The OM is an officer in the Air Force... I'm curious... do you think I should expose him? I have some modicum of proof of the affair from letters my wife has given me.

______________________________
Section IV.

Paragraph 62. Article 134 (Adultery)

a. Text See paragraph 60.

b. Elements.

(1) That the accused wrongfully had sexual intercourse with a certain person;

(2) That, at the time, the accused or the other person was married to someone else; and

(3) That, under the circumstances, the conduct of the accused was to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces or was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces.
___________________________________________

I've been out of contact for a while because I was in the styx for my wife's sister's wedding. It was supposed to be a chance for us to build some happy memories... but it turned out to be a few happy memories and many major fiascos.
- She flirted with a rodeo cowboy while I held her in my arms.
- She threatened suicide several times and when I didn't react to her threats like I have in the past (getting angry vs just sitting there in silence) she attacked me and then threatened suicide again.
- She had a sex dream about the OM and when I finally told her about it (I didn't want to but she could tell I was off and kept pressing)... she got very upset when I wished she would have apologized.
- She threatened to have me arrested if I tried to leave early.

So, I went with her feeling a diminished capacity to love her... I have come home hating her. I'm not angry anymore... just mostly apathetic and wondering at the point of it all.

Why should I have to fight for her love? She gives it away so easily... <sarcasm>. So, there's a short window of opportunity to "win her back". I would think that applies for her about me. I don't care anymore. She has a church disciplinary function to attend to on Thursday night if she even bothers showing up. We'll see how that goes.

up

Hello L,
It looks like standard withdrawl symptoms. That's what adicts do when they quit. I mean, it's not right, but it is predictable and it usually happens that way.

So, with the little good, and all the bad, where do you think you want to go? Are you able to help her in withdrawl or is it so hard for you that contact with her is hurting more than helping?

If contact with her right now is causing more harm than good, perhaps seperation would bring clarity.

I don't know, I am just trying to see options.

Anyway, I was worried about you and since I care, wanted to see how you were doing.

I hope you are doing something for yourself. I believe that's where your focus should be right now. Something along the lines of a quote I once heard. " In order to lift someone else, you must be on high ground yourself." I can't remember who said it.

We do care about you, hope you are improving.

Ss

Thanks StillSeeking. I'm not really doing anything for myself. There's a whole lot of things that I'm trying NOT TO DO... standard stuff - comparisons, obsessional thinking...

About the only thing I've found that has worked at all has been listening to music really loud and singing along. Sometimes, when I'm with her, I feel like things are going to work out.

I met with an attorney and got some much needed information about what the D process would be like... feeling a bit overwhelmed with the magnitude of being married and the magnitude of maybe trying to end a marriage. But at least I got to pay him $300.

up

Hi L,
I can see from your posts ( here and on other threads ) that you are doing a lot better. It may not seem like it to you, but your attitude is shifting.

I hope I am not sounding old to you - but here goes.

Your wife needs a lot of help.
You are the best one to help her.
You have to be doing pretty good yourself to be able to help her.

So what are you feeling? Do YOU feel like you are doing better yourself?

Hope your W gets some of the help she needs tonight from her meeting. Hope it strengthens your faith too. It's going to be hard for her (assuming she goes) There will be a lot of triggers for you, that will lean towards making you angry. I hope you are able to help her through it. The more help she gets from you, the more she will be drawn back to you.

I wish I could say something that would make it better but I can't. I do care though. As well as wishing you success, I am praying for you.

SS

Thanks StillSeeking. The disciplinary thing has been postponed to Sunday at 4 p.m. So, <sighs> more waiting. I may have to change my name to StillWaiting... <grin>.

I feel like I'm doing better, attitude-wise. The clarity that comes with information, the support of friends and trusted others, and the chance to talk with some people like our marital counsellor alone has really helped.

Though she could, my WW has not invited me to the disciplinary council and frankly, I don't want to be there. I have talked with our bishop and let him know that PROVIDED there are no new confessions OUTSIDE the scope of what has already been confessed, I only want to know the judgement. I have also given him a letter with a request that the judgement be explicitly explained to my both from a perspective of mercy and a perspective of punishment. Otherwise, it will create a forgetable experience for her and I never ever want to hear her say, "The Church didn't think it was THAT BIG OF A DEAL or they would have done X instead of Y... why can't you get over this? Huh?"

I have also provided a timeline of the Affair at the church's request. I know my wife doesn't remember that much... she's not that kind of person. I have also given him a love letter forher and her wedding ring and entrusted to him the reading and returning of her wedding ring provided that he feels her desires are true, confession sincere and total. If he feels that way and the Spirit prompts him to do so, I have asked that he read the letter to her at the conclusion of the council and return her wedding ring to her. If not, he and I will have a talk later.

With these things in place, and an understanding that this isn't about me or even "us" anymore, I feel like it's time to trust in God now and step back from everything. The A wasn't about me and to be honest, I don't think the confession was either. The punishment certainly isn't about me. So, I guess we'll see what we shall see when it's time to see it.

Dearest Princess, my sweet wife,
I believe in you. I am so proud of you for having the courage to stand up to this. You have not shirked your moral duty to God and that means a lot to me. It’s something we can both trust in you as we move forward. We have a long road ahead of us… one that might takes years to see the end thereof. We will both have dark times, but I think through a common passage of experiences, our trust and love will grow if we face the good times and the bad times holding hands.
Please know that somewhere, right now, I am praying for you and loving you... I am waiting for you to come home to me. If you will covenant with me to be my wife, I would love to give you a second chance and walk with you through the repentance process. I would love to be the husband and father I’ve always known I could be and am committed to being for you, for us, for each other, for our family.

Like the inscription in your ring “Love Always”,
Your Husband, Your Friend – Your Eric
I love you.

These kind are hard to respond to. Because we care, we feel pretty deeply for what is happening to you. I as was said earlier, we can't take away your pain, we can't erase what has happened. We can hope that God in heaven can do those things for you over time. I believe he can if you both live for it.

I hope you can feel our support, I also believe that God can make that possible, so that we know that we are not alone in the world.

You are a pretty practical person, I hope you also develope your faith.

SS

<small>[ August 01, 2002, 04:49 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

I'm still curious as to whether that one military dude thinks I should go after Mr. Air Force Captain - the OM.

Lyxa,
How are things going?

Poorly, then well, then poorly...

Recap:
- She had an intense sex dream about her lover.
- The next day some things happened and basically there's no reason for my being here now... maybe God has something in store for me.
- We came back from our little trip with major issues... me convinced that she's still in love with him and has yet to disclose the real "bombs" about the affair - thinking pregnancy, other lovers, etc. She came back convinced that I am physically and emotionally abusive.
- Both began building our cases against the other.
- Sunday she had her ecclesiastical council. I knew it would be stressful... "stressful" does not even begin to describe how hard it was.
- Monday night we agreed to sell our home, talked about a separation, and without really saying good-bye (I knew she'd try to convince me to stay... or worse yet, have me arrested for stealing "her" car or something) left for Arizona.
- The house sale thing started full swing today.
- We've been separated about a week.
- We've had some good phone conversations and some bad ones.
- I feel that DV would be a definite bad decision right now. So does she.
- I am unwilling to commit to a woman I feel still loves the OM.
- She is unwilling to commit to me where she doesn't feel/know if she loves me anymore. She also feels like she deserves to be happy.

<small>[ August 12, 2002, 09:30 PM: Message edited by: Lyxa ]</small>