Hi All,

Saturday went pretty good. I refrained from driving by his place of work until the agreed upon time. I feel like I have to start the trust somewhere and I would be able to tell if he was actually working.

Saturday night we had a good talk. He gave me his password to the email site he used to contact her all the time. I know they could be corresponding through a different site but I feel about 80% sure that there has been no contact since last Monday. He answered a lot of my questions and cried about all the hurt he has caused me. We had some deep moments. I decided I wasn't going to ask all the questions I come up with. I'm only going to ask the ones that really bother me. It seems one question leads to another and I don't want this to go on forever. That is just for me. I'm not in denial but I just feel this is best for me.

I am having thoughts that are very concerning to me and was wondering if others went through this too. We had a good time Saturday but then Sunday rolled around and I found myself wondering about a life without him and found that it didn't scare me anymore. I've found myself thinking about my own future and if I really want to stay with him. The lies and betrayal have me wondering if I can get through this or if I should go my separate way. Are these thoughts normal? Is this all part of it or is my heart telling me something?

I'm just so confused and don't want to repair this huge hole in my heart only to have it ripped apart again later in life.

Shade