort of believe it only because she seemed so nutty I think she would have called to tell me if they had more contact. I don't know what to believe to tell you the truth. I know he spends anytime not at work here all of the sudden. He won't tell me why this happened or what he was feeling. He only says he doesn't know why he did it and he'll never do it again. I just can't believe that. I read most of "surviving an affair" but it's very hard when he won;t read any of the material or even come to this site. It's that same don't talk about it and it will go away attitude.

When I mentioned that he was having trouble letting go of the OW, I didn't mention physically, I meant emotionally. It is up to you to completely show him that you can meet all his needs. And you can do it if he doesn't participate in the MB principles. Eventually, maybe he will.<P>Hang in there.

Hey L and C,<BR>One last post - gotta pack.<BR>I agree with everything y'all are saying - C, as we have said, my H has same attitude: don't talk about anything and it will go away.<BR>My H started getting distant in Jan., then especially in Feb. - in Jan., I attributed it to work - he word late nights and weekends, but it was also due to time of year in his job. Yet, the late nights and weekends continued through Feb. and March - and the weekends continued through April.<BR>He "wasn't here." I tried to talk to him in Feb. - that something was "wrong" - I got silence and "nothing's wrong." He stopped making love to me - whenever I touched him he would jump.Then, in March he started urging the girls and I to go back to visit our home for spring break, this after saying we all weren't going anywhere. Well, now I know why he was so anxious for us to leave. And, one or two nights I called and he didn't answer the phone...said he was asleep and didn't hear it. Right! I also tried to talk to him before we left - said we needed a weekend away together, and he told me "he couldn't afford it!" Little did I know all the money he was spending on OW. He also got very cranky and short with me - everything I said he took offense at. Still, I didn't suspect! Then, he got a hotel room the night before a golf tourn. 2 hours away and didn't call til 12:30 that night - blamed it on traffic. Still, I didn't get it! And there were several more incidences that I just didn't connect, til April 26th when she called and asked for him, then hung up on me - I finally put 2 and 2 together, and started looking. She would call 3-4 times a day and hang up and block her #. Then, I remembered he had called once or twice "from work" and it showed up the same private # on caller id. And, he started hiding his cell phone, but I managed to get her number from it. THen, he started clearing his calls. I found where he had charged lingerie, videos, and this phone meeting service - so, I gathered a lot of info and hit him with it the night he said he wanted to leave for 2 weeks to "think." He had even picked up apt. brochures!!! And, you know the rest - he is here...thank goodness, and I just hope we can move forward. That is why the physical intimacy is so frustrating. So much hurt and pain when looking back...<BR>Well, wish us luck on vacation - I will miss you and I hope all will go well for you this week. Will talk when I get back...<BR>God bless you - A<BR>PS - Do I get the award for most naive or stupid??? ha!!

I don't think any of us are naive or stupid even though we feel that way. I just think we didn't want it to be true so we forced ourselves to think otherwise.<P>Alien where are you????

AnnC, when my H told me he had to go to his hometown and stay in a hotel instead of with his parents to "think", I had a really bad feeling. I told him I understood and even helped him find the La Quinta where he would stay. I told him we had money to afford it. Yes, I even helped him arrange the place where the PA took place knowing darn well the OW was in the town. Knowing he had spoken with her just before leaving on the six hour drive at midnight. Even knowing all that stuff, I was denying the possibilty that he would have an A. I was worried that he might have feelings for her, but I knew that he would never cheat on me physically. I emphatically denied to friends that he was having an A to the very end. They couldn't believe it when I told them because I had been so sure that he wasn't.<P>No one here is the queen or king of naivite. We all were blinded by love and trust in a person who let us down as I am sure we have let our loved one down in the past.<P>Hang in there. We're the support group for each other and we can survive.

Dear confused33,<BR>Feels so happy that somebody looking for me! I was posting in General Questions and things are not looking good. My H might move out, or somehting worse might come. I feel numb. Trying to set my mind to move on. Or my H could be in BAD withdrawal, really nasty one. Just waiting to see what he's going to do in a couple days, like my counselor told me. I don't want to get hurt no more. <BR>Sounds like you're working hard, it's really good that he's close to you. It will get better. <P>All I can do is to pray now. I'll keep posting.