WR,

You are such a loving person. I can feel it in your posts. I know you have a lot of hurt and anger pent up in you (don't we all) but you still exude warmth and kindness. Don't ever change that part of you.

As for your son, yes it hurts. It hurts to hear of anyone's child suffering as a result of adult stupity. Even if you child is young, let him express his feelings whatever way he can. How about making a drawing for his dad or just draw how he feels? Might be a learning thing.

I am glad you are feeling stronger. You are headed in the right direction. Your son will see past the empty words from his father. Sad but true. He will hurl those words back at him one day. Let him. Keep the lines of communication open with you and your son. Lots of hugs and loving times together is healing for both of you.

take care,
L.

Ps: Even though you are generally a kind person....when you feel like venting.... don't feel guilty, ok?!?!?

L,

Thank you so much for your kind words and your wisdom. My son is certainly the ray of sunshine in the darkness of WH anger, gambling addiction, and A. I am going to heed your advice about not feeling guilty.

Have a blessed day,

WR

Hi WR,

Good to hear from you. Glad to know you are not browbeating yourself.... that is a BS tendancy ya know!?!?!?

Now I am sure a vent is somewhere in the making right? You are the first one that I have prompted to vent.... LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I sure didn't need that kind of prompting....... I am a natural @ venting!!! Ooops that sounds bad but you know what I mean. LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

take care,
L.

Hello L,

How are you doing? Thank you for inviting me to vent. WH and I have had pretty pleasant conversations, nothing about us just Son. I asked WH to help with School fee for this week. He said he'd see. He gave us $100/fee is $110, but I am not complaining. He also had son picked up by BIL/SIL and 3 of their children. WH was taking son and BIL 3 kids to circus. I hoped that OW wouldn't be going to. I don't think she did. Later found out that they didn't get in. The tickets were all sold so BIL will take kids on WED. Son will have a late night on Wed. They went to arcade (something like Chucky Cheeses).

I mentioned to husband about arranging for son to be picked up Friday, from school because I have an engagement at 4pm and won't get in until midnight. Of course he mentioned that he has to work, so I said well have someone pick him up. He said "why am I getting in so late"? "Don't be trying to use WH to make booty call"! I told him how does he know that that's what I'll be doing and You (WH) make one everynight. THen I got back on track and told him just arrange to have someone pick him up at school and then I will call when I am home so that son can be dropped off at home.

L, I heard one of my AIL say in the background "you can't go over there (order of protection)". I was livid, I wish they would stay out of my marriage. The order of protection sure didn't stop WH from seeing OW. I don't care who drops son off, just as long as he gets home.

Tonight Wayward called me on my cell phone asking when I'd be home so son could be dropped off. I said that I was out and about(really I was at my sister's house) WH wanted me to pick son up (at AIL's apt). I said I was coming in a different direction, so he had BIL bring him home. I just made it home in time. WH has always gotten others to do what he should do himself. WH loves to pass the buck. He said BIL had his car was the reason he couldn't bring son home. BIL came he was in his own car. I believe he lied and OW had his car. He really will let anyone drive it.

L, I have to give God the Glory for the small advances WH made. Giving money, seeing son, and being more pleasant on the phone. He is probably afraid to see me anyway. I believe he thinks I will always be here.

THanks for letting me vent.

I pray that you have a wonderful night and day on Monday. Happy HOlidays.

WR

WR,

Good to hear from you. Really AIL (aunt-in-law)?????

So his family picks up his slack? What about his parents/siblings?!??!?!

You gotta wonder how much longer they will continue to pick up after him.

Now what is this about an order of protection??? Against who?

You are right about letting him carry his responsibility. The hard part is that the children are often the pawns. I know you don't want to hear that but that is what his father is doing. Enabling him is not what is good for your son.....no in the long run. It might give a temporary relief but the burden will be a long time and he may never learn. Your son will hurt the entire time. So is it better to be short and painful or long and painful? Very hard decision to implement. I understand. Just wanted to point it out.

Please take care. You sound like you are doing good but I am sure you could use a cyber hug, so here goes.....

Put your left arm over your right shoulder and your right arm over your left shoulders, then squeeze your shoulders....... there that's a cyber hug from me to you..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

take care,
L.

L,

Because I withdrawed money out of a joint account (money he owed me). While at our home (I was at the park with son and nephew), he left a voice mail threatening to physically harm me and destroy things in our home (mostly talk/but you never know). I called the police and they met me there. (He didn't destroy anything/took a few things). I let the police listen to a message and filed a report. I went to court, he was finally served but didn't show up so the order of protection was granted by default, when the judge asked me how long I wanted it I chose 1 year. I thought it would be hard to abide by the order when there are children involved. At any rate I wanted it because of principle. It was a difficult thing for me to do and I wanted to back down many times. WH has anger issue (mad at the world) and he is verbally disrepectful and you never know when this could turn physical.

The OP also filed an order of protection in June 2002. She mentioned stuff like that my husband was stalking her. That her relationship has been verbally, mentally, and physically abusive. That she told him she needed time to herself. They have a two year order of protection in place.

Granted I didn't do it out of spite. This behavior has to stop. It's a boundary for me, not to allow WH or anyone to abuse me.

I listened to a message WH left on answering machine before he was able to reach me via cell phone and I could not believe he said if you are there please pick up the phone and asked me to call him on his work cell phone, then on AIL's phone. What a small change.

You know this is a tiring process, but I know worth all of your effort in the end, when a family is back intact, better than ever before.

Hey, I like this cyber hug! Give yourself a cyber hug from me.

Have a blessed day,

WR