Hi,
I'm new and have so many questions. My husband and myself went through most of the material presented and find to be really enlightening. Both of us should have received counselling before we got married, but obviously did not.
We've been married for 4 years, have 2 children together. I have one boy from a previous relationship. A year ago he in September he started an affair and left me in October for the other woman. At the time I did not know that there was another woman. He just told me that he needed his freedom and felt suffocating. He came back in end of November and confessed that he had another woman, but wanted a second chance. I took him back and you can imagine all the trauma I went through. I was a couple of weeks pregnant when he left me, my daughter was 2 and my boy was 9.

We've been working through this, but in the meantime I have found out that he has been seeing other women since we got married. He has been unfaithful all the time. After he came back he also chased other women. Since we have started working on your councelling and trying out all the concepts and ideas you present on this website it seems as if he is really committed. I do feel though that this only for the time being, until he get restless again. I only found out in this past year that he lies continiously and that he has got an obsession with women. What do I do.

I feel so helpless. He swears that he wants to be here with me and the children, but he has always said that just to step out of the house, take off his wedding band and acting like a single man. He always loving when he is with me. I can find no sign that he is bored, distracted, out of love or any sign that tells me that he doesn't want to be with me. And still as soon as he left the house he has been jolling with somebody. Now that everybody knows that I know he had an affair, many of our friends admit to me that he has always been unfaithful and knows of various women. According to them he is a party animal who like women and alcohol. When he is at home he is so committed.

He is in the SA Navy. He sleeps out every third night when he goes on duty and of course they sail alot.

What do I do.

Help me

Chansie

Sorry that this has happened to you and your family.

First...his infidelities have NOTHING to do with you! This is something inside of him. He's missing something and is constantly looking outward for the fix instead of inward for the real answer.

People who have affairs on top of affairs, are in it for the ego and self-gradifaction and escape from THEMSELVES. It's unlikely that he's going to change any time soon, unless he really wants to face his own demons and deal with them through a lot of intensive professional counseling.

Wouldn't matter who he was married to. Wouldn't matter how much he might truly love you. It's an issue which has nothing to do with you or even any of the OW he's involved in his life...it's all about HIM.

As to what you can do...that is completely up to you. You can live with it or not. There may come a time in the future where he'll honestly have a change...but I wouldn't count on it happening soon. jmho

Good luck with whatever you decide.