</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Anyway OW called H on way home to say she was home from court . That he is a low life for not taking her and has no money cause she took cab home . HE said TU have a nice day bye . she was pissed off and yelled hung up . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can we say LB???

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> LAst night went ok , talking walking some kisses but no R talk he was not I Love U no real affection . U would think if he was remorseful that I would have got I LOVE U so sorry everything is screwed up something . But not in a mean way , like he is holding back,scared,hesitaton almost like he wants to but don't know how . Is that weird ? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nope, not weird at all. Although it's hard to see most of the time, cakemen have feelings too (LOL). Honestly tho, it sounds like he is trying to deal with some things within himself, which is a good thing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He told me the other night he feels like he is under the gun like I expect something and I jump on him so much it never gives him time to do it himself before I am all over him saying why didn't you say or do this or that for me or to me?

I am noticing these things about myself , I put in my head how romantic he should be or how I think he should react to something or what he should say if he cares about me . Then the second it don't happen right at the moment I think it should I go nuts . I want to speed the process up . I see this how do I stop it?
It is probbly ruining me and sending him into her arms.
I just feel like well he should KISS MY A$$ ( and I tell him that ) HE gets nuts. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The easiest way to avoid these problems is to EXPECT NOTHING. Even though there are alot of things he should be doing, the best way to avoid dissappointment is to not get your hopes up. Also, it sounds like he's feeling pressured, and he may start feeling like nothing he does will be good enough (pretty much the same way you probably feel). Best advice I can give you is don't pressure him, don't expect anything, and appreciate any little things he does do. I hated that part of plan A, made me feel like a dog just waiting for scraps, but I think it really does work.

Let the OW keep going like she is. Let her push him right back to you. You just be there and give him the safe place that he is going to need. Be patient (I know you hate to hear that-LOL). I think things are actually headed in the right direction.

<small>[ February 14, 2003, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: lostbuthopeful ]</small>

Hi guys thank you
Wifey- wish I would have read responses before I had the night I had. REALLY BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOt what I thuoght I know he saw her on way home last night, his phone was off 5 min after he hung up with me he says no she was calling all the way home by I was paging and he did not answer all call me inbetween her calls or anything .

He has call waiting so if she was on line it would have rang for me IT WAS OFF HE WAS WITH HER

What makes it worse is him denieing it it was OUR anniversary I just wish I didn't have this to be my memory of my 11years . I know he does it other times and he lies but how gross and he will never admit it never !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know he is wrong but that slut she won again she knew it was our anniversary he let that twat help hurt me .

Lost- I know get to the plan and stick to it got it in my head now to really get focused .

About the don't expect anything WOW that is so hard as a BS you feel like U are owed.

The cards he gave me were incredable just the him I always knew I wish I caould post them , H always since day we met would pick a card that always said what was going on in our life at the time and wow IT was the him that I remeber I cryed and he almost did to when I was reading them .

Did not dig into the romance I couldn't it hurt to much to know he was with her . I think he started the fight so we would not be intamate cause of his guilt . But the next morning (today)
Well lets say it was satisfing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Quit today no call from tramp weird like I said before but we will see MONDAY B DAY see if phone off again .

My worsed night mare is following him like I did when I court him and do it again see them together .

I just keep saying how could he I am so understanding if he wanted her I mean really I wouldn't even fight it a bit honesty is all I want , I even make me sick on how nice I would be
( On the out side <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) got to go thank you

Lost- forgot I wanted to tell u thank u for the link on divorce busting was reading it over and over again . Well I am making that plan of mine and this time well I am going to sucseed (spellig sucks) I am making a list this weekend and going to go for it .

After all I have been going through this long enough I need to end this madness make myself a plan and a time frame and really stick to it . I was told by someone very wise here (WIFEY) That they think I am a very strong person to have gone this far even though they don't agrey .

Now I need to pick myself up and be the strongest ME I can be <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I need to come here and LB ,vent and say my wild thereys instaed of on H .

I got to thinking if they want one another and I AM ok with that then they have to do it without me fighting so he can leave without me makeing him with LB .

And if I do this the hardest thing for me os that what happens if he is a cake eater and he likes me doing this not checking on him or arguing and what happens if they like it ? OR will she LB

<<<No I don't want to shake him by the shoulders I want to throw him into a cement wall and open his head up to see if he has a brain LOL>>>

Oh how tempting,,,,,,really, he does have a brain, but right now they're just scrambled eggs. Sounds to me like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too,,,slowly but surely work the OW back into the loop again,,,,Plan A and Plan B are designed to get the OW out of the picture, so that you can continue the recovery process,,,every time he sees OW, it throws you right back to the beginning of withdrawl. Truly, if I were you, I would Plan B him,,,but that's just my opinion,,,,if you put up with this it sends the message that it's OK for him to see BOTH of you, which is pretty much what got you into this miserable mess of pain anyway, don't you think so? It's pretty clear,,,,in order to have his wife home providing all his EN's NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT,,,he knows you'll be upset if there is contact, and his weapon is to make you feel like YOU are the one who is being rediculous,,,,what's rediculous about expecting a man who hurt his wife in one of the most devastating ways that it is possible to hurt her to STAY AWAY FROM THE WOMAN HE DID IT WITH?? Good luck,,,,Holly

Just wanting to send you a hug! (((((3isacrowd)))))

I'm so sorry your night wasn't so good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And if I do this the hardest thing for me os that what happens if he is a cake eater and he likes me doing this not checking on him or arguing and what happens if they like it ? OR will she LB
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He actually may like it at first––takes some of the pressure off. But I think the part that's going to get to him is thinking that you are getting over him and getting ready to move on. Will she LB? Well, she's been doing it, I'm sure she'll keep on. See the thing is, if you do the divorce busting stuff, all the pressure will be coming from her ––none from you. And like I said before, she'll push him right straight to you. Of course, nothing is fool–proof. It might be good to set a deadline for yourself for NC or at least improvement (don't tell him about it) and be prepared to move on to plan B at that time.

Devise your plan and stick to it . You can do this.

Wifey - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thank u for HUG

OK LOST your helping more then u know .

I feel as if everytime I get ready to make a plan it will be put to the test right away .(EXPLAINATION)

SNOW IS COMING do u rember what that means ?

He must be at work from the time it starts for removal . She know this witch ALWAYS leads to OW saying well now u can stop by cause your not going to be with kids.

And when it rains it pours . Snow starts tonight my birthday he will be there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

GRRRRR

see I will be on here posting a mile a minute .

I know no short cuts this is going to be hard time to dig in . NO LB-ING .

I hate NEW YORK want to move some where it never snows <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Thank you your post gives me energy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

AS predicted Ow stared right up . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Phone call came 3;30 she tried saying it was snowing like nuts and had 1 inch already .BS!!!!!

she in brooklyn I in queens 20 miles different NO SNOW where we where . (*****) H told her I am with my kids and there is no snow yet.OW said well when you go to work stop by I need to talk to you , you need to pass me anyway . H said what ever .

He got back to me and I said nothing just talked about what I bought in store when he was on phone . About 10 blocks later he started telling me all the above .

He said sorry for this but I knew if it snowed she would start up . Well now we where home and watched a movie then he told me he was leaving at about 9pm that is when his boss pulled every one in for about 10pm . H said want to leave at 9pm in case she calls I will stop there and then just say got to go to work .

I did say well I feel uncomfortable with that but it was his desision and if he thoght it was best for him to do that then your an adult do what u want . we played cards and 9pm he started to get dressed ,He ask if I would wait for him to open birthday gift , yes . Ow started phone 9:05 pm hedid not answer , she called 3 more x's and beeped 5 more I asked if he would wait a few more minutes get the car load it and leave the phone with me he said ok . she called and called and beeped <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Just alittle satisfaction he very really ignores her calls .

WELL he just got there 10 pm (WORK) she is calleong like nuts he said he is getting ready to flip out . They don't need him on site yet so he is headed to her she won't stop calling till he goes there . I didn't say much just ok see ya .

He now called again to say I LOVE U I am sorry I really will make all this up to you . Please don't worry I am not with her like that . I just listened and said got to go put my D to sleep she has a cold . H repeated I Love you call u as soon as I leave her place to let you kno I am back at work .

OK THIS $HIT IS HARD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and thats only one day I told you I feel like I am put to the test the minute I get set to plan A the right way .

Any way I need to go read some more and try like HE!! to amke this the first day of plan A and forget that I have been dealing with this for so long . I need to focuse on me and knowing I want my M back and stop acting out . Slow down a bit . Tahnks For Listening out there I need MB more then ever . I realize if I didn't come her these past 5 mons. I might be "CLARA HARRIS " by now .TU GUYS

I'm sorry your H is going to be stuck at work on your birthday. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> And your plan will be put to the test. You can do it. Stick to plan with H, do all your venting and LBing here. Look at the bright side––even though the situation sucks, it is a good opportnity to really kick your plan off right, to show your H the changes you are making. I know you can do it! Keep being strong, and think about the benefits of the plan working.

Birthday in 30 minutes and I can just scream my H has always wished me HAPPY BIRTHDAY at 12:01 for 18 years and tonight I know he won't (with OW) . <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

WOW do I want to LB that &*&**&&#*$$$$$%##*%&%$@(&*&@*$#&#%#Q(#$%QQ&%%*&(#

AND I still love him thats sick oh well no sleep here .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR THREEE-EEE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

((((((((((3))))))))))

Thank you Thank you very much I am now going to take a bow <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ok I am drunk me and my friend heineken are just kicken wow this night blows big time

36 yrs old , my H is with OW and I am home with a beer . well let me look on the bright side of things I could be out of beer LOL LOL I am just cracking myself up tonight .

On another note, he was suppose to call when he leaves her house well I guess there just sitting there talking......................NOT ................

Can u say a$$ hole oh ye me me me.

I can't belive I am giving this plan a a shot by now I should have called or beeped but no not me I am going to be strong there not going to get me to LB no way . wow I need another. ok no one yell yes I am having a pity party for me . its my Birthday I can be pathetic !!!!!!!!!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> its my Birthday I can be pathetic !!!!!!!!!!!!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's my party and I'll cry if I want to....

Sorry had to do it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It'll get better––you know she LBs up a storm––just think about her making him miserable and him coming home to his wonderful wife! Hang in there girl!

OK wise guy your right I deserve that one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
HE still is with her and he is going to say he didn't call cause he didn't want to wake me .

He asked do you want me to call no matter how late ? I said yes that would be nice .
That bitcl-l . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

4:00 am talking my a$$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well since he thinks it's ok for him to go out all night, he should stay home with the kids tonight and you go out with a friend or 2 and party for your birthday. Screw him. What a d!¢k.

Good morning - WOW the headache. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ANY way he called at 6am ,Ilove u I love u bla bla bla BLA !!

I can't talk I left her at 4am had to get to work ,Like I should think that your job is important , if it was YOU would have been there not with her .

I know PLAN A , but come on he deserves for me to just go crazy , off the charts ,nuts it was my birthday and he saw her , probbly holding her . Oh forget it .

Any way no can't go out there is a blizzared here and I don't know when he will be home still and maybe all day removing snow!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAY now your going to think I am really boo hoo by both girlfriends are IN FLORIDA with families ,

WHEN H came home I said we or I was taking kids to diseney this FEB. all our friends thought what a good idea so they said lets all go all the kids will love that .

I could not end up affording it and there all there . oh well I hope they have the greatest time and they called me 2x's this weekend already and I am sure all there kids will call to wish me a happy birthday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> both girlfriends are IN FLORIDA with families ,
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Must be nice!!

I hope tonight is going better for you than last night.

Again Wow you are optimistic LOL NO NO NO it is 9:51pm and guess where H is ? well did ya guess ok I will tell you

WITH OW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Ok I did not react all ok ......... I said I just can't belive you are going to continue to disrepect me and it is my birthday and you were together last night and now again you will see her I truely do not who you have become .

If you to want to continue to play this game and hurt me well I suppose that you can but ,I am not going to allow you to pull me down anymore ,I love you but this has to eventually come to an end a happy ending or a bitter one will be his choose . Just like the affair was I did not do it he did!!!!!!!!!!

I felt in my gut that between my anniversary and birthday this was suppose to make me LB and in a big way .

F them both I won't let her get me or him that way . I am stronger then both of them and I will not let anyone push me into a decision that I AM not ready to make for MY resaons . I Love him and if he wants out he needs to come clean like a man , and if she wants him that bad she needs to stop playing these games and step up to me , or make him step up to me .

He was swearing all day I will make this up to you . .............. OK I am holding my breath again like he said when he came home I will Make this right for us , do what ever it takes to make it up to me . can I breath now (LOL)

If this wasn't my life and real it would be an amusing soap !!!!!!!!!!!!WE could call it "Minipulation and LIES" or "3 RING CIRCUOS"

well do's and don'ts

When you don't know how to act or what to say ,SAY NOTHING WALK AWAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He said be home at 10 or 11pm ..BET he comes home after 12 so he actually misses my birthday all together I think I am in there heads . That one is her .

I am not sure if he really wants to leave me or he is so scared to leave her that he is trying to get her to leave him . HE does not make desions well as u can see . Hesays things like I just want her to think I am so messed up in the head that she get frustrated and can't be bothered with me anymore .? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

But tells me they broke up long ago (before he came home?)

I still think it is back firing on him she is trying to save him from himself ( can u say barf )

Need I say it again? He is being such a d!¢k!!! Honestly, I think if my H did that, on my birthday no less, it would be either WAR or THE END. Ok, alot of people may disagree, but I don't think plan a is your best option. If your not ready for plan b, fine. But I think you should give the 180 thing a shot. You need to develop some new interests. And this might sound bad, but if I were you I think I would do things that don't include H. Maybe you should tell him that since he spends so much time away from home to participate in his "extracurricular activities", you need one or two evenings a week away from home. Take a class in whatever interests you. Community colleges offer classes in everything from computers to cake decorating. Do something for yourself! If the class thing doesn't appeal to you, go to a movie, the library, whatever appeals to you, just do something that will at least occupy some time and give you something to think about other than H and OW!

I just went back and read how sarcastic the "extracurricular activities" sentence sounded. Just to clarify, I don't think you should make it sound like an LB or a revenge thing. More like tell him you are looking into a college class (or whatever) and that you need him to be home by so-and-so time on so-and-so days to take care of the kids.