I have to say... after starting here I am stronger. I know I talked with OM last night and told him it is over. We did talk and decide to continue (which is bad) but today while I was at work and now, when I am home and after reading more responses I have no desire to speak/write to him! Yea... I think that is a first step. And I did call my girlfriend and we can do stuff together in the evenings during my trip - so saying no to the OM wont be as bad.

The EA is not too bad. We really just talked small talk and what not - we did not complain about our spouses to one another and did not do a lot of explicit talk either.

I can't believe someone would want to do all this just to "get in your pants" - I guess I am nieve that way but I am starting to understand what person without morals is like.

I am getting stronger. I plan on writing that NC letter before next week.

Thanks again - I hope I don't disappoint myself or you all who have been and are so very wonderful.

Elli

Elli

PLEASE end this relationship! I agree that an EA is every bit as devastating as a PA. Read my post "Just Friends?". My H and I are still struggling with it.

The pain I feel every time I think about the EA puts knots in my stomach. Find a way to be strong, tell your H, and send NC letter (don't call him - you seem to be easily swayed when you talk with him. Just end it and move on to the next step, healing your marriage.

Good luck and God Bless

Elli.
All I can say is that if you do not end this now you are not only going to cause yourself alot of emotional pain as well as those who love you.. There are other solutions.. If you are unhappy in your marriage i would encourage you to seek counseling.. If after several sessions you see that it is not helping then maybe your marriage can not be saved. Do not jump into a whole other relatinship until you have given your marriage every effort to make it work. My H cheated on me in the fact that I caught him kissing my sister a few days after xmas. It has not only left me an emotional wreck but has nearly destroyed our relationship as well as my realtionship with my sis and her H.. Her H blames my H, I blame them both cuz I saw the whole things ( they were trashed from a party that night). I can no longer do the things that we all once did as a family because two people made a bad choice and I happened to walk in.. My H is devastated at what he did but it doesn't take my pain away.. He hurts for what he did . You will too. Cheating is not the answer to your problems.. Do not allow yourself to be naive as tempted as you may be.. Good luck.

I wrote OM an e-mail and phoned OM telling him it was over. I have not yet told my husband but did my mom. Since this man is married to an almost cousin and our families are super close my mom told me to stop it or she would do it herself. So there - I know I'm still taking the easy way out by telling my mother instead of my H but I think I'm getting closer to the correct next step - telling H.

Thanks - I'll keep you all posted. I hear your words every letter you all have written to me has made a huge difference in me ending this almost PA.

Thanks,
Elli

Why did you call him???

One e-mail is OK depending on the content because that is like a NC letter. Hopefully you read SH's suggestion on NC letters. Very simple. No "I'll miss you forever, my soulmate." Say NC and if you contact me H will know about it immediately. Of course you still need to tell your H.

Are you a conflict avoider by any chance??? You don't want to hurt anyones feelings: H's OM's. Everybody needs to be happy. WRONG...TOO LATE FOR THAT......If you stay married you need to place H above OM. You remind me of my W. I believe that if the OM ever called her again she'd talk to him and ask how the family is doing etc etc. What you and she should say is, "What part of no don't you understand." If she did that she'd have $1,000,000 in the Love Bank.

Again I think you are selectively taking the advice on this thread.

Oh well...it's your life

Thanks for your words. I am sorry to hear about your sister and H that must be painful.

I called and e-mailed the OM to say it's over. I will grieve and have already started within the last few days - since I've been logging onto this site. We have slowly been communicating much less over the past two weeks.

I will need strength if he contacts me as I still have not confronted my H yet.

I am thinking of taking my H on the trip I've planned (initially planned for me and OM) and tell him everything during our time together. Boy, I'll really need strength for that one!

CWMAC - Yes, I am sometimes a conflict avoider. I'm working on it. Thinking how his intent (the OM) may have been only to hurt me to fulfill his selfish needs does give me what I need to be more harsh. But, being harsh is not my forte.

Elli, I think it's great that you talked to your mom! It sounds like she's one who you feel safe with or you wouldn't have been able to do so. I'm sure she loves you and only wants what is best for the daughter she loves.

As for H, I'm glad you're planning on talking to him. He does need to understand that there are issues the two of you need to work on together. Sometimes it takes a very brave soul to tell what is in the heart...I think you've got courage and I think you'll do fine!

Good Luck!

Thanks Just A Wifey. I feel I need a lot of support and encouragement and your words do that.

I hope to handle this correctly so I can help others one day.

Elli

Way to go Elli!

Corny but ... the longest journey starts with the first step! You've done the first step - congratulations.

Now, keep on walking... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good luck and God Bless

SB