Redhat,
Thank you I will go there now.
Hope to talk to you again soon
Bryan

Bryan,<p>I did read your thread from the beginning, believe me. <p>Your wife DOES NOT TRUST YOU (which I know you know)... that means you MUST (if you want your marriage) make a COMPLETE CHANGE. <p>Redhat has all the links you need in the sig line -- the red underlined links -- read all of them.<p>Plan A is about NO LOVEBUSTERS (LB). Lovebusters are determined by the HEARER. So, the hearer (your wife) determines what a LB is. ALMOST ALWAYS, talking about the affair (A) AT ALL is a LB! You must NEVER talk about it while you are in Plan A. <p>I'm glad you're getting help for the abuse issues. You know a slap is wrong, and that's good, but I don't think you realize the impact of abuse. My ex "only" slapped me a few times (never in the face), but hit the walls, called me names and cowered over me while I lay in the fetal position. It didn't happen all the time, and in between times he was very loving and kind. It was so confusing. He never saw his actions as abusive, or realized the HORRIBLE EMOTIONAL AFFECTS of his ways. When the time came to think about saving the marriage for the final time (we separated three times) it was the abuse issues that made me realize that I could not put myself through it again. Please think about this in regard to your wife.<p>I invite your wife, once again, to contact me if she'd like. I will post my email address for her, if she's interested. I will be gone for the rest of the day, but tomorrow, if she comes back and asks, I will be happy to speak to her privately (or here, of course).<p>[ December 30, 2001: Message edited by: new_beginning ]</p>

Hey Everyone!
Sorry I have not replied in a couple of days. Just found out last night that Grandfather is dying. Great news to add to all the rest of the confusion. We new he was very ill, but did not expect the drastic turn with his health to this point. My wife and I actually made a little progress on new years eve. We went to dinner with two other couples. I now know, (with out going into detail)how she got into this mess. ALCOHAL! She has absolutly no control when she drinks. I really fear that if I would not have been there with her on new years there would have been a number four added to the list. She feels so bad though, after she drinks like that. (next day). How do you truly come to real forgivness? I really want to forgive her for all this. I don't know, maybe a sence of duty for all the things i've done? How I have been to her in the past? Like I have said I really know how much I love her. I am just taking it slowly. Not tring to over power her with I love yous. I think if I were to go to that extreem it might come across fake or rehearsed. I am deligently following my plan A. I am learning more about me now than I have ever learned before. EXAMPLE: Every sence I have had my drivers licence I have been close to the perverbial road rage type driver. I find my self getting angry with other drivers for doing silly things. Never think twice to throw someone the finger or yell bad words out the window. I actually cought myself early on new years eve day. I stopped my truck and really just sat there and said to myself why did you just get mad at this person? They did not deserve for me to flip them off like that. I really felt genuinely bad. I am also finding myself analizing my self before I speak to my wife. Things like Is this gonna hurt her if I say this. I am also finding ways without being obvious to make LOVE BANK DEPOSITS. But what is still bothering me is the level of honesty that I am tring to show and am not getting in return. I know I cannot ask but is there a way of quietly convincing her to talk a little more. I just know more of the situation than she knows I do. So In a nut shell is partial truth enough to go on? But I feel we cannot rebuild on lies. Zero lies. I hope to here from someone still tonight. Just another note I also quit smoking on new years eve and have not cheated on smoking sence.<p>Bryan

Bryan,
Look, she said that she wants to work it out with you. That my friend is a very good start. Now you have got to get to work and I can tell that you already have. Good work and hang in there on the no cigs, i too quit after d-day and I am sure glad to be rid of that habit!!!! Keep reading and learning!!! She will see a change in you and that is exactly what she wants to see.
Forgivness is a choice. Its not a one time thing either. You will have to forgive over and over, every time you start to crash and feel sick over what she did you have to remind youself that you forgave her. My pastor told me that the bible says your sins are not forgiven until you forgive those that have sinned against you. Remember, Jesus forgave the soldiers as they were driving the nails in his hands, can you imagin???
When I was able to forgive, a huge burden was lifted from me and recovery came fast. Trust me it works.
The hardest part was to forgive the OM. I thought I could never do that but the thought of him haunted me until I did forgive him. You don't have to confront him just do it in your mind God will know. It aint easy but it is somthing you must do. You will then be able to move ahead.
Think about planing a nice gettaway with your wife to bond and reconect useing all that you have learned (no love busting and make lots of deposets in your account) It might help her to diveret her attention towards you. Just a thought.<p>Hang in there your' doin good!!!<p>SH

Bryan,
One more thing, did you follow through with meeting your pastor? It sounds like you are begining to get control of your anger. By just admitting you have a problem is a very good start but you must seek help. This is only going to help you save your marriage and family.
SH

SH,
hey, Your question about following through with my pastor. Yes, we were going to meet today. But unfortunatly my grandfather passed away at 8:55 this morning. So I have had to cancel. My grandparents also attend this church so it was understansable to my pastor. About the forgiveness issue you quoted some bible, Iknow this, the bible says to forgive 70 X 7 dayly. A little mor info on me. I know this might be hard to believe but true. I used to be a minister in the Penticostal faith. I actually was a assistant youth pastor of a church that had a congragation of about 500 people. But if you know anything of the Penticostal faith they are extreemly hung up with standards that I do not agree with. So that started my downward spiral of walking away from the faith. My Great Grandfather founded the church near where I from. My grandfather on my dads side is a Bishop in the same faith and a missionary to Mexico. Also a uncle and great uncle are ministers as well. I know the Bible. Also have had a very personal walk as well. It still does not make it any easer. Maybe it's been such a long time that I have looked away, I don't know. To be honest I think God is using this to bring me back. I know I have a calling to do the lords work. A old friend, He is a pastor of a church told me one time that running from a calling is like trying to sleep with a wet dog. It can't be done. In 1995 is when I walked away. Maybe it's time to answer the calling again.
I really look forward to hearing from you again. Please write back.
Bryan

Bryan,
Join the club ... our head needed to be smack by 2x4 to get back to HIM. I was very active 'till when my WW drifts. I was feeling empty not be able to help out in my church. I think I know where is my ministry will be, I have to walk this storm to understand better the felling of BS. I will wait until my mess is ended and taking MB seminars but I know HE IS VERY JEALOUS and know how to wake us up. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Bryan,<p>Sorry to hear about your grandpa. Did he know the Lord? If so rejoice. I to went to a funeral yesterday (my friends son passed away from Lukimia) and my wife said to me that its kind of like when we were all a bunch of kids playing in the streets at the end of a long fun filled day and one by one our dads would come out and call us to come home now. When she said that to me it brought a smile to my face and I had to agree with her. Its funny though how the ones we like the most always have to go home first.
Bryan, I too was very close to my Lord and Savior and some how I began to drift away. For many years I lived my life for me and not him and then this happend. I too think it was a wakup call. It brought me back to the heart of worship and I feel SO MUCH BETTER NOW. It still hurts to think that it had to take something like almost loosing my wife and family to bring me back but I can't tell you enough, it worked and things could not be better.
Yes I had to make some big changes. I am totaly different now, I have a whole new out look on life and I have found my calling which is to minister to others who are in need. I found a great little church and got off my butt and got involved. I started a mens Bible study and that is growing and becomeing a blessing to some men that really needed some accountability in there lives. When I truly began to be obediant to God things started to happen and I owe it all to Him.
Your wife will see a change in you and this is what she wants. I had to change because the simple fact was she did not want the same me or the same relationship that we had, no way now how. But I loved her so much I knew that I knew it was time to stop backsliding and get my act to gether. How did I do it?? I got on my knees. I prayed like I never prayed before and Bryan, I can't describe what happend next.
I'll share more later. My prayers are with you...<p>God Bless, SH<p>[ January 04, 2002: Message edited by: stillhurts ]</p>

Hey people(Redhat,Stillhurts & New_Beginning)<p>Sorry I have not been around for a couple days. The funeral was very special. My old Pastor asked if I would speak at my Grandpa's funeral. It was very hard to be strong and hold my composure, but I managed. I guess one good thing came of the whole situation, the day my Grandfather went into the hospital my wife and I had a real nice heart to heart. We talked for a couple of hours or it seemed. We talked about a little of this and a little of that. All of it stemed around the A's. I felt as though we made real progress. That was seven days ago. She late in the conversation said that she did not want to talk again about it for one week. Well tonight was one week. So a little history on my week, Like I have said Grandpa died, So it made it real easy not to talk of this. I have been real pre-ocupied with other things. I can say this about my wife though, she has been there for me all week. Very strong, kind and loving. I have been taking the deathe bad. Lots of tears.

So that brings us to tonight. We just finished talking for two hours. Very calm, no yelling, a few tears(on my part), many questions and few answers. Absolutly no LB'ing "ZERO". I have really been making alot of LB deposites. I have been doing many things that are so out of my normal way of the old Bryan. But between you guys and me, when you love someone it really isn't as hard as I thought it would be. Actually it is feeling like it is starting to become more natural. That is why I know it is possiable to change. I actually feel the change taking place. <p> I have been concentrating on my Anger Management/control, books alot more than my books that I purchased by the harleys though. I read the book Love Busters though. I that book it really hit home on on a lot of things. Like the five LOVE BUSTERS. #1ANGRY OUTBURSTS,(me, all me) #2dISRESPECTFUL JUDGMENTS,(again me) #3ANNOYING BEHAVIOR, (reaaallly meeeee) #4SELFISH DEMANDS (ok thats me too) and #5DISHONESTY (I can't really take this one).<p> I feel I could write a whole page on four of these right now but I really don't think you guys want to sit around and read all night about my xploits all night. I really do need to vent a little though.<p> So here it goes. One thing my wife said tonight was " I REALLY CARE FOR HIM" OM. Ouch, ouch and really ouch. I asked if she meant, do you love him? She said no. I find it hard to believe. I wanted to say that but that would be a LB #2 DISRESPECTFUL JUDGEMENT.

OOPS, I dont know how that happened. It posted before I was done. <p> So anyway I'll say that in here. I was reading another post from "Persistant" and he said in one of his posts that (correct me if I am wrong) the counsler he was talking to said to his wife she needed to end all contact with OP. So she did it in a e-mail letter. My wife read that. But she still is holding on to the fact that there is no need to do that because I already did that for her.<p> I have asked her to do this if she is really commited to saving our marriage. I think if she did this it would go a long way to proove to me she is commited on saving our family and marriage. YES? or NO?
I can't understand what her reasons are for refusing this request.
She says she will look stupid to the OM, because he already knows this.<p>
I AM REALLY, REALLY CONFUSED HERE!!!<p>I know alot of people have carried (plan a) for many months on end. I'm not sure I have it in me to go on for a real extended period of time.<p> I also refuse to be in a situation like another person here in MB(torizo). Don't get me wrong I really feel for him. I feel for all the people here who have been put in these situations.<p>NONE OF US ASKED FOR THIS!!!!<p> I guess everyone needs to deal with things in his or her own way.<p> I am really studing and learning here and in books that I have bought. But some of the people here just seem not to learn or they don't listen to what they are being told. Maybe they are in a fog themselves. <p> I find myself wanting to reply to some of these people but I am still so new to all of this. I just don't think I am ready to give any of my opinions or that they are not/ will not want to hear them.<p> Ok back to me. I feel I have sooooooooo Much to offer my wife now that my eyes have been opened to my own short commings. But I really don't want to be one of these people that just chase and chase my wife into the ground. I think that actions have to speak louder than words right now. I can only tell her I LOVE YOU so much, before they just start becoming words. She needs to see it for herself.<p> I know it sounds like I am just carrying on like I am mad or something, WELL I AM MAD. Redhat, you told me this was a place I could let these feelings out, SO I AM DOING JUST THAT!<p>I'M MAD.<p>I have read and have been told by my marriage counsler that it is ok to get mad but to control the feelings of anger that want to come out. <p> I have learned a few simple things to help with this, one of wich is to find a safe place to vent. HERE IT IS. Right here where people know what it means to be mad and hurt.<p>I have learned how to recognize what trigger thoughts are, and how they play a huge part in anger.
I have also learned that anger distorts reality. I need to concintrate on what is called coping thoughts and how to create them in time of crises. <p>I just hope you all know how much you mean to me and I will not let you down. I am in this for a good reason. MY WIFE.<p>I will sign off with a quote from my grandpa. He was a Navy "SEABEE" there motto as well as his was "CAN DO" and for me I'll say "I CAN & WILL"<p>SEE YA

Hello again,
Well I am starting to feel like I am talking to myself. Where are all of you guys? Wow this is three posts and not one response. I know you all are busy i'm just kiddin. Not really. I really look forward to hearing from ya. It is kinda my highlight of the day. <p> Tonight has been pretty hard. W said she was gonna go to the gym and work out. I bought her a membership for christmas. But it was really hard to let her leave. I am really starting to struggle with all of this again. I think the funeral really took my mind off of this.<p> Where is the forgivness? Where do I look to find it? I know its in me somewhere!!<p> My wife just came out here into my office, and I tell ya I want her sooooo bad it hurts.But its still there.

Maybe tomorrow will be a little better.
Thanks for reading if nothing else.<p>Your friend
Bryan

Bryan,
I tryed to post to you yesterday but my computer locked up just as I finished. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]
You are doing good, give yourself a pat on the back. If you continue on this path I believe recovery will come very soon. Just be patient it will take time for her to completely get over what happened. I remember hearing those same words from my WS, that she still had feelings for OM. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] All I could do was accept the fact and pray that those feelings would go away and they did. I think as time went on she started to see the true picture, that the A was not real life, just a fantisy so to speak. She also began to feel like she was used and taken advantage of by OM and I didn't have to say a word, she figured it out all by herself which is what you need to do.
Continue to plan A, let her see the continued changes in you and in time she will see that you are for real and it's not just temporary.
Remember to pray with her often and pray over her asking for Gods continued blessings and protection over her. You might try to read to her,<p>Proverbs 31 10-31
10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14
She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15
She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
16
She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18
She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19
In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21
When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22
She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23
Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24
She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29
"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31
Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.<p>
After I read this to my wife I told her that when I read this I think of her. It made her cry and she asked me how could I say that after what she did? I told her that I forgave her and I don't think of her as a bad person just someone who made a mistake. I let her know that I was also to blame for things that happend in the past and I asked her to forgive me and she did.
I had to promise her though that since she assured me that the A was over, I was going to take a leap of faith and begin to trust her again. She thanked me and asked if we could just not talk about the A any more. I agreed and I never brought it up again. I asked her to help me in trusting her again in ways like letting me know where she was going and just try to show me as best you can that you are truly in this recovery with me. It took some time to truly trust her again but I think that just letting go and allowing her to make changes in her way and in her time was the key. I finally realised that I could not change her it had to truly come from her and it did take time.
There was just one last request that I had and I was scared to ask of it but I did it anyway. Since she has already said that she wants to work on our marriage and that there is no more contact with OM, I need her to promise me that if there is contact again, she needs to tell me and tell me as soon as it happens, i.e. call me at work, page me what ever. I said that it is only fare to me to know exactly where I stand. She agreed and there has been no contact in 14 months now.
Bryan, try to be patiant, I know its hard but what your wife is going through is also pure hell just in a differant way.
Hang in there you are doing good.<p>SH

StillHurts,<p> I knew you were still here. Thanks for the post Its times like this that seem to help the most. I don't even know you but look forward to getting home and finding posts like this one. They seem to inspire me to just try a little harder. <p> Today was real hard because I had a short busniess trip. It was only a two hour drive from here but all the things that can run through your head in two hours of driving alone. And to boot W has fridays off, so she was here and I was not. Kinda makes you wonder. The kids were here though. But so is the computer.<p> Wow, do you see what I am doing? I am letting my mind play tricks on me. This really STINKS.<p>Well I am gonna sign off for now. Hope to here from ya tonight. And any one else that would like to say anything.<p>Bryan

Hey Bryan,
You know where and how those thoughts come from. That is exactly where the enemy does his work, through the mind. Rebuke those thoughts and move on. I remember those days and it was pure hell. I would get so worked up that when I finally got to be with my wife I was a basket case. Not good. As it turned out she had a real good day everything was looking up, she was begining to be happy again and then I showed up and spoiled everything. Remember to come here to vent and express your pain. Don't unload on her. This is where you will have to pull yourself together and give her the feelings of joy to be around you not pain. I know sometimes its so hard, you just want to tell her everything so that she can see the pain that she caused and continues to cause but you must resist this temptation at all costs.
Keep up the good work.<p>SH

Been reading your thread here and thought I might add my bit of humble advice. Seriously consider going to the doctor and getting some anti-depressants, many of us BS's have and it has done wonders to settle us down and get focused on what is important. If you truly do have some anger management issues, it is even more important to consider this route.<p>Please do not keep checking up on WS, it does you no good. I did the same thing you are doing and it was making me absolutely crazy. This is a huge LB, I know that others have said that she does not deserve your trust, they are right, she needs to earn it back. But, its not about her, its about your own sanity. Please don't obsess over the A and OM(s), it will eat you up and destroy you.<p>Finally, your W's post shouldn't be taken as a complete failure. She is very angry and upset, but it is to be expected. It seems that she is at least thinking about what she has done and that is a positive sign, I can see the guilt and pain that she is experiencing in what she wrote. <p>Remember that you can not control your W (you never could, healthy relationships are not about control), all you can do is control how you act/react to the situation. Hard as it may sound, you need to let the A die its own natural death, everytime you interfere, you prevent that from happening.<p>I see that you are doing some great things to make yourself a better person, please continue doing so.

What's Up Everyone?
Well I had a interesting day. Babysitter quit last night. So I got to stay home from work today to watch the kids and try to make arrangments for a new sitter. FUN HUH?
I think I could handle playing Mr. Mom. lol
I had a few minutes and called MB and talked with Jennifer and have put a few things in motion to begin counseling over the phone right here on MB.<p>Jennifer assured me that counseling does work over the phone if we are both willing to do our work together. I am, and thought W was too.<p>THOUGHT! <p>We were just talking about it and she said that I shouldn't expect her to be as willing to make a change as I am right now.<p>W has been really acting strange latly, Last couple of days anyways. I dont know if there are some serious withdraws happing right now or if contact is being made with OM or what. She seems to be really adament on there is no contact with OM, with out me even asking. Almost as if there is some level of guilt there. I really do not want to read into something that isn't there but the thought does cross my mind. <p>I really would like to thank all of you for your time and helpful advice, but I really think this will be my last post for a while. I am really going to concintrate on my marriage and really get into a mode of putting all of this behind me. I know you all mean well and even though I will not be posting for a whilr I will still read and see haow things are going. I will post my e-mail address here on the site though. I just feel after talking with jennifer today I do need to take it to another level. I'm very commited to saving my marriage and am willing to do what ever it takes.
Again, you all mean so much to me. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you guys respond to this because I will check my thread tomorrow. <p> What I will promise is this, When this works out I will be here to try and help as you have. I will not forget all of your words. <p>So individual thank yous
Redhat (I really needed your advice)
Stillhurts (big time thanks)
Joell
BryanP
New_beginning
And Loveherstill
Your friend,
Bryan

Bryan,
You are in a good hand w/ Jennifer. However sometime you need to vent or need to get second or third opinions other than your own or even help others. MB forum is the place.
You have to do plan A and you might need a lot of support, this forum is 24x7x7, someone always here to help.<p>Don't be a stranger, ok ?.

Whats up everyone?
Well, I guess I couldn't stay away for long. I really miss hearing from everyone. Thank you REDHAT, you know why. I guess in retrospect, I needed this site more than I thought I did. You all have such a way of making a bad day into a little better one. I have been going through so much lately, and it seems like no one around me understands. A whole lot of negative input. I really don't need anymore negative influence here. I really think it may be getting close to some real changes. Although I am not sure wheather they are good or bad. One moment my wife seems like, well I will write what she wrote me.<p>"Honey,
I want you to know I love you baby..... just trying to get past everything. It's hard, alot has happened. Embarressed by it all... Hold onto me and our love and be patient. I do love you with all I am. I got into something that I never should have.... What has happened I know never should have. I know you love me. My heart will be with you soon. I PROMISE.
I love you
Have a great day, Me"<p>And the day before I got this note.<p>"Honey
Thank you for my note... It meant alot to me. I have promised no contact. I have kept my word. There has been none, in any shape or form. It's to painful for me and I know what has to be done to repair things. Hope you have a great day.
I love you, Me"<p>Well, that would be great if she really means it. I am just affraid that she may not be being truthful. (redhat) <p>I just don't know what to think? If there is contact being made through someone else, she may not be comunicating personaly but I just can't help but thinkin that this might be the case. <p>If contact is made through someone else isn't that still contact?<p>I do know she did try to make contact with the OM three thims last week. She even told me when I confronted her. WS said that it was just to end it and to let him know that there was going to be no more contact. But she lied for two days about no contact.
I asked her if the reason she was trying to make contact was to stop all contact, then why would you lie to me about it for two days then. She said " she did not want to hurt me by calling him" Come on what kind of idiot does she think I am. I was born at night but not last night. <p>Remember I let all this happen because I wanted to trust her. I felt something was going on all along. But she wanted her space and I gave it to her. I could have followed her but I didn't. I could have stayed up till 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning and waited for her to come home. But I didn't. I wanted to trust her. And she must really think I am just some kind of dummie. NOT. DONT THINK SO BABE!!!!<p>I can promise this it will never happen again. If it does there will be no more me, MB, Love busters, Surviving an affair, His needs/her needs,Fall in love stay in love or any thing else that has to do with me. Ya know where I am gonna be? The mountains of Montana. ha ha. In other words " I'm out" <p>I have really been making huge changes. Some of which I know she does not see because they are within myself, but others are so obvious it is kind of scary. MIL & FIL are real big negitave influences on my wife. They constantly tell my wife that the changes I am making are just temporary and that as soon as things calm down I will just return to the same old Bryan. But you know what my response is to that? Wheather or not my wife work this mess out I see my faults now. So in the future if we aren't together I know I'll never make the same mistakes again. I will continue as long as I am with my wife to give her respect that a wife deserves. RESPECT, LOVE, ADMIRATION, ATTENTION, HONESTY, FORGIVESS and in time TRUST.<p>Wow, I am really even surprising my self. Okay I will end this for now. I gonna try and catch up on some of the othe posts here.<p>Hope to here from ya all soon
Bryan

HARD2WAKEUP,<p>Don't look at the words but look at their actions. Does she getting more closer to you ?, sign more affections ? ...<p>If contact is made through someone else isn't that still contact?
Yes, it is. You are LB'ed again by confronting her.<p>But she wanted her space and I gave it to her. I could have followed her but I didn't.
I would follow her ... but don't get caught. She is out there with OM. 99% your instinct is correct. However I would give her a benefit of the doubt, ask her and no LB'ed. Verify the story later but no LB'ed. Even with the dumbest excuse, just take it.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>I can promise this it will never happen again. If it does there will be no more me, MB, Love busters, Surviving an affair, His needs/her needs,Fall in love stay in love or any thing else that has to do with me. Ya know where I am gonna be? The mountains of Montana. ha ha. In other words " I'm out" </strong><hr></blockquote>
You know, IMVHO, you could still save M and rebuild it with a better one, a fullfiling M. She is right now fall back again but she see some changes in you, which is good. She is confused, one moment she is romancing you and on the other hand she is still addicted to OM.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>I have really been making huge changes. Some of which I know she does not see because they are within myself, but others are so obvious it is kind of scary. MIL & FIL are real big negitave influences on my wife. They constantly tell my wife that the changes I am making are just temporary and that as soon as things calm down I will just return to the same old Bryan. But you know what my response is to that? Wheather or not my wife work this mess out I see my faults now. So in the future if we aren't together I know I'll never make the same mistakes again. I will continue as long as I am with my wife to give her respect that a wife deserves. RESPECT, LOVE, ADMIRATION, ATTENTION, HONESTY, FORGIVESS and in time TRUST.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Prove them wrong, Bryan. Take this M as a training ground for a better and irresistable Bryan. Give PTC, patience, time and consistency. You have mistreated her in the past, give her time and prove FIL&MIL wrong.<p>[ January 25, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Well, yesterday was a pretty good day. We actually went out last night. We took the kids bowling. Kids had a nice time. Wife could hardly keep her hands off me. It was nice. Although I am a little sceptical because when we returned home she turned down my advances. I can't explain where her head is? And again tonight as well (turned me down) after a whole day of real flirtatious behavior on her part. I am confused still. But anyways we seem to be getting along alot better. She still refuses to send letter of no contact. I have not asked about it for two weeks. So I asked if she had given it any more thought today and her response was the same as it has been. "NO I am not doing that". I dropped it because my MC said that if she was to send a letter just because I had asked her to and if she was not ready to than what good would it do? I guess I can agree with that. It's still hard though.<p>Bryan