Just found out shes still seeing the OM. Said tonight like all Monday Nights she would spend it with grandma but I drove there(had a funny feeling) and her car wasnt there. After numerous calls to her cell, and her friends cells, I find her at his house. Grandma hasnt seen her since before D day. Funny how she lied to me this whole time and like a dumb idot I feel for it. Now shes at home with me talking to "grandma" on her cell outside.....I bet money shes calling him. Meanwile the OM is telling her to go sort things out with me.....what a nice guy!

God this is hard. I want a decision tonight and im not taking "i dont know" for a yess.....anything other then "yes I want to save this marriage" will be considered a NO.

The worse part is I still am inlove with her!! When does that feeling end? I figure like all my exs Ill stop seeing/talking to her if we seperate and try to forget and heal. Deep inside im pryaing she does want to stay with me and at what cost? Do I sacerfice my own need for true love and respect for the love I have inside for her?

She says hes her true love and im her best friend, but what one do you spend the rest of yer life with? I now got her grandmother upset. She was in shock and was being told different lies then I was. Her grandfather says I should just toss in the towel but shes not told me yet that we are done. I know actions speak louder then words but I cant blame someone for falling for someone else.

I want her moer then anything to be happy. Weather its with me or not I just want the best for her, even after all that she has put me through.

dear luthor-this could be my story with my husband. you have to stop demanding things-it wont work. you cannot force someone. you have to read surviving an affair, and more on this site.

you will not be able to force her to end it, only she can do that. plus, do you really want her if she doesn't come back on her own. you will then complain she's only there because you forced her.

what you have to do is start healing yourself. if you haven't done it yet-get to a doctor and get on anti-depressants, now! you are gonna need them. this is all gonna probably get worse before better. i'm sorry for saying that, but usually its true.

i'm so sorry for your pain, i know exactly how you feel. i made the same discovery a month into our recovery. follow the rules for recovery here, they work. but only when she is ready.

dear mitsugirl-i really wish you would also read saa. your situation is typical, not different. why lie to luthor-if this relationship is so right-then go! stop tearing him apart. dont lie and say you want the time for you and then do things like this. you should read here and find out how by the book your affair is.

i agree with trytobeabetterman but it is very very hard. my ww is very angry with me for telling others of her a and lying about it. we are now totally diconected. i still snoop like mad but i am making an effort not to confront her with the evidence for a change which always backfires even if the evidence shows her to be lying. she is out today shopping somewhere and i know the om is on a day off which terrifies me. i drive for 2 hours around the are i thought she may be in a fruitless waste of time. dealling with the unaccounted time is the hardest bit of all espechially if plan a is failing as in my case. if you are doing badly you are bound to assume that she will still be seeing the om and you would probably be right. i think my wife stopped seeing other man for a while and at this time we were getting along well. the idea is to concentrate on your marriage and not the a or the om but i have found this impossible and will probably look to divorce soon as i cant stand the uncertainty of it all.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Luthor:
<strong>Has anyone else gone through this snooping and spying stage? When I do drive to her work at night to check up on her or look through her phone I almost feel disapointed that I dont find her lying/cheating. Is that normal?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wouldnt call it "snooping", I think you doing it because you dont trust her, which is understandable.
My husband going throught the same thing... I met OM over the internet (chatrooms + bbs)After he find out I give him my pw to my emails he new the pw to my bbs account and I dont think I have/want anything to hide from him. Even though it pisses me off sometimes when I get up in the morning and he sit by PC reading forum that I used too go to. The thing is I dont want to do anything that reminds me of what of done or who I used to be (yes, I really belive that I was tottaly different person before, I was the worsest of the worst. I went to the limit, Limit that married person should never go over. And now I'm just hoping for the long long years of life with my husband.)and he cant help it, because he doesnt trust me.

I think you shouldnt be so hard on yourself. I think you should of set some limits for your wife. And she (if she wants to save your marriage)should understand that it's not just that you dont trust her but it also hurting your feelings.

I really not sure if I can get any advice to you, as I am the same kind of person as your wife or maybe even worse. And sometimes I think that I cant do nothing anymore to make my husband love me, trust me or at least to not feel so bad and upset all the time. But I still have some hope floating.

Please don't give up on her yet, give her some time and I wish you best luck.

Well, the husband and I had yet another fallout last night. The fact that he got my family involved really made me angry. It was to the point where if he were to leave, I would say ok go. But I know i'm being selfish because I was not quite ready to loose him.

I was still seeing Jason, I could not help it. I know everyone here is saying there is no way that I could be in love with a man I just met. It is possible. There are such things as love at first sight, and I belive there is such thing as a soul mate.

I want to make things work with the husband, but at the same time, I need my space. It's not fair for me to put him through this. But i'm not ready to loose him. Now I have to go and do some damage control with my family. He had no right to put them in this. This I am so highly upset with him it's not even funny.

Who know's where this is going to lead. I think we both have to work on ourselves before we can work on a we. I don't know if that is together or if it some time apart. I know that's what I need but he thinks otherwise. He says it's his way or the highway. So the question is.....
Do I take a roadtrip?

Any suggestions?????

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mitsugirl23:
<strong>This is Luthor's wife, I have really tried to make this work the past two weeks, But I have to admit he smothers me to no end. And sometime I just want to be by myself. Is this wrong?

Any suggestions would help</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nice lies mitsugirls23, you seem to be trying really hard by seeing the OM again. For a little information "being alone" doesnt mean going to see the OM again and lieing about it for any reason, it means there is nobody around you (doh) AND saying "me and Jason have never had sex" means you have not had intercourse.

Oh.. i talked to your "Psychic palm reader" he said that Jason wasnt a human from planet earth, he was an alien from the planet Pluto and he has a P38 modulator and hes here to blow up the earth.

Does that sound stupid or what?

Really you need time "ALONE" meaning see nobody, take a leave of absence from your work, your acting insane.

Think back when you first got married and try to concentrate on the good times you had with your husband (YES, there was good times, funny times, and tender moments and very happy times)

Good Luck

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"I want to make things work with the husband, but at the same time, I need my space. It's not fair for me to put him through this. But i'm not ready to loose him."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry mitsugirl23 but you DO NOT get your cake and eat it too.

If OM is your true love and 'soul mate' (boy is this a tired old cliche <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ), then divorce your H and marry OM. And if he is so wonderful and your A so right, why not show him off to your family?

I do not have any ill will towards you, but you are NOT making anybody happy with your fence sitting, least of all your H and in the end you may find that not you not only lost your H but OM as well (unlike H's, OM's don't usually have a long shelf life).

Good luck.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mitsugirl23:
<strong>Well, the husband and I had yet another fallout last night. The fact that he got my family involved really made me angry. It was to the point where if he were to leave, I would say ok go. But I know i'm being selfish because I was not quite ready to loose him.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There are many people here at MB that excel at diplomacy...I'm not one of them! I'm a very blunt person...I pretty much tell it like it is. That being said, if you post here, you will get replies, blunt and not.

The reason you had a fight with your H is because you are lying to him!! He doesn't trust you and nor should he, you've done nothing to show him you deserve to be trusted. Trust is something we earn, it's not a right. I'm willing to bet your H is tired of the lies, the 'surprises', the deceit. Put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if someone treated you like this?

Yes, you are being incredibly selfish...and childish and irresponsible. What on earth would make you think it's up to you to decide who knows about your A and who doesn't? You decided to go down this path, you must take responsibility for your choices. Hint: if you have to keep it a secret, then it's probably wrong. Maybe, if you were a little less self-indulgent you'd see that your H is reaching out to others for support, since you aren't there. Why should he be denied that? Are you know afraid of what everyone will think about you?? Well, that's the chance you took by getting involved with the OM.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mitsugirl23:
<strong>
I was still seeing Jason, I could not help it. I know everyone here is saying there is no way that I could be in love with a man I just met. It is possible. There are such things as love at first sight, and I belive there is such thing as a soul mate. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, you can help it. It's called self-restraint and impulse control. If you wanted to have no contact with this OM then you could choose not to...you have just decided that it feels to darned good to pass up and to h*ll with everyone else, to h*ll with your responsibilities, committments and promises.

Love, real love is not a spur of the moment feeling. Infatuation, creates a rush, a desire to close to someone, a feeling you can't live without them. Love is something else entirely. Love is knowing someone at their worst and their best. Review your marriage vows, what they are talking about is love. What you feel is infatuation and an addiction to the endorphins your body is producing from the rush of infatuation.

Soulmate... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , you have a very distorted view of what a soulmate is. If this OM was truly your soulmate then he'd want what was best for you and that doesn't involve running around behind your H's back and decieving people. You have some very naive views of M and what it involves.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mitsugirl23:
<strong>
I want to make things work with the husband, but at the same time, I need my space. It's not fair for me to put him through this. But i'm not ready to loose him.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, you are willing to admit you like having it all. You want the picture perfect M, a loving and trusting H and a little hot action on the side. If you don't grow up and start learning a bit more about yourself and your behaviour then you are doomed to repeat your mistakes.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mitsugirl23:
<strong>
Now I have to go and do some damage control with my family. He had no right to put them in this. This I am so highly upset with him it's not even funny.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How noble of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> How much of spin are you going to put on your version of events?? You are wrong. He had every right. They are his family too, by marriage. You are upset you got caught and your H 'outed' your A. You are angry that you are no longer in control. Here's an interesting twist...you had no right to cause your H or your family this kind of pain.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mitsugirl23:
<strong>
Who know's where this is going to lead. I think we both have to work on ourselves before we can work on a we. I don't know if that is together or if it some time apart. I know that's what I need but he thinks otherwise. He says it's his way or the highway. So the question is.....
Do I take a roadtrip?

Any suggestions?????</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My first suggestion is that you both go and see a MC/IC.

My second suggestion is that you pull your head out of your a** and look at what you are doing to the people around you, the people who do know what real love is, the people that love you in spite of your behaviour.

My third suggestion is to educate yourself. Learn about why you did this, learn about A's, learn to communicate effectively. Don't be afraid to grow as a person, it's the only that thing that will get you out of this mess.

My fourth suggestion is to stop looking outside yourself for happiness. No one can make you happy, no one can give you that as a 'gift'. Happiness is a state we achieve within ourselves and share with others.

You don't need space, you need to end your contact with the OM, you need to get into MC/IC and work on your issues and issues within your M. If the issues in the M can't be resolved then 'space'/D is an option. A M should end because the two people involved couldn't make it work and not because there is an OP involved.

No one ever said M was easy all the time. No one said life was fair. No one said that life would always be rosy. No one gets through life happily without growing as a person and respecting themselves and those they love.

So I look to the boards for help but all you guys do is trash me, BOG i'm sorry that you are such an angry person. You don't know me personally, and i'm sorry if your situation has made you such a sour person. I thought I could look to these boards as help for what people in my situation would do or has done. But all I get in return is people cutting up on me or telling me to come back down to earth. This is the last posting I will do. I'm sorry to my husband but I can't continue posting here. If this is how people get treated, then I won't have anything to do with it. I may have been wrong in what I did, but that does not mean I am a bad person.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mitsugirl23:
<strong>So I look to the boards for help but all you guys do is trash me, BOG i'm sorry that you are such an angry person. You don't know me personally, and i'm sorry if your situation has made you such a sour person. I thought I could look to these boards as help for what people in my situation would do or has done. But all I get in return is people cutting up on me or telling me to come back down to earth. This is the last posting I will do. I'm sorry to my husband but I can't continue posting here. If this is how people get treated, then I won't have anything to do with it. I may have been wrong in what I did, but that does not mean I am a bad person.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's your loss.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mitsugirl23:
<strong>So I look to the boards for help but all you guys do is trash me, BOG i'm sorry that you are such an angry person. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes you are right im an angry person and sick of all lies from everyone and selfishness. You have been reaching out to everyone here for support, it is a good thing. You do want people to agree with you and its VERY understandable. You do need help in your decisions, you are confused, you dont have anyone who will understand you because you have done what most people here think is impossible and knowing what you have done you continue to do it recklessly and without regard to anyone who loves you. You think only of yourself.

You will understand why i am so angry and many others are when the fog clears and your feet touch the ground again. If you truely havent slept with this other person (hes not a man knowing he causing others pain for his pleasure and knows you have commited yourself to another man)dont do it, it will make everything 100 times harder.

You are not being called a slut or a whore etc. you have been given harsh TRUE comments and reccomendations and honosty. My comments may be harsher then most but im not trying to hurt your feeling on purpose like you are your family and your husbands. I admit your husband seems to have bee a real [censored], but hes trying it seems any way he can.

mitsugirl23...You say your H brought your family into this, when truthfully YOU did that by using them to perpetuate your lies. If Luthor told them it was out of frustration, I know, I've been there. As for your OM being your soulmate, why are you ashamed for your family to know about him? If you feel you did nothing wrong, why hide? I'm not "bashing" you, just trying to get a point across. Your H can't "get past this" till you help him. Period. If you want your M to work, get OM out of the picture to AT THE VERY LEAST see if your feelings for him are real. Spend the time on your H and just maybe you'll find your feelings change after a time.

Luthor...sorry doll, but you can't honestly put a timelimit on this. Your W has to do this for herself as much as for you. Thankfully my WH only took a couple of months to see the light but I understand it could have taken months or years even. Time isn't your enemy...just remember to breathe in and breathe out and you'll do fine. Go see a Dr about depression...it can help tremendously. BOTH of you need to see a Dr...and truly IC is the biggest step in the right direction you both can take.

I wish you both the best of luck and God's Blessings

mitsugirl:

I don't get angry very often, and I hope you don't take this wrong, but you really do need an education here:

"I was still seeing Jason, I could not help it."

This is because of the addictive nature of an A. But if you "can't help it" who can? If you continue, you might as well figure your M is over, because it just might be (and might as well be). The damage you are causing 2 your M, and the hurt you and your H are experiencing, is a direct result of your "inability" 2 "help it." Knowing this, what do you think you should do now?

"I know everyone here is saying there is no way that I could be in love with a man I just met. It is possible."

Hor$e$h!+! It isn't real love. I posted this on another thread, but it's relevant here:

"Real Love is, "I care how you feel." Conditional love is, "I like how you make me feel."" -Greg Baer, "The Truth About Relationships"

Think about it. What you're feeling is infatuation, puppy love, whatever (what Greg Baer rightfully also calls "imitation love"). It IS NOT REAL. It is NOT SELFLESS. It is NOT GENUINE. So, yes, it is "possible" that you are infatuated with Jason, that he makes YOU feel good 2 have around, but if you cared at all about his happiness, you wouldn't lead him on, and if he cared about YOUR happiness, he wouldn't be invading your M and aggrivating the problems you and Luthor are having.

"There are such things as love at first sight, and I belive there is such thing as a soul mate."

More hor$e$h!+. Hm... There are over 400 billion stars in the Milky Way, and literally billions of galaxies in the universe, which has existed for almost 20 billion years. Why would your "soulmate" even live at the same time on the same planet as you, when there are so many possibilities??? Or maybe I have it wrong, and we each have had several hundred trillion soulmates, but most of them lived long long ago, in a galaxy far far away. Stop it with the soulmate nonsense, okay? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

And one more thing before I go, I know some people on these message boards say that I have had sex with this man, but the thing of it is, I have not. That is something that I would not do. I have more respect for myself than to do something like that. And on Jason's defense, he never and I mean never pressured me into anything. He has been through this before and he basically told me everything that I was going through before I went through it. He told me to go back to my husband and see if it was going to work with my husband and I. If it did not work out then he would be there to pick up the pieces and to make me feel loved again. But there was NEVER any pressure to do anything with him.

mitsugirl:

I hope you haven't left yet!

"And one more thing before I go, I know some people on these message boards say that I have had sex with this man, but the thing of it is, I have not. That is something that I would not do. I have more respect for myself than to do something like that."

Probably nearly all As start out as EAs (emotional affairs) and almost inevitably end up as PAs (physical affairs). You don't feel you've done anything quite that "wrong" because many of us that don't know really believe that an EA is not even an A. But the truth is that they are usually far more destructive of the M than a PA (because a "pure" PA would not be love-based at all). Don't kid yourself. You are having an EA, and it's hurting your H terribly.

"And on Jason's defense, he never and I mean never pressured me into anything."

Sorry, mg, but this is VERY typical of the other man (OM) in all affairs. That's probably what makes him so alluring, right??? And so it goes...

"He has been through this before and he basically told me everything that I was going through before I went through it."

He didn't learn much, did he?

"He told me to go back to my husband and see if it was going to work with my husband and I."

Good for Jason!!! BUT, he should have STOPPED ALL CONTACT WITH YOU FOREVER, RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Instead, he said this:

"If it did not work out then he would be there to pick up the pieces and to make me feel loved again. But there was NEVER any pressure to do anything with him. "

THIS IS PRESSURE on your M. You've been given a "fallback" in case Luthor doesn't measure up. So now, if your M gets bumpy at any time, you will always have the "knowledge" in the back of your mind that Jason will sweep you off your feet and you'll live happily ever after if you just make that one little call...

Sorry, I have no respect for Jason, unless he serves you a "no contact" letter and stays out of your life forever. This has already gone 2 far.

Nutcase-
Thank you for your comment. I am not ashamed of Jason, actually my family has already met him. He sold my mother a car at his dealership, and she loved him. When my dad went into his back surgery he came down to the hospital and brought my family (mom, sister, brother and me) lunch. My husband was at home on the couch sleeping and when things took a turn for the worse and I needed him to comfort me his response was (which will always be in the back of my mind) how is this my problem? But Jason has already been accepted in my family. I was mad because he went to the one person in my family that worries about me the most. My grandmother. I don't mind if she knows, but I don't like to worry her. She is fragile and she worries way too much about me sometimes. But your comments helped me. So Thank you!

2Long,
Jason will probably will not be out of my life for a while. He works at the same company that I do. In fact, he is one of my employees. I am in all actuallity his boss. He got divorced already, and he has told me the things and feelings that I am feeling now. He does not by any means think that what we have going on is right. It might also have something to do with the fact that I am 23 years old. And he is 33.

So sometimes I make excuses that I got married way too young. I was not able to live the life that my friends lived. When I turned 21 the H was 28. He was out of the whole going out and having fun stage, because when I met him, he had done all that.

I can remember a time where him and I were in the car and he said to me, "Sometimes I get scared that you are going to leave me because I have not let you lived how any young person lives. I held you back from College, and I resent myself for that, but I think you know what I mean" So he knew that I was held back from all the things that my other family members have done.

mg:

Sounds like you want 2 be with Jason, and it sounds like Jason isn't as "highly moral" as you described above (or he'd stay out of your business!).

Look, Luthor obviously has a lot of improvement 2 do, and has been making all kinds of demands and love busters. Very much a work in progress. But neither of you can really focus on your M if you keep this distraction (Jason) floating around.

You need 2 make a decision, and the sooner you can the better. I see 2 choices:
*Stay with Luthor and work on your M. This will, of course, require that you jettison Jason.
*Blow your M apart, get a DV, and do whatever you want with Jason. But be wary! Jason is a liar and a cheat, and getting involved with him has made you a liar and a cheat. And your relationship is now built on lies and deception. Do you think that it will "work out?" And 2 help you answer that, I will point out that, statistically, marriages that started as affairs have about a 3% chance of lasting 5 years. Do you think you and your soulmate might be among the "lucky" 3%? Not very good odds.

mg:

"2Long,
Jason will probably will not be out of my life for a while. He works at the same company that I do. In fact, he is one of my employees. I am in all actuallity his boss."

This is somewhat similar 2 my W's OM (I nicknamed him Rat Meat, in "honor" of what he's done). He consults for her. For2nately, he lives in another state now, but several years ago lived in our area. Their A started out just like yours, with no intention of ever going "physical", but it ended up being a PA on a handful of occasions over the past 12 years. I only found out this past January. But it certainly is possible 2 get him out of your life (or vice versa). Quit your job. Move 2 another city/state. Ask Jason 2 quit his job. Selling cars? Heck, cars are sold the world over. I wish my W's job was so widespread. But it's not, and she STILL can come up with ways 2 get RM out of our lives, if she wants 2. And it is her decision. I love her very much, and we've been M'd almost 27 years, but I have no intention of putting up with RM any longer than I believe I have 2. And I am "putting up" with him so long as I believe my W is trying 2 end the association, and so that I can learn as much from this horrible experience as possible. But there may come a time when my respect for my W AS a W diminishes 2 nothing, although I don't believe I'll ever stop loving her. At that point, I'll DV. What might Luthor be thinking? Because this isn't just about YOU and YOUR decisions. It's about what HE needs as well.

"So sometimes I make excuses that I got married way too young."

Everybody that M'd young says this! We got M'd when I was 22 and my W was 21. David Schnarch says, in his book "Passionate Marriage" words 2 the effect that none of us is prepared for marriage. Marriage prepares us for being married. It's something you have 2 experience before you're "good at it." Am I good at it? Not yet, but I'm a LOT better H than I was in January!

"I was not able to live the life that my friends lived."

So what? That's their lives!!!

"When I turned 21 the H was 28. He was out of the whole going out and having fun stage, because when I met him, he had done all that. "

Just what is "going out and having fun" anyway? Didn't you and your H do things 2gether that you both enjoyed? Can't you now? Look, Luthor is far from the first spouse 2 get "wrapped up" in some selfish passtime like playing kid's games on the computer (sorry if I sound disrespectful, Luthor, but I DO think this was rather s2pid! ...because I did something similar, only it involved making telescopes).

"I can remember a time where him and I were in the car and he said to me, "Sometimes I get scared that you are going to leave me because I have not let you lived how any young person lives. I held you back from College, and I resent myself for that, but I think you know what I mean" So he knew that I was held back from all the things that my other family members have done. "

Huh? If you want 2 go 2 college, GO 2 COLLEGE! You're only 23!!!! I was in grad school until I was 41!! If Luthor is really "holding you back" against your will, you both need 2 think long and hard about whether this M is what you both want. There's certainly no reason that either one of you should stifle the other's dreams and ambitions!

With regards to the college thing, I meant that I didn't get a chance to go away and do the dorm/party thing like a lot of my friends did. Not that I think going out and getting so drunk you can't see in front of you or going to school football games are important. It just would have been nice to have waited for a bit.

Jason can go and sell cars anywhere, but in Pittsburgh, it's hard to find a dealership that is like the family of dealerships that I am in. They are the top pay plan in the state, and they have the best reputation in the state. I am actually very lucky to be a manager for them. This is something that i've worked hard to get at and I think that my H has a little bit of a problem with it. He always made more money and now that i've tripled what he was making, it's hard for him to let me take care of things.

I know I have to make a choice, the stats with Jason and I are at odds, I do have to work on healing myself! And my H needs to heal himself too. We have a lot to work out still. After last night, Jason has backed off. He will no longer "let me persue" him. Because I am taking blame for that one. I asked him out. I asked him to talk to me. He got pulled in. And now I feel bad about that.

The H needs to also understand that "rome was not built in a day" This is not going to happen overnight, and I think that's what he's thinking. It's now now now. I keep trying to get across to him that it will just push me away. Or at least that's what my twisted mind is thinking at this point in time!