Believe it or not, when we got married neither one of us had been with anyone else. We both had very strong beliefs. This is one reason I am having such a hard time believing this could have happened. I am trying to be as supportive as I can. I try not to make any cutting remarks, even though I want to really let her know what I think. <p>She is ready to move out, I just don't know if I'm ready. If she moves out its almost to permanent. If she goes, she may not come back. If I deploy with my unit, she knows I will be coming home and the kids just think daddy is working. Maybe she just needs time to think things out and maybe seek help. I have been gone this week and she has called me every day. She tells me what’s going on and how close she is to getting her online/catalog business started. Then thanks me for being a friend. All she sees is my supportive side, she doesn't know that I break down and cry out of nowhere.
I am trying so hard to just take care of myself and not think about all this.<p>CD

Plan B is all about cutting them free. Sometimes they return; sometimes they don't. What are your contingencies in either case?

If she comes back, what will you do?
If she doesn't come back, are you prepared?

It seems that she wants you to move out because of the kids. I hate to say it, but there may be custody issues here that allow you to take custody of the kids. If she wants you to move out, you should consider having your kids stay with your family (mom, dad, grandparents) while you're on deployment and have her go off into the real world.

Just a thought. If you leave and don't come back, your kids will grow up thinking that you abandoned them or something.

Well I don't know if I'm ready to let her go or me go. Like I said before, If I go I will deploy with the military for as long as I can. (no more than 3 months) If I go she gets time to think and see what its like on her own, but Knowing that I will return. I don't think she we will have a custody issue unless I ask for custody. I don't know if it should try because I travel so much.I don't think the judge would like that part. Then if I did that and didn't get them she may not work with me. I truely don't think she would try to keep them from me.

Thanks for your thoughts.
CD

I don't have kids so my situation is a bit easier, but it also hurts so much because her A started when she finally got pregnant after 2 years of fertility treatments. Ouch. I try not to think about that. She lost the child on Christmas Day and I sometimes wonder if the child saw what she was doing up in Heaven and decided to pass.

I just got Dr. Harley's book about how to Survive An Affair. There's a story about a guy with kids whose wife asked him to leave. He did. Her being forced to deal with the reality of kids alone was what made his Plan B work... so I guess you never know.

Maybe as a token gesture you guys should separate before your deployment and outline the terms of your separation or something. Won't the military cut you some slack... let you take a leave of absence or something?

I just put in my order for that book. I should have it by the time I get home tomorrow.
I have plenty of leave I can take, but I think if I can just find somewhere to stay for a few weeks before I go it will work also. She wants to leave the appearance that everything is OK. Her sister has asked her how we are doing and she has always replied positively. My gut feeling is she really just needs time for her self. I am reading His Needs, Her Needs right now. I wish I could get her to read it as well, I think she might understand why she did what she did. It’s talking about meeting her emotional needs. Affection being most women #1 need. I feel I did allot of those things to show her affection. But right now she can't stand the fact I want to give her a hug or a kiss. Gets mad when I leave her notes or brings her flowers. But I think right now Its because she feels guilty I am being so nice after what she did. Keeps telling me she's no good for me. Anyone else think I shouldn't leave for a couple of months?

I just saw a country video by Trace Adkins called "Help Me Understand". Seems to sum up my feelings. It’s funny how songs, movies and even TV shows have a whole new meaning.
Lyxa, how are things going for you? I hope things are well.
CD

I was thinking of trying to get her to go on the MB cruise. Ya think its a good idea?

I give up! All I do and all that I try isa dead end street. I got home yesterday and spent some time with my D and had a good talk with W. Then today nothing goes right. She just told me she wants a divorce. She cant handle me being around, Feels like I'm smothering her. I hated her for this!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I don't understand why I even care! She doesn't, and shes the one that screwed up. I have so much anger inside!! If she brings me papers, I feel like I want the custody of my two Ds, but I don't know if thats best for them. My W would hate me for trying to take them. Its going to be a rough night...