dying,<p>It sounds as if you have found a very good counselor. I was very hard on you for a variety of reasons. I will list them for you. I don't have solutions, but I think you have and will have to come to some accomodation to these and other reasons.<p>1. If you read here long you will notice something very strange. A LOT of couples seem to have trouble in their marriage within a year of marriage AFTER living/being together for long periods of time 3,4,5,7... years. There has been a study that shows that couples that live together have higher divorce rates. Suggesting that the couple had issues that were never resolved and decided to get married as a default solution. <p>From what I have seen here, that approach doesn't work. Hence my strong suggestion to look at everything not just her ONS. It was not my intention to imply that it didn't hurt, it was my intention to tell you that you hadn't looked at the whole picture. It appears that you now have.<p>2. LOGIC is a funny thing. As someone who has spent his life untangling the "logic" of nature I can tell you, the logic only really applies cleanly in well defined closed systems. Life is not a well defined closed system. To expect "logic" based on your or my limited knowledge of people and the world is quite a reach.<p>3. IF you and GF marry and have children you will then be confronted with the ulitmate in illogical situations: children. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I can assure you that you will learn that 1+1 is NOT equal to 2. Adding a second child often means that 1+1= 1, 1+1=3, 1+1=5,... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Suggesting the clean clear logic of mathematics does not apply. <p>4. You will need to understand that your GF has her own "logic" and it is very likely not any better founded than yours. She likes hers. You like yours.<p>5. This brings us to "control". I cannot tell you how many stories show up here where affairs have been started by one spouse trying to "control" another. I cannot tell you how many people come here without having an affair ready to leave a marriage because the other spouse was into "control". The issue of "control" is probably the largest reason cited here for the troubled marriages that are being discussed.<p>Hence, my strong suggestion that you and your GF discuss the important things in life. The things that you need to agree on, the things you can agree to disagree on. What your idea of a future life together must entail. Soooo many things. These will make or break your marriage dying.<p>The ONS is obviously large to you, but as you stated if you simply look at it in the larger picture and ask what does this imply about the type of W she will be, I think you MUST come to the conclusion you did.<p>You viewed it as the deepest insult. She viewed it as not really being about you, she had given up.<p>In short keep talking to that counselor. He/She sounds as if he/she can really help you. Personally, I would focus on the control issue. It seems to be a common and large issue with many.<p>Good luck and God Bless,<p>JL
