Pops,<P> To answer your initial question&#8230; It's hard to really say if you are too controlling (personally) while an affair is under way. The mere fact that she has something to hide (of this nature) and you want to know what she is hiding can exaggerate each person's perception of the other. My Wife said the same thing to me while she was having an EMA and even for some time after. <P> I came to the following understanding on how this accusation is manifested. Starts out when you notice a few things about your wife that do not add up. You start asking a few questions. The story gets even harder to believe. You point out those things that don't seem to fit. She responds with intermitted rounds of silence, emotional outburst and farther fetched tales. Now you're ready to put on you KGB interrogation uniform and break out the bright lights. That's when you're really starting to get in the way of her "new" private life, you brute (LOL), How can you be so insensitive that you can&#8217;t mind your own business (LOL). As sadly humorous as this sounds, it's likely to be how she feels about you and that's all that matters to her right now. <P>No way can you say or do anything that's going to stop her from doing what she wants right now. The only thing you can do is tell her that "you'll miss her" and "hope that she thinks about you while she's gone"<P><BR>Best of luck HI

I have to admit that I understand all of what you folks are telling me. We both just need some time to grow. Right now, she is so upset with me that she won't even look at me, and I don't understand why. I've asked her but she responds that nothing is wrong - I tell her that I trust that she is telling the truth and leave it at that.<P>I guess I need some time to develop a plan which keeps me from getting hurt anymore, and which also keeps me from doing any more damage to our M. I can understand all the concepts, but I'm just having a hard time applying them right now. I want so very much to be myself - which has been an a**hole for the past few years, but I know that I have to change to help our M.<P>Pops

Pops,<P>I know exactly how you feel. My W is doing the exact same thing. When I do see her we hardly say 2 words to each other and she can’t look me in the eyes. When I try to look her in the eyes she just looks away. I’m not so sure the problem is with you or me. I’m starting to feel my W can’t look at me because she realizes what she has done and how its hurting me. I don’t think it’s anything to do with my actions. I feel no matter how much a person may care or says they care for the OP there still has to be some quilt associated with their actions. Maybe I’m the one in the “fog” on that.<P>I have been trying to take the attitude of whatever is going to happen will happen and lay low for a while. If she comes out of the “fog” then great and if she doesn’t then I know I have put my best foot forward to try and save our M. What else can we do? We can’t force our W’s to commit to us.<P>What’s that old saying? We can lead a horse to water but we can’t force them to drink.<P>Best of luck!<P>HeartBrokenHusband