Dave,

Thought I'd give you a bump to the top.

How about an update??

Hi DJ.

Well, nothing to update really. I have talked to her in e-mails, but the only thing we are talking about at this point is the D-papers.

Basically, with all the crap that happened, it became painfully obvious to me that she 'moved on' a long while ago, she just never bothered to tell me. She did tell me that she slept with this last guy, "because I wanted out, and didn't know how to go about it".

So, I learned a few things: She doesn't know how to properly end a relationship, and I don't know how to properly let one go. Because truly, as a few of you have pointed out, this *was* just a relationship, and not a true M. On either end. Bitter pill for me to swallow, but I finally choked it down.

Am I still hurt? Yeah. But, after reading all the posts here, and after learning the depths of this woman's cold heartedness, it makes me feel just a little better knowing that I no longer have to suffer thru anything else she is going to dish out. It will be someone else getting the short end of the stick, not me. I now realize there *are* people in this world that care about people and things other than themselves.

Small consolation to saving a M, but I know in my heart I did everything I possibly could to try and save what was left. The only thing left now is the time to heal from all this. And hopefully I remember the lessons for the rest of my life.

Thank you all for your support. I honestly don't think I would have made it this far without all of you taking the time to respond to my post.

Dave

Kornflake,
You sound a bit hard on yourself...patience, my friend! The WS will always want it to seem that they have "moved on." It's most often all just a front to legitimatize their actions! She's being very foolish right now.

This is a cruel game most of us are here are playing. although it is difficult, don't get trapped in the details of it. See the bigger picture, then things will work themselves out, no matter what the outcome is...

Hang in there,

Sweden

Hi Dave,

Sorry it took so long to reply.....a thunder storm took out my phone line. I can see alot has happened since your last e-mail. Your reply about her saying she left a long time ago jarred some info I realised I did not relate to you. Often the heart leaves the relationship years before the body does. As you know, even though I was not the one to have the affair, my heart left mine years ago, and that I came to point where I physically removed myself, yet I'm back in heart and body. I have read all of the posts attached to your post and you have truly found a sight that gives you more support than my little brain could. For this I am glad, but as I said before you are the one that has to digest the information offered and then decide where to go with it in your life. Only you know what you know what path to take, we can read all of the books we want to on the subject and listen to all of the opinions and support people have to offer but in the end we are the ones that have to make the final decision. As I said in the past, there is a lot of pain involved with a divorce both during and after, on the other hand there is alot of pain involved in rebuilding a marriage but if you can get there the payoff is usualy worth it......but it doesn't mean the memories will go away anytime soon.

You have given the "repairing of the relationship" a great effort, but I can see with your final try/threat (1/2 the money for the divorce) put the "final nail in the coffin". Part of me is sad that it didn't work out(being as you wanted it to very so much), a larger part of me is happy because deep down I don't think she was willing to truly try and having known you as an adolecent I know you are deserving of a healthy relationship.

Take Care,

Natalie