To: Does it ever stop hurting (and everyone else who feels this neurotic trauma)<P>If you have to break down and sob uncontrollably - do it. I found out a year ago beginning of June - he lied to me - I can't believe he was lying - I told him exactly what was going on and he would not admit it. Then I caught him - on the d. AOL Instant Messenger - with the "lover" a family friend - I knew her - she had just spent 3 days with her daughter at our house - they needed a place to stay. I could not believe what I saw - them sitting on the couch together - her arm on the back of the couch sitting next to him - in HIS PERSONAL SPACE. Next day he showed her a picture album, his dad had made for me for Christmas few yrs back. I was so mad - that was personal. I know they are pictures of him from baby on up, but his dad gave them to me, and he had no right to show them to her. I knew it right then - I wanted her out of my house! We went to a sports bar Saturday night, he acted like a dog in heat running to sit next to her at the table we all sat at. He completely ignored me. I can't believe I let her sit in the front seat of our car on the way home. Next day he showed her to the college & was gone all day - I was GOING CRAZY!!!! God sent me to my neighbors house & I broke down on her doorstep - she is a Christian - she told me about "The Five Love Languages". At that point, I had to say - "If anybody ever told me my marriage would be on the rocks 13 years later I would have thought them crazy" - not my H. and I. Later I got even with AOL Instant Messenger - I deleted it off our computer. <P>I caught him, within the next two weeks, I discovered many other revelations - it wasn't too hard - he left many stones turned - why was he was so dumb? I checked up later to make sure nothing is going on. I really am working on not doing this anymore & trying to trust him. It is hard not to snoop - just to verify - it just makes me wonder what is he doing?<P>Very Important - the night after I found out - I did the same thing - I BROKE hesterrically (sp) - I sobbed like I was breaking apart - my insides were being ripped out - I woke him up too - to talk with me. Our relationship was so turned around - I did not understand him at all - nothing made sense. He was so negative - not the positive person I knew and loved.<P>It has been a year in June - three weeks ago on the weekend he threw something around in the garage (venting frustration), and my hurt came right back - I felt just like it happened. I did good for a couple of weeks, and then just on Tuesday I went blue again - and I walk around feeling like I want to cry.<P>I thought we were different, our marriage was different - I thought he was a different type of man. I always felt so secure with him - like he would never leave me and we would be in love forever. I naievly thought he would never cheat on me. It is not like he was thinking with his (you know what), because he is not that way.<P>A friend of mine told me her minister said "If you put your faith in man, you'll be disappointed everytime". That sums it up for me - my H. disappointed me. My world is disappointed, I hurt inside everyday, I don't feel like I have anybody to talk to - my good friend - I don't want her to get mad at me, because this is the only thing I want to talk about. I don't want to socialize - I don't want to talk to neighbors, I just want to stay by myself, and with my H. and children, and the people I work with. I have a terrible, painful face, I hardly ever smile, I hardly ever laugh - and IT'S BEEN A YEAR. I absolutely HATE this other person - I can't stand her now - to think I once really liked her, and her parents. <P>You have to be so careful - I cannot believe she did this - sending him e-mails, etc. My husband told me the night I found out that she was his soul mate. I found out he bought her relationship cards, I saw them. He told me later she sent him cards. I just would like to read them and see what she wrote him. I can't believe another woman went after my H. I can't believe another woman fell in love with my husband. That is not their right. We had our Marriage Vow. After 13 years of marriage, two of his children, and taking care of him. My husband has agreed she and her parents are gone from our life - but I can't believe why this happened. He was looking for emotional support - but like everyone else - I was there - in our house - he spent nights and weekends on the d. internet/computer/e-mail. When they went for a walk that Sat and Sun night - did they kiss? I asked him over and over and over - did he make love to her - he always tells me "No". I have to believe him.<P>Anyway, the point is, if you feel torn up inside, acknowledge it, let it feel that way, so that you can get better. If you have to cry - cry. If you have to hate the other... I sobbed, I didn't sleep, I felt horrible. I don't like my face looking so blue - but, I am not myself right now - even after 10 months. I know eventually, one day, I will feel better. But I also acknowledge that I will never forget this. I just want him to come back to our marriage stronger than before, which is happening slowly.<P>I know I love him, and I love our family, and I will work to change our marriage. So, Does..., just take it a day at a time, and work on making yourself happy inside. I know that at this point, you cannot feel that. Eventually you will know why this happened to you. Maybe God's message for my H. and myself was to correct our marriage. For some men, maybe it is different, so I can't speak for yours. Just know that there are others out there with like pain, we cry, we sit, we are unsleeping; but we cry a little less, and sit a little less, and finally begin to sleep. And eventually be ourselves.<P>------------------<BR>

hi window:<P>at the top lh corner of your post, you will see a sentence reading, "this post is 3 pages long 1 2 3"<BR>You can click on each of the numbers, and you will be taken to that page. <BR>hope this helps!<BR>Robyn.<P>...thank you so much for your response to me!