Well, I'll tell ya...<P>There are so many new faces around here, which is so sad . Infidelity keeps on keepin' on, huh?<P>It makes it tough for people like me to post. I guess I'm not an "old-timer" but a "medium-timer" , been around for several months. I want to post, but with so many who don't know my story, they see the <B>tag</B> "betrayer who works with OM" or "betrayed and almost seperated" (whichever slant I'm headed toward on a particular post), and I get responses based on that information only -"Quit your job" or "Woo him back" and then I have to revisit the whole thing again and again... <P>I'm not happy nor sad right now. I think I'm what's known as "tapped out". As some of you know, I'm suppose to be "resting" right now, doing nothing. That would be easy enough is everything around me would rest, as well. But alas!, this old world of ours keeps on spinning, and I can't stop what other people are gonna do. For example, last week, the common-law W of OM found an old email joke that OM had sent me and the entire office months ago. She saw my name and flipped out (if Arik's reading, this is what we were trying to tell you weeks ago!) anyway, after having spent months smoothing things over and finding some kind of peace at the office with no contact unless work related, OM warned me of impending "whore" message on my phone at home. For those of you who are new, you might say "good" I deserve that. Now this is the place where I could go into a lenghty explanation of the remorse I've felt, the amends I have tried to make with both my H and OM's SO (she contacted me, I apologized), how the affair has been over for more months than it lasted, how I've done the right things (counseling, meds, STD tests), how I wanted to die...<P>Okay, so I kinda sorta did go into a lengthy explanation ... but, I can't do that <B>every</B> time I post. <P>The last few times I posted I received a lot of support, and I am thankful for it. I don't know why this happens, and maybe you'll understand the truth of it, but the negative responses hurt much more than the positive helped. Does that make sense? Therefore, I have shyed away from posting at all.<P>I just wanted those of you who care about me to know that I am pulling for your marriages, that I do care very much about what's going on in your lives, and that it is my desire, even still, to somehow find peace with my H. <P>I am praying for all of us, and just wanted you to know I haven't dropped off the earth... <P>~Sheryl<BR>

Hi Sheryl,<P>I don't believe in labeling people. I was the betrayer 13 years ago and most recently the betrayed. Or was I? I guess you could just label me as someone who didn't know how to be a good H either time. That fits both circumstances.<P>You have assessed your situation and are attempting to correct the same. I don't see anything wrong with that. I hope that I didn't offend you in any way on your posts. <P>I know what I did many years ago and don't need anyone to tell me that I messed up. I will take that to the grave. I can't change the past, but, I can change the present and future. <P>You have many friends here.<P>Take care, God bless.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Tim

Hi new_beginning.....I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I guess I can't blame you. Just want you to know that, although I am a betrayed W, after reading some of your Posts and replies to my Posts, I know you are a good person, who made a mistake.<P>You have many friends here. Just wanted you to know that.

Hi, Sheryl...You know I would never label you or anyone else for that matter. I have forgiven W for the affair. She hasn't expressed much regret, but she got the forgiveness anyway.<P>I don't think there is any reason for you not to post that comes out in what you say. No one here is judging whether you should or shouldn't post. Except me...I think that if you <B>want</B> to, you should. You never do any harm, only good when you speak, even when you are feeling down.<P>I'm really glad to hear that you are optimistic about the therapy. Sure kept me out of the loony bin....<P>Hugs...<P>--DeWayne--

Sheryl - Everything you say rings very true. As for this forum, I can only say that reading your posts has given me a lot of insight into why W's betray their H's, which has helped me understand my own situation as betrayed. Look at it this way, the negative responses to your posts just don't know what they're talking about, and neither do the ones who don't know your situation. Skim them, don't linger over them. Maybe that will help. Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Sheryl,<BR>I too have always appreciated your posts. I hope you can forgive those that have posted negatively towards you. It seems most people blames the op more than they blame their spouse, so I guess you are the next best thing.<P>I hope you do feel comfortable to keep posting.<P>To others, please read the profiles so that you understand where people are coming from.<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

Sheryl,<BR>A lot of us old/medium timers with problems that just don't ever seem to end get the odd advice from people who either don't know our stories or have forgotten.<P>Me, with 6 separations and Plan A (with a week of Plan B thrown in) for at that time 18 months and someone advised me to "try" Plan A... and not give up so quickly. Well, of course that wasn't meant to hurt, but I felt misunderstood.<P>I am still feeling very awed by the book THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE by Stormie Omartian (and we've got that forum going). I find praying everyday for my husband on a new topic is helping me focus on what I need from him. So far it seems to be everything and immediately .<P>Take care.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

Sherly I understand what you are saying when you relive the pain. This morning I could not stay focused because I started to think about something that happened 4 mo ago. I'm so sorry for you, even though my name is new I've been around for months. I have great admiration for all you ald timers. At times I've wanted to say somthing supportive but been to shy. It's like moving to a new town and everyone has their oun friends, and you bfeel like a outsider. But I have never seen anyone feel unwelcome. Thank you Oldtimers for all you do. YOu give the rest of us hope.<P>Have to go

Hi guys,<P>Well, I did want to make something clear after reading these responses:<P>Please don't misunderstand...I'm not saying that I have felt labeled all the time, or hurt all the time... I have received many caring bits of advice, and have made some wonderful new friends. <P>And frankly, I guess I wouldn't expect many of the people who have hurt me with remarks to have even read <B>this</B> post. It's like when I see a post that says something like "How can I hurt the OW without getting caught?"... best for me to stay away, you know? So, somewhere inside I guess I hoped I would get uplifting replies... and you gave them to me! Maybe I'm smarter than I look <P>So, to those of you who answered this, my heartfelt gratitude...<P>~Sheryl<BR>

Hi, Sheryl.<P>I've been thinking about you, wondering if you were really taking a break.<P>Just jumping in to remind you that a lot of us know you, and love you very much!!!<P>Hang in there, ok?<P>Lori

Can I share something with you all that I am rejoicing over and thanking God for...???<P>I received my HIV and Syphilis test results today... the end of the STD tests, and I had to wait to have them...<P>I am now declared 100% STD free and clear.<P>All this pain, confusion, anger, supidity... all rolled into a 3 mo. affair... and all that rolled into nearly a year of hell for me and my H. One of our biggest fears - of course - was that I contracted an STD. I was tested for literally everything! Three months in I had one groups of tests, four months later, the second group of tests. I honestly thought I would have deserved to die for my mistakes, but asked God for his mercy because my H did not deserve to die for my mistakes.<P>I can honestly say I feel like a weight has been lifted. Yes, my H will still move into his apartment, but at least now I don't have to think and wonder about the death knell I hung over both of us... a little easier to rest...<P>I thank God for His mercy when I deserved none!<P>~Sheryl

Sheryl -- I'm so happy for you. It's great that all of the tests turned out negative!!<P>You deserve mercy as much as anyone else. You've got to give yourself a little more credit. Yes, you've made some mistakes and so has your H. But you've been able to take your experiences and his, learn from them and teach a lot to the rest of us. We are blessed by your presence.<P>So no more of this "I'm not worthy..etc.", OK?<P>Hugs<P>--DeWayne--<P>

Yay!!! Bet THAT feels better, huh?<P> <P>One worry gone.<P>Lori

Thanks for checking back in DeWayne and Lori, and for rejoicing with me!<P>I called my H and he, of course, feels better now too! Seems silly to call this a love deposit, but in a way it is!<P>~Sheryl

Congratulations on the results. And thank you because you've been one of the few who have been there for me in my darkest hours.<P>I wish & pray for your family's happiness. Nobody but you can make the right decisions for your life, over and over, even if you make mistakes again (don't we all?- we're just humans).<P>God bless you.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn

Sheryl --<P>This is great!! If it's not a love deposit, it's certainly a big refund of service charges.....<P>--DeWayne--<p>[This message has been edited by Heartpain (edited December 13, 1999).]

This Alex, <P>Thank you for the kind words and for rejoicing with me...<P>Heartpain,<P>Cheering for me through all your stuff... what a trouper, and what a wonderful guy!

Sheryl, <BR>I have been wondering where you are and how you weere doing. You know some people just can't let go OM's So. I told my counselor I wouldn't wish this pain and misery on anyone not even H's OW. No one desire this kind of pain. I just wish people would learn that once something happens it is done, no matter what or how much you wish you could take it back you can't. The best thing is to drop it and go on from there. We all make mistakes and thing is to learn from them and not repeat. This isn't really directed to you but to those that judge people on passt mistakes and want them to keep living in them. Okay I'll get off my soap box now.<BR>I hope you are doing better. Lots of {{{{{HUGS}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Thank you Di!<P>Can anyone tell I'm feeling better?

Sheryl...glad to hear the test results went well...now you can breathe! Another hurdle out of the way.... Glad to hear you are feeling better too!