Hi Guys, Yes FBOW I know. I think after so long I will always love my H too, just not 'that' way anymore and that's OK now. I fought acceptance for a long time. I had to be ready to say it was over. Noone else can do that for you or push you to it. I needed space to decide this and it was not easy, because my pride, too, did not want to let go. Now I see that it was worth it. The months of pain and trying. I am at peace with what I did to save the marriage and noone can take it away. I don't have any 'what if's' at all. I'm really excited about things now, now I can see how unhappy I was before, but I was in denial.

ITs good you are getting out on your own, whether your H returns to you or not this is great for you to do for yourself. Good on you!

Maybe you are repeating yourself a lot, and maybe to some it is boring - its obviously boring to you, but its good to get it out and sometimes to do that you have to keep going over the story until your done. I journalled heaps.

USH - yes my H decided to sign over the car as I pointed out that by trying to hold me to ransom by making me agree on all financials was controlling and manipulative. I told him that if he felt I was trying to rip him off I would refer all dealings to my lawyer and he should do the same. So the car is in my name now, which is a good feeling, but its still all part of the assets. Now my lawyer wants me to negotiate a 50/50 split with him (he wants 55/45 - his way of course). So we shall see, if he won't agree I will ask for 52/48, so as to avoid going to court, its not worth fighting over - emotionally or financially. I just want to be free of it all now.

It feels OK to be getting dv. Not happy, but I'm OK with it. Don't rush your decision, it will come, just look at the facts as they stand now and decide on that.

Yesterday I went on a 'Wine Workshop' - how to pick wines, you know all the business about nose, tasting, colour, etc. I decided that I will stick to just drinking them for pleasure rather than trying to analyse them!

Today I'm not sure what I'm doing yet. Whereever the wind takes me is my standard response these days.

Work still drives me stark raving mad. I had no idea of the level of politics in some of these places. At least now I know how to distract myself from these problems and leave them (mostly) at work

Take care all.

Hi Liz,
There's probably not much I can do for you these days, but it is good to hear about how you are doing.

I still pray for you too. I ask that you be taken care of, and that you get help in the things you do so they will bring you happiness. I also ask that you will know when you meet the right person, and won't have to wonder.

SS

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Seahorse:
<strong>I'm really excited about things now, now I can see how unhappy I was before, but I was in denial.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Liz - in many ways, this says it for me, too.

Continued good fortune for you. Please keep us posted.

Dave

Holy Cow Seahorse, where'd your thread go???

Oh here it is. Whew, I thought I had lost you for a minute there.

Wishing you well today. Tell us if you have another internet romance going. We won't tease you about it.

Hope your dog is well, and that you have been promoted and are now the boss at work, and that your H offered you 100% of the the house cause he has already made so much trouble for you and he felt guilty.

SS

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I also ask that you will know when you meet the right person, and won't have to wonder </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">- I'll answer this below

Hi guys, doing well

Work continues to be a pain, but I'm working on it - all boundary issues that just need practice and time. In the meantime however I have a job interview on Friday. Its in a suburb that is very close to the beach and the city, and it is a little more pay. If I get it, then plan A "Major life change" will be in action. If I don't, then I keep trying!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Tell us if you have another internet romance going. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nah!!! I've thought about it a lot and discussed it a lot and I've come to the conclusion that the only way to find 'the one' is to meet lots of people and learn about what I do and don't want, then when 'the one' comes along (hopefully) I will know.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We won't tease you about it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hope your dog is well </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes he is thank you.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> and that you have been promoted and are now the boss at work </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No I haven't
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> H offered you 100% of the the house cause he has already made so much trouble for you and he felt guilty. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I think he is avoiding me at the moment. Half of me dosen't care, the other wants this over and done with - the sensible part knows this has to happen very soon.

I went on a night dive last Friday night, it was scarey but fantastic. It was the first dive in a while, now I want to get out there again. Sigh, so much to do, and not enough time and money. Oh well, that makes you enjoy it even more!

I hope you are all well.

Seahorse -- Wishing you best of luck on that new job/your interview.

It's snowing here. We are expected to get more than two feet of snow in 48 hours. The beach is sounding pretty good to me.

Sorry to hear that WH is dragging his feet, but since he's a conflict avoider I suppose that is to be expected.

I was so glad to hear that you'd gone on a night dive and that you thought it was a terrific experience.

No news for me as I am still married to the world's foremost conflict avoider.

Hi guys, I had my interview yesterday. It seemed to go well, it is a better job ($$) in a good location, but I think even if they offer it to me I am not going to take it. I don't think I would be happy in it and I get a funny feeling about the boss. Its a little disappointing, but I've decided that from now on, I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve in any area of my life, I guess this is boundaries?

USH, I'm glad to hear from you. How are you doing, I can't seem to find an update from you. Has anything changed?

Bye guys

{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS!!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Should I even say "How are you" ? I just got caught up on your post! WOW! I noticed we both did something in November. You decided it was over and I hired a lawyer. Still on a similar track.

Although it would appear since you had more contact with your H you tried much harder and much longer than I did. I think we both have such nurturing forgiving souls we really don't want to give up no matter what. But I have come to realize I have my life to live and I have given up too much on someone who is not willing to put effort into saving our M. Thus I'm catching a train to bitter divorceeville. No not me! I don't think I am bitter. Please If I sound it, smack me!!

I am doing great! Very happy! Still going out and grabbing life by the horns so to speak. Going to NYC and skiing alot. Not seeing anyone although I have been taking notes. Now that I realize my needs I know it is going to be tough to find someone with the qualifications. Very scary to start over but a fresh start looks more appealing to me than an ugly repair.

You sound as resilient and strong as ever. How is your darling dog? Very well I hope and pray. And your Dad? Great as well I hope.

Got any ideas for new and exciting hobbies? I'm looking for some motivating ideas. The diving sounds great. I went to Jamacia in December for a friends wedding and went on a good dive. Unfortunately the gear was defective and my dive was cut short. But I look forward to going away again someday. Funds are very TIGHT. Paycheck to paycheck right now. Kind of scared but not ready to ask anyone for help. We will see what happens.

I will try to look in on you more often sorry I have been away so long. But I think of you often and pray for us all!

Hang in there you sound great! Good luck with the house and job as well as the ugly D stuff. You are farther along than I am.
Much Love and Peace,
Forgiver

Hi again, {{{{{{{Forgiver}}}}}}. Its so nice to see you back again! I'm glad you are doing well.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have come to realize I have my life to live and I have given up too much on someone who is not willing to put effort into saving our M. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep, that's it, isn't it? Like you I've got a long list of qualities and 'requirements' one of those is that he shows to me I am worth it. I won't compromise on that for anyone now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Thus I'm catching a train to bitter divorceeville. No not me! I don't think I am bitter. Please If I sound it, smack me!!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, your allowed to be angry but I can't see you being bitter. ITs a very unattractive quality in anyone.

Dog and dad are both doing so well. Well enough to be driving me crazy at times! (But I love them both).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Got any ideas for new and exciting hobbies? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dirt bike riding? or 'bush bashing' as we Aussies call it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Funds are very TIGHT. Paycheck to paycheck right now. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I know what you mean, I am having a couple of problems there and will be glad when our finances are separate and I have more control over my money.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You are farther along than I am </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Funny, I feel like I'm in a holding pattern right now. Its frustrating, and being the inpatient person I am I want everything to hurry up! I do think H being here helped me 'get over it'. Back in November, when I made that decision that it was over, that was it. Nothing will change my mind now. And its OK...

Hugs and love to all...

Hi Liz,
Thanks for the kind wishes, you always have been a real lady.
You are also a pretty tough gal, and everytime I think about your future, I see you as being happy and doing well ( but not without troubles.) I think you still need to increase your faith in yourself a bit more, but I just get the feeling you will soon be doing much better.

It's good to hear from you Forgiver, glad you are still getting better as you go along.

SS

Hi SS and thank you, maybe I have been conditioned to not believe in myself, maybe my H reinforced that over the years. I am doing my best right now and the situation has deteriorated over the last 48 hours.

H organised for the bank to stop my credit card. It is attached to the loan. I explained to him (quite forcefully) that while I do not disagree, in principle, with what he is doing, I wish he had spoken to me so I could prepare. I was very angry, but didn't loose control. I told him that if in future he did something like that without consulting me I would do the same from then on.

He told me that I would not be able to survive on my wage by myself - he said it with delight. I was so hurt. He dosen't care. That hurts. Today he tells me he does care and didn't mean to hurt me, but its all too late.

Anyway, all that aside he has agreed to most of my terms of the split, which was a surprise actually. I did better than I expected, but in any case the point is its coming to an end.

I didn't realise it could still hurt that much, its not been a fun 48 hours for me at all. I said my bit to him, but its just all too much. How did we get here?

I need to stop this now because its making me sad again. I am reducing the price on the house tomorrow-closer to a sale?

It really sux
SH

Dear Seahorse,
sorry to hear about your last 48hrs and the powerplay tricks your H is pulling on you.
He obviously noticed how strong, independent and determined you became.
How disappointing it is though that he can make difficult splitting process hostile on top of sad.
Seahorse, I know that you will be able to handle it.
FBOW

Hi FBOW, thanks for your support. I have no choice but to handle it really. I didn't realise there were still some feelings for him simmering beneath the surface. It was a surprise that it would still hurt this much. I've been here before, I know what to do.

Looking forward to a relaxing Friday eve and weekend. Taking it easy.

Hugs to all

Hi Liz,
I can't pretend that I understand what he is thinking. The things he has done are so foreign to me - and to you also that we don't have a clue as to what is going on in his head.

I wanted to talk about you a little bit. We get to know people here quite well but there are things sometimes that supprise us. I remember when you posted one day and said that up until plan B you had been having conversations with H daily and that it had been enjoyable for you. That was a shocker for me. I failed to realize the bond you still maintained and what it meant to you. I learned from that how important conversation was to you ( and probalby closely assoiated are admiration and affection.) I didn't realize what plan B would mean.

Now I wonder how you are doing without that conversation. I wonder how you get that need filled. I hope you have close friends that can help. Dogs help a great deal, but it's not always the same. Dads, well they are dads.

After all this background, here is a question for you. In light of what I have brought up, how are you doing now with these things?

I don't want to see you stuck in the whirlpool of needing something you don't dare go after. Are you learning to cope with the feelings you are having now, or are you still really empty and feeling lost much of the time?

I am not trying to give you direction so much as I am trying to help you understand if you need direction. I know you will be dealing with some of the problems he created for some time. ( the home, getting credit in your name, etc.) I just wonder about your emotional health and what steps you are taking to improve that - or if I should even be worried.

Cheers from the sumny southwest USA.

SS

Hi SS your question made me stop to think about where I'd been getting these needs filled. Yes, conversation, admiration and affection and recreation and all important needs to me.

Conversation: friends mainly, journaling and nothing much else.

Admiration: my friends and family have been very kind. Other than that I just have to find it in myself.

Affection: well, that's non-existant

Recreation companionship: again, friends or by myself.

Re the conversation, well, I guess I've leaned a lot on friends, and people at work, which hasn't always been wise. I wish I had someone to chat to tonight, things have really got on top of me and I'm feeling a bit low. Maybe its because I'm coming up to a year of separation and the stuff that's happened over the last few days, but I've been grieving a lot the last week.

Work continues to be so busy, I worked back tonight and cried all the way home - I'm so tired and fed up because I've been working so hard and trying to cope with the house crap. When I got home there was a letter from the bank saying we were now three repayments behind and they would take legal action, yipee! just what I needed. I'm so fed up with the crap that's come from this and with having too much to do. My brain is so overloaded it wanders and I'm becoming so forgetful.

I've been trying to distract myself with other things (I've decided to start dating and had another one on the weekend), but I think I just need all this house stuff over, for work to slow down and to have a bit of a holiday. I'm praying for it to come soon. ANyway, I'll survive, I really have no choice.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Seahorse:
<strong>Admiration: my friends and family have been very kind. Other than that I just have to find it in myself.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And what about us? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WAT

HELLO!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I wish I had someone to chat to tonight </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well you can join us we are there almost every night

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=009877#000000

I always want to open with "good morning" but one never knows when their post will be read, so I don't ever say it.

How about Greetings and salutations !
You know, I have to give you credit for something. One of your posts last fall when you were really struggling was to FBOW telling her good look in getting support on the forum. She had not been getting many replies for a while. I was going along posting to a few people as length and didn't feel I had more time I could spend, so I wasn't responding very often to anyone else. After reading your post, I made a goal to get around a little more to others, and I began to post to FBOW. It has been good for me to get out more ( so to speak) and I have learned much from FBOW and from Sue. So, thanks for that comment, you sparked that change for me. I just hope I do some good as I go around.

Now, along with that, you have been a great help to others also. I think sometimes as I watch and read that when marriages turn toward D some posters feel like they are not much help, but I want to tell you that you have been and still can be helpful to many. WAT is a good example of this and so is Redhat. They are great help because of what they have learned. So, anyway, I just wanted you to know that I admire your ability and feel you too should keep helping when you can.

Re the conversation, well, I guess I've leaned a lot on friends, and people at work, which hasn't always been wise. I wish I had someone to chat to tonight, things have really got on top of me and I'm feeling a bit low.

I kind of thought you probably feel this way quite often. All of us do at some time or other but after your conversation comment I realized that it was so important to you that you kept talking to H even as he continued to hurt you. I hope you address this one and that you can safely meet this need without endangering yourself emotionally. Please be careful, you are too important a person to be careless and get hurt again.

Maybe its because I'm coming up to a year of separation and the stuff that's happened over the last few days, but I've been grieving a lot the last week. Work continues to be so busy, I worked back tonight and cried all the way home - I'm so tired and fed up because I've been working so hard and trying to cope with the house crap.
Yes, and no one to lean on. I feel really bad for you but I know I can't help much. By the time you read this you will probably feel much better but I know hard times come and go. I told Sue once that when I am down I just pretend things are better or will be soon, and they often are. It sounds silly, but any port in a storm. It helps me.

When I got home there was a letter from the bank saying we were now three repayments behind and they would take legal action, yipee! just what I needed. I'm so fed up with the crap that's come from this and with having too much to do. My brain is so overloaded it wanders and I'm becoming so forgetful.
If it was me, I could say I'm just getting old. You can't say that, so look at the bright side.

I've been trying to distract myself with other things (I've decided to start dating and had another one on the weekend), but I think I just need all this house stuff over, for work to slow down and to have a bit of a holiday. I'm praying for it to come soon.

Please be careful. I see often someone saying that we learn so much here at MB that we know what we want and have high expectations when dating begins. There is another side to this. We know things can be very good, and we have tools to make it so and so I see people sometimes are not careful because they believe their knowledge will make things work out for them. You still need to take things slow, think about what you are doing and consider what you find before diving in. Never dive into shallow water or unknown water without checking it out first.
You can laugh if you want, I know you already know this stuff, just a reminder I suppose.

ANyway, I'll survive, I really have no choice.
We want to see much more than just survival. We want to see Extreme Happiness. I do agree that you are a survivor, I could never see it any other way than that.

Hope this day is a better one for you.

SS

Hi WAT, Matilde and SS,

Doing OK. Thought I had a buyer for the house but it fell through, which was disappointing but I sort of knew that it wasn't going to work out. Intuition thing.

The bank is still breathing down my neck and H seems to be very illusive everytime I need to discuss these matter with him.

Apparently the offer the lawyer has received from H dosen't match up with what he said.

Work is sooooo busy. I'm nearly at my wits end, its just all too much.
sigh....

I keep telling myself things will get better.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Seahorse:
Admiration: my friends and family have been very kind. Other than that I just have to find it in myself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And what about us? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes WAT, I consider you all my friends now. You all know so much about me and are still here even after I get stroppy so you must be my friends, right? I hope so anyway.

Matilde, I will join in. Can anyone join?

SS - </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Now, along with that, you have been a great help to others also. I think sometimes as I watch and read that when marriages turn toward D some posters feel like they are not much help, but I want to tell you that you have been and still can be helpful to many. WAT is a good example of this and so is Redhat. They are great help because of what they have learned. So, anyway, I just wanted you to know that I admire your ability and feel you too should keep helping when you can.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I feel like I don't have much right to help really,yes I do have a lot to offer and I can see the struggles in people but I guess this is something I've always struggled with (feeling that what I have to offer to others IS significant). But I get your message and I will help out when I can. I guess I feel worn out right now, but maybe helping other will help get me past that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope you address this one and that you can safely meet this need without endangering yourself emotionally. Please be careful, you are too important a person to be careless and get hurt again. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YEs I know what you are getting at I can see it could happen if I'm not careful.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I told Sue once that when I am down I just pretend things are better or will be soon, and they often are. It sounds silly, but any port in a storm. It helps me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I still have others that can help, I have a friend in QLD who I've become very close too. We are helping each other. We speak once a week for three hours <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> at a time, but it really helps a lot. When things are bad I just keep telling myself that its temporary and that things keep changing and that I can deal with it. It still hurts, I still feel down but i can pick myself up mostly.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You still need to take things slow, think about what you are doing and consider what you find before diving in. Never dive into shallow water or unknown water without checking it out first.
You can laugh if you want, I know you already know this stuff, just a reminder I suppose.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You sound like my dad <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
You know when I first started dating I thought about what I wanted from it. I realise though that the only way to know when "the one" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> comes along is to find out what I do and don't like in men and to meet lots of people. I know what your saying and I really am touched that you are worried.

The way I see it, if I wait until I'm perfect to start dating its never going to happen. I have to risk getting hurt, I can't keep living in fear. This is a real learning curve to because I am learning in small steps to say no to what I don't want. Its not easy but I'm learning.

I know I tend to be impatient. I want it all now and its my downfall and my undoing. my plan is that fairly early after meeting someone I will let them know I need to take things slow, if they can't respect then i need to walk away - that will be hard in some cases I imagine.

Does this make you feel a little more reassured SS? Am I making sense?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hope this day is a better one for you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, saw my dad and washed my car and finally prepared myself a proper budget - I've been avoiding it.

My dog is well but slowing down, he's getting old but still a little beacon in my life, except at 7am on a Saturday morning when he comes in to wake me up, then the beacon gets sent back to where he came from. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Sea,
I am finding it hard to get around lately in a timely manner. I am sorry that after I ask you questions and you answered, I am so long is responding.

I'm sorry about the continued problems with the house. These things weigh on our minds and sap our strength and often there is nothing we can do to hasten the conclusion. I wonder sometimes if WS adds to these problems on purpose - it seems to be their nature as they continue to disrespect and cause pain for the BS.

Yes, I feel like I don't have much right to help really, yes I do have a lot to offer and I can see the struggles in people but I guess this is something I've always struggled with (feeling that what I have to offer to others IS significant). But I get your message and I will help out when I can. I guess I feel worn out right now, but maybe helping other will help get me past that.

Again, only when you can. I am thinking of some of your posts to others and now thankful they were for the help. You have a sharp mind, and a great empathy for others that shows in your posts when you help. Never think you don't have anything to give.

I still have others that can help, I have a friend in QLD who I've become very close too. We are helping each other. We speak once a week for three hours at a time, but it really helps a lot. When things are bad I just keep telling myself that its temporary and that things keep changing and that I can deal with it. It still hurts, I still feel down but i can pick myself up mostly.
I am very glad you have this friend. I do believe you can deal with things, but that doesn't mean your life will be stress free, and easy. It still hurts.

You sound like my dad
I'm just about old enough to be your dad !! Perhaps it's not all bad that I sound like him. You know that he cares about you.

You know when I first started dating I thought about what I wanted from it. I realise though that the only way to know when "the one" comes along is to find out what I do and don't like in men and to meet lots of people.
I don't really worry that you need someone to tell you how to date, It's just that I can see you want and need companionship, and I worry that because you hurt it may obscure your vision. I probably shouldn't worry, but I do. ( Have I said that before?? LOL !! )

I know what your saying and I really am touched that you are worried. The way I see it, if I wait until I'm perfect to start dating its never going to happen. I have to risk getting hurt, I can't keep living in fear. This is a real learning curve to because I am learning in small steps to say no to what I don't want. Its not easy but I'm learning. I know I tend to be impatient. I want it all now and its my downfall and my undoing. My plan is that fairly early after meeting someone I will let them know I need to take things slow, if they can't respect then i need to walk away - that will be hard in some cases I imagine. Does this make you feel a little more reassured SS? Am I making sense?
Really, this is what I wanted to know. Thank you for making me feel better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Liz, you really don't have to answer me, or anyone else if you don't want to. I am not sure why we care about people that we only know by a few words we read here on MB. Somehow I am glad that we do. It makes life more full to know that even with all the bad we all cope with, there is good that offsets it. It is hard sometimes to express care and concern without sounding like someone's dad, but at least that's safe. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

............. saw my dad and washed my car and finally prepared myself a proper budget - I've been avoiding it. My dog is well but slowing down, he's getting old but still a little beacon in my life, except at 7am on a Saturday morning when he comes in to wake me up, then the beacon gets sent back to where he came from.

My dog sleeps in the Garage, so I don't have to worry about that. I admit, you made me laugh.
Ours is 12 now, and for a Golden Retriever that is getting up there. His brother from the same liter died last fall, so I wonder how long he has. When he was younger he was in the house more but we had twins and he kept knocking them down trying to play with them so he got to live outside. It's nice to have a dog around - I think it's good for us.

The short version of all this is that I wanted you to know I wasn't trying to grill you, or lecture you. I just care about how you are doing. It does sound like you are being careful and that you are reasonally happy and I can live with that if you can. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

SS