HI Seahorse,
Your post about finding life enjoyable and not looking back made me smile inside and out for you. It also gives me reassurance that me too someday will feel the same. Getting there. Still hoping for "my way", and enjoying rare glimmers of togetherness.
For me the 1 year anniversary of "gut feeling" is getting close.

I hope to hear more from happy Saehorse once a while.
FBOW

Hi all, WAT, I don't drink beer! yuck! I'm one of a handful of Aussies who don't!

FBOW - thank you for your kind words. I hope you get through d-day+1yr, just plan something fun that will take your mind off it.

Mine's coming up next weekend - Australia day long weekend. I've booked myself into a learn to surf weekend - the next adventure. Should be interesting as I imagine it will be full of backpackers - 33 of them. Beer, wine and stories provided by the company that's taking us - should be interesting... I don't know how many cases of beer they need for 33 backpacker!

Well, house is on the market from this Friday....
Saw a financial planner who made me feel awful...
Saw H who told me I should really thank him because I'm having so much fun these days <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ...
He said not to worry that I'm good looking and will find someone (how kind) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . I said I never wanted to be 'owned' again thank you very much...
I told him I will be divorcing him, he already has the paperwork done - I 'll let him do it and save my money...

Seeing him brought up some stuff I thought I'd finished with. I wonder if it every really finishes. It still hurts, you know, but I feel only a caring friend kind of love now, and I still don't want him back.

Still just taking it day by day. Hugs to you all and God bless

Well, house is on the market from this Friday
So are you there until it sells, or have you moved?

Saw a financial planner who made me feel awful
Why? Are things that bad for you?

Saw H who told me I should really thank him because I'm having so much fun these days ...He said not to worry that I'm good looking and will find someone (how kind)
He still doesn't get it. I wonder how long it will take him.

.......... I will be divorcing him, he already has the paperwork done - I 'll let him do it and save my money
I thought I could come up with something wise to say, but I'm just sad.

Seeing him brought up some stuff I thought I'd finished with. I wonder if it every really finishes. It still hurts, you know, but I feel only a caring friend kind of love now, and I still don't want him back.
It gets better, you are already doing better than say ...........September. If you don't believe me, read your posts.

Still just taking it day by day. Hugs to you all and God bless
God bless you too!

I know you have no real reason to hang around here much any more. Remember that you were a big help to others while you were here. I hope you know that. Sometimes we feel like a failure when things don't work as we wished, but just like WAT helps, you helped many.
I hope you give yourself credit for the good you do, and for your growth. You have a good sense of humor, I hope you have mostly happy days now.

I have two wishes for you now.
1. I wish for you to continue to search out God and seek to know what plans he has for your happiness.
2. I wish for you to find someone that will treat you like you want/need to be treated and that you will be very happy ( even through your future trials.)

SS

Hi All, thank youfor your wishes. In general I am doing well. Last weekend was 1 year anniversary of D-day. I went away on a weekend bus trip where they teach you to surf. I did stand up for about 10 seconds so I was really pleased. It was a great but tiring weekend - lots of interesting people - mainly backpackers. We stopped at a real Aussie pub on the way home, which would have been interesting for the tourists (it was certainly interesting for me).

House still on the market.
Dog still well.

H still comes every now and then because we're 'friends', which is weird at times. Unfortunately today we had a discussion in which I said that he could tell his friends that it was now me who didn't want the R (he said friends were telling him he should try to work it out with me). He said, 'so if I wanted to come back would that me I couldn't'. My heart sank, I said no, that I did not want him anymore that it had gone too far. THen it all hit me after we finished talking. I wondered if I said the right thing, still do, but I guess if he does really mean that, he will do at least half of what I did to get me back - but really, I wish I did feel something, but I just don't. For some reason, however, it still hurts. It hurts that for so long I did so much and now that I've moved on he's still trying his games - which sadly, I think it is - just more foggy games.

Oh well, it was bound to happen. I don't plan to read a lot into what he said, I just keep going with my plans.

Keep well.

So I emailed him to clarify what it all meant and told him I wasn't ready to love anyone, that he woulhave to prove things were different and that I knew that better was out there.

He told me he knew he had caused me pain and he was sorry. I was amazed and thanked him.

Then he went back to fogginess and said that as i could see he was still messed up and would try to find himself this year. Good luck to him.

SS, thank you for your wishes. My prayers these days are simple "God, please let me be the person you want me to be".

As for the other wish, I don't know, I guess time will tell.

SH

Dear Seahorse,
I see you lurking occasionally, just wanted to stop by and say Hi to you.
FBOW

Hi Liz,

I still pray for you, and I still worry about you from time to time.

I don't feel like you are still in limbo, but I don't feel like you are finished yet either. I suppose I had better keep checking up on you from time to time.

Here's to many happy times for you ahead.

Ss

Seahorse -- I just caught up with your post and read your message in mine. My d-day anniversary passed without much notice by me, which I think was a good thing. I'd had a dinner party the night before and everyone stayed late and had a good time. My best friend (female) stayed the night and so we just hung out that a.m. drinking coffee and went skiing the next day.

Surfing sounds excellent. I think it's terrific you were able to stand up at all. Lord knows I would be clinging to that board with my entire body. I love the ocean and sail and swim, but surfing has always eluded me (well, probably mostly because I live in Colorado now. Not many opportunities to surf or scuba dive).

It doesn't sound as if your WH has filed for a divorce. If you continue to feel the way you do, have you given yourself a timeframe for when you will file? I'm curious about this. I haven't reached the completely not interested in WH point yet, but it's probably not far off considering how he is behaving. I think when/if I reach that point that I will file.

Take care. Keep surfing and drinking the port in the bath (I now have a penchant for champagne in the tub when I'm feeling really decadent).

Hi FBOW, SS and USH.

FBOW I have seen your last post on your thread you sound very down - are you doing stuff to pick yourself up?

SS - yeah, I'm out of limbo (except for waiting for the house to sell and the finances to be finalised,but I have no control over that so I don't let it bother me). I'm reading Dr Phil McGraw's Life Strategies at the moment. I know that sounds corny but I'm in a 'tell it like it is' mood these days and I'm ready to get my life working how it should be. I am still unhappy with my job and I still want to extent the number of friends I have. He suggests we are responsible for the situations we are in, so I'm reading that to see if it can help me work out how I can change things.

Work is driving me nuts, since I started there (about 3 years ago) a string of people have been on stress leave saying my bossess harrassed them. Now two of those people are suing the workplace-one I was friends with. Its creating big problems and a very unpleasant atmosphere. I feel like there is noone i can trust there and if you say something it might be used against you or taken the wrong way. I'm fed up with it and I'm bored with what I do - I'm not being challenged enough. I'm getting the feeling that life and workplaces work in two parrellel ways. There is the theoretical way to live life and do your job and then there's the 'way it is' which gets you ahead. Lately I feel like a fish out of water there. I always prided myself on my work ethic, but now I'm wondering if I have it all wrong- similar to the marriage stuff, you know - you are living what you think is right then it all breaks down and you suddenly realise you were doing it all wrong. urghhh!

USH - re divorcing H. Well, he told me the forms were all ready to go, then last week when I asked him to bring them for me to sign he said they were even filled in and he couldn't find the money, so he's stalling. I really don't care for this anymore so I've decided that if he dosen't file by the time the house is sold and we sort all the finances out I will and I will - my forms ARE filled out and I will spend the money to finish this. I am done.

I love him still, but its different, there's no attraction anymore. Its funny but even though he's been a jerk I still care very much and would help him if he needed it. Maybe I should not be this way, maybe I should tell him where to go, but it just dosen't feel right to do that.

Believe me USH, when you are done you will know it without a doubt.

Seahorse:

I remember when this all began, because it wasn't long after my D-day that you "came aboard." (I was T-zero not 2long ago).

I apologize for being wrapped up in my own woes most of the past year, but I've lurked on your thread from time to time, and I'm glad to see that you're doing so well now.

"I love him still, but its different, there's no attraction anymore. Its funny but even though he's been a jerk I still care very much and would help him if he needed it. Maybe I should not be this way, maybe I should tell him where to go, but it just dosen't feel right to do that."

This sounds like a very healthy way to end things. You have a great perspective on life now, Seahorse!

All my best,
-Qfwfq

Hi there q, thanks for your observation, I figure that it just as easy to let things go as it is to hate someone and really its just a waste of energy i can chanel into my own life and improving myself after all I'm far from perfect.

Good luck with it

So,
In Australia it's valentines day. ( Er, at least it is Feb 14 and that is valentines day here) Happy valentines day. I'll say that to all my co-workers tomorrow, and even bring in some pretzels or cookies.
Sorry the job isn't going well. I have noticed that after you learn about how things ought to be in a M, it applies to all relationships. We know people can get along without DJ's and AO's and that we can use POJA to get things done and we expect it.

I can see you are still wondering about a lot of things. I do believe you will find the answers and that you will be happy with them.

Married life really can be what you wished for it to be. I can vouch for that. It's hard some days, but it's good. Keep learning, keep praying, and keep fighting through the down days. It gets better as you learn to cope.

SS

Hi SS, thanks for your words of wisdom. I hope I do have a good relationship one day. I often wonder if its possible to find someone with everything you need, and if not, where do you compromise?

I must say there are days I wish I had someone and days I don't know if I could do it again. Actually todays is one of those days. It will pass, just feeling a bit lonely and sad.

Well, I had an interesting Valentine's day, that's all I can say really.

<small>[ February 16, 2003, 03:09 AM: Message edited by: Seahorse ]</small>

Hi seahorse,

Just popping in to let you know I am keeping up with how things are.

An interesting valentines day? Do tell!!!

I got three beautiful cards....they were from the kids, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . But at least I was remembered and loved by someone. Next year, I think I will make one for each of themk, since they go to such trouble for me.

Love and light,

Jacky

Well, I had an interesting Valentine's day, that's all I can say really.

So?????????
Can you say yet?
Was it something bad, and are you doing OK?

I often wonder if its possible to find someone with everything you need, and if not, where do you compromise?

I don't believe it is possible to get everything. I believe you look for someone that will work on things with you. Someone that is willing to learn and grow, not stay the same.
Hint, God knows everything and he can help you choose. I am not trying to be funny here, It's true.

SS

<small>[ February 16, 2003, 09:19 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

I find I wonder about forgiver. Thought about looking up her thread, but felt to leave it alone. It's been more than a year now for both of you.

Hope Liz is doing well today.

SS

Hi Guys, thanks for checking in on me. Well I am still in the process of selling the house. The demands of it and work are creeping up on me, I'm not handling it so well right now - it seems everyone wants a piece of me and there's not much left to give for the moment.

Jacky re Valentine's - well, actually, I had a 'date' which was weird. He was very nice and we seemed to hit it off, but he decided at the end of the night he wasn't sure, blah blah - you know - history repeating which scared the hell out of me. The thing is that we had been chatting for some time on the net and I had become more attached than I realised, so it hurt. I learned a big lesson there really, but the evening was fun, we had Thai (of all places!) which had bad karaoke. It was actually a really fun disaster date, and at least I can laugh at it (and myself). He was really an interesting person and seemed interested in me, even told me I underestimated myself. I didn't know how to respond to that. I know I do and I'm trying to fix it. I've tried to analyse from all that was said what went wrong, but I don't know for sure and I'm sick of presumptions so I'm just getting on with it and time will fade the memories.

So now I'm back to me and my legal mess, which is probably a better place to be by myself. I think I just felt I had to test the water to see if, well, I don't know why really, maybe I just wanted reassurance that someone can like me and I can like them and we can have an adult conversation and fun. Silly, but what I needed.

I also have a huge load at work, so I asked for a couple of days off, just to try and cope with the personal stuff, then the work stuff might be easier. Plus a little time for me - I think I'm still grieving - my disaster date brought up a lot of that stuff again. And H is being slightly difficult about the financial split so I'm getting quite frustrated.

He knows I want the car and furniture - he has overvalued them incredibly. He has told me my lawyer is trying to rip me off because she's told me to have them valued (they are nowhere near the value he's stated). He's telling me that I should want the value high because then there is more money in the end to divide up. Now I don't know wether he really believes I'm that stupid or whether he is, but I can't believe what he's trying to pull. I'll be so glad when this is done and I pray myself to sleep some nights because its all I can think of.

I'm doing something about all this though. I've picked up Dr Phil McGraws <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Life Challenges and I'm reviewing everything in my life. I never thought one of these things would work, but its opened my eyes to a few things - and yes SS your right (again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ), the same issues do go across different parts of your life- many of my problems seem to stem from not enforcing boundaries with people. As sad as this sounds I've discovered a themes in my life "I will let you say or do what you want so you will like me". I am almost ashamed to type that here, but its the truth and if I'm going to fix my life I have to start being truthful with myself and others. Another is that "I'm not worthy". So there it is, two themes that have to change ASAP if I'm to change this pain into something good. I know that right now I have an opportunity to make my life what it should be, this opportunity won't be around forever, so I have to do this stuff now - I just get that feeling, you know.

SS, I too think about Forgiver, I hope she is happy and doing well - I know she will be. I think she is very strong-far braver than I was, and probably more sensible. Hopefully she will come back one day to update us.

Anyway, I'm going to toddle off, its 12.30am, I can't sleep (worrying), so thank you for listening, hopefully now I have some of this off my chest I will sleep.

By the way SS, what happened to your wife?

Take care all
Liz <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ February 26, 2003, 02:24 AM: Message edited by: Seahorse ]</small>

Hi Guys, I managed to get through the last week quite well. I now own a car (the car 'we' owned) -this is the first time I've ever owned a car so I'm quite excited.

Dv proceedings still going. No offers on the house yet.

Still surviving and nearly thriving (still a bit of work to do there).

Take care.

Hi Seahorse,
It's good to know you are doing OK and progressing re practical stuff and also testing waters in emotional matters as well.

I am trying to keep my head cool. I still love my H very much, even though he left again for an overseas business trip and refused to answer my point blank question if he's going to meet OW in person. I drove him to the airport and he silently hugged me goodbye.

I found a willing lender so I am looking around for a small home in my kids school zone I could afford on my salary alone thinking this can always be rented out or sold if by a miracle my H decides to actively join in efforts to rebuild our M. I am doing this with as cool head as possible and still thinking of it more as an investment rather than fall back abode. The market for those homes is very competitive and for my price range there are multiple offers and it is very tempting to forget about the goal in the process, but I will be OK.

I did not give H a plan B letter. Because I was not sure how to even implement plan B if he comes back to our home to live with me and the kids, and in my heart NOT ready for not seeing him. And he seems to be more involved with kids than ever.
He maintains this is just a business trip, that I am paranoid for asking him to contact me daily etc. So I AGAIN reminded him that I love him, but never said I am able or willing to share him with anybody else and that I think he knows in his heart why I am acting like that.
I have to be really focused on my job. I will need it no matter what. It is very hard for me to remain calm and professional there.

See you around Seahorse. I don't post as much anymore because I am boring and repaeating myself plus my home search takes lots of time and energy.
But it is very reassuring knowing that you are living your life to the best you can and that there are good souls out there thinking and praying and connected somehow to me that I don't feel alone that badly anymore.

FBOW

Seahorse -- I haven't been around much/nothing new to report and I'm feeling consumed by all of this because I can't make a decision.

I envy the sense of peace you say you feel about your decision to D. I wish I was there.

It sounds as if your WH gave in on the car valuation/or maybe I'm not understanding how you have it now (but am glad you got one of the things you wanted).

I think part of my paralysis on the D is that I know it will dramatically change my financial situation. Not a good reason to stay in limbo. If I can get to that point of peace with a decision to D, I will ask that we agree to split the proceeds from the house, but agree not to sell if for a year (the market for selling here is bad right now so it is both of our advantage not to put it on the market today).

You sound as if you're doing fairly well emotionally. A date -- I don't even think I would know how to go on one anymore. Your story made me chuckle.

I'll try and check in more often as I am wondering how you are and what's happening in your life.