I'll try to keep this short.... <P>My husband and I had been married for 20 years when he had a brief affair with a woman in our church. I know...ouch!.... We had what I considered a good marriage, but we both needed to do some work and make it more of a priority. I was slightly depressed and not telling him about it....also thought I didn't love him any more and didn't want to say the words out loud for fear of what they might cause. Unfortunately, silence had it's own pitfalls.<P>The ow was supposedly a friend to both of us....but actually was friend to neither. The were in an aerobics class together and began to talk. I believe it was innocent at first...at least on his part, but she was twice divorced and looking for husband #3. Was it always innocent for her? I don't know...I doubt it. Anyway, he shared his pain and fears about our marriage and she began coming on to him. The affair only lasted about 3 months with 2 physical encounters in a one week time frame. He ended that part himself, telling her he couldn't do it again. He swore that he never stopped loving me and never intended to leave me....so how could he have an affair. People in affairs become very good at rationalizing and compartmentalizing their lives.<P>Anyway, the ow told him they could "still see each other" and he fell for it. Affair continued mostly through emails for another 6 weeks or so with my husband becoming increasingly convicted by God. He was praying for a way out at the same time I was praying for God to help me love him like I should. The answer came for both of us when we had a special weekend at church and my husband stood before the congregation and cried, saying that he needed their prayers because he knew he wasn't where God wanted him to be.<P>The next night, while looking to see if he had read a card I left for him on his dresser, God led me...yes, you read that right....He led me to an email that He had led my husband to leave in the front of a drawer where I could easily find it. I, of course, went completely hysterical, but God was in control and had orchestrated the whole thing so that not only were my husband the ow both at church at aerobics, but the pastor and chairman of the deacons were also there at a meeting and our church counselor was at home and came to meet with us as soon as the pastor called. Yes, I confronted them at church.<P>To make a long story a little shorter.....I told my husband during the confrontation that he had to choose between me and the ow. (She was still there) He immediately...before I could even finish the sentence....said "YOU" very emphatically. From that moment he never looked back and was totally remorseful and repentant. He was also terrified that I would hear one wrong detail of the affair and leave him, so it took a few weeks to get it all out in the open. But we did and we have successfully made the journey to healing.<P>This all began in the fall of 1997 with the revelation and end of the affair in February of 1998. It was a hard road...even with all the things that were in our favor....and it has taken most of the 3 years for us to feel we have completely healed. But I promise those of you reading that figure and having your hearts sink....it gets better with every passing day. The first months...really the first year....of a committed recovery are very hard. But after you reach the one year mark, you are really working more on the new habits in your lives and moving past the memories rather than dealing with the constant pain. Keep in mind that a committed recovery is both spouses working together to rebuild the marriage. It takes both of you.<P>Why do I stay here? Because I remember how badly I needed to hear from someone who had successfully made the journey to healing. I needed to know that marriages do overcome this tragedy and people find happiness and normalcy again. I needed to know that trust is possible. So, I come here and offer what I needed myself to you who come after me.<P>It is a process and the process takes time, but it can be done. My "motto"....I'll never be grateful for the sin that came into my life, but I will always be eternally grateful for the way God revealed Himself and working in my life and my marriage. The journey is worth it!<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

It almost seems silly to post to this now, since I am divorced... just as at times it seems silly to post here at all... but you know what? I'm hoping and praying that my story can help someone at the beginning of the struggle: kind of <B>a guide on what NOT to do</B>!<P>A caveat first: My relationship with my ex-H is awkward now, and the feelings of DEEP LOVE I felt for him are truly gone. Do not misinterpret a distance to mean that I didn't love him fully and completely as I went through this process. If there is any question of the determination I had to repair what had been broken, simply do a search on my name -- I have over 2500 posts here - egad, now THAT'S embarrassing! <P><B>HISTORY</B><P>I was married in April, 1980 to a man that I have often described as the most gorgeous man on earth. I'd met him around six weeks before (we always did argue about whether it was six or eight weeks before) on a BLIND DATE. Yep, met the guy and married him in less than two months. I had just turned 21, he was 20.<P>We had three children together, one miscarriage -- and six affairs between us (he five, me one) before our final divorce date in the year 2000. A 20 year marriage down the tubes.<P><B>THE AFFAIRS</B><P>In 1987 (the 7 yr. itch?) he had what seemed to be "innappropriate friendships" with three women. You know how you KNOW, but you don't really *know* because they won't tell you the truth? That was me. Never mind that I got a sexually transmitted disease of some kind and he wouldn't go to the doctor -- and boy, was he in a fog the whole time! Did NOT tell me the TRUTH until 14 years later, but that's for later.<P>His first affair was with a teacher at the school he worked at. Her H came to me at a parent/teacher night and said that at the least, the "friendship" had gone too far. He had a plan to get her pregnant, and she did get pregnant -- and although my H had had a vasectomy, *I* got pregnant 18 months later, so I will always wonder if some kid will come to him someday and say, "Hey, you're my daddy"... Plus, I found a note from her that had a little drawing of her, and her baby, with the words "Little David" by it... so... um... you tell me.<P>His second affair was with the Pre-school teacher of daughter number two. She was a born-again Christian and they studied the Bible together. She was the only OW I met face to face. She said he "LOVED US BOTH"... nice, eh? <P>Number three was another teacher at another school -- and theirs was strictly an emotional connection. They planned to meet in Las Vegas the following month, but I found out about it and he got worried and stopped it. <P>Then came the silent years. <P>You know, there were many other "problems" looking back -- like the "pool woman" who galavanted around the pool with two pieces of material that barely covered her money-maker... and she came to me and told me to "keep my H away from her"... signs, signs, everywhere signs... but I had no self-esteem and I wanted to believe him when he said that "nothing happened"...<P>The year I turned 40 I went insane. I take full responsibility for this -- I had a short-lived, one hop in the sack affair with a co-worker. When I did, suddenly my H told me the TRUTH about his earlier affairs. He **said** it was to make me feel better... it didn't, by the way. He'd had physical encounters with the first two women, including oral sex both given and recieved... made me SICK, along with the fact that I hated myself for what I'd done to him with my affair.<P>I came here in August 1999, while still in withdrawl from my affair. I read, I listened, I posted, I learned. <P>My H came here too... he wasn't so willing to learn. He buried himself in a deep pit, and ultimately began to visit bars, get lap dances, and flirt (oh, and show me how he did it). He had a "meaningful hug" with a woman he met at the church he wouldn't let me attend, and said he fell in love with her... but in the end, he slept with another woman he met at that same church. He was introduced to her by "pillars" of the church, who wanted him to have a "real Christian woman" since I had cheated. He moved in and out of the house three times; would have been four, but he didn't leave one time because we thought I had cancer and he stayed. <P>I filed for divorce in May, 2000. Six months later it was granted. He says we never should have done it. I would have agreed for a long, long, time. Now, I'm just relieved. Yes, I will always *love the memory* of who he WAS when I loved him and he loved me. I no longer love him as anything more than the father of my children (and that says A LOT, he will always have my love and respect for that)-- and the man who saved me from myself at age 21.<P>The divorce was final in November, 2000.<P><B>THE PRESENT</B><P>My ex-H is still with his last OW, and is not really happy, but not especially sad anymore either. He lives with our children, two of whom are adults, and our son, who is 16, going on 17.<P>I met someone on these very boards. It was awkward, yes, and I don't suggest it for everyone. I met him via email one month before I filed for divorce, and in person a month after I filed. He had moved away from his home before I filed, and he could not file (due to laws in his country) until a year after seperation. His ex-W had a new man and he was living in her home with she and her children. Quite the mess back then.<P>Now, I am living with the man I met, and both divorces are final now. We are single, and living together. I never thought I'd "live together" with anyone... and it is weird to call this man my "boyfriend" when I'm over 40... we do have plans to marry.<P><B>FINAL THOUGHTS AND ADVICE</B><P>I BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE. I thought my marriage would last forever, and I expected to never experience infidelity in it. <P>If I had to do it over again, I'd go way back to the beginning and NOT MARRY him (the way I did) in the first place. Talk about impulsive!! I would have gotten to know him first and found out about his past. (He'd never had a girlfriend, he had horrid self-esteem, and he **needed** emotional support that I was ill-prepared to give him.) <P>I wish I'd had MB all those years ago! Instead, I blamed myself because I'd gotten so fat and bitter, and I perpetuated that as the years passed. By the time I realized there was a REAL PROBLEM, I had no idea how to tell him. He kept asking, I kept saying, "I don't know"... I would have TURNED TO HIM instead of some sickening putrid OM.<P>And, if I had to do the last two years over again, YES, I would have clung onto the marriage instead of getting out. I would have fought harder and longer. I was so very tired though, and the fifth OW was enough to rip me a very unwanted new hole in my heart. <P>And finally, the new relationship has turned out to be a balm for my heart and soul, but its beginnings were not good. Although our marriages were clearly OVER when we met, we *should* have waited to begin a relationship. <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited April 17, 2001).]

Ok, here goes...<P>Married my H in July 1989. I was 6 months pregnant with our first son. In September 1989, he started beating me. I, for some reason, adored this man. I guess it was too much co-dependency? <P>In 1992 we had our 2nd son and in 1997, we had our 3rd son. <P>Our life was a constant battle. H was/is an alcoholic and addict. I spent lots of nights wondering if he would come home or if he would come home and start hitting. Not much of a life for us.<P>On December 23rd, 1999, I discovered his affair. He moved out that night. I was completely devastated! I wondered how he could leae his family. I cried, screamed, vomitted, didn't sleep or eat...all the "normal" things. I found this site 3 days later and it saved me. I was seriously contemplating suicide. Had it all planned out. <P>I started Plan A. It worked to a degree because I stopped begging and pleading with him to come home. I also started taking St. John's wort. Talk about a life saver!! <P>I slowly came to realize that my marriage was far from normal. I was a classic example of a battered wife. I finally posted about it here and was given nothing but support. On that day, I decided to divorce my H. I no longer wanted to be married to a man who had so little respect for me or my children. <P>He's not what you would call a good father. He rarely pays child support, only sees or calls the boys on their birthdays or holidays, and basically pretends like "we" never existed. But that's ok, he's the one who will have to live with that for the rest of his life.<P>As for me, I'm an MB success. I've been working my first job for almost 1 yr and I've gotten 2 promotions since I started. Having my independence has made me a much happier and healthier person. I'm also not afraid anymore! I've found out that i can take care of me and my sons. <P>I do believe in marriage vows but in this situation, he didn't mean his vows when he said them. So...can I just make this marriage not count?? <P>My divorce isn't final yet. Not sure what the hold-up is, and Ive never bothered to find out. I know in my heart that I've been released from my vows. There is only so much one person can do to make a marriage work.<P>Mitzi

My story: My H & I worked together in a family business. My family's business. He lacked any significant involvement in running said business. He was passed over for promotions etc. This created hardship, and bitterness and he began to hate both my father and brother. Then he got angry and started to become mean to me and I withdrew. He got angrier and I didnt know how to handle his anger.<P>So a co worker noticed his anger and befriended him. She was recently divorced and very needy financially and emotionally. They became friends. My H knew that he was doing something was wasnt right cause he hid the contact with her. In Sept of 99 I told him that he was too close to her and to back off the relationship. It did not happen.<P>The EA turned to a PA sometime in 2000.?? (According to my H) I turned up the heat in Nov 2000 and we went into full scale war in Nov - Jan. I was constantly monitoring him from Nov - Jan 9th.<P>On Jan 9th - I found him at her house. He of course left her house saying that he had gone there to end it. It was the day before her birthday. I knew he was lying. I did let him come home with me. I fired the co worker<P>He supposedly broke contact with her. I think he tried but couldnt see anyway out of our situation with my family and didnt think that he could be happy. Some time in January they reestabilished contact.<P>One February 16th, (the day before my birthday) he called me and basically told me he wasnt coming home. I talked to him for 40 minutes on the phone and then called him at the OW's house. I must have said things that were important to him cause he came home early afternoon on the 17th. We reconciled and he supposedly broke contact again. Several days later they reestabilished contact.<P>On February 25th, I walked downstairs to his office to see if he needed lunch and he was reading email from OW. It said how much he missed her and her him. How they would be toghether for ever and how much he loved her. I blew up in the office, called him names, punched him and kick him out of the house. Every one at work heard this and I am usually very professional.<P>He did not come home that night. I went out with a friend and got smashed. My mother kept the kids for me and my friend drove and picked up the kids that night and took me home. He started calling the next morning. Very curious as to where I went and what I did. Told him it wasnt his business anymore what I did. I turned off the phones and tried not to talk to him. He continued to call my phone and cell phone.<P>He did not come home the next night. He spent both nights at the OW house. The third night he spent at his parents. The fourth night he spent at our house and I went to my friends and then went out of town for the weekend. He told me that he was going to get rid of her over the weekend.<P>Sunday night I came home and he was still there. He talked about my family & I talked about her. We fought. She called and begged him to come to her. He did not. I slept on the couch.<P>Monday morning (3/5) I confrounted him with the taped phone conversations between him and her over the weekend. He said things on the phone that I would have never believed he would say. Such things as if he could get full custody of my kids. Hahh. She responded with you dont really want to do that. She also would beg him not to go when he wanted off the phone saying that you can spend a few more minutes with me the kids dont need you. I used that against her telling him that she doesnt want "his Kids" she has 3 of her own.<P>Monday morning my dad fired him.<P>He was home Monday when I got home. He wrote a no contact letter and I read it, and I took it and mailed it the next day. We changed our home number to unlisted and have an answering machine on our old number. He changed his cell phone number and the old one says no longer in service. We have caller id and private call rejection on both lines coming into the house. He no longer has email.<P>I dont believe that he is contacting her. I dont think she has contacted him. It will soon be 2 months.<P>We are working with Jennifer from MB and spending all our free time together. He is still angry with my family and is looking for a job. I am very hurt with what has gone on and he honestly seems remorseful. We did not go to Easter at my dads and we havent had our kids birthday parties yet. 4/9 and 5/5 One big hurdle = my family.<BR>

My H and I have been married for just over 1 year! We dated for 3 years prior and had many postponed wedding dates.<p>My H accused me of having an EA in November 1998 and that is when I found MB (I posted under a different name until November 2000). I told my then fiance that an old friend found me via email and we were emailing periodically. I was honest and upfront about this. I'd known this married friend for almost 10years and we'd lost touch for about 3 years. Our emails were basically updates on our lives. I didn't think anything wrong about it since my then fiance remained in contact with an old friend with whom she had professed her love to him after she found out we were dating. My H said he knew his boundaries and could handle the friendship. I figured what was good for the goose was good for the gander. Anyway, my then fiance kept emailing this man negative things and he tried to go after his career. I stopped contact with this man since it obviously was not good for my relationship. My H has never given up contact with his exgirlfriend. I'm sure he still has phone contact with her.<p>At some point I found he'd answered an internet personal ad and was emailing with a local woman. We had a blow up and he said it was over. I believed him.<p>We broke our engagement and dating in September 1999 (we were supposed to be married Sep. 26th) then got back together in November 1999. He proposed to me (again) in December 1999. I told him I would only marry him if he could honestly say he was over what he perceived as my affair of the heart and he said yes - so I said yes.<p>We set the wedding for the end of January 2000. We scurried and set everything up. Meanwhile he talks about an older woman at work (said she was mom-like). <p>My H disappears one night 2 weeks before the wedding. Says he stayed overnight at a male friends house to watch a game. I believe him.<p>1 week before the wedding I pray for some sign about his new friendship. The next day I see her on-line and I introduce myself (no reason we can't all be friends). Turns out she's our age and she doesn't work with him - her sister does. They had met briefly 6 months prior and had maintained an email/phone relationship (she was 1 1/2 hours away from us). He supposedly went to see her face to face 2 weeks before the wedding (his disappearance) to end things, but one thing led to another and he stayed the entire night. EA turned PA.<p>She didn't know about me so she was just as hurt and crushed. She sent me many, many emails between them. He said he went to end things, but the emails after that meeting was filled with plans for their future. He said he would take care of her like no other man could.<p>We counseled with our pastor and decided to marry against his wishes. My H seemed very remorseful.<p>Our first year of marriage was one of sheer hell. I regret going through with the wedding. I found many secret email addresses with personal ads being sent to him and other women exchanging photos with him. I also found he was in married and flirting chat rooms.<p>He disappeared again in September 2000. He said he had a business trip to a city about 3 hours away. It turns out (I called his office) he never had a business trip planned. He told me lies that he really was a couple hours away - that he had a drug relapse and needed my help. He went back to AA.<p>A month later I found he was actaully out of state - went to Florida (we're in NY) to get away from the stresses at work. He still claims he went on a drug binge, but the AA meetings have stopped since the dust has settled.<p>I will never forgive him for the disappearance and continued lies. He won't tell me anything about the trip.<p>So I gave up on the marriage after he told me in November 2000 that he hadn't tried at all in our brief marriage. I started healing myself and not the marriage. I stopped asking him questions and I stopped really caring.<p>I'm assuming he came out of the fog in December 2000 since he apologized for the first year of our marriage being hell. He apologized for his disappearance but didn't get to the truth. He has been great - telling me his where abouts and being very loving.<p>I believe we started true recovery in January 2001. I feel his love. We don't discuss the last 1-2 years and how it damaged us. I don't get into it because I know I'll get lies.<p>I feel good about myself and I find I don't stress 1/2 as much about our marriage. The triggers are few and far between and our intimate life is better than ever.<p>Now if only our blended family could thrive as much (talk about stress and tension)!<p>Thank you for reading!<p>
UPDATE<p>Today is May 26, 2002. My H and I have been separated for 3 weeks now.<p>Soon after I posted this originally I found my H had set a date with a woman he met on the phone for business ON MY BIRTHDAY. He lied for months about their contact. He said there was none and we sent the no contact letter. He said they never met face to face. After Septembr 11th happened I contacted he to ask if contact had indeed stopped and she said it had in June. But she did say they met twice face to face and she gave him a few gifts.<p>He also went t a few Bible studies for sexual addiction/pornography and he confessed his disappearance the year before was really to meet a woman he met on the internet and they'd been exchanging extremely sexual emails. He said she never showed though. <p>In October 2001 I discovered he was exchanging highly sexual emails with a coworker and he had gone to her house and they "made out" like teenagers. They were also on a business trip together that same weak that I was unaware she was on. They both say they never slept together, but I think the hightened emails and kiss led up to a physical relationship. He said all contact with them ended. <p>In February 2002 I asked him to move out - I just couldn't handle my continual thoughts and obsession with finding the truths.<p>He moved out May 6, 2002 - one day before my birthday. I found he has a new interest who lives across the country.<p>I believe he is still carrying on with his coworker since we are separated but he claims he wants to reconcile! I still catch him in lies.<p>I will never believe in him!<p> <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> <p>[ May 26, 2002: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]<p>[ May 26, 2002: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</p>

H of 9.5 years had a 3-month A (EA and then PA) in summer/fall 2000. I discovered it quite by accident, one evening when he was out with OW. He insisted it was a friendship with absolutely no impropriety. Yet, he criticized everything about me and our M, saying the cruellest things I could ever imagine. My response was to show him that we could have a better M and that I would "try first and try hardest", and I did everything to avoid blaming, accusing, yelling, screaming. I guess this was my version of Plan A while avoiding LBs, even before I knew that this site existed. We agreed to keep our problems from affecting our two young children (1 and 4 years old) to the extent humanly possible.<P>Within a week of d-day, H told me he ended contact still insisting it was a friendship which I disapproved of. That "no contact" lasted one day (which I only realized in hind-sight). The A resumed and turned into a PA. It was another 2 weeks before I made another discovery. By this time, OW was pressing H to leave me for her. The natural end of the A was probably close anyway.<P>The day after d-day #2, H admitted to an "inappropriate friendship" and wrote a no contact letter to OW (a really terrible one, btw, which OW did not respect and still does not respect). I kept to Plan A, although I almost packed his things and sent them to OW's place when I realized from H's guilt towards OW that this was not only an EA of four weeks but a full blown EA/PA of 3 months. He eventually admitted to the PA, said he felt guilty about it, and agreed to MC. We went away on a weekend alone, which I had planned (another MB suggestion, without knowing about it).<P>I threw myself into MCing and more plan Aing. I tried to be the best everything. For 2 months, we saw the MC weekly (the MC's approach was to identify the major problems in our M and rebuild it better - again consistent with MB - we also talked about why the A happened, but only at the beginning), and we made what seemed like great progress. Then for the following 2 months, a deep, dark reactive depression descended on me. My days were basically filled with tears and sobbing, despair, hopelessness, hurt and anguish, which was evident to my H.<P>In month 4 of recovery, H told me that he could not see me in this state without wanting to leave me and the M. So, I decided I would "suck it in" and live "as if" every second of every day I was with him and grieve on my own time: a renewed plan A with a covenant not to burden my H with the natural consequences of his A. The "suck it in" and live "as if" philosophy worked like a charm for my H, in month 5 and 6 of recovery. I, on the other hand, felt like I had lost myself and was "going through the motions". I discovered MB and started lurking at about this time (T.G.). I told H about MB and got him to agree (sort of) to the POJA and the Rule of Honesty.<P>At about 6 months recovery, the rest of the life around us gets very complicated and my H falls to pieces. He says our entire M has been a lie, just like our recovery. I continue to find out about recent (though infrequent) contact with OW "for business reasons", which has been going on since d-day #2 but which has not caused a resumption of the A (either EA or PA). I want to give up, start my adult life over again, concentrate only on my kids (because they deserve a real mother not one who is just "going through the motions") and on me, and leave this whole mess behind me. We have weekly "close calls" where one or the other of us decide to end it. I started posting on this forum.<P>At the beginning of month 7, we have the biggest LB war ever. He had been completely unsympathetic, unsupportive and selfish, even in recovery, and all my repressed anger, frustration, hurt, pain, despair and hopelessness came flying out of my pores (not to mention my mouth). I guess avoiding LBs for more than six months causes those emotions to get pressurized. After we agree to a truce, we have a(nother) "state of the union" discussion and agree that we are going to stay together and keep trying to rebuild a better M.<P>More than three weeks have gone by since, and he has said "I am sorry" more times than in the 6 months previously. I am thanking him for this and telling him I really need him to express his remorse to heal. We both have appointments to see the C, individually: H to deal with pre-A problems, some of which contributed to the A; and me to help with the fall-out of the A (still feeling dead inside or worse). We are planning another trip together without the kids. We are trying to live our lives as if we will be together and happy forever. H told me this weekend, I think genuinely, that he loves me with all his heart and that he does not deserve me but will work at being the kind of man who does. I am still persevering with Plan A.<P>Thanks for reading and sharing.<P>------------------<BR>Never give up. Never, never give up.<BR>~ Winston Churchill<p>[This message has been edited by OneDay (edited April 24, 2001).]

Wanted to post my story here....A month ago (March 13, 2001) I found out my husband was having an affair. He was out of town on a project and I opened the cell phone bill and saw a number over 100 times in a month. Then, on a credit card bill was an airline ticket flying her up there for a week. I was and am completely devastated. We have been married only 3 years but together for 10. No kids now - thank goodness. I will admit we were having major intimacy problems and not having sex very often at all and I knew this bothered him as it did me. Other than that things were wonderful so I guess this was just something I kept thinking we would eventually adress. I never dreamed in a million years he would do this. In the past month we have started counseling. He is still on that project and it is suppose to end April 25th. An 8 week project out of town! He is going to counseling as well. He tells me he wants our marriage to work but doesn't know if it can. He feels like he has ruined any change of recovering from this and damaged it beyond repair. He is also scared that if we do get through the affair that we will go back to the way things were and he says he can't live without the intimacy and felt like he was living with his best friend. I want the intimacy too and will do whatever I need to in order to address the problem. However, I am not getting the re-assurances from him. He just keeps saying that things seem beyond repair and seems to be wallowing in misery. I am going crazy with worry. As of two weeks ago he says he has called it off with this girl (after telling me before it was over and it wasn't). How do I know? How do I trust him? PLEASE any advice you have would be helpful. I feel like I am going crazy and walking on eggshells because I want this to work.

In Feb 1998 my W walked out while I was at work one night. She took our D, who was four at the time, and disappeared. The next day she filed a restraining order against me.<P>Turns out that we were in very drastic financial straights. My W took care of the bills, and apparently hadn't been handling the finances well at all. I found out when I was served with an eviction notice. I got mad and started yelling.<P>Well, rather than talk with me and try to work things out, my W chose to call her mother, who hates me by the way. Her mother decided rather than try to help us financially, she would use this as a way to get my W to leave me.<P>About two months later my W tried to have me arrested. Then about two months after that we finally reached a point where we were able to reconcile.<P>About four months later, I discovered that my W was involved in MANY internet / Email affairs, including phone calls to our house and very explicit Emails from some of her OP's. This almost destroyed the progress we had made thus far.<P>About a month or so later, I discovered my W's physical affair with a co-worker, which also led to an STD. This co-worker also happened to be from a different race than my W and I.<P>While I realize that this should not make much difference, it made a great deal of difference to me.<P>We went through a great deal of conversation, tears and heartache. We ended up staying together, though I'm not really sure how. <P>My W has tried to commit suicide recently as well. She is in counselling and on medication now, and seems to be doing much better.<P>We have still have financial problems, but are planning on filing bankruptcy once our taxes come back.<P>Hopefully this will explain a little of where I am coming from.<P>God Bless<BR>

BS Female 44yrs old. H is 41. Married 14 years. Separated in May 97, reconciled Dec 99.<BR>Problems with stepkids and not being supportive contributed to separation.<BR>We were still seeing each other during separation. When we decided to get back together, I told H not to come back if he was in another relationship. (I suspected). He reassured me he wasn't, he loved me and wanted to be with me. I had no reason to doubt him.<BR>We were as close as ever. A year and half into reconcilliation, Feb. 2001, I found out he had a girlfriend. Someone he was seeing when we were separated. He said he tried time and time again to end it with her, but she wouldn't let it happen. I don't believe that of course.<BR>His girlfriend had no idea he had moved back in with me. He betrayed her as well. He was leading a double life. <BR>He ended relationship as soon as I found out and committed himself to me.<BR>She knows the whole truth now and I believe given the chance she would be with him.<BR>I am working on Plan A<BR>

Probably about time I do this:<BR>Female/BS<BR>I am 46/H 52<BR>M 28 yr,as of 2/6/01<BR>Met on a blind date/M 3 months later (no I wasn't preganant!)<BR>3 kids, D23, Sons are 18/19<BR>My H rescued me from a terrible home life...Don't they love to do that? <BR>He was an alcoholic for the 1st 22 yrs of M...I didn't realize this..I was 18 when we married and where I wound up(with him) was better than where I came from so I just Lived through it.He drank beer,only, at home, only.And it "relaxed" him so I didn't see the harm. But he always felt that,or at least later on. Nothing could interfere with his drinking so I just took on the burdens that he didn't want to deal, mainly the children.<P>Our issues from the start of the M, for him where the fact that I am a crappy housekeeper,I have improved over the years...That I make him uncomfortable in social situations(I can talk to ANYONE and he is very reserved in public and I made him feel inadequate),my overly dramatic reactions to his stuff.<BR>MIne were his distance,seldom felt as though I were the one he truly was meant to be with(he always had women friends, never really inappropriate but on the edge of it),his controlling nature.<BR>He got sober in Oct '94 and went to AA and prayed and worked on himself. Life was pretty good...<P>He found "Spades" on the internet about Oct '97...NEW ADDICTION!! Gradually stopped going to meeting and became a "dry drunk". This was a way for him to return to his old patterns without damaging his health. He could escape for hours at a time, and did, and I let him. Why? Because he is a competative person,loves to play cards(NOT my forte) and it seemed harmless.After all, we are intelligent people and could not possibly be vulnerable to those types of dangers.<P>We had been in counseling but my H found our C to be very sympathtic to me and felt that everything was HIS fault and so he shut down in counseling, never talking about his long term resentments(see his issues). BUT it do us some good, we were closer and spent time together(like date night) for a few years.Time frame was about January 97 til June 97. Again. Life was good. Til Spades<P>In June '99, we bought another house, much better house for our future/retirement..his instigation, although he now blames me. Neither of us,(he says now) really wanted to leave the home where we had raised our children and were pretty happy but we were both trying to please the other. Difference was I let it go...I felt he really wanted the new house and I could be happy with him anywhere. HE did not let it go, we spent ALOT of $$,to get in and furnish and it was alot of work. He got himslef thinking that he did this for ME only and kept that resentment.I told him it would add a year or so to his working life and did we REALLY want that. He talked me into it everytime. But when the dust settled and he still wasn't happy, he had to blame someone and HERE I WAS.And the new house ,I wasn't keeping it as clean as he wanted. Say anything...Never. At that time, the old house still wasn't on the market, it just sat.<P>Jan-May '00- Increasing distance from my H.MOre time on the net,hours and hours. He wasn't open to any siggestion to get off. He was in a depression,not happy,didn't know why...and didn't do anything about it. I never knew he was blaming me for how he felt. He has self-esteem issues and is a conflict avoider.I was there for him, I was loving,I thought. But he had already judged me in his head...AND he was sometimes out of his funk enough to keep me feeling safe...and relatively happy. He had withdrawan before nad came out of it.So, I gave him the space he said he needed and he felt unloved...disconnected...ignored. Because Life was going on all around him.<P>He met OW online about mid April and in Mid May began playing exclusively with her. He was very flattered because she sought him out and asked him to teach her to play better. He now beleives he was targeted by his age,the fact that he played so much and the fact that we live about 1.5 hours from her. But his EGO was stroked.<P>They set up a meeting about mid_June of which I was aware. And the secrets began,they by this time, had spent hours on the net talking about her "horrible" M and ours began to look worse to him, by her negativity. I knew they had met but we talked about it and it seemed no big deal. I just said, Baby, be careful...She is also my physical opposite and not unattractive.<P>Our older S got busted for pot in New Jersey around June 20. EA in full swing by then.After they met, the sex talk and flirting began in earnest. Our S was "on tour" with the band "Phish" (Yuck, don't ask) and since he was going away to college in the fall and he would never get to do this, and it had been his dream, and his grades were great, we let him go. My H and I agreed to find him an attorney in NJ to find out what the consequences would be. AGREED. But he was mad, because I was doing too much. He felt our S should take care of it himself(probably right) but we didn't even know what city he was in,much less, any regular contact. And, WE had a vacation planned and I didn't want to go with this over our heads.<BR>So, the Thursday before our vacation,(july 13)I found an sttorney and he took care of entering a plea for our S. End of our involvement...BUT my H had been certain that our S would have to come home to take care of his business(he was coming home July 16) and I had said that I thought the Attorney would take care of all. I turned out to be right,and H hates to be wrong and since the EA is now going strong...he overreacted and was VERY mad at me.<BR>H and OW had been having lots of cell phone conversation, many lunches and suppers,many meetings at her place of work. He has alot of freedom in his job.BUt he felt badly about the flirting and stuff and asked her to meet him in a park on July 14. He told her then and there that he wasn't the kind of man who could have an A, That Yeah, he was unahppy but he loved me and the flirting had to stop. SHE was ready to begin the A right then and told him and I quote:"I thought we'd be taking our clothes off today" He second A, in a year, BTW. Boy, did THAT work on his head, b/c NOW he was sure of what she wanted. And I think, him,too. He just doesn't want to admit that he knew it was going there.<BR>The next day, before we left on vacation, our S called and I spoke to him. Something I said during that talk really pissed my H off. He assumed,wrongly b/c he needed to due the A he wanted, that I was going to handle our sons lawyer stuff. I wasn't but he tried me in his head and I was guilty.<BR>Vacation was horrible, he was cold, distant,silent. I still too stupid to connect it to her,he said he was mad at me and our S. OK, he was being a baby, I thought. It happened, get over it and we'll go from here. <BR>Thursday, we come home...our S is in charge of his own lawyer stuff and I clearly am not handling it. Did H SEE that? NO< because I was at fault.We had sex in her favorite position,woman on top,knowing that NOW makes me sick.<BR>Friday July 21, we go to where OW works. He had ordered something form her(retail store) and I met her. Was not impressed with anything about her. And he thanked me for going with him and letting him have the friendship. YUCK!<P>Nex day,Saturday July 22, he opens a clost that is messy and blows up,like a crazy person. He says he "realized" that I would never changes. that he would always have messy closets in his life if he stayed with me. <P>Monday July 24, they met, at his instigation, in a park again,to talk b/c he's so upset about the closet. and wind up kissing, passionalty(again at his instigation) and he is lost. He feels he has already cheated and I will never take him back. H is out of town Tues-Wds and I go to college orientation with our yS on Thurs and when I come home Friday, H is a different guy. Had met her again to make out that same week. NOW he's "in love". <BR>When I asked him what was wrong he said he was still mad about our oS. And then I got mad, too, b/c he is such a BABY, how could he still be mad about something that turned out the way WE had palnned and agreed on. So that weekend, we didn't speak at all. He put a pillow betweeen us in bed so I couldn't touch him, he went upstairs when iwas downstairs and vice-versa.<BR>I let it go til Aug 2(tues) and confronted him. AND got the litany of my faults and "I dont' know if I want to be M anymore" NOt what I expected...He was out of town the next night and that Thurs, I left the house to go live at the old empty house.My pride wouldn't let me stay where I wasn't wanted. And I stayed there til Aug 14. <P>We had much dialog about how awful I was...I stupidly still did not put together the time frame with OW.He was simplyy not a person who would ever cheat,in my mind.HA. He, during that 2 weeks, was with her twicw, once in the dirt in the fanouse park and once in a hotel room, that he got.He was horribly mean and hurtful to me...not just with the lies but the BLAME. Much meaner than he had to be. He says he wanted me to hate him. I think b/c he wanted me to file for D, he says NO, I just didn't want you to know and had to push you away. Whatever...<BR>On Aug 14,(Mon) his bubble began to burst. His friend from work made him admit to the A, he was given extra tasks at work(lots of stress) and when we spoke on the phone, I told him I was done playing the victim,that HE should move to the old house and I was coming to the new house, with my kids and my TV and my pots and pans. By this time, I had lost 15 pounds,was sleeping 2 hrs a night...and all that. Such suffering.He was again out of town Tues and Weds.<P>I snooped on the computer and began to finally wake up to the possibilty of OW. And when confronted with actual evidence, he told me had "feelings" for her but that she didn't know.That he didn't want her to cloud our issues, and that he didn't want to expose her to me. Gee, poor OW, she was already sleeping with my H and planning to leave her own H for mine. But he made me think she was this steallar individual who might be appalled by his "feelings". So, against my own feeling, I didn't contact her. Wish I had, she would have told. She knew I would "never take him back".<BR>Thurs Aug 17 on his way here, to pack, he took her to supper and asked her what would happen should he decide to come home(he WAS trying to do that NOW that the A was being seen in the light of day,STS) and she said she WOULD tell me so I wouldn't take him back. And he realizes on some level who he is dealing with. BUT he still packed up and left that day.<BR>The next day, they met again on some park/rest stop and wound up having sex in our truck.Lovely but he "wanted" to come home.<BR>Saturday, he came here and packed up the rest of his stuff and we were amicable.I was on anti-Ds by this time.He went to a freinds house and was surrounded by his friends family and started to realize what he was giving up. He would lose me, his children may never forgive him and his friends would never accept her.For a perosn who was having her second A in less than a year. All of a sudden, I wasn't so bad.<P>Sunday Aug 20- I woke up angry. Pride again. I decided that I wasn't going to sit quietly while the events of MY life were being decided out of my control.He was coming that PM to get some towels. I told him not to speak tome, hen he arrived, and gave him a letter...saying he was ruining our lives and her families lives and he better be sure of what he was doing b/c I would no longer wait. I was taking off my W ring and begin dating..I had already been asked and while I didn't want to go, I would move on with MY life b/c it was clear that he wanted a D and I would give him one. Called him a f*****g coward and I wish his mother was alive to see what he had become. Oh, lots of good stuff...and I meant every word. And he knew it. He left and called me about 30 min later and told me "I f***ed her" and would I come over and talk. Was in shock, had diarhea and threw up, all at the same time. BUt I did go over and he was in such pain, he looked 10 yrs older and he begged me to allow him to come home. NOw, I DO love this man, and I "forgot" my own pain and held him and let him come home.<BR>He remained in something of a fog for about 3 months. He didn't see her again but he kept online and phone contact with her,he says to try to fix it so she wouldn't hate him,to keep her as a spades partner and as support for what was happening here. It wasn't pretty,folks.<P>NOv 10, he told her online, while I was out of town, that he didn't want her to contact him anymore and that he loved me and wanted our M. He DIDN"T tell her he didn't then or ever love her...they had exchanged those lovely words during the A. So while he was "over it", she was not and continues to try to get back in every 5-6 weeks or so.<BR>He finally called her March 23, with me on the extension, and told her that he never loved her and that what she was doing hurt US and it was harrasment.So far,so good.<P>We are better, we are trying, the bright shiny egde is off my love for him and I misss it. Hope it comes back someday.He says no more secrets or lies, ever. We'll see <P>

BS<P>I was a wife of +22 years at time H had A in spring of 1999. This came after both daughter and son attempted suicide 6 months apart from each incident.<P>I truly believe H's A was due to depression about changing role as father (both children are teenagers), feeling inadequate at work as civilian after 20 years in the AF. Found co-worker who was very needy and made him feel like a big hero (while at his home he felt helpless).<P>DDay was june 27 1999. During the following months, H moved out and came back three times. Throughout the ordeal I kept a journal (to vent, didn't know about MB or this site). Did many Plan A activities without knowing about Plan A.<P>By Dec 1999 H had asked to come back, was very sorry about what he had done, acknowledged that it would be a long time before I was over all the hurt. We started counseling but only at my insistance and it didn't last. H was too negative about talking to anyone about the A.<P>We have now been in real recovery for over a year. H changed jobs and that was the last thing to push us over the hump. Our marriage is much stronger than ever. I believe the A was a wake up call for both of us. I needed to show him how strong my love is for him. He needed to realize he had lots to be thankful for even though we have two teenagers <P>I have read lots and learned lots. H doesn't believe in self-help books. So I do the homework. And it is working!<BR>Of course I know that I am not doing this alone. I had to accept that I needed God's help through all of this. I do not belong to any organized religion, but I know God now. Prayers do work.<P>

Married 9 years - in relationship 15 years. I work in a high profile/low pay/pressure situation (local government). W works with jail trustees. This last year, I was passed up for promotion and given even greater job stress. This set the stage for a period of distance and distraction on my part. At this same time, W had befriended one particular inmate starting in August, 2000. Suspected he felt something towards her right away. This escalated to meeting for after-hours visits, with him depending on her to run errands ("he had no one"). <P>I became more irritated by this but I had complete trust in W and she had never done anything for me to question this. OM received work-release in October and the meetings and errands increased. This continued to bother me and I became more vocal about it.<P>D-Day was 10/22/2000 with the discovery of a letter to OM and later that day, a large stack of letters to her.<P>Spent at least a month flailing, until finding this site. Within a week entered in to Plan A (Dec. 2000).<P>The A appeared to continue and even deepen as I worked to avoid LBs and attempt to meet her ENs. I could easily see how I had taken her for granted, failed to meet her needs and not "been there" for her this past year. It hasn't been easy getting her to separate from the OM, and she has gone back and forth. He was released in late Nov. 2000 and moved to our neighboring town (her hometown - how convenient). In the meantime, I think he has become obsessed with her.<P>In the past few weeks (as of early May 2001), she has recently been more open to my Plan A. The change is unbelievable - she is close to her old self again. Whether the "no contact" can continue is unclear but I think she's honestly trying. He has been unrelenting in his attempts to win her over so we may need legal protection.<P>Have gone thru 6 months of unresponsiveness with her but she has been living with me the whole time. Plan B has been close, at times, but I think we may finally be in recovery mode. I have a very hard time when I get a "trigger" but do my best to avoid LBing. We are especially vulnerable after we think we are in recovery. I have no realistic idea of how long this will take. I know it is possible to have an even deeper love and understanding for each other if we can get through this. It has to start with honesty, and she's having trouble with that. I'm not sure she's even comfortable with my better attempts at being completely honest either.<P>What I've learned? I regret not waiting until I had gathered all the evidence when I first confronted her. I revealed it a little at a time, being afraid I'd loose her. Many times, I think I already had. To this day, I'm not sure I haven't. There is no guarantee that there is anything we can do to lift the fog of our WS. She's had a taste of something else and she craves it. It doesn't matter if it's wrong. I had no experience with this before. I've discovered more strength than either one of us thought I had. There is much to be said about awakening the spiritual part of us. <P>[This message has been edited by Ifeelstupid (edited May 09, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Ifeelstupid (edited May 16, 2001).]

This feels like initiation! Okay, I have known my husband for 8 years, married almost seven. We are both medical professionals, although I stay home and keep house now. Met when I began working as his office nurse. He left his wife to be with me, or started being with me and then left his wife. So now I am the OW and the BS--Duh! No children together, I have three from my first marriage-19, 15, 13- and he has a son who is 11. None of the children live with us full-time.<P>My first marriage did not end because of adultery, but my husband left for psychological reasons. We remain pretty good friends for the sake of our children. My husband is a busy physician who works with an office full of females and a team of six male doctors.<P>We are both Christians and joined our church two years ago. Although we have been accepted into membership and are training for leadership, we are still growing in our Christianity. Something still seems to be missing there.<P>I have very few clues about OW and have not spoken to my husband about her yet. I do know that he loves me, and I suspect that this is a sexual thing. Just need to figure out where I stand.

My Story

I have a grown "other child" OC who was born out of wedlock. His father was and still is married. I was very young and it was purely a physical affair. After having already experienced an abortion, I was not about to go down that road again. Although it was very tempting to try to hide my bad decision to have sex with a married man.

I raised my son alone for 10 years, 5 years without financial support until I filed for CS. Met and married my honey 10 years ago and going strong (right now). I stumbled across MB because we were having problems communicating a couple of years ago. H knew my needs, I made sure of it, but I didn't really make time to know his so MB has really helped us to discuss and identify all our emotional needs and work on meeting them. I was amazed that with the information provided here, we could work on things ourselves!

The Policy of Joint Agreement has revolutionized our marriage, especially with the blended family issues we deal with. My oldest is out on his own now, but he turned out very well considering there was no contact with the bio father. OC has no desire to show up on MMs doorstep demanding a relationship, either.

I embrace MB principles because I need to respect boundaries--something I ignored in my 20s. MB is helping me keep my marriage affair-proof. Thanks MB! Keep on keeping on & keep the faith!

If I can make my marriage work, anybody can! My H was perfect until I showed up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ June 30, 2003, 12:17 PM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

Ok, here's my story.<P>I'm 30 and have been married for 4.5 years. I dated my wife for 4 years before marrying. She's 27<P>She works days, Mon thru Fri<BR>I work 12 hr shifts (nights) every couple of days because of a good shift premium.<P>About a month ago she told me she was no longer in love with me. She said she felt that way for a while, but did not tell me for fear of hurting me.<P>Since then, she has totally cut me out of her life. <P>When she told her parents baout us, all she said was that we were going to be roomates only.<P>She has since stopped visiting her parents too.<P>Some background:<P>She knew a couple in high school. The couple married shortly after and had 2 kids. They lost track of my wife and she did too. She lost trackof them that is. <P>A couple weeks before she dropped the "bomb" on me, they called her to come over and watch some movies.<P>Totally out of the blue. I mean, I don't even know how they got our phone number. Her name changed and they don't know me, so....<P>Shortly after that visit the guy calls her and talks for over an hour. Tells her his wife is leaving him and he wanted to talk to her to get through it. <P>She went over one night to hang out with him and some friends. He already had a roommate moved in. They have had problems before she went over for him to get a roommate and OMW to be gone already.<P>Around here is when she dropped the bomb.<P>I tell her I still love her, am still in love with her, and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to work it out.<P>She does not want to, or think it can be worked out. When I ask why all she says is "I don't think it will work out"<P>She is out late every night. When she goes to this guys house, someitmes she is tootired to come home and spends the night there. This is always on a Sunday so she goes to work Monday from his house.<P>She went out of town for 5 days to a convention with this guy and some of his friends to get "away from work and family".<P>She could get away from both without leaving town or being with this guy. It's not like her parents smother her and neither do I.<P>She says I don't support her friends or her job.<P>Her job is office manager for an education center. they are non-profit, so she does not get paid well for what she does. She puts in long hours, she's salary so no overtime, and they take advantage of her.<P>Those things I DO NOT support. She could make more money doing that stuff somewhere else. And she could be closer to home. She doesn't love her job, but she likes the people she works with. <P>I don't run down her job, I just tell her once in a while when she works all day on a weekend that they take advantage of her.<P>Thismakes me mad because I work every other weekend, so I can't see her sometimes because she is working.<P>The friends she means are people she works with. They all live right next to work, because it's the national park service, and don't ahve to drive. <P>They are all single and like to go out to breweries and bars and drink and dance. We live an hour away and I'm not into that.<P>She can have these friends without me going to meet them for drinks.<P>BTW, these "friends" NEVER come out ot our place. Not once. To far to drive.<P>I asked her if she was seeing anyone. She said no, she had no one in mind, but it was a possibility down the road.<P>She said it was a possibility later because to her, our marriage is over already. She does not want to work it out, go to counseling, anything.<P>Her mom asked her if she was seeing this guy she spends time with. She looked away and told her mom he was helping her with this difficult time, and that's all she would say.<P>She has talked to an attorney about getting a disillusionment. I don't want to do that. How can she so completely just not be herself? She is a totally different person. I am baffled,and her parents are too, and so is my mom.<P>My situation now:<P>I do not want to divorce. I think we should separate and try to work it out. Whatever happens I would like one of us to keep the house. We are almost right next to her parents and her brother is across the street.<P>I get along fine with her family, they are good people. They told me not to stop coming around just because of what my W is doing.<P>We just built this house last year. She has a long drive and probably would not want the house because of being so far from work. I thought she might want it because of being close to her parents. <P>I want it because I know I would have good neighbors and its close for me for work.<P>She could not afford the house on her own, I think I could, but I think it would be really tight for me.<P>We have no kids, for which I am glad. <P>I guess that's it.<P>

Hello!<P>My story...<P>Married for 2 years, knew each other for 3. We are both 26.<P>Things have gone down hill for a while, cumulating in W having and affair with a single coworker for several months. It was an EA for about two months, PA for 2 months, then I found out at the end of may 2001.<P>W has not decided yet what she wants to do. I demanded she cut all contact with OM, but she refused. I backed off, started working on me, and things got better, to the point where she was considering relocating with me. Then, all heck broke loose. Over a period of time, I caught her in a bunch of lies. So, she has been mad at me since then. Her feelings for him have gotten much stronger as a result, or at least her willingness to concentrate on us instead of them as waned.<P>I am trying to commit myself to Plan A and show her what she will miss if she leaves. At least if she does leave, I will have some good practice in for round 2.<P>I am having a difficult time, because she is a bad lier. I do not have proof of things, but her stories are dubious. When I ask her about them, I put in another nail in our marriage's coffin. <P>So, that is where I am today. Will probably update later.<P>thanks.

My current Profile:<BR>My W and I are in recovery. I found out about the A March 21, which happened about 7 years ago. See roll call for details. I am trying to put some meaning back into my life. It feels like the rug has been pulled out from under me. We are trying plan A. I have put a time limit of Jan. for plan A. My wife is trying harder and giving more than she ever has to make me and us happy. Life is going well, except I am trying to find positive feelings for her and love for her, again. Sometimes it seems like I am waiting untill Jan. to leave and start over. Plan A seems to make her feel better and me only sometimes. But, things are continually getting better. There is still hope.

up

Female<BR>44/H43<BR>I’m BS<BR>19 years married<BR>knew him 4-5 years + before marriage<P>figured out EA in July this year.. Found definite proof of PA Aug 31, 2001<BR>Has had EA on internet for years…the PA only since March but he met her 8 years ago on a plane trip and has been emailing/calling her ever since.<P>WH states physical affair only since March of this year which bears out according<BR>To plane schedules although she did drive 200+ miles to meet him at the other End of Virginia about 6 weeks ago.<P>I think he has had at least 4-10 Eas over internet..he doesn’t want to discuss them.<BR>Dismisses them as nothing but chat friendships. I think he has only had the one PA<P>Currently in Plan A<P>Still living together<BR> <BR>OP is single and supposably a confirmed Lesbian although my H says she is<BR>Deeply in love with him.<P>He met OW on a plane when he went on a scuba diving trip 8 years ago when I was pg with second child.<P>I don’t want a divorce..we have agreed to work on this and are both seeing a counselor. He has agreed to stop emailing, calling her, but have found an email the latest 9/17. Counselor told us its an addiction likened to cocaine. However I feel that if he again has PA I will not put up with that. I can’t for my own sanity.<P>Following principals of MB<P>Have been coming here since July of this year when I began searching internet for marriage counseling/support/ etc.<P>We have 3 children ages 5/7/15<BR>We share custody at home. I homeschool the two younger ones.<BR>WH travels extensively with his job. He had gotten laid off in Sept after 13 years at this other company and was totally lost for awhile. He got this great new job but it involves a lot of traveling and I think it enabled him to stray and leave home life difficulties at home. He has been gone over 22 weeks this year. He came home about every 3rd weekend. Very stressful.<P>No other children besides ours.<P>We are both seeing a counselor who has told us not to discuss our relationship unless she is there to mediate as there are some very hurtful issues.<P>I’m currently on Zoloft 100mg/ just increased last week from 50mg/day as was still feeling hopeless.<BR>No Alcoholism, no recreational drugs<BR>No STDs<P>

up