It has been a long time since I have posted an update so I thought I would do so today.<p>My wife and I continue to struggle with our recovery. She has finally been able to forgive herself (mostly) but I continue to struggle with resentment over what occured. I will be visiting my counselor today to discuss this aspect.<p>Recently, two issues have been stumbling blocks for me:<p>1. The bed they used. It was not our bed, thankfully, but it was a bed in our house. I have previously been too weak to address my desire to get rid of it but with the help of my counselor, I finally had the conversation to do so. It did not go well (and he said that it may not). He stated that when you ahve fear, you often will over-compensate. In my case, I was not strong enough and did not allow for discussion to take place. To paraphrase, I said the bed needed to go and I was going to do it that night. The matress was a gift from her parents (guest room bed) and the bed was the same bed my wife used as a child as well as her parents first bed -- so it had sentimental value. In the end, after my wife and I both behaving badly, the bed will be gotten rid of (her mother will take it back).<p>2. One of her friends (male) that enabled the affair is an issue. In some ways, I feel that she had an EA with him as well (she thought he was gay so she thought it was cool that she might have a gay "boy friend.") He enabled by allowing both her and the OM to share a bed while at his house. He is also man of very low morals (he even once commented that he is very unethical). There was a time when, at the beginning when I was still desperate, that I was OK with her continueing a friendship with him. That has changed since I have become more strong. A few weeks ago we discussed my desire for her to basically treat him like the OM - no contact. Well, either she was confused or she forgot, not sure which at this point, but while we driving last Friday, he called her, drunk, from a bar. Within the first few moments of the conversation, I finally figure out who it is and of course, I am wondering why she is even talking to him. Shortly later, she offers US to go pick him up (did not even ask me first). Needless to say, I was fairly livid. The result of this incident is that if he ever calls again, she is to immediately get off the phone with him. I would have preffered some sort of no contact letter at this point, since they work together, but I figured I would compromise with her a little on this issue.<p>Still knee-deep in recovery. It is a challenge but we are both very optimistic.
