Hi,
You won't like this, she is probably not done yet. See, she likes to be the center of attention. This mess makes her the center of attention. It does not matter if it is good or bad attention. Those who need attention don't care what kind it is as long as it is attention. Besides, she made the accusation, so now she has to follow through. To not follow through would make her a liar. To her that is the right thing. To her it does not matter what the truth is, what matters is that she plays her part to the fullest.

She is not getting attention from you, so now she only likes you. You are disregarding her, she does not like that. Lack of attention.

Just keep following through on what is good for you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! When will "she" get what she deserves????????</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Try not to think about this. Think about what does it take to move foward and away from this mess. You are very strong. You are just very frustrated that you are enduring this. I'm sure your big sis only told you to keep you aware of what is going on. Remember "knowledge is power" Take the information and use it to help you become stronger. The stronger you become, the less you will feel like a victim.

Sue -- I am feeling very sad and alone today (H is back to work) I got very used to him being here... now it is just me and the girls. H is also working a double shift, so he wont be home till about midnight!!! I guess it is time to get back to the "real world", huh?

-mcnyh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Should he be working so hard so soon?

You will be fine. Just a little separation anxiety. You got used to him being with you alot, and now because he went back to work, you are a little lonely. It is natural.

Since this is your last year before you oldest goes to school, you can make this some very special mommy time

Thank god my H is on his way home from work!!!! This felt like the LONGEST day!!! I know I will have to deal with him not always being home, but it was very comforting while he was!!! Now I have to keep myself from wondering... I know in my heart that he would not do this to me again (look what he got in return from my "sister"!), but I would be lying if I said I was not a little scared. (once bitten, twice shy...)

I have been trying really hard to improve myself (FOR myself), I have even lost 25 pounds (gotta love thyroid meds!!!)... I just don't ever want to feel the pain again!

I love my H with ALL my heart... I feel pretty confident that he learned his lesson!!! (once accused, twice shy?)

I feel bad, because I would deal soooo much better without all my "sisters" crap... DUH MC, she knows this!!!

As always... Thanks!

-mcnyh

He will be home soon, you can snuggle up with him for the night.

Hi MC,
you must have had a busy weekend. I didn't see a post.

I was very busy on Sat, shopping for school stuff for the kids, was in the mood to make both stuffed manicotti and lasange, so I made both. Told H, he will not have to cook this week. But he will be tired of Italian food.

Sunday I layed arouond all day. I was not feeling well. Feel better today. Not completely, but I don't want to lay around. I was exhaused. The kids wanted to make cookies. So I helped them, but let them do alot of it.

Sue -- Another day... My "sister" won't give up this pathetic attempt at ruining my life!!! She told my BIL that she contacted the DA's office to handle this, and claims she has something from my H's CONFIDENTAL military file... She is NOW claiming that my H was investigated 3 years ago for another "incident". NEWSFLASH: IF my H had been investigated for ANYTHING... he would have known about it!!! He even called his commander to find out what the hell she was talking about, and he says that there is NOTHING!!! He then called his First Sergeant who again said there was NOTHING!!! When my BIL asked her how she got stuff from my H's CONFIDENTIAL file... she said "(her H) has his connections." um, excuse me... but THAT IS AGAINST THE LAW!!!

I really don't know if I can take anymore of this!!! I am scared to death of them!!! My H and I are actually moving out of our house early (moving in with my MIL) to get away from here!!! My BIL also said that "she" told him her H is "ready for another attack." ATTACK??? What the hell is she talking about??? An attack on my H??? me??? my kids??? What kind of attack???

I have been reading a book that Pepper told me about, and there are cases of people with borderline personality disorder that press false charges, and it says to be prepared to spend a lot of money to clear your name!!! What kind of CRAP is that???? She gets to LIE, and WE PAY THE MONEY????

I really can't take it anymore!!! She keeps twisting the knife. She is hell bent on hurting ME!!!!

They say what comes around, goes around... WHEN??? When does she have to pay for what she is doing to my family??? Why does she get to LIE... over, and over again... How long will the athorities allow this to continue??? Will she only be happy when my children and I have NOTHING??????????

What have I done to deserve this??? I am not perfect (although close...), but I have NEVER done anything to hurt another person!!!

I try soooooo hard to "let it go"... but then "she" makes comments to my BIL (that she KNOWS will get back to me) like: "(her H) has a gun", and "I got things from his file". She obviously KNOWS this will send me into a tail spin!!! (And I know that the only reason my BIL tells me this stuff is so that I am prepared for ANYTHING!!!)

Why can't I press charges??? Her H already threatened my H's life... as well as MINE!!!

By the way... my BIL also heard about the hand gun from "her" SON!!! (who's 9)... He said "my dad has a "box gun", and he used it to kill an animal in the street"... As far as we know... he does NOT have a permit...

Can I FINALLY press charges when one of us gets SHOT??? Will THAT be enough for the police??? Is that what it is going to take??? She gets to lie, but one of us has to get shot before they will help us????

Please say a prayer for us... we REALLY need all the help we can get!!!

Thanks for reading.

-mcnyh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi MC,

TAKE DEEP BREATHS, breath in, breath out, breath in breath out. Okay, calm yet.

Lets be rational here.

Can you cop brother do anything about the gun that there may not be a permit for?

There is no way she can get confidential military records. The government has so much red tape that even they have troubles getting records. She is full of it. She is trying to get to you. She or her H would have to be pretty high in the military government to have access to it. And no friend would risk their military career to help them get that info. Beside, how does she have his discharge info. She would need to know more than just his name. She would need to know things like his ID number assigned from the miliatary.

Okay, now - chances are she did not contact the DA's office and if she did, it was because they told her that there was not enough to prosecute you H. So she is probably livid and trying to push it through. It is possible that she may push so hard that they may decide to take action against her. You could call the DA's office an inquire. You could also inquire as to is their anything the county would do when someone continues to take harrassing action using the system to do it?

Get a restraining order. Tell them that their son states they have a gun. Tell them you are afraid of what they will do.

When your family hears this stuff, ask them not to pass it on, unless she says something that indicates you or your family's safety is in jeapardy. Ask them to make specific inquiers when she makes statements such as "her H is ready for an attack".

Move to MIL soon. Make it harder for her to find you.

Contact Sheriff's dept regarding what you were told and ask if there is anything you can do or should do to protect your family.

If you start experiencing finacial problems because of her false accusations, inquire if you can seek restitution. It is called fighting back using the legal system.

Do you have an attorney to consult with regards to what she is doing? You may have legal resources available to stop her.

I don't know about NY, but in MN if if someone threatens to blow up your house, you can file a complaint. It's called terroristic threats. I found out after I did file the complaint that I could have.

Even though you cannot do too much regarding threats to harm you, you can request the police to document it. If there is enough of them, they may take action then. (had to do it to a neighbor, threatened to shoot my 7 year old son)

Take care- seek legal advice if you can

Thanks Sue... I just don't know what to do amymore!!! I know she is full of lies, but lies CAN do damage!!!

I'm tired of being scared! I am tired of EVERYTHING she is doing to us!!! And I am tired of having to sit back and take it!!!

Mentally ill or not, this is too much!!! How much more can a person take???

I hope tomorrow is better... because as I am finding out, it could be worse!!!

-mcnyh

Hi,

Tomorrow is another day. I would inquire about a restraining order or something. Tell them that they made threats and their son says they have a gun. Also let them know that you don't think they have a permit for it.

They will investigate. As you brother what to do.

As I said, try to gain knowledge. Find out if she continues on this path of destruction, do you have a legal recourse.

Did your H meet with the Sheriff yet? I don't know exactly how this stuff works, but to my knowledge, she cannot tell the DA to procescute. I think the claims come from the law enforcment agency and the DA's office decides from there.

Calm down, she is full of it. Just find out what you can do to protect yourself, your family physically, emotionally, and financially.

One more thing. I will be getting up tomorrow at 6am central time. I will probably get on the computer aroun 7 or so.

Sue -- Today we have to make some phone calls... first to our attny, then my brother... We have to find a way to protect ourselves from "them"! (we are just waiting because it is not even 9:00 yet)

Keep your fingers crossed please!

-mcnyh

Fingers are crossed, prayers are being prayed. You do not need this kind of life. (Toes are crossed too)

I over slept so I was not on when I said I would be

Did you change the locks on your house?

Do you have a neighbor close enough that they can watch your house for you while you are at IL's

MC - I just barely read through your entire thread - you've been through the wringer haven't you?!

As I read, I couldn't help but feel impressed at two things - one a strength, and the other, a weakness that is really hurting you.

The strength: you know who your friends are; you're not afraid to ask for help, and you understand who your enemies are.

The weakness: you are letting your whole life revolve around this psycho-sister. The minute you start letting go of some of the anger and start feeling the peace, she has the ability to reel you back in to the rage. It's like she will take your affection. She will take your hatred. But she will not tolerate being IGNORED!

It's time to minimize your defensive activities to one focused period of time a day - no more than one hour. This is what I would do in your situation (And believe me, while she wasn't my sister, I've had a similar psychopath in my life who refused to be ignored.)
1. File a complaint with the police. Document all activities up to this point.
2. Make it known to your family that you can no longer tolerate her relaying rumors, lies, and innuendo through your family. As much as they want to protect you by arming you with information about what she says she's up to, they run the risk of repeating her lies. So please support you in withholding any and all information about her and her sorry little life from you and your husband and your children.
3. Get the camera out or video player that has a time-date stamp on it; record her drive-bys so that you can offer supporting information to police as to just cause for a PERMANENT restraining order.

For steps one through three, remember, NO MORE than one hour per day. Then move on. Do not permit any conversation about her between you and your husband outside of that hour.

4. Call a family meeting, in which they MUST meet with BOTH you and your husband. Present a united front. Acknowledge that they are uncomfortable with your husband, but in light of your sister's behavior, they MUST put that aside for your safety. If they cannot do that, then you cannot have contact with them either.

During the family meeting, lay out some ground rules for the move. Let your husband speak to his concerns - his harm to the family. Understanding their hard feelings toward him - being an understatement. Encourage him to express concerns for your safety and well-being.

Then your turn. Ask them to think back on the relationship between you and your sister before the affair. Show the track record that shows the instability - and that your sister needs HELP not enabling. That any communication about her to you enables her to continue her little fantasy war.

Encourage them to protect you - as you move to this new home, set up safe guards between you and your sister - does the rest of your family know where you are moving to? Can you count on them to keep that information from her, as well as your new phone number?

5. Plan for the move with strategy. New phone number (unlisted, of course), etc.

6. Get into a therapist who can help you grieve the loss of your relationship with your sister. She must become truly dead to you. That means all hard feelings are forgiven. This is only to remove you from the Monkey's Paw trap she keeps setting up for you to pay attention to her.

7. Plan that new life - that revolves around you and your husband. Your family of origin has been far to central to you in this conflict. This is not something they have a say in - this is YOUR marriage. And some day, all this conflict with your family is going to wear thin with your husband. It's time to cut the apron strings and let them move to a more distant orbit in your life.

8. In that new life, find new hobbies, new ways to meet your husband's needs. New recreational companionship activities that both of you love to do but maybe haven't tried in a long time. Build something spectacular together.

Remember - SUCCESS, happiness, joy and fulfillment is the best revenge in this situation!

P.S. The emotion that will help you the most (and hurt her, based on her psychological profile) is indifference

I agree. At this level a restraining order is a must. You should file a police report of all these threats immediately. Ask the police to question your BIL and family as witnesses. Then file for a restraining order.

<small>[ August 21, 2002, 03:34 PM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

Hi Mc,

All okay

Well, today has been busy... but OK. My H went for his second radiation treatment, and so far is fine.

I agree that I have to NOT care. Believe me, I am trying. But after speaking with our attny., there is nothing we can do about a restraining order right now. (big shock!) My family knows where I am moving to, and will keep that info to themselves (as they have FINALLY seen through my "sister's" lies.)

Although this WHOLE situation is getting WAY out of control, "She" will be the one who loses in the end! The more lies she comes up with, the worse she will make herself look! Our attny said to sit back and let her tie her own noose! I know that it will all work out in the end, but it's the waiting part that is driving me crazy! I don't know how much damage she will inflict while her "war" is in progress!!!

My H says that although it will be tough, we have to be as emotionally cold-as-ice as we can be from now on! (as far as this whole situation is concerned!)

My H's new favorite song is an oldie... "Time, is on our side... YES IT IS." (thank you Rolling Stones!)

I will keep you posted... And although I am not an overly religious person... I NEED your prayers!

Thanks

-mcnyh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I'm glad you talked to your attorney. As much as it bothers you that you cannot do anything now, follow his advice. Things will work out.

Good news on the Hubby for the cancer, so far, so good.

Just sit back, concentrate on what is important, and follow Attorney's advice.

Come here to vent and get it off your chest so you can be the wonderful W your H married 5 years ago.

Prayers are coming your way