K9, I posted a reply to you earlier today, but it never went through. With all that has happened today, I don't remember what I said. I didn't want you to think that I wasn't responding to you, though. I just put an update in "is he cheating". I have to get my kids ready for bed now. I will check in later. Take care, Window

K9 and Winny (yes, K9, our names do seem too similar!). Okay, so I just figured out page 2. I kept looking at just the first page of our conversations and didn't realize that there was a page 2. I am not a blond, I promise, although I claim to have blond roots sometimes. My H always teases me that I am a little airheaded. I am having a better day today. I will tell you about that in a minute. <P>Since you shared a few personal details, I thought I would reciprocate: I am 30(just turned). My boys are 15 months and 4 yrs. My H and I have been married 6 years and dated 1 1/2 yrs. before that. We live in TX. My H is 31. I have a BA in English (thus my lengthy posts) and he is in the medical field. I stay at home with my boys, babysit 2-3 days/wk for 2 other children, and have a home cosmetics business that I am trying to build.<P>My H is very handsome and has a great bod! He is aware of his good looks and is a bit proud. He is more proud of his abilities in his profession, though. He admitted last night that that was part of the attraction to the OW (he is still maintaining just an extensive friendship). He was her preceptor and she really looked up to him for his knowledge. They were put together all of the time at work because he was teaching her. With 2 small children, I admit that I do not always give him the attention he craves. I realized when I had my first son that I really aready had a kid, and now had 2. I call them my 3 boys now. I think that men never truly grow up and just need to be nurtured. I try to do that, but it is difficult at times.<P>I, on the other hand, have had a hard time losing the weight I gained w/my 2nd son. Luckily I am tall enough to not look too fat, but I feel pretty yukky sometimes. I am still attractive, I think. My H tells me I am beautiful often. I do get hit on occassionally, but I am mostly around women. I used to work w/quite a few younger men and they all knew how crazy I am about my H. About my weight, I need to lose about 35 lbs. I want to workout more than I have time to do so. One of the things that my H told me that bothered him about me was my organizational skills. So, I am going to work on being more organized. One of my favorite quotes is, "When you reach an obstacle, turn it into an opportunity. It is far better to be exhausted from success than to be rested from failure."<P>My H and I had a big talk last night. Whenever he started to get angry, I told him he needed to look at it in my eyes. He did well. He agreed that it was totally inappropriate how much they talked (I counted 74x in Jan.). I asked if they discussed feelings for each other, he said no. He said they never touched. He mostly admitted to liking the attention she gave him. He asked if I wanted him to leave our home. I said not now. I said that if I found out he was lying to me that it would probably be over. I said that he will have to be patient with me and if I want to talk about it ever he will have to allow me that opportunity w/out getting angry. He agreed to everything I said (especially never having another friendship like this w/another woman!). I pray that I am getting the whole truth. I did order the last 6 months of cell phone bills, though.<P>My question today is do I tell him about this forum? I feel close to both of you, K9 and Windancer. I need this friendship and advice. You know how it is with personal friends; they know both of you and are not as objective. They have their own lives and are not going through this and cannot be expected to listen to everything all of the time. I told him that just because he didn't lie because I never asked, he hid it and that was still lying. So, by me not telling him abou this, I feel guilty. We have quite a few friends going through divorces right now and he said that that made him realize how truly in love with me he is. <P>Well the baby is crying. I hope you are both doing well today. I am having lunch w/H today. OW is working today, also. Maybe we'll run into each other. Let me tell you, I will be taking my time getting ready today. I plan on looking GOOD!<P>God bless,<BR>Window

Window and Winny:<P>It is indeed a small world, I live on the Eastern border of New Mexico, probably within driving distance of where you live. <P>You are very lucky if your husband sees your point of view as it relates to his friendships with other women. Very Lucky! When I first gave my husband the list of changes I wanted, female friends were a no no. He keeps saying I can't change his personality. <P>Honestly, at this point in time I guess I'm really going to take the "sit back and watch" point of view with the whole situation. I cannot babysit him, I cannot extinguish each situation that pops up. I could, but I refuse to. If he wants what is best for the marriage he will learn how to do it himself and not be RUDE as he so eloquently says.<P>Now my husband is saying that he feels walls coming up on his side. He has said if I push him too far away he can't come back. Last night we were listening to music, and I must say there is rarely a song that comes on that doesn't deal with cheating, hurting or lying, anyway I started crying and asked him to turn it off. He was attentive and did so but said what really angered him was the fact that he didn't think about IT anymore and it was all I could think about. He feels this forum is keeping the hurt alive. <P>I have never dealt with this before, I keep telling him I have no answers to how I feel deep inside. I am essentially hot and cold running water. <P>Maybe this is another situation where men and women look at and handle things differently. I cannot accept his way of dealing with it. Put is behind us and go on, but in reality if our marriage is to work that is what has to happen. It's just so much easier said than done. I read on another forum about "triggers" . The things that bring it all back. Unfortunately, I have a LOT of triggers. Maybe I'lll open up and let him know what they are. <P>I too have always been too open and honest with my husband. He has been hinting around about reading what is on this discussion board. Ironic isn't it thousands of total strangers read it yet I don't feel safe letting him do so. Anything I've written, I've told him. But as I said earlier, he does not like anyone else knowing our problems. Sometimes I wonder if he's not been so secure in his manipulation of me that he worries about other's input. <P>Well I have made plans to go do things with friends over the next couple of days. This was something I rarely do. His complaint is that I am not social enough. Now let's see how he feels about it. I was not social because of the amount of work and responsibility he placed on me. Since I have put a large portion of it back onto him I have more free time to pursue my interests. I think in the long run I will come out a more open, life enjoying person, such as himself. Let's see how he likes the new me.<P>Well, I've got to run. You two take care.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by k9love:<BR>[B]Window and Winny:<P>>>> He feels this forum is keeping the hurt alive. >>><P>>>>I too have always been too open and honest with my husband. He has been hinting around about reading what is on this discussion board. Ironic isn't it thousands of total strangers read it yet I don't feel safe letting him do so. Anything I've written, I've told him. But as I said earlier, he does not like anyone else knowing our problems.>>><BR>--------------------------------------<P>Hi, K..<BR>I know what you mean about feeling guilty for coming here and baring our souls. At first, I felt that way, too. Then, the thought occurred to me that this is therapy for me. I didn't turn to the arms of another when my problems got me down. My love and vows to my H remained the same as always even though sometimes I was crying out for help deep inside, too. I did not choose to break my promises to my H; he broke them to me and as a result I am in more pain than I've ever known. Turning to a source of knowledge and real help is more admirable any day of the week than escaping to another's arms. <P>I figure that this is part of my healing process and since my H broke the rules, the rules as we used to know them have changed. I do not have to tell him what I am doing to help myself--I feel that he lost that right when he decided to be dishonest and disloyal. If and when such time comes that I feel like sharing this site and message board with him, then I will do so, but not until then. To me, coming here is like prayer. The communion and sharing that happens here is a good thing, not bad. But, one with a guilty heart will never see that. Their pain is of a different sort, and seeing truth in writing is far too painful for them right now.<P>K, we need time to heal. The damage and resultant pain that has happened to us is far greater than any pleasure our mates derived out of a clandestine relationship. If truth be told, they didn't really enjoy their escape as much as they would have liked to, either. Sneaking around, telling lies and destroying someone's trust carries an enormous price tag. I know that my H could not take seeing the things I've written about because he knows that he was wrong. His guilt is all too evident in his inability to even touch me right now. The point is, I need time to heal and regroup right now first, before I attempt to help heal a sick marriage. Once I am on my feet a little better emotionally, then I can begin to try and help save our marriage. <P>I'm sorry your H feels the way he does, and know that you must feel very down over it. Just please do not beat yourself up for having come here--you meant no harm, and only looked for help. Had our WS's given any thought at all to our well-being and feelings, they would not have strayed. So, if they are uncomfortable with our coming here and sharing and praying for one another, then we have to pray harder for them. God will help them to see the Light, and I do believe that He answers each prayer. We may not always like His answer, but He does answer.<P>Take care, go have some fun and hope to hear from you again real soon!<P>hugs,<BR>Winny

K, I hope you have a fabulous vacation!!! You deserve it. <P>I told my H about the forum when we went to lunch today. I said that it was helping me and I felt like I needed to be honest. He laughed at himself when he said, "Just keep me informed." At least he realizes the irony. I have been asking him every time I talk to him if "she" has made any contact. I told him that if he would promise me that he would tell me if they so much as pass each other in the hall, I would feel better. I told him about the "no contact" rule and one your H's not thinking they broke it if the OW made the contact. I said that would not be tolerated. I wanted him to let it be known at all times to her that he is NOT to speak to her. He agreed. He says he will do whatever it takes to make our marriage work. <P>I wish the same were true for the two of you. I hope that I am not being young and naive, though. I remember when I first got married and worked with a bunch of divorced women. I would come home crying my little newlywed eyes out almost every day. If my H did something sweet I could see their doubt. I don't want to be that woman. <P>My H probably will come to the conclusion soon enough that this forum is keeping the wound open, but I know that there is not a second that goes by that it is not in my mind. "She" is always there. I think of those calls on the day we celebrated our anniversary (3x that day), the day we got my puppy (just 1x). I asked him how he called her when we were together. He doesn't remember. I will admit that he doesn't have a great mind for details that he feels are unimportant, but I do find it hard to believe that he cannot remember how he called her when we were together.<P>You two take care. I have to get dinner ready and tomorrow is a babysitting day. 14 hours of 2 extra kids! Yuk! Anyway, my H will be home soon, also. I understand how you feel about not wanting your H to read these. I can tell him all of this, but these are our private conversations (well, besides the 1000's of people who can look at it). I just don't want my H reading it yet if ever. We have a date planned for Saturday night. He is ready to be sweet and that is what he does best - make up! I am sure we will go out for some big fun. I can't wait! Winny, just cause K9 is out of town, don't forget to keep me posted.<P>God bless,<BR>Window<BR>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by window:<P>>>My H probably will come to the conclusion soon enough that this forum is keeping the wound open, but I know that there is not a second that goes by that it is not in my mind. "She" is always there. I think of those calls on the day we celebrated our anniversary (3x that day), the day we got my puppy (just 1x). I asked him how he called her when we were together. He doesn't remember. I will admit that he doesn't have a great mind for details that he feels are unimportant, but I do find it hard to believe that he cannot remember how he called her when we were together.>><P>HI, Window!<BR>Your letters are so poignant and filled with such a sweet personality that I find it hard to imagine your H ever hurt someone like you so much! How sad, and my heart truly goes out to you, dear Window. <P>I wanted to say that your comment about your H's coming to the conclusion that this forum is 'keeping the wound open' really caught my eye. Sweetie, it's not keeping the wound open, it's helping to close it! Of course, that is NOT how our H's would view it, but that should be our reply to them. <P>I have to tell you that before I discovered this website, I was almost a basket case! There is literally NO one to talk to since I just moved to a new city and know no one here. Alone with my thoughts, day after miserable day, I thought I would go mad. The pain hurt me so much that I stopped eating and lost almost 1/4 of my body weight (I am thin to start with). Sleep was non-existant and my thoughts were so scrambled that I couldn't accomplish the simplest of tasks. I was terribly frightened, too, and oh, so mixed up! This whole situation was a total surprise, like out of the blue. Then, I found Marriagebuilders. Praise God!! I started to read about others' situations and realized that I wasn't alone. And, I was not going crazy, either! I was just lost in a sea of pain and crying an ocean of tears. Since coming here, my wound is starting to heal. Just reaching out to others and offering a tidbit of help or comfort is working wonders. I really hope it's that way for you and K, too.<P>We'll make it, Window! Our hurts will heal in time and God willing, our marriages will be saved. Our men have to give us all the time we need to heal since their betrayal has turned our lives upside down. It's a learning process for all of us, and I know we can do it!<P>Of course I'll keep in touch with you, Window! I look forward to letters from you and K and hope we each have a good rest-of-the-week! Later...<BR>Hugs,<BR>Winny<P>

Winny and Windancer:<P>Ditto, Windancer, I too lost an enormous amount of weight 34 lbs to be exact. I had quit smoking years ago and was so proud of my accomplishment. Out the door with that one. Now, along with everything else I've got to go through the pain of withdrawal, I have to quit. My health can't tolerate it, this I know for a fact. <P>I too thought I was going crazy, trying to keep it all inside. I had weekly appointments set with my marriage counselor and found myself wanting to call him three or four times a day to talk to him. One hour, once a week is not therapy. It's torture when you can't vent. I too have found a peace and solitude here. We are not telling each other, "Leave the bum, he doesn't deserve you", we are not saying "You'd have to be a moron to stay in that relationship" what we are doing is listening, offering advice and feedback and giving opinions. Even if an opinion sounds negative, that's okay, we need both positive and negative to help us sort this out. There is nothing worse than being too positive or too negative. Life doesn't program us for this. <P>It helps to vent, it helps to get another's point of view. It especially helps when our husbands aren't fulfilling that need because of their ways of looking at things. My husband will have to accept the fact that I have reached out for help and learn to live with it. <P>Gotta Go, have company

[QUOTE]Originally posted by k9love:<BR>[B]Winny and Windancer:<P>>>My husband will have to accept the fact that I have reached out for help and learn to live with it. <P>Gotta Go, have company>>><P>LOL! YOU GO, GIRL!! Good for you, K! that's the spirit and I agree with every word you said. God bless....have a great evening!<BR>Luv ya,<BR>Winnyy<P>

Hi girls! My H wants me to come to bed and tickle his head (his favorite way to fall asleep). I will have to write in the a.m. Thanks for the great letters! Ya'll are so sweet! Good night! Window

What is this, an every other day roller coaster? One day I feel positive, the next day is terrible. My friend really thinks I should call the OW's H and tell him what went on. My H would be furious, though. The OW claimed when I spoke to her that it would be just fine if her H knew, but I doubt that he would be thrilled with how often the talked. I don't know that I feel I should tell him out of revenge or if I truly want to be helpful. I don't want to make my H mad, though. He would never believe that I had a good motive of calling the OH. <P>I was reading some of Dr. Harley's stuff on emotional needs a little bit ago and e-mailed my H about making our marriage a priority. He wrote back that he is making it a priority. I do think that is true. He hasn't wanted to even go to work this week because he realizes he need to spend time w/me.<P>K9, how is your trip going? Winny, how are things w/you? I so completely understand about the songs making you cry. I was listening to Tim McGraw's cd yesterday in the car and bawling. I am not a huge country fan, but I do like some of it. I told my H that I wanted him to love me the way Tim sings about loving Faith Hill. I don't think that's unrealistic! He doesn't sing about cheating too much, just about being so in love. <P>The baby is stinky! Take care,<BR>Window

Window and Windancer:<P>Greetings, I don't leave until morning. I am looking forward to it. Can't seem to explain why but things are actually looking up. My husband is beginning to see my point of view on things. I think he is understanding that I mean business. He's talking about changes he will make on his part. For example, he now realizes that going away will have to include me going. <P>I know it's ironic because here I am going away and not including him, but he did this to me for so long he needs a taste of his own medicine. I did go out last night with a few girls. My husband is not comfortable with this because as he says, "our marriage is hanging on by a thread right now". But, he has to understand that if need be I can and will make it with or without him. <P>We did spend the evening together after I got home. In spite of everything he has and always will be my best friend. Today is going well, trying to get myself motivated to get something done. This is a good sign. <P>As far as saying something to the OW H. I would caution you about that because he probably won't believe you, and it may, at this point add fuel to a fire you are trying to extinguish. I may be wrong but you will know if it is best for you.<P>I spoke with a friend yesterday, she lives closeby and we've socialized with her and her husband over the past l0 months. I know for a fact that he runs around on her he's admitted it to my husband. She learned that my husband had an affair and when I asked her whether or not she had ever gone through anything like that she said "Oh my god no, I would kill him, he's never done anything like that", yeah right, I know better, but she would never believe me and her husband is coy enough to lie his way out of it. Then I would be the BAD person. Besides, I would never want to be the one to put the kind of pain I'm living with on anyone else. <P> I told her don't close your eyes. If it walks, quacks or looks like a duck, it's probably a duck.<P>Well, I've got to get laundry done. Talk to you later

K9, I am glad that things are better today. It is great that you went out w/the girls last night. It is good for him to get a taste of his own medicine. <P>I am not doing well again. I think that when I am doing well, I am focusing on what my H has told me. When I really think about what I have seen (cell bills, messages, etc.) I get all of the doubts back. When I questioned my H a little while ago about a charge I found to a restaurant he got angry to I was looking backwards, not forwards. He says that he has told me the truth and I shouldn't continue digging. He threatened to not come home until I was done digging and ready to get on with healing. Am I wrong to continue looking at records to see how much this did go on? I realize that that is making the pain stay, but I feel that I need to know.<P>As far as the other husband goes, I have proof of their talking. My friend asked me what I would do if he told me that he knew that they were actually having a PA. I don't know. I guess it would be the end, because it would be more lies. I don't really know. I know he would probably leave me for just what he has admitted to doing, but I can't find the strength. <P>It is the middle of the day and I desperately need to take a shower. I just don't seem to have the strength, but I want to make sure I look nice when he comes home. <P>Take care,<BR>Window

HI K and Window...<BR>I am happy that you two seem to be doing better. However, for me it was a disasterous night. No sleep...fought all night long. I am exhausted and have called in some real help. This is too much to try to handle all alone, and I am tired, Oh God, so tired of trying.<P>Please continue to keep chatting back and forth you two. If I am silent for a day or two, please understand that I have a lot of thinking and praying to do. Also, am just too tired to think or concentrate and don't want to post something in error. I'll pray for you both and would you please pray for me? God bless...<BR>Hugs to you both,<BR>Winny

Windancer:<P>I am so sorry sweety! Do what you need to do. But please, please remember we're here for you. Good or bad days. It's so hard at times we feel like giving up, I know! But I want you to remember that even though we aren't with you in body know that we are with you in heart, soul and prayers. I am so worried about you! YOU are important, your health is important MORE SO than the relationship you are in right now. Don't give up on yourself. Try to separate yourself, and god knows its hard, but separate yourself in understanding that YOU can give yourself the peace in your heart that you need for yourself. Not for anyone else. God Bless you, you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers.

Window:<P>I understand what you are saying, I too continue to dig through cell bills, trying to get an accurate picture, a timeline of when things went on, yes it does prolong things, but at the same time it's something I have to do. My husband has the same philosophy as yours, don't backtrack and keep moving ahead. <P>You are probably wondering in your heart if the reason is because he's afraid you'll find more or if he truly wants to get it over with. I know, I've been there. As I have said again and again, our husbands do not see things in the same point of view.<P>Yesterday my H told me that he would rather I had not found out about his A because of the pain and suffering it had caused me. He said that people make mistakes and if you learn from them there is no need to hurt the ones you love. I don't agree with his philosophy. I asked him if he would feel the same way if I had an A. He said he would rather not know, as long as it was something that happened and I realized the mistake and didn't do it again.<P>Now after this conversation I am thinking to myself. MMM I wonder if this is not the first affair. See what our minds do to us. They can drive us crazy. I can't change anything he may or may not have done in the past but I can certainly be wiser in the future.<P><BR>If you were to find out for certain it would definitely hurt you. Feeling like it would be over because of the lies is certainly normal. But I want to forewarn you, I too myself thought if I ever found out my husband was cheating on me I would leave immediately, No if ands or buts. Here I am, not gone, and confused as all get out.<P>I am very worried about Winny. The three mouseketeers aren't the same without her input. I sure hope she's okay.

Winny,<P>I am also worried about you. I pray that you will be okay. K and I will be thinking of you. K is right! Remember that you still have yourself. Don't let him take your wonderful, kindhearted spirit! You are so sweet. You have given me courage and made me feel good about myself in just a few short days. Take care and God bless,<BR>Window

K,<P>My H came home early from work today because I was so upset. I thought that was pretty sweet. He said that he couldn't work knowing how upset I was. I am feeling better right now. <P>We are thinking of going on a trip this weekend. I asked my Mom to babysit my boys. I told him about ordering the cell bills and he is worried that I will be in a bad mood when we go on our trip. He said there is nothing more than a lot more calls and what good is going to do me looking at it. It upsets him, but he accepts that it is what I have to do.<P>I know exactly what you mean about questioning things in the past. I used to think that I wouldn't want to know if he learned from his mistake and was going to change. Now I know that ignorance is not bliss. I feel that knowledge is power. Nice cliches. I hope that he and I can both learn from this and build a better marriage. I hope that it works that way for you and your H, also. I ordered 2 of Dr. Harley's books today. I hope they help. <P>I am looking at the emotional needs and trying to see what I can do to make him happier (w/out smothering him). I know how much I hate that my parents divorced and I don't want my children to go through that. I guess we never know how we will react until we are faced with it. And I don't even know that anything besides extensive phone calls occurred. He said that he is disappointed in himself for doing something that hurts me so much.<P>Well, I better get. I am so worried about Winny. Her letter and resonding to her made me cry. Funny what fast friends we have become.<P>Take care,<BR>Window

Window:<P>Your husband is right about the weekend trip. Wait until you get back before looking at anything else. Enjoy being with your spouse and let it go at least until you get back. I know that this has helped in my situation. We'll get together for an evening and make a truce. We won't mention any of our problems and just enjoy each other's company. It's good for the heart and we all need it.<P>When you return and you see the bills you are going to be upset. Your husband already knows this. My husband's cell phone bills ran nearly 300 for three consecutive months. I never paid too much attention until after the fact. (Now that's real idiocy) The last one just came in yesterday, last because it was the last month of communication for the two of them. My husband had removed everything from the envelope except for my cell calls and the total amount of the bill. I went over and asked to see all the pages. He too thought it would just upset me, well it did, but it's over now. (not over in the sense I've accepted it, but over because I've seen it)<P>She and my husband spoke each and every day for a total of 4 months. You must remember she lived l80 miles away. The cost of this was enormous. There were days he spoke to her at two different times for over an hour each Christmas Day for one. That really really hurt. The actual physical part of the affair was bad enough, but as women we know how the emotional part is just as bad.<P>He even spoke to her while I was in surgery, there was a 20 minute call made to her number. He spent two minutes talking to my mother letting her know how I'd come through it. When I asked him about his call his reply was, she was worried about you and wanted to know if everything was okay. Yeah right. Give me a break, he thinks I have the word stupid tatooed on my forehead. It's a lie, downright, but he won't admit to anything else. I told him yeah, you were probably both hoping I wouldn't make it and that would take care of your problem. Of course he said No, I love you etc. etc. etc. Wasn't I there by your bed the entire time you were there? <P>My opinion, yeah his body was there all right but not his heart.<P>Speaking of which, have you seen the movie Gladiator? It is really good. The main character has exactly everything I would want in a man.<P>Gotta go, H is coming

K, I just hope the bills don't come in before we leave. I am not known for my self-control. I don't know if I'll be able to not look. My fear is them talking on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, times I know we were out together. Did he call her when I got up to use the powder room, when I ran into the store w/my older son (the one able to say that Daddy was on the phone)? We have a lot of minutes and we don't get charged for long distance. The thing that makes me so mad is he was always telling me to not talk too much because we had been going over our minutes. Yeah because he was talking so much to her. He had to hurry our conversations so he would have more minutes to talk to her. <P>Ouch! He talked to her while you were in surgery? That was mean! Him saying that she was worried about you is kind of like my H saying that he and the OW were talking about a lump in her breast at times. I don't mean to be ugly, but I don't care about that. I care that any woman has a lump, but get a girlfriend, or talk to her own H! Who care if your H's OW was concerned about you? She had no business. I don't know if that all came out right, but our men sound so alike. <P>I am once again striving to positive today. I went to this awesome career conference last weekend and came home all pumped up to get my business going. I haven't done anything all week because of this mess. One woman said, "If you have a crisis and stop working, you have 2 crisises." So I need to get re-motivated. Moping is doing no good.<P>My H is sad now. I made a picture collage for him of our family and he was looking at it before he left for work. He said he was sorry for causing me so much pain. In all of the pictures we're always so happy and I think it hit him that we have a great family and he jeopardized that for something so stupid. <P>Gotta run. My baby just woke up. He is so snuggly in the a.m. He likes to rock and give me kisses. What could be better therapy? Have a good day! Window

[QUOTE]Originally posted by window:<BR>>>>My H is sad now. I made a picture collage for him of our family and he was looking at it before he left for work. He said he was sorry for causing me so much pain. In all of the pictures we're always so happy and I think it hit him that we have a great family and he jeopardized that for something so stupid.>><P>HI Window and K!<BR>Window, I just gotta say that your H sounds like a real "keeper", hon! He must have a lot of deep feeling and that is such a plus. You are so lucky to have a man who is somewhat in touch with his inner feelings. Men like my H are in constant denial--always the "macho" image and all that. So superficial, so destructive, really. It's he who is going to suffer the most and what's sad is that he is suffering right now and can't understand why. <P>K, it sounds like things are getting a little better in your home, too, and that makes me smile!! I've missed posting here the past day or so, but I needed to step way back and just think. Remember the title of this thread, "quiet before the storm??"....welll, the storm HIT, big time, two nights ago. So many unkind words were said on his part, it was obvious that he is in terrible pain. So am I, but right now, we are still in the wind-down portion of the argument. He called me today and sounded "normal" once again. This is one advanatage, I think, of long time relationships. You just know that the other person loves you no matter how ugly you act. Despite our differences, I know that HE knows I still love him and I think that on some level down deep, he still has feelings for me. To tell you the truth, I am busy not worrying about it any more. Rebuilding a life for myself, I will just go on about my business, doing things I like or need to do and hoping for the best. When he figures out what it is that he wants, we'll come to some sort of agreement. But, until then...I am NOT going to lose any more sleep (or weight!) over this. Life is just too darn short and I am not going to waste another day of it in misery.<P>Love ya both....have a great weekend and keep writing!<BR>winny<P>"The longest journey begins with a single step."<BR>