My wife and I have been married for 10 1/2 years. I just found out she has been seeing other men. The worst was this year when I learned in February that she had an encounter with my sister's husband. She admitted to meeting with him to talk and promised that nothing intimate happened. We continued on and I let it go although she stopped talking to my sister. About 2 months ago, a friend of mine saw my wife in a park with another man. When I confronted her, she lied. She said it wasn't her, that she was shopping that day. I bluffed and said they got her license plate number and accused her of lying. She started to cry. She said they were only friends and nothing intimate ever happened. Well there went my trust for her so I put a tape on the phone line. After several weeks of nothing, she called him three times in one night. I moved out the next morning. She had begged me to try and work it out. We started talking and seeing each other and went out a few times. Things seemed to be improving. We even went and saw our pastor. I asked her numerous times if there was any one else. She said no. I told her that if we tried to work it out and something else or some one else popped up, I couldn't live with it. Just when I thought we would get through this, another bombshell went off. I learned she had also been seeing her best friend's boyfriend. She denied it at first and the lies continued. She finally said it was only one kiss, one time. I told her that she needed to be totally honest with me. If we were going to put the past behind us, I needed to know what happened so I wouldn't wonder for years to come. I don't believe her or trust her. I have moved back home to give this one last shot. We are scheduled to start counseling soon. My problem is that I cannot believe her. She has lied to me all year long. She took an important step by writing letters to two of the men, but won't do anything about the third, her best friend's boyfriend. When I asked her to resolve that issue, she just ignores it. She continually says nothing happened with any of them. She knows she hurt me but does not want to take responsibility for her actions. She is afraid if she tells me the truth I will leave. Truth is, I will leave if she doesn't. She has minimized this so much that she feels she did nothing wrong. I don't want to punish her because I know I have to bear some of the responsibilty in this by not meeting her emotional needs. Throughout all this ordeal she had only told me what I had already known or could prove. Can I go on without knowing the truth?

Welcome <B>lbaudo</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Can I go on without knowing the truth?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...<B>"the truth will set you free"</B>...<BR>...but not if the truth is <I>your</I> truth!<P>If you really love your W...<BR>...you'll be a bit more patient with her!<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Wayward spouses do not necessarily have a history of lying, but their affair turns them into masters of deception. (page 40 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...it takes time to lose this "mastery"!<P>Do the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> approach!<BR>Check out <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>... for some mechanics!<P>Make sure your counselling is along the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Concepts</A>!<P> <P>Jim

Can I go on without knowing the truth? Yes you can!! My wife has had an EA going on for about a year or less!! I don't know all the details, because she wo't tell me everything! I know she loves this OM greatly and that I have seen chats and e-mails of sexual things they would like to do!! She is confused about what to do and what she wants!!<P>I still go on!!! I still love my wife deeply, even when she hurts me!! I still get angry and hate the OM and the things she is putting me through, but I still love her and move on.<P>It's great that counseling will be started soon!! You and your wife need to deal with these issues and sort things out so that you both can heal, work on the marriage, and meet each others needs. Counseling will help you both do that!<P>I know your hurting and not trusting your wife. Hang in there! It will take time for the wounds to heal and get that trust back! Read everything you can on this site and start plan A.<P>Take care

I think that you need to get your wife in<BR>therapy immediately. She sounds like she is<BR>in denial. I do not know how you can ever<BR>trust her since she refuses to cut ties<BR>with the third guy. I find very troubling <BR>that she goes after her sister's husband and<BR>a close friend's husband. There is something<BR>very sick about this. If she will not go into<BR>therapy then you should consider your future<BR>with or without her. Good luck.