Thanks for the replies:<p>I am feeling very emotional today, this is most probably after the high of yesterday being with the children and seeing H.<p>As I see H only every second weekend when he fetches DD it is difficult to speak to him. During the day he phones DD's three to four times but never ever ask to speak to me. It is also difficult sending him e-mail as the OW is his secretary and she opens all his e-mail. We actually had a very big argument about it soon after D-day as I told him that they were private mail and what right did she have to open it. H said she was his secretary and have a right. So I have stopped sending him e-mail post.<p>OW is cutting H off from me completely. As H told me he would like to become involved in childrens lives I feel that this is an opportunity to make use of. It is D birthday in two weeks time and I have decided to invite him over to the house for party. Also eldest D is having a PTA meeting and will extend an invitation for him to join me. All previous attempts to involve him was ignored as his excuse is always he will not be in town. Part of the letter that I am drafting says "You have always been a very caring and loving father and I would appreciate it sincerely if you will help me with the healing of their pain and understanding that their dad will always be there for them. Also to help me with their education and their emotional needs".<p>H is currently busy selling of businesses to maintain his extravagant lifestyle with OW. I feel that if I should intervere now then it will only haste his decision for DV and things will turn ugly again between the two of us. My main concern now is to save my M. My therapist said I am to passive and should take him to the cleaners.
If I do that now I will lose my M as my H had told a mutual friend that he would fight me on every aspect. For now I just want to be that loving W and for him to see the changes in me.<p>My WS has actually been very reasonable regarding the finances. He still maintains the house and all other expenses incurred for daily living. Also pays for education of children. He told me that he wants to maintain the standard of living that DD's is accustomed too. I'm praying that this arrangement will not change because I know what the finance of my H is like and the way he is living now is far above his means. "WS and OW bought a beachfront apartment and I live in the suburbs". <p>It hurts when I look at what he is giving the OW and in our M there was never enough money for anything. "Seing that the A is 11 mnths and D-Day has only been 5mths and separation only 3 mnths old the fog is still very heavy - when does this heavy fog lift". It is actually very scary for me to see all this but I am not interfering as the A must run its course and H will be left with all the consequences of his irrational behaviour.<p>Please share with me your experiences for me to be able to understand that I am not the only one going through this.<p>Thanks