little update here- husband is very into saa. i'm shocked-i have never seen him read a thing!!!!! he even mentioned it has really clarified things for him. gave him some real insight. wants to play with 6yr old and put him to bed and finsh the book. im really the one in the fog now [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]
only kidding. hopefully now that the chill has lifted we will try talking again. i do have something big to tell him. im sooooo nervous about doing this again--my dad called and offered to take all of us on another cruise. i say another because we do regular family vaca. with my mom and dad also my brother and his husband. no not a typo. we did one last feb. valentines week. i thought i was in bliss. i know this is going to add pressure to the situation but dad needs to know by fri. i need this and so do my children and i figure that whatever happens i will really need it by aug. worst thing that could happen is he doesnt come, i will still need this and we will have trip ins. so his loss. i would hate to think he would stay just to use us for this? any suggestions before i open this can of worms?????? thanks to all be back on later its huggs and kisses time with the boys-i give that up for no one. lol till later

nikko,
Good thing that he could read ... LOL !!! (no disrepect), no serious, it is a good thing that he takes on SAA. It will also provide a road to recovery. Just see the actions. Print out & ask H to fill LBQ & ENQ, it will help you both.<p>About the trip, hey ... if he comes, there are plenty baby sitters and plenty place to hide in the ship [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] ... If he doesn't, you could use a break from this pain and you could retreat from this mess for a while. Smart dad, family that do thing together stay together.<p>[ January 16, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Reality is what is going to destroy the A, unfortunately you can not speed up the process, everytime you try, it pushes H further away from you and closer to the OW. Let the A die its own natural death. <hr></blockquote><p>I just want to reiterate this... as much as you want him not to see OW... you can't demand it... as you and he learn the process and some time happens... you can start to negotiate the process... but in early days, the fog is just too deep.<p>also, don't read too much into him reading SAA... many times the only thing they will see is the negative or the reasons it doesn't apply to them... don't argue or get discouraged... just feel satisfied that the knowledge is there... it is... in the back of his mind... and as the fog lifts and OW loses her luster... SAA will make more and more sense to him...<p>My H only read 1st couple of chapters... got mad and said it was crap... when he asked why the only thing he could say was that he wanted to think he was unique... that his relationship with OW was unique....it was my first chink in the fog...<p>Cali

hello everyone-its been a few days. me h finshed saa- he couldnt put it down. he seems to have finally gotten a clue. he photocopied the en questionair and mr agreement and was very into doing them. i didnt even have to ask him. we have begun to reconnect in a way that died along time ago. we have been laughing and really enjoying eachother for the first time in a long time. i even showed him the jokes on the site about the valentine cards for this occasion. if you havent read these- they are great. he even laughed. i do believe he wants this- i just have to get through some of my trust issues now. he understands the questions and concerns i have and takes them all to heart. i pray we survive this together, but i did learn i am a way stronger person than anyone ever believed- and i was always a tough braud. anyway thanks for the support be in touch soon.

J,
Happy recovering ... and protect it w/ 4 gifts of love.

Nikko,<p>Glad to hear of your latest progress. Keep us posted. You have definitely brought a smile to me today. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care,
L.