Sue - here is the breakdown of today. First we had the purchaser of our house do their home inspection... nothing big. Then we found out that the property we REALLY wanted was back on the market!!!! We called our agent and went back to see it again. We put in an offer, but because it is a bank owned property, we won't find out until MONDAY if they accept it!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I am keeping my fingers crossed!

We checked our voice mail when we got home, and the Sherrifs dept left my H a message, he has tried TWICE to call the person back, but only got their voice mail (he left messages). Now we wait again!!!

As for "her", I think you are right. "she" is more concerned about being the "victim" than the pain she is causing me! But, doesn't that just prove my point that she is not "right"??? Don't most people know right from wrong? Unless she is COMPLETELY mental, how can she not know the pain she is putting me through? (it does NOT take a rocket scientist to see this!!!) Part of me will ALWAYS think that this is a vicious, intentional plot!!! SHE NEEDS HELP!!!

Please cross your fingers about the house...

-mcnyh

Fingers crossed on the house. That would be great if the house you really want becomes yours.

Well, lets see, you sister has bluemia, which everyone denies, which in reality has to do with a body image disorder, you sister, has has multiple affairs, which, are probably because of poor self esteem issues, also related to bulemia, and she wants to play the role of the victim, back to self esteem issues. Yes, I would say your sister needs some major help. Unfortunately, it sounds like her H, enables her to continue her way of life. Maybe he has some self esteem issues himself. Didn't you say you were afraid of him?

Soon, you will have your new home, and on to a new life.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by espoir:
<strong>Really hard to deal with that........how horrifying. To be betrayed by two people you love. It's major, and will take time to recover. Hopefully he is willing to actively rebuild with you... take reponsibility and do his part.

It is normal to be traumatized by such an event- you may need counseling and/or antidepressants to help you recover, keep your mind open if you feel that might help you cope.

Know that time will help but it could take a year for the images to fade.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by espoir:
<strong>Really hard to deal with that........how horrifying. To be betrayed by two people you love. It's major, and will take time to recover. Hopefully he is willing to actively rebuild with you... take reponsibility and do his part.

It is normal to be traumatized by such an event- you may need counseling and/or antidepressants to help you recover, keep your mind open if you feel that might help you cope.

Know that time will help but it could take a year for the images to fade.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know exactly how you feel. I wish I could tell you that you'll forgive and forget both of them, but I can't. My ex and sister actually aborted their love child, but only because she was still a minor and weren't certain how to explain it all to me. I found out about it because I came home during their discussion on the phone. I was crushed as we were then expecting our first and only child. I have to tell you, my sister denies they were discussing 'their' child to this day, but he said he felt compelled to tell me the truth at that moment so he could regain my trust and repair the marriage from that point forward, regardless of the damage to my family. Bizarre situation, I know. I am hurting for you because I can relate to your dilema. They never had the chance to do anything in my house, but they did at my mother's and I had to share that following Christmas with both of them in the same room while pretending to be a happy mother and wife. Think twice and follow your heart. By the way, I notice you say "I know her" ~ I wonder, do you really know him? Good luck. Monday

Monday -- Yes I know my H... and I also know my sister. "she" did this to hurt me. "she" has told my H (in front of her own H) that I am "such a b*tch" (her H confirmed this on several occasions). I have another sister who would NEVER say this about me!!! I am not perfect, and I can be a b*tch, but I am not one unless I need to be... (make sense?)

I have NEVER trusted my "sister", and even told my H that she was trying to get him... he thought he was immune to her "charms"... guess he was wrong. My "sister" has a habit of being a "good listener" for men, always having sympathy for their stress, and then BOOM, she makes her move! In my opinion SHE is a predetor!!! She uses any means available to her to get what she wants!

I will never understand how a woman could do this to her OWN SISTER!!! (it's bad enough to be the OW in ANY situation!!!)

-mcnyh

Sue -- Why do I feel like I dealt better with this in the beginning than I am now? I feel very depressed, and I can't seem to get the images to go away!!! I can't sleep, but I feel like I am always tired!!! I feel like I have no control over my own life... I am very anxious to move, I want to leave the horrible memories here (of things that happened here...), and move on to making new, happy memories.

Will things ever get back to normal??? If my family keeps treating her like she did nothing wrong, will I have to seperate myself from them??? How could I ever handle a family function again?? It would make me physically sick if I had to see her and my H in the same room together... I would always wonder if she was trying to make her move again... And I would always be reminded of what they did together... How could I look at her and not remember??? How long before she would throw it in my face that she "had" my H??? (yes, she IS cruel enough to do that...) Don't forget how much she taunted me last summer ("how do you know he is where he says he is???) She wanted to hurt me, and YES she succeded, but not to the extent she hoped for!!! I am afraid that anything I say or do now will just trigger the psycho to hurt me more! If I tell my family how happy I am with my H, will that piss her off more? If we get a bigger, nicer house, will THAT piss her off???

I am furious that my family won't stand up for me to her!!! SHE is the one who did wrong, NOT ME!!! She may be their daughter/sister, but what the hell am I???? My family SHOULD stand by ME, NOT her!!! If she had done this to my other sister, I would have disowned her right then and there!!! My other sister admits that "she" is wrong for doing this, but NOBODY WILL SAY ANYTHING TO HER!!! Here's an idea: "how could you do this to your sister, you are lying, and the whole family knows it. Get over yourself, and STOP causing problems for the family!!!" Not that hard to say... You can believe that I would say that to her if she had done this to my other sister!!! The only member of my family that WOULD say this is my brother (the cop), but she won't talk to him (he has tried...)!

I am so sick of it all... I am sick of "her" crap, and I am sick of the crap from my family! WHat kind of family does NOT support the betrayed one??? I always knew we were "dysfunctional", but DAMN!!! (don't forget family rule #527: Don't upset "her", she might make herself pUKE!) Gosh, if she is soooooo f'ing troubled... GET HER F'ING HELP!!!! STOP ENABLING HER TO BE A PSYCHO!!!

Sorry, I know this was quite a vent... I just can't take it anymore!!! Every day there is SOMETHING else for me to deal with!!! They say God only gives you what you can handle, NEWSFLASH: I am NOT that strong!!!

Thanks for reading!

By the way... I really think you are a saint, because I can barely handle the after effects of an A.... I can't imagine being in your shoes dealing with a current one! You are an incredible person, and I can only hope that someday I will have your wisdom and strenght.

-mcnyh

Hi MC,
I'm 10 years older than you and this is the second time I've been through this. I made a zillion mistakes the first time.

It took me about 6 months to get to a point where I was not daily obsessing, otherwise, I was asking why, and how did this happen. I went back and forth between hating him, and loving him. I kept asking what was so special about her that he would leave me and the kids for. What is wrong with me, why was I not good enough?

This time around, I have my future goals to keep me focused on the future for myself. If he is part of it, well, that remains to be seen.

Take comfort in the knowledge that you H is remorseful about the whole mess, and that he wants to work on the M, and regain your trust.

Your sister, at this point is a lost cause. No matter how much pain she causes you, do not let her know it. She seems to get delight out of it.
Eventually she will tire of trying to get to you, and move on to someone else.

Hi,

Reading through your thread from page 1 to 13, it is clear that you've been very lucky to be having an *ideal* recovery - the course any BS would love for their lives to take since her D-day.

Your husband has taken the ideal course of action possible under the circumstances. You family has gradually warmed to you and him again even after such a short time, and this could only improve. You have sold your house. The house you want is nearly yours. Everything is going as well for you as it possibly could. All this has been possible because of your strength though this. It seems you are having a spell where your taker is kicking in.

No wonder that she is mad, and wants to mess it up. You shouldn't allow that; deal with it and ignore her. If you have read the TOW site, this is a common senario: when the WS ends the affair, the TOW reveals it to the family and tries her best to mess up the marriage in revenge. She will probably keep doing this for a while, specially if your family keeps going from strength to strength as you have.

Sue- Today we find out if we get the house... please keep your fingers crossed.

-mcnyh

Hi MC,
Fingers crossed. That would be the icing on the cake for you.

Relate has some very good points for you. Things are going well with your H and kids. Your family is slowly coming around. Your sister is the big problem here. Do what you can to ignore her.

You are stronger than you realize. If not, you would have not made it this far. I think the reason why you think you did better in the beginning is, it is probably wearing you down. Do you exercise? I find this to be helful. Or was, I have to get back into exerising. I sort of quit for a short while.

I'm not sure what the TOW site is, but it sounds like it is worth checking into. If I can find it, I'm going to read it. Maybe it will helpful to you.

It will get better. Everything takes time.

How is your H doing?

Sue -- WE GOT THE HOUSE, WE GOT THE HOUSE, WE GOT THE HOUSE!!!!!! Finally something good has happened to us!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> We close on it in the end of September... Then we can start again fresh!!!

My H is doing well. As far as his tumor goes, it looks like surgery again, and then radiation therapy... I hope this will finally take care of it!

I am almost afraid to get too happy... I don't want "her" to knock me down again! I want to be able to enjoy the moment!!! (don't I deserve it????????)

I hope your day went well... How's things with your H?

-mcnyh

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!

You DERSERVE ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD. Don't ever forget this.

If your sister tries to destroy your happiness, don't give her that power to do so. You have control over this. How, you ask? Try to understand where she is coming from. By doing this, and accepting that she is a sick, demented, petty, jealous individual who has to be the center of attention at all costs to others, will help you to not get angry over her actions. By rationalizing her behaviour, she cannot take away your joy and happiness over how things are going. Does this make any sense? Try not to take her attacks as personal attacks against you. She sees you as someone who is doing better than her, and she does not like it, so she has to try to destroy all that is good. Remember "misery loves company" so don't give her any.

The time will go quickly and you will be unpacking before you know it.

When does your H have to have surgery?

What is the new house like. It has a red door. How many rooms? Big garden? Nice neighbourhood?

Relate - The house is PERFECT for us (needs work though... new roof, etc.) it is a 4 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath house on a street with no outlet... which means that "she" has NO reason EVER to drive by!!! And a fully fenced yard for the kids to play in!!! I can't wait to move... the new house is TWICE the size of the one we are in now!

I really needed something good to happen for us, and I think this is it!

Thanks!
-mcnyh

Hi MC,
Concentrate on the move to your new house, leaving the bad behind. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I can only hope for the best... only time will tell.

-mcnyh

Hi MC,

I don't know if you realize this, but that was the calmest response you have had in a while. Finding a home and selling yours must have been one burden lifted off your shoulders.

If she does find out where you live and drives by, now, she cannot say, I was on my way somewhere else.

How is everything else going. I don't envy all the packing you have to do.

I just bought my school books today. OUCH it hurt the ole wallet. (Not as much as tuition though)

Hi MC,
How is it going?

I sympathize with your feelings. To have an affair with a perfect stranger is one thing. To have an affair with a co-worker is one thing.
But a sibling. That is another. In order to survive this. I suggest looking at it on the terms of Even though she is your sister. A family is made up of numerous individual people. To find the courage not to hold any other members accountable for your sisters actions. It will take time. It was your sister that did this action. I do understand how you feel. The actions that certain individuals of my own family did against me. I talk to others. But not to the ones that did things to hurt me. It hurts, I know. But first thing to do is forgive. You will never forget. As it has been done. It is fact and it is history. We cannot change history. Only how we see ourselves through. The strength you find now cannot come from outside. It is already within "you". Dig deep. The strength has been buried beneath a mountain of betrayal and discention. By fallacious actions. Try not to take it personal. After all, "you" did not commit the act.

My d-day was October 22, 2ooo. I moved out one year ago yesterday. Moved back home Dec 22, 2001. To the disapproval of my WS family and friends. Do not let the actions of others control the future you seek.
They only have control if you let them. Show them. I don't know if this helps. I have posted some poetry which I have written from my experiences. Hope you will read them.

Sue - I do feel more calm now, but I still feel depressed sometimes... I guess this is the "roller coaster" ride, huh? The only problem is I hate all amusement park rides... they make me sick! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I am trying to concentrate on moving out of here! As I have been told MANY times... there is nothing else I can do. I know I will get past this... I just don't know when.

I know I am lucky that my H is doing everything in his power to help me get through this, but he can only do so much... he can't help make my dreams and images go away! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I try to look at the bright side, My H wants ME! I am still a little insecure though! I probably always will be...

Thanks for listening!

-mcnyh