T,
Good to you hear from you my friend!!! I think of you often. Glad to hear that things are still looking up for you!! Rememeber that in so many ways, we have to give to receive. Many times I forget to do little things that mean so much to my wife. Alot of little things often out weigh the big ones. Keep up the good work, it only gets better with time, patience and a giving heart.<p>God Bless,
Stillhurts

Hello All, Just an update. Me and W are still together, we argue once in a while, but we are hanging on to one another. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Money is a little tight right now, (Company is doing cutbacks in hours and $$$) But other than that, we are doing good.

How about you all?

Mr & Mrs. T,

How nice to hear from you!!!! Well I can't speak for the entire board but as you can see there are many new names and stories here. Very painful. But some of us older ones are still here.

My personal status is that we are in recovery. Now other major family issues have arose (in-laws and such). We are working on all issues together. Not great yet but much improved than this time last year.

take care,
L.

Hi T ....

I use your post several times <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ... to help other newbie. I am glad you are doing fine in recovery.

Here I moved to my new house .. w/o WW. She moved to hers ... w/ OM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . I am ready to give my best to someone who will cherish & care about it. My M at the point of no return. I called my lawyer last week to get my status change !. I just learn that in CA ... after 6 months plus 1 day from the date she served me ... I could change my status regardless of the financial or coustody battle. I know you will be surprise why I did this ... my WW behavior is not only her head is in the fog but her heart is also. She brought my 2 D to OM's family & also bring OM to stay overnight around my 2 D. WH@T!@#$%^ !. I am not Dv neither OM at that point. I am glad she is plan B'ng me. Anyway, I am ok ... actually it helps me to move on & firm up my decision to plan C ... forever.

-RH-

Hi All, How is everyone?

Just thought I'd update. (Sad Update)

Today, W decided that she is not happy being with me, we discussed things and she decided it was best if we end our M. So that is that. Thank you all for your support, and much needed help through her A and our Recovery, but in the end it still came to be the same conclusion, M is over.

I guess I have failed, I tried so hard to make her happy, I tried my hardest, but still I am unable to save our M.

I will check back here in a week or so.

Goodbye Friends.

Dear Torizo,

I am sorry your W is coming to this conclusion. It does sort of bring back the d/d pain again doesn't it?!?!?

Torizo, you did not fail. You did not fail. What failed was your W's commitment to the M. The reflection is not on you, it is on her. She will have to take herself to the next level and determine whether she wants to be with herself as she has allowed herself to be. You have the option to be there or not.

For now, you will shed a few tears and know that our thoughts of care and personal recovery are with you. The loss T, will not be yours but hers.

WE will be here for you. Let us know how you are doing, ok?!??!

Hugz,
L.

Continuation of update...

W is living at F friend's house, She has all of her possessions there too, upon our [Last?] goodbye, she told me "There is no hurry to file for D" and I told her if she is sure of it that she should file. She says"She needs some time to herself to figure out what she wants out of life, and where she wants it to go" Does this make sense to anyone? Should not someone who is 28 more or less "know" what they want and need? I could be wrong though. any imput is welcome.

It has been more than 24 hours since we last spoke, and she said yesterday she would call me in a couple days to "Check" on me.

What should I do??? I know she is the one for me, and I know I only want her in my life...That is why this is so hard on me. I mean we have spent the last 5 1/2 years together 1 1/2 of that married.

Suggestions? Comments? all are welcome.

T,

Have you done 4 rules of recovery best you can ?. If the answer is yes then it is up to you to end your misery. IMVHO, she has unstable life she might have to "figure" out and "sort" out her problem. It has nothing to do with you.

I suggest you to snoop ... make sure OM is not back in the picture or worst there is OM#2. If there is betrayal after what you had done ... I would not take it and filed. Meanwhile do nothing ... there is no plan A or plan B. Wait for the truth comes out. Time will tell .

Get anti depressant asap, you need it. Try to be around people that loves you and get your support system going. If you need me to call you let me know.

-RH-

Thank you all for your support.

I talked to W today, she says she doesn't want to come home, ever... she says she feels, uptight, *****y, and annoyed for no apparent reason when she is around me, and she said she does not like herself when she is around me. (Is this some form of Fogese?) [Just checking]

so, I plainly told her, if she truly wants it this way, then so be it. I love her, and I really hate to lose 5+ years of time, and memories with her, but, I have no other choice... I guess it really is over , and I must move on...

I'll update if anything changes, good or bad. Until then... Thank you all for support through this, and God bless you all.

Hello All, How is everyone?

Latest Update...

I talked to W on 11/15/02 over dinner, and she now realizes it's over...She is with OM again, and contemplating going to NY (OM mom got W a place) but (here's the kicker) she (W) isn't sure if it is the "Right" thing to do at this time. She says she still loves me, but she is or has convinced herself that there is "nothing" we can do to save our M, I think that we "could" but I am forced to go with her Ideas. I am currently living with a long time friend (11 1/2 years) her H and their 3 kids. I was offerd a place during "hard times" and I am currently tring to save $$$ for a new place.

I know W still loves me, and I love her...Is there any chance of "bringing W around"? or is it truly over?

Opinions, suggestions, and comments welcome...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know W still loves me, and I love her...Is there any chance of "bringing W around"? or is it truly over?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not while she is in contact with OM.

As far as it being over, it depends on if and when the divorce gets finalized and she and OM marry.

I don't know about plan B considering that your love bank seems far from being in the red. So I guess if you are not ready to move on with your life, that you continue with plan A.

For what it's worth, now that she is living with OM, she's going to have to deal with the everyday reality of seeing him during his best and not so best times. Another thing is that in OM's mind he's finished with the conquest of your WW and like many, he'll start to rest on his laurels and he'll start to take off his mask of mr. wonderful and show his true colors to her. This could turn out to be a blessing in disguise but you are going to have to be very patient and learn to detach emotionally (separate her in your mind from her actions) from the situation.

When I was a kid, I used to be a candy junkie until a wise old aunt of mine gave me what I wanted, day in and day out, until I got so sick of sweets that just the sight of them caused me to have nauseous feelings. Even now, I can not consume the amount of sweets that I was able to prior to my aunt's candy overload. Your WW may also have to go thru her OM candy overload so that any feelings of love for him will be replaced with feelings of dread.

Hi T,

Looks like mixed signals are arising out of thin air???? Hm..... don't change your direction though. Otherwise she might think that you will settle for less.

The OM or no OM is her decision. If she really wants you, she should be willing to put forth the effort. U R worth it!

take care,
L.

T,

Focus on yourself and let her go like last time ... o'k ?. Get busy with finding $$$ for your place, get training and be agressive/reponsive in your work place. Again don't call unless she calls, don't plead but don't say anything that you are not planning to see it through ... hold your LB. This time around if she comes around again, you should hold the bar a bit higher and let her shows it to you. What are her complaints about you ? could you give us the detail ?.

-rh-

hi torizo--

I just starting coming to this site a few days ago and over these past few days wound up reading all 24 pages of whats been going on with you for the past year. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry your situation is the way it is now. It looks to me like you have done everything you should have and you should be proud of yourself for giving it your best so far. I myself am just starting out on the roller coaster and plan Aing for all I'm worth. I hope everything works out for you--good luck and take care.

hello all, thank you for your support (as always).

I would LIKE to "fix" things with W, but have realized that it is in fact over. I am perfectly ready to "move on" with my life, even though I still love her. She is "pushing" for D, and that is fine, I told her they will be filed by the end of the year. She also tells me, that she is unsure of her decision, but she has to find out if there is "something else" for her in this world. I accept this totally, and that is why I am moving forward. and who knows what the future holds???

Thank you all once again...

Well all, just a quick update... W is now in NY w/OM. The D papers will be sent out to her this month. It is "over" for "us". but on the positive note... we will still be friends, and talk once in awhile.

Thank you all for your support over the past year, if not for all of you, I don't know where I would be today. I can at least say I tried, and now can close this chapter of my life, and move on to another.

I wish everyone the best of luck, and will be around periodically to check on you all. Thank you again...

If you would like to contact me further:

Email: Torizo@hotmail.com or Darktorizo@yahoo.com
IM: same as above via MSN/Windows messenger or via Yahoo messenger.

God Bless you all.

Long Time no see to all you wonderful people (You know who you are <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) I thought I would let everyone know how I am doing.

Update: ExW is living in NY still (She is unhappy and calls me every once in awhile)

New Spouse (GF) and I have been together for 2 years now. (She is an old "friend" of mine), we grew up together, and have known each other for nearly 13 years now. She has 3 kids from previous marriage. And things are going great.

Well that is my update. Hope to see you all soon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ February 06, 2005, 01:00 PM: Message edited by: Torizo ]</small>