Hi Forgiver,
Wondering how you are doing? <p>Hopeing you know that even without a life altering trip, or a realationship, you are still a wonderful person. <p>I really can't say I worry about you any longer - OK, I lie, I worry about you. Probably shouldn't, probably don't need to. But . . . .<p>Are you getting support from parents and friends? <p>Check in and say Hi -
( it's not just me, redhat worries too, so there)
SS

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by still seeking:
<strong>Hi Forgiver,
Wondering how you are doing? <p>......
I really can't say I worry about you any longer - OK, I lie, I worry about you. Probably shouldn't, probably don't need to. But . . . .<p>Are you getting support from parents and friends? <p>Check in and say Hi -
( it's not just me, redhat worries too, so there)
SS</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Well U can add me on the list of those that want to know how you are doing!?!?!?! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

And me too!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Everybody!

Just checking in! No need to worry i am still forging ahead and discovering new things about myself. Felling comfortable trying new things and being spontaneous- something I needed to work on. I finished up at my job and now I have my summer off. On the last day of work I went to stay overnight at a resort with a friend and won some money playing blackjack. That is something else i never was into doing- gambling. I would not even take the risk. This time I took $100. and told myself if i lose it so what, but I won't play anymore. Well i did lose it at the poker table in about 20 minutes. So I switched to black jack, won it all back and then some!!! It was great. From there I went with a friend to her new job to help her set up. It was near some other friends of mine spo we all decided to go out. We stayed over a few nights and then caught up with my brother. We stayed a night with him and then my girlfriend went home but I stayed on with my brother for three more nights. So for almost 2 weeks i have been living out of a bag and socializing with different groups of friends and having and absolutely fantastic time. Don't worry I am not being totally wild and stupid. Jsut going day by day and seeing what it has to offer. When the offers stop I go back to my home. Thankfully my parents took my dogs and are encouraging me to go out and have fun.

I have been having a blast going to museums, seeing movies, going bowling, hanging out a cafes, eating excellent food, drinking amazing drinks and having an all around enjoyable time. I feel like I am on vacation, which I am basically. My favorite way to spend the day has been going to central park with a book and a friend, walking around, reading under a tree, taking a nap, watching a baseball or frisbee game and just watching all the happy people enjoying themselves. I love the city. Where I live i am by the ocean which is beautiful and peaceful and everyone from the city comes here to get away but I would rather be in the city. I love being around other young people. By me it is all families and older peolpe. I am SOOOOO LONELY!!! Not that I need someone or a relationship, absolutely NOT. not right now. But I do need to be around other people in the 25-55 age bracket. I especially yearn for the 30 year old crowd. So needless to say I have been going into the city alot staying with all my friends.

Nowlast night I came back home and my brother came with me. He wants to be out of the city for the 4th. I have always had a big 4th party with a fire on the beach. Last year was the firt time we didn't b/c I was with my H in St. Kitts- where we did absolutely nothing, it was like any other day. So this year my brother wanted to be here. I think all the people i have been staying with in the city will be coming to stay as well. I know they have been wanting to but I have been going to them everyweekend for the past 2-3 months and then this past 2 weeks non-stop.

So I have been enjoying myself. My project for the summer is to get legally separated by August and set the wheels in motion for a divorce. I have 6 lawyers to interview and see who tells me what. I have never heard from my H again since the day I gave him the plan b letter nad he drove off saying he would never be comfortable here again. Good riddance, I don't remember this happy in a long time. I don't know what I was waiting for. But I realize I had a shell to break out of and i am busting loose! My friends and family notice a big difference. My sister says I want my old sister back- no I don't. Not that i had a major problem before but I have always been reserved and on the quiet side. I look at it as being more laid back and looking towards others to make decisions. NOw I am the leader and making decisions. I am grabbing life by the horns because I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, God forbid. But I never want to spend another sad and lonely day again.

The only other major difficulty I am dealing with -you can not tell by the tone of my writing so far- is I got a gutwrenching, heart ripping phonecall on my answering machine from a friend that my horse had to be put to sleep yesterday. I was not around and no one could reach me so they called his old owner and she made the decision. It killed me. I am so devestated. He was my escape my therapy. Being with him filled me with love. And no after all this I lose him too. It is notheing compared to the loss of a family member, but to me he was my family. I can't believe I lost him after going through all this. I can not bring myself to go to the barn or call anyone. But I have to go now. I am sorry to bring you all down at the end. But that is where I am. Life has been so wonderful for the first time in a long time and now another loss.
Well, I hope you are all doing well-PLEASE fill me in what is going on with you? And thank you so much for caring about me. It really means alot. I don't feel so alone. (Still seeking, My friends and family are being very supportive as you may be able to tell, especially my brother. Thanks for asking)
I'll check back soon.
Forgiver

Forgiver,

Sorry to hear about your horse. Another way of looking at it, one less emotional tie to your H when and if you have to move on. I am glad you have so much freinds & family supports, count your blessing. You have to listen to your SIS's concern don't just discard it, she might have merit or she just "afraid of" who you become. Remember, happiness is within you and you have to reach it out.

I am at regional competition day 10th. My WW use her lawyer to get this regional event as her "time" rather than share time ... wicked !. She asked me to leave the practice rink since she say I interfere with her "time". She had no ground to do so and it show that she didn't care about my 2 D feeling. I left just to avoid conflict and my LB had been forclosed for a long time. Even the head coach told me to stay if I want to ... I left anyway, I might do bodily harm to her if she dared to approach me. I am a person who will open my house & my wallet & my shoulder for stranger in need. I would never even turn my head if she scream for her help. Positive side of it ... I could take a break and become accidental tourist <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I watch other event that I would not go otherwise. I have my mom with me so I have an adult companion. My 2 D made it to National and that is the most important thing. I would not even give her video tapes that I took of my 2 D during competition ... I don't think she care anyway. I will be in rev's backyard on August 1 for National Championship <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and it will my turn to have my 2 D ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Monday I will have a mediation meeting to review final CC ... I will spare no mercy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> . Last time I hold some to spare her emotions and feeling. This time is for my 2 D ... I will come arm (w/ notes and fragment of her conversation) and prepare.

I am also in the process of closing a house, a cute starter home. I could just see my self and 2 D live in it. I could not wait to work on it.

Glad to hear from you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-RH-

Oh, Forgiver, it sounds good for you. You almost have me convinced not to worry about you any more. Probably I will jut keep worring for a little while longer, jut to make sure.

Sorry about your horse, I wish I could say more, or somehow make it not so bad, but I don't know how.

Thanks for the update, I can't see any problems with what you are doing, it sounds good. I approve.

Keep checking in, we care.
SS
PS, Redhat, good to hear about you. Try not to kill your WW, daughters would miss you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ July 02, 2002, 03:14 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

still seeking,

No, I would not do that ... I know OM would when she found out who he really is. My WW and OM have violent temper ... I would not be surprise when the [censored] hit the fan there will be police involvement. I will warn FCS (family court service) about it so when that happens I will seek 100% custody ... legal and physical.

Sorry forgiver to hijack your thread <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> . -RH-

((((Forgiver)))) I missed you soooo much!!!

I am so sorry for the loss of your horse. I know if I lost my dog right now I would be absolutely devastated. It may not be a human being, but its something that is a part of your life, that is special and that is alive. You give it love unconditionally and it returns it unconditionally. I believe animals have a spirit too, and (and this may sound weird), but your horse is with you still, just not in the flesh but its watching over you. I'm not a hippy by the way, I just believe that everything is God's love and is no less or no more than a human being. If I could give you a hug I would.

You sound so happy otherwise!! I don't think your being wild or stupid - I think your living girl. Go out there and soak it up. Experience all that life gives to you.

Last year my H & I were in Hawaii on the 4th July after a world wind tour of various parts of Europe and the world. I remember I wanted to party as I had never been in a 4th July celebration (and I LOVE fireworks). Do you think he would go out - nup! I regret that - should have gone by myself, but I was scared. Wow, if only I had known what I know now - I would have been out there baby. So I sympathise with you. I will have my own 4th July celebration here in Australia and think of you all, especially you Forgiver my friend.

I know what you mean about being lonely, its not often, but when I see a couple walking arm in arm or at a restuarant together I feel it. When I need a hug or someone to talk to I feel it. I can deal with it for now, but I don't want to live like this forever.

H has been warm and less warm. I am being inpatient at times, because its moving so slow. I'm not ready for plan B just yet. Then again, who knows what tomorrow brings...

I am planning a trip to Vanuatu in Sept where I will go diving. I am really looking forward to the break. I have been really frightened about selling the house, etc. I am sad to leave it, but I am ready to move on. It will be about a month, and I may have to live with dad (short term I hope), but this house is too big for me now and its just time to move on.

Talk soon.
SH

Hi Forgiver,

I have been following your long story. How are you doing?

Hi Forgiver, miss you heaps, but know you must be doing well. I'm in plan B too now. Don't know where it will lead but I think I had little choice left. I couldn't deal with the situation any longer.

Please update us to how you are going.

Seahorse

{{{{{HUGS TO YOU ALL}}}}}

Hey Guys!! I have been catching up on everyones threads. It sounds like everyone is having their ups and downs. I pray for more ups than downs for you all. Of course I was especially enthralled by Seahorse's saga. I am so glad SS, Orchid and redhat have been by your side. I am sorry I have not been posting for you. But I will do my best to stay on board. Today I will venture to the D postings and see where I have to go.

So far with me I have adjusted to plan B. It was has been very difficult to accept the situation. I have been surpressing thinking about what it all means by trying to keep myself busy. It is a relief to not have to wait for my H's phone calls or e-mails. I have resigned myself to him never contacting me again. I have been spending alot of time with friends and family. I do not think a day has gone by since my H left at the end of May when I have been alone for more than a few hours. My friends and family have been very supportive. I have told more friends about my situation but no one at work knows. I figure I have the rest of the summer to see what happens and in September I will have a concise story and a blanket answer. I'm just not sure what it will be. My H had a A so I filed? We had some trouble with the distance and we are taking a break? I tried everything I could but my H left me? I don't know.

What I do know is that I feel more comfortable starting over with someone new at this point (Not right now, eventually) than to wait for my H to want to work on our M. I feel what he has to overcome is far greater than he is capable of doing. I'm not sure I can take him back after going through this for so long. He started with her two weeks after starting school and although I had glimmers of hope over the past year, it is too much. For each day that goes by it is harder to forgive. And you can't forgive unless asked for frogiveness. I have forgiven myself and that is all I can do at this point.

He sent me one e-mail after my horse died stating he was sorry to hear about it. He knew how much my horse ment to me. He told me I had to be stronger than ever. He said he has been thinking alot about what he has done to me and our families and he does not know if we will ever be together again. he said he does not deserve me anyway and signed it "love always, H"
Of course I did not respond. ASfter all this is Plan B.

I went to my in-laws last week for a few days. Talked alot about the situation with my MIL. I know blood is thicker than water. She calls all the time asking what I am doing and to hang in there he's coming back to me don't worry everyhting will get better. She asks when am I coming to see her. She asks if I am going to maroon her too. So I figure she will turn on me soon enough. It would be better to apiese her and go visit for a few days than to stay away and have her get hostile or resentful. I have to try to maintain a positive relationship with them. She asked me if I was mad at her. She sensed something was wrong (no duh! Your son screwed up my life!) I told her it was difficult for me to be there. I also told her it hurt me deeply whenever she says that if I had quit my job and stayed down there this never would have happened. Implying it was my fault. iI pointed out to her he chased the OW 2 weeks after starting school at a time when I was going to quit my job and stay. But then after being there I felt it was not a good choice so I left. They were carrying on while I was down there with him. Had I stayed they would have continued and I would be out of luck and everything. I was also upset that he came home and jeopardized my health by sleeping with me after being with her and giving me an std. Thankfully it was treatable and cured however I may be steril as a result. My MIL backpeddled and said she was sorry she never ment it was my fault, blah, blah, blah. She tried to explain away but I feel in the end that will be her story. It will never be her son's fault that he had the affair. It will be my fault that I did not give up everything to stay with him so he found someone who would- who just happened to be there.

My MIL, FIL, SIL and my H's aunt are going to ST. Kitts for 1 week in August when the OW is coming back to the states and my H will be there alone. They are going for a visit to see the school and to talk to him face to face about what he is doing and to plead with him to come back to me. My SIL said they were going to "Beat some sense into him" They asked me to help them on the computer to get plane tickets and find a place to stay. My MIL said she would never stay in the house where he lived witht the OW- NEVER!! Well wouldn't you know it. I found them the tickets but they compromised their standards and they are going to stay in my H's house after all. I wonder what else they will compromise in the end. But I think I am sounding bitter. That is not very becoming of me so I'll stop.

While I was at my in-laws, my SIL said she would call me right back when we were on the phone. So when it rang I picked it up. It was my H! I said "Hello?" He said "Hi! How are you?" I said "Hold on." and gave the phone to his mother. she said "don't you want to talk to him?" I said "No. I am taking a shower, I'm going out with S." and I went up the stairs. When my MIL got on the phone she said "Forgiver's here don't you want to talk to her?".... "Well, when will be a good time?" Apparently he told her it was not a good time to talk because the OW was there. That was how I handled it. It was a knee jerk reaction. Perhaps I should have stayed on the phone but we are in plan B and I was not about to fill him in on everything that was going on in my life. I'm sure he gets enough from his Mom about me. I try not to tell her anything and I share with her that I speak to her in confidence knowing she will respect my wishes not to share my life with my H. But I'm sure anything she finds out about me she tells to him.

My project now is to compile a time line of the past two years. Compile a list of questions. Get my bank statements and mortgage statements in order and see a lawyer. I have 6 lawyers lined up. I'm not sure if I go for a legal separation first or just straight for the D. What is the protocal? I have not done anything yet so I am not sure if sitting and doing nothing is better than putting this behind me immediately. I do not see any hope at this point. They are still blissfully happy and moving into a new apt together. He is working part time while she goes to school and I am at home doing my own thing. This could go on for 2 more years. At this point I'm pretty much done. And I would like to be free of all of this. I'm not quite sure why I am not completely gung ho about going for a D at this point. Is it because I am holding out for a miracle? Is it because I am afraid of losing my house and paying him? I just want a clean break but I do not want my life going down the tubes anymore than it already has. I want to stay in my house and keep on living like I have and eventually start over with someone new and much more compatable.

That is all for now. I will keep you posted. Overall I am doing great. Plan A helped me get here and plan B is working it's magic. I am letting go. And it is true, I can look back and say I did everything I could to save my M. I can not recall a single major LB. So my H can only look back and see someone who was always loving, kind and respectful that gave him ample opportunity and support to try to save our M but he was not willing to try. My heart feels it is time to move on. So I bid you a goodbye for now but will be back in a week or so with any new updates. In the meantime I will continue to lurk when I get a chance.
I am praying for you all to have a happier ending than I have (although in some respects I am happy with my own ending. I like who I have become <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )
Take Care!
Forgiver

Hold it, Hold it, Hold it.

So now we know all about MIL and H but what about you. IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS. You say you are fine, but hey, trust has to be earned. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
You want us to trust that you are OK, you have to explain what you are doing.

It is good to hear you be positive. Thanks for the Information. See you around.
SS

Dear Forgiver,

You are one strong and magnificient woman!!! You are able to hold your own despite his feeble attempts. In the long run, you are the one with the grace, dignity and respect.

Not a wallflower but a beautful rose one that all eyes will gaze upon.

Remember that, Forgiver. During the down days. They will still come but you will know how to over come them.

I am amazed at your stamina and endurance. Keep up the good work. The WS and OW will fail, just a matter of when, not even if just when. You though will move forward in life with grace and dignity. The WS will continue to kick himself for giving up his best choice in life. But he will look funny as he walks down the road of life kicking himself in the but.

take care and please keep in touch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

Ok! Ok! Ok! Still Seeking! What have I been doing? Great stuff! Since I am not working due to having the summer off I have:
Cleaned and organized my entire house.

Had central vac installed.

Hosted a beach party.

Driven to NYC BY MYSELF!! Several times (something I'd never do before)

Ridden the train to NYC by myself.

Read alot of books on relationships, sex and just for pleasure.

Played frisbee alot in Central Park.

Spent alot of time in Central Park.

Visited Museums.

Gone to Movies.

Gone Rock Climbing.

Still Kickboxing and working out.

Talked alot with my parents and siblings about my situation, trying to help them cope.

Gone to small pubs and bars to hear live music.

Gotten really into Miles Davis.

Helped a friend install a kitchen lamp.

Helped a friend plan a trip to the land of Seahorse (Australia).

Relaxed at the beach.

Stayed up late, slept late.

Forgotten what day of the week it was.

Spent alot of quality time getting closer and bonding with friends I've rarely been alone with (I was always with them with my H).

Had alot of heart to heart talks about relationships, work, life and dying with some of my friends.

Met some very interesting men who were very interested in me but also respectful of the fact that I am not ready for a realationship and will not even give it a thought until I am divorced. I have been offered a whole lot of phone numbers- none of which I took, but told them I was very flattered. There are some nice respectable men out there.

Spent alot of time with my brother.

Compiled a list of important questions for lawyers.

Made several appointments with lawyers for initial consultations.

And overall been enjoying myself relaxing.

My main focus now is to get advice on how to handle my situation with my H. My brother pointed out that it may happen that the longer I wait to do something legally the more time my H has to detatch himself from our life together and by getting a divorce later he or I may be more mean to each other because too much time has gone by and there are no more attatchments. I just want a quick easy unmessy divorce. I don't think that has ever been done. But I figure if I do it now while my MIL says my H is still confused and feels guilt he may let me end it quickly. My friends say I should get it over with because they feel my H is depending on me to continue to be the kind loving person I have been and to just hand him half of everything in order to do this a paecefully as possible. They warn me that I have to protect myself and not let him take advantage of me anymore. He gets to have his new life with his new wife while they are both successful vets in exchange for me getting the house and not paying alimoney. If not, then I have to make it ugly, not divorce him and go after his salery once he is done with school.

So that is what I have been doing and thinking about over the past few weeks I hope I have earned some trust SS? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Nothing too exciting but I have had enough excitement for a little while anyway. I'd like to rent my house so I can take a trip or hire a kick a** lawyer. That's all for now!
Love,
Forgiver

Hi Forgiver, I'm glad you are well and that you are able to sort you life so well. I wish I had the courage and zest you do. I think you H will be very sorry one day, and he will have to live in his own stew. I don't feel much pity for him to be honest. He had his chance.

I have been in plan B for over a week and heard nothing, although I don't expect to. I have been really busy and will be diving this weekend - my new found love.

I am really considering why I am holding onto this relationship. Plan B seems to do that.

I hope you keep checking in and updating us. I still hope to meet you one day

Liz

Forgiver,

Can't say much ... you are poster girl for plan A and now you are ready to roll in plan B. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I am glad SeaHorse is around too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

-RH-

Greetings Forgiver,

Well, Well, I am starting to trust you. However, it will probably take some time, so come back and report often.

No, actually, you sound great. I worry less about you now. A lot less. Please permit me some small worries for you, to keep me busy.

Thanks for the report, I still pray for you, expect great things from you. I am sending continued strength and support over the net. Lets see if it works..... are you feeling anything?

Hey, we have to try.

Listen, to be real, you really do sound positive, but I know you still have doubts and sad days. Keep on, you will be OK. ( I know that you know this now, but we really do have to say it.)

OK, you can have another week, have fun, continue to be careful.

SS

<small>[ July 19, 2002, 02:14 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Forgiver,

I've been following your story since I registered and all I can say is WOW! Your strength is a tremendous inspiration to me. My husband and I are a month into recovery. He had an affair with a co-worker while I was pregnant. Although I knew there was someone else for a couple of months I had no idea who until the day before I went into labor (JUNE 15). He had been lying about everything! Her name, where she worked, what she looked like, where she lived, how many kids she had, etc. The worst part was that he said he had fallen in love with her over the nine months they'd been together <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and wanted to leave me and the kids to be with her. Can you imagine? Nine years for nine months?!? Anyway, I didn't have the strength to plan A. I was extremely pregnanat and repeatedly begged him to stay here and work on our M, which I resent myself for doing now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> Oddly enough, the day that I decided to give up and let him go, he decided to stay and do the work with me. He atributed his turn around to the fact that he did love me despite his "feelings" for her and that his commitment was more important than any teporary infatuation he might feel for her or anyone else. He was also tired of being a liar and a cheat. It exhausted him almost to the point of a nervous breakdown.

Anyway, my boys and I are doing great (7, 2 and 4 weeks), and my husband and I are taking the steps necessary to rebuild what we've lost, although I find myself grieving the loss of security in his love and commitment. He was my high school sweetheart and I've never been with anyone else. I no longer trust that he will always be there to love and take care of me the way I used to, and feel that I have to change my life to prepare for that.

Your story is unbelievably inspiring. I'm so sorry for what has brought you to this forum, but I hope you realize that your strength is phenomenal! Your honesty with yourself and your strength to live the way you are living now have literally brought tears to my eyes. Your growth is so apparent from post to post! I don't believe for a minute that I could have done it. (My thoughts were even suicidal at times) I've never met you but I can tell that you are an absolutely beautiful person inside and out and you deserve all the happiness life can throw your way.

Even though I'm in recovery, you've made me feel that I have a lot more strength than I thought I did in the beginning to carry on with life even in the event that he ever does leave. You are so much more and stronger than your situation and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing. Please keep posting. I would really love to know how you are.

Hello Seahorse, Redhat, Still Seeking, Danni C, Orchid and WAT,

I hope you are all doing well. I'm just checking in to reassure you all that I am still doing well. As usual I have been busy traveling about and enjoying my summer.
Today I helped my brother and father paint the apt in my 97 year old grandmothers house. She still lives on her own. Her tenant moved out this past weekend so we have been getting the apartment ready for a new tenant. This weekend I will be going to CT for a friends birthday party.

No news from the H. My inlaws call every few days to ask how I am and what i am up to. My MIL tells me don't give up hope. "Your MB therapist (Jennifer) was right it is going to die naturally we just have to give it time." she says to me. My H even told my MIL it will end someday he just does not know when. So he gives her false hope. She tells me "I can hear it in his voice, he's coming back to us. You just hang in there. You said you would wait. i don't think you will have to wait too much longer." He told his mom that maybe in October he might get a place of his own. And perhaps by December he will make up his mind what he wants to do.I've made mine up. Why am I procrastonating with the lawyers so much?

He has made it pretty clear to me he does not want to do anything. He does not do anything to get a separation or divorce and yet he does nothing to give me any hope we will get back together.He wants me to make the next move- no work for him to do. I do not want him back at this point.

My big problem is how do I gradually let my MIL know I am too far gone to take him back. I feel she will turn on me. I told her I would wait and I have for as long as I could. But at this point I can not get past the resentment and his complete lack of communication and compassion.I can not get past the fact he started in with the OW 2 weeks after getting down there and has been with her for over a year and completely cut me off.

I fear I will have to divorce my MIL instead of my H.

I told her I would wait. I think she believes I will wait forever until my H choses to come back to me (not going to happen). She is so fearful of losing me. She realizes the mistake my H is making. I am done waiting, I have past the point where I was willing to work on our M. Other people in this situation had some communication with their H's to indicate there may be hope. Their H's would string them along. My H did that up until the point when he came home. Now in plan B he is right at home. This is his style, right up his alley. I thought I would have gotten some remorseful note or e-mail. Even one that said thanks for the memories, sorry but we just aren't going to work out. Not that I would take him back but I thought any human with a heart may send something as a nice gesture.

So my delima is how do I go about preparing my MIL without having her turn on me. I want to deal with my H and divorce him. In his usual fashion he will hand it over to his mother. She said she would not pay for a lawyer and that I should get everything if he chooses the OW. But we all know blood is thicker than water and when it comes down to it, I have to divorce her. Any advice guys? Thanks.
Forgiver

Hi Forgiver, glad to hear you are doing well although it does seem your MIL is a bit of a problem. Its sounds like she is trying to make you responsible for your H's inaction. Surely noone can expect you to wait forever or do anymore than you have. I wonder would she keep waiting if she were in this situation?

I don't know why you procrastinate with the lawyers even though you have made your decision, probably its the same reason I procrastinate with the house even though I've made mine. Just accept that you are in the process of letting go and don't be hard on yourself. There are no deadlines here it will happen in time.

I wish I could give you a great answer for your MIL, but I think she may just have to accept whatever your actions are to be. I wonder what mine will think when I move on, but I remind myself that I did not ask for this and I've tried my darndest, they will have to accept that i need to take care of myself as their son certainly isn't looking after me.

Keep us posted Forgiver, I always check to see if you are still around!! Hey, I've only got 5 weeks till I go on my holiday and I can't wait!!