My wife and I will be home tonight, and if any of you will be online at 8:00pm central, I'll try to get her to post her views. I know if she gets advice from women and parent caretakers, she'll take it to heart. I know from reading the basic concepts of this website, I have alot I can improve on to become a good husband. I'm no "saint", but I never have been emotionally or physically abusive to her and I've never had an affair.

I am seldom on during the hours between 6-11 est, as that's "honey time"...time to be shared with H. We both usually get on after 11, to check our emails and whatever. But, if your W posts...I will definitely answer.

I do know what a huge job and responsiblity it is to be the main caretaker of an elderly parent. They do not call us the "sandwich generation" for nothing.

I also understand that change may not be easy for them. But...it's amazing what our parents will do for us to make it easier if we ask. But we do have to ask.

I just know that if I was her parent and I was developing a trusting relationship with this doctor and then discovered this aspect of the type of person he is...I'd be horrified that my child had allowed me to continue seeing him.

Now it's true that he may be a good doctor...but...I also want someone who I can trust to be in charge of my health. And my health is also dependent on the "health" of my children...if they are hurting I am hurting. If someone has caused them pain, then that "someone" had no concern for my wellbeing either. And I definitely would not want my wellbeing put into their charge. jmho

Look forward to hearing your W's POV...as I am sure she has much to add. It's always a problem when we only hear one side...as that never tells the complete story. Therefore, we can only give advice from one POV instead of understanding what it all entails.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I agree that NC is the way to go, but doesn't this decision need to be mutual, especially with her parents health being at stake? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No. Harley has said this explicitly. There are a few things to which the POJA does not apply. One is no contact. I wish I had been more insistent about this myself. It would have made her life more difficult (they had occasional work contact - once every two months, maybe) for about 1 year after DDay. I didn't know how much it affected our recovery until I saw the change in her attitude when he left the company. If she needs to tell her parents, tell. If it gets him in trouble, tough. If it gets her in trouble, tough. There are two things I regret about our recovery: I did not insist she tell the OM's wife, and I did not insist on TOTAL no contact. In retrospect, I think they should be pre-requisites for starting recovery. Harley recommends both.

practical story as to why NC is essential:
BU's post