Hi Cerri. Just seeing if all is o.k... Haven't heard from you for awhile. Hope everthing is good! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm here!! I'm here!!!

So bring me up to date. Still think he is ending things with her? You should be seeing withdrawal.. crankiness, coldness, depression.

Well, I think it's still breaking up at least on some level. There is still no time missing, no long IM sessions, etc.. And for the first time in months, he's actually doing family things around the house. Like helping me with laundry, dishes. We worked outside on our back yard together all day Sunday.

Friday afternoon, he asks me to get a house at the coast for a week for our family to go ot in May, and we need to start figuring when to take the kids to the zoo. Then Friday night he went out with some friends from work.. Came home after I was in bed. (Friends of mine were there too, so I feel it was "safe"). But Saturday morning.. CRABBY!!!! Oh my gosh. Wall up 100 feet, just wow.. I asked him- why are you so crabby. What is going on! Then he went and worked out - which I actually think he did- and when he came home he was much more cordial.

Still no love, no nothing to me. Just very cordial, but he is getting way more involved in family things now.

I don't know.. I'm really tired of it I have to admit. I'm tired of not being loved, touched, hugged, respected, since August of last year.. It just wears you down. I keep seeing those smiley faces you put.. I try and remember to keep smiling.. but it gets very difficult.

I think for the kids sake- he would keep it right here for ever. He thinks since he's cordial to me, supporting me finacially, and good to the kids- then this is it. Just suck it up. I need more.. But every morning when he leaves to work and the kids are sitting on the front step waving goodbye, and sometimes crying because they miss their daddy when he's at work, I pull up my boot straps and try to keep a chin up.

I posted a couple post ago your list of things.

Thank you Cerri!

Here we go again.... He was kinda out of sorts all week and most of the weekend. I'm actually thinking good! Withdrawl, depression, etc.. Then yesterday, I come home from store which I took kids(so if he called someone- no one to tattle on him!), and he's all chipper and more than helpful on bringing things into the house-- I automatically knew.. something up. Red flags everywhere. He said he was going to go work out.. gone over 4 hours- and not even a sweat...

My heart is breaking. He comes home and he's the nicest, most helpful person, the bestest dad , and I just want to puke.... I didn't stay in plan A.. I moped.. I was down all night. I just wanted to cry. I wanted to ask him Where he was- but I didn't want to hear the lies.. And I know he would lie...

Where do I go from here. Pull my boot straps up and stay in Plan A?? What do I do? Tell him he neeeds to move out? How do I tell my young boys about that.. I don't know what to do... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

The bigger question is how do you plan to tell your boys that either a. you are leaving because daddy is a jerk and not the person you married and you can't stand the sight of him. (which is where you will come to eventually) or b. daddy is leaving us for someone else.?

Unless the A ends and there is a guarantee of no contact and of conditions for recovery (C4R) being met, then there is NO WAY your marriage can or will survive.

Certainly there are cases where the legal union stays together and the couple lives in a state of emotional divorce, but I don't see that as something you are willing to do for the rest of your life. Nor as something you want as a model for your sons.

I would suggest that you continue to Plan A.. in the fullest WILLARD HARLEY sense of the word.... eliminate LBers, meet needs as best you can, AND be honest about what you see and how it doesn't match what he says, and how that makes you feel, expose the affair, and confront him with what you know. He talked about this quite a bit on his show on Thursday, these things should happen at the same time, and are ALL part of Plan A.

Plan A doesn't mean don't rock the boat and make the WS happy at all costs. And contrary to popular opinion, it's not about working on you. Plan A is entirely about the other person... it is, and I quote the master himself "a strategy to entice the spouse to end the affair." You do that in part by meeting needs and avoiding LBers, and in part by confronting, exposing, and being honest.

Now, Plan B... that IS all about you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My April NL was all about discovery, exposing, confronting, and separating. You can find it at my site on the Articles and Newsletters page It's at the bottom of the page. I think you'll find it very interesting.

C

You are right Cerri.. I haven't been doing a good plan A on all sides. I do this side, then that side, then over here.. then side tracked by "me" and my needs. I need to pull it together. I don't have a job. I'm not ready to leave yet. Everyone tells me I will know when I can't take it anymore. My bank is too low. I'm not there yet. He called today very interested on how 2 yr olds new class went, how is everything.. I know he's feeling guilty. O.k.. Can we go back a couple posts- to meeting his needs and how to do that.. step by step? That work for you?? I know you are busy and I don't want to monopolize your time.. On to your other website. I'll check back later. THANK YOU!!!

My gosh- he is more turbulent than a hormonal woman!! Yesterday called me from work. Very good spirts (which actually worries me).. Then last night, dinner- great.. Again,very good spirts.. Then took boy swimming (the ow not there anymore).. Came home. CRABBY!!!!!! Wow.. What in the heck happened in 1 hour! Then today, just IM with him.. He is STILL CRABBY! Very down on me. If I say something - he takes it totally out of context. And everything is " You don't listen to me.. I never do anything right with you... Why are you asking my opinion-- you never listen anyway". UGH!!!! something is going on!! Don't know if good, bad or indifferent, but something "changed" last night..